LEFT BEHIND

 

I rang the doorbell, with a tray of homemade apple crumble in my hands. A kindly looking gentleman wearing a soft peak cap opened the door and ushered me into a room. 

A very familiar room where we used to drink coffee and exchanged stories. A room where I could admire the lovely green garden outside. She baked delicious  scones that we ate with freshly whipped cream and jam. I could still hear her laughter.

Now the table was laden with loads of interesting crafting bits. 

"You can take whatever you like, the rest I will give to charity." he said.

So I went through every box and every bag. Knitting wool, patchwork fabric, card making stuff and more. Finished projects. Unfinished projects. All up my alley. 

As I touched the fabric and every small thing I could feel the hands that once touched them. There was a bag of little woollen caps that she had knitted for preemies. She was there cradling every cap.

After a while, he came back into the room and gave me a box to put the stuff in and then walked me to the door. I gave him a hug and he asked me, 

"Can I put the apple crumble in the microwave?" he asked.

"Yes, scoop whatever you want and put it on a plate and warm it up in the microwave. Do not put the whole aluminum tray into it." I replied.

I bade him goodbye and when he was out of sight, I cried and cried all the way home. 

Simplicity at its best

No word can sum up my experience in the Mongolian steppes. Wide empty spaces. It is everything that I have read or seen on YouTube and it is everything to be there. In the heart of it all. A combination of the physical presence and everything soulish and spiritual in between.

The endless green and the amazing blue sky. Literally where the earth touches the sky. Seamless. It is as if it has been left untouched since God created it.

Tourism has come a long way. Flush toilets, green vegetables and an assortment of Western and Eastern (Japanese, Korean and Chinese) cuisines are available besides the traditional Mongolian fare.

I have always appreciated artwork in traditional costumes and architecture. Putting up in 4 different ger camps and riding in a Mitsubishi Delica, yaks, camels and motorbikes across very rough terrain gives me an amazing massage on the insides. Something that I truly enjoy.

Nomadic hospitality is everything that I have envisaged.
Children with rosy cheeks sleep quietly amidst the din. The mother shows me how knuckle stones are used in games and divination while the father plays the horse fiddle and does throat singing.

And what about the elusive wild horses in the Gobi desert?

Wild horses, specifically Przewalski's horses ( also known as takhi)  are the last truly wild horse species. Power,resilience, freedom, independence and a raw untamed spirit. 

As I enjoy the stunning beauty of the Mongolian steppe, I can't help thinking that living is so beautiful if we choose to live with a big heart. 

Why be petty and mean and have an inferiority complex? 

Why hold grudges and nurse unforgiveness?

Why attack others because your small mind thinks they are attacking you? 

Instead treasure every meaningful friendship, every kind act, every comforting word. 

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover." 

                    - Minecraft. 

Perfect

 

17 days into the New Year and shall I make any resolutions?

We had snow and we had storms and we had rain. So this morning's weather was pretty good in comparison. The best thing to do when the weather is fine according to my trusty brain is to get out and see green.

Green as in fields that are so green they never disappoint. The best view of course is from the passenger seat, with the faithful gentleman love-of-my-life on the wheel, and my favourite songs in the background. Miles and Miles of green. Feeling very safe and loved.

My thoughts drifted.

Dreaming of dragons and kings just like Neil Diamond did in Brooklyn Road, every time I passed an abandoned castle, I wondered….

Did they dance in the grand hall with a blazing fire and dined on pheasants brought in from the wild by the gamekeeper? How did the ladies in their long dresses negotiate the very narrow winding staircase? The pomp and the gains. Perhaps they thought that would be eternal, but now is only in ruins.

I looked into popular cafes. Where people entered to be seen rather than to eat. I can’t help agreeing with Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1:14. ‘ I have seen all the works that are done under the sun and behold all is vanity, a futile grasping and chasing after the wind.’ And yet we do that over and over again. Every generation. Any age group. Many wants. They are all too tempting.

Looking at the road signs and shop names in English – my brain went into auto mode and was busy translating them into the little Irish that I have learnt. Once a student, always a student. My kind of fun.

We were on the way to an open market that only happens once a week only to find that we had got the day wrong and there wasn't a stall to be seen. What next? Like the ITV Lingo host Adil Ray who always says 'Never mind’ we paused and told ourselves, never mind. No disappointment, only opportunity. So we went to search for a megalithic wedge tomb instead. It helps to have a wide spectrum of interests. Archaeology being one.

I hear that the alligator can live to 100 years.

I think I could live for a 100 years and more.

Just like the alligator. Sometimes snappy. Most times happy.

Enjoying the people I am with. Loving my surroundings. Loving me.

17 days into the New Year and shall I make any resolutions?

