Saturday, July 23, 2016

MAKING MEMORIES KEEPS COUPLES CLOSE


I treasure life and each day that I can wake up healthy and surrounded by beautiful things is
something very awesome to me.

I am what John Maxwell, the motivational speaker says - a lid lifter. 

The image is a jar with a lid. How many memories your jar can hold depends on when you cover it and say that's as far as I will go. That's enough for me. For some it may be a reluctance to go
beyond the comfort zone or to try out new things.

I wasn't born a lid lifter. I evolved into one and am still evolving. Lifting the lid makes one vulnerable.
There is a risk but I will not exchange new memories and the lessons that come with them for 
anything in the world. When you lift the lid, you gain insight and become a nicer person to live with 
or be with.

In fact the little or the big things that we do together -  such as going for movies, picnics and
travelling form memories. But this is not limited to just us. It is also doing things together
with others like coffee chats, dining with friends, having friends over for dinner or enjoying outings 
with friends. The friends that we make all add up to our memory bank.

It's lovely to watch people who have just fallen in love. They  want to be together and do things 
together. It is the excitement of being in each others presence and in the presence of others as a
unit. Granted that one may go solo especially in specialised hobbies  like golfing, deep sea diving
or rock climbing.

But with time, togetherness may become a chore. It becomes an obligation, no longer a desire. It
becomes 'I'll do it ' just to avoid disagreement.

One spouse says that he has to bend backwards every time the significant other suggests an
activity. He says he's been working the whole day and has no intention of socialising.  He says it is
just not in his character to do the stuff that she likes.

She says the baby has driven her up the wall for hours and all she needs now is a good night's
sleep. She is so busy juggling so many roles that going to the gym is hard work and why dress
up when slacks and baggy clothes are surely more comfortable?

So he goes to a pub and talks about insignificant things and looks at the overhead TV together
with the others. I say 'look' because I doubt whether they are actually following anything that is 
being aired, unless of course it is football. The TV is easy company because it doesn't demand anything. The pub is perfectly convenient to enter or leave.

Now the home is different because you are dealing with real lives and real people who are
usually related in some way or another.

So we see married people living separate lives. They meet different people and pursue different
interests because the significant other is no longer making any more effort. 




When couples stop sharing their lives and making memories together, communication ends. 
Some call it married singles.

ABBA's opening lines in the song  One man One woman seems to capture what I've been trying to say in the last few paragraphs.

'No smiles, not a single word at the breakfast table...
Though I would have liked to begin
So much that I wanna say, but I feel unable...'

This scenario is a perfect setting for the entry of a third person. Suddenly there is someone else 
who shares your interests or so you think. But of course being devoid of togetherness for sometime
now, youenjoy the sudden attention.

It is no wonder that scams are rife. You often wonder how sensible people can be conned by empty
but sweet promises

Alas, the pain of loneliness is immense and the lack of deep communication takes its toll
What happened to making and sharing memories?
What happened to those days when you would do things together just because?

Lois Lowry in The Giver says, The worst part of holding the memory is not the pain. It's 
the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared. 

We need to lift the lids.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 24 JULY 2016 http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/160724nstnews/index.html#/23/

Sunday, July 10, 2016

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JOB AND VOCATION

My friend asked me the other day, ‘What’s the difference between a job and a vocation?’ 

To me, a job is something that you have to do in order to survive. A job is something short term and we often hear the phrase 'dead end job' when people talk about their work. There is no long lasting fulfilment or happiness from a job. It is not uncommon for us to outgrow one job quickly and then search for the next job.

On the other hand, a vocation is a calling. We also get deep satisfaction from our vocation. There is emphasis on the person's talents and abilities in the choice of a career. Some people know what their calling is - to be in service oriented work, to be a volunteer, to be involved in religious work...the list goes on.

But for others, we discover our vocation along the way. We can start off with a job which at the end of the day might still remain as a job. However, we can also start off with a job which later becomes a vocation.

I would like to think that my vocation is touching lives. Simply put, if there is something I can do to make a difference in another person's life, then that is my calling.

I had the privilege to work among young people in lecture halls and in organisations. It started out as a job but it ended as more than a job because thousands of lives passed through my hands.



That I believe provided the ground work on which experiences were built and are continuing to expand into community, religious and voluntary work.






There are many charity bodies asking for funding and these advertisements are regularly aired over the Raidio Teilifis Eireann (RTE) and British Broadcasting Corporation. (BBC)

The organisations are so diverse- ranging from saving a donkey from a life of hard work to sponsoring a child. It is difficult to know which ones are genuine. Far too often we hear of funds being misappropriated and directors embezzling money that is not theirs. People shy away from donating because of such bad reports.

Putting our doubts aside, Michael and I decided to sponsor a child. Now that our children are grown, we feel that we can spread our love to yet another child by committing to help her escape the poverty cycle. Poverty is very real. It is like a generational curse that