No I won't.

Pure content.

Perfect.

DEFYING GRAVITY

We were about to go to church and I was putting on a pair of dress boots and carrying a pair of trainers as well. He asked: 'Why are you carrying another pair of shoes?' So I said, 'my feet don't listen to me anymore'.

Dress boots are for Sunday service. Sketchers trainers are for anywhere else after church - in case we have a bit of walking to do. At this stage of our lives we seldom have definite plans. When the rubber hits the road, the journey begins. Depending on where the road leads us, we will then spend the day there. I may not be a scout but I like the motto 'be prepared' 

Nowadays I hardly look into a shoe shop. All the money in the world wouldn't entice me to buy anything fancy but uncomfortable. All the years of standing in heels in the lecture hall have resulted in feet that shout 'we can take no more of such abuse' 

So we try to defy gravity. Promising concoctions and peels.....and hocus pocus we have baby like skin. 

I walked into the gym and the trainer said, 'Let's warm up with jumping jacks'. Everyone was springing up and down like magnificent starfish. And there I was  making feeble attempts. I felt like a flounder, much less a starfish. I could have sworn that the gravity pull where I stood was definitely stronger. Note to self: Try another spot next time. That must be the secret.

Then I was told to go for the sled push. While others were engaging their core muscles and pushing the sled forward as fast as they could, I felt like Sisyphus, a king in Corinth who was punished for his misdeeds by eternally having to roll a heavy stone up a hill. Every time he approached the top, the stone escaped his grasp and rolled to the bottom again. 

Later that day, a good friend in her 80s visited me because she heard that my pergola had been destroyed by  Storm Kathleen and in the sworn spirit of sisterhood, we united in mutual grief. As she passed by my green house and polytunnel she commented that the greens were doing well but alas, she lamented that she couldn't do much gardening these days because it would be too arduous for her. I sensed a tinge of sadness as my gardening guru had always been an avid gardener all her life.

Laments.

We all have that bit in us.

When we realise that we can't do what we had done before because physically we are not able to. When we find that we experience senior moments: like entering a room and forgetting why we did that in the first place.

But laments can be replaced by rejoicing. 

Knowing that we have achieved much. Knowing that we have overcome many a struggle. Knowing that we don't have to worry about the many things that we had to worry about when the kids were small - fevers, colds, school grades, cocurricular activities....and the list goes on. Knowing that we have been freed from having to apply for jobs and attending interviews. Knowing that we don't have to rise up early to go to work, to set exam papers, to correct exam papers and to sit on the panel for scholarship interviews. And also knowing who our true friends are.

He said, ' There are many things you can do now, that you may not be able to do in ten or twenty years time.'

How true.

I will continue to enjoy what I can do now and love every moment of it.

HUMBLE SERVANT OF THE EARTH

So, I've been invited to give another presentation. This time I title it My Garden, My Canvas. Every now and then, I switch modes. From the usual housekeeping mode, I make a beeline to my laptop and start putting together my thoughts to get ready for the talk. It is actually very intoxicating. Lots of adrenaline pumping. I haven't lost it.

I'm a visual person so I believe in more pictures and less printed words. This means I've to rummage through plenty of gardening photos through the years. I have them all stored according to categories. This is where organising and safe keeping skills honed over the years come in very handy indeed. 

Since this is my 14th year in Ireland I have 14 years of gardening memories. From knowing next to nothing about the growing seasons to where I am. From being overwhelmed by slugs and snails to being the human that those slimey creatures slither away from. From being overzealous and over ambitious to being more practical and realistic.

I think I have done quite a lot.

In fact I'm stunned at the power of learning and adaptation to a new hobby. There is an inexplainable glow within as I pat myself on my head and whisper softly, 'Well done, good and humble servant of the earth.'

Money wise it makes no sense to grow my own vegetables or flowers when supermarkets are bursting with cheaply priced produce. Peat free compost, horse manure, fertilisers, slug pellets, gardening tools, gardening equipment - they all don't come cheap.

But the non-monetary benefits!! 

Peaceful days

 Beads of healthy perspiration, a happy heart and a sound mind. Not forgetting lovely fresh produce right in my backyard. Call me bias, but a homegrown tomato vs a store bought one, is like comparing apples to oranges.

The beauty of tenacity. 

Storm Kathleen has just passed and the garden is in a mess. The pergola is wrecked but life goes on and we can rebuild.

So even as I prepare the power point slides I continue to discover.

I want to incorporate a home made video into the presentation but don't know how. How thankful I am for good friends like Robin Wallace who will help me brainstorm over a cup of Milo next week.

Then I found that my 24 year old slide clicker is not working. So before I threw it out, I read the instructions again. Yes, the little instruction booklet is still there in its case. Then I realised that there is such a thing called a battery which needed to be replaced.

So what can I say? 

Another year and onwards to more self discovery and the little pleasures of life.

WELCOME Home ❤️

Ist impressions: People are super hospitable. I never fail to notice that Malaysians are generally very accommodating and helpful. Especially when I have been away. 

After a good night's sleep we decided to take the Light Rail Transit (like a sky train in some parts) to the heart of Kuala Lumpur. 

The first episode of random kindness. 

When we boarded the train, we found 2 separate seats. Suddenly the couple and their college going  son who were sitting between us stood up. 

The father said, ' We will move so you can 

sit together!"

They were about to perform musical chairs and we immediately thanked them for their kind gesture and convinced them that it was absolutely fine to be seated apart for 45 minutes as we could look forward to an eternity of togetherness ❤️.

The second episode of random kindness. 

When the weather is great, and most people are eating alfresco, that made us think about eating as well even when it was 10pm and we were certainly not that hungry. 

So we walked to a food truck about 5 minutes from where we stay. 

I asked the chef for something that was not listed as a set dish. 

Could he just fry 2 eggs, sunny side up and fries for the man? 

Before I could even bat an eyelid, he said "boleh boleh" .(Yes! Yes!) 

I looked around and there was no vacant table available. 

Seeing my worried face, he said "Tak ape, boleh DIY." (it's OK, we can create one) 

Like a true magician, he whipped a table and 2 plastic seats out of the air.

I wanted a cup of hot coffee and a can of coke but the chef did not serve beverages, only food. He said I could go and grab them from the convenience store about 10yards away. 

So I went there dutifully and got the coke and a sachet of ready-mix coffee. 

The third episode of random kindness 

The next challenge was how to get hot water out of a kind of unfamiliar contraption. The counter boy came running and showed me how. 

I found a stirrer and just when I thought I had it done and was about to throw the stirrer away, an elderly customer who must have been watching this strange person who couldn't operate a simple hot water contraption, excitedly said,

 'No you must continue stirring, there's still a lot of goodness at the bottom of the cup that hasn't dissolved yet.'

I wanted to give her a hug. A mother watching over another mother. 😂

When we were done with the feasting, the chef's wife thanked us and said' datang lagi ye?' (please come again?)

And so we walked home. A warm night, a big bright moon and happy hearts. 

THE JOURNEY

It was a cool morning and the final week of 2023 when my friend and I decided to meet up at a local cafe. She ordered peanut butter toast with banana slices and I ordered a bap with cheese and egg. Not one who has a great appetite for breakfast, I couldn't finish the bap and so I ate the good bits - the melted cheese and the egg - and left some bread behind.

Looking at what I had done, I confessed that if I had done that as a kid in front of my parents, I would have got an earful for being picky, for wasting food and for depriving some hungry child of food in a poor country. But of course, now that I've lived to a ripe old age, I have the privilege of leaving some bits behind on my plate. 

My parents were humans themselves and not everything they did was right. But I'm extremely thankful for the values and ethics that they imbued in me. Prudence vs extravagance. Tenacity vs tardiness. Respect vs egocentricity. Confidence vs insecurity. To know who I am and to be proud of all that I am. To know when to lead and  when to follow. To know when to speak out and when to be silent. To know when I am wrong and when I should say I am sorry. 

I wonder how many children are taught these basics these days? In the quest of making a child happy, is it out of date to teach discipline and to set boundaries? 

Someone asked me whether I knew of anyone  who would like brand new and used toys. She said if she gave away 80% of her little boy's toys, he would hardly miss them. 

So sad. That kind of money spent on toys could have been put aside for his future. 

I started saving religiously  when I was 6. I opened joint bank accounts for my children and they learned how to save from a very young age just as I did. And this worked very well when they purchased their first car or house. 

Upbringing influences what we do. Are we a good fit or are we misfits? 

I know of someone who had changed many jobs and was always complaining about her last job and the people she worked with. I wonder whether she ever paused to reflect. Could she herself be the problem? 

Everyone has the potential to grow if he wants to. Just like the koi principle. If you keep a koi in a small fish bowl, it will grow to be only about two or three inches long. But if you release it into a small pond, it will reach six to ten inches long. However, if you put it in a lake, it can even grow to three feet!

Are we limiting ourselves because of fear? Are we huddling in our comfort zone, mixing only with people we know from long ago and doing things that are familiar? In other words are we stuck in our own mindsets and perspectives of looking at things around us? 

Self growth is the result of failures and successes. I can look back now and embrace my journey in life and praise God for every experience, good or bad. 

Because without the briars and thorns there will be no me in the present. I have become who I am and am still becoming. 

Amazing, isn't it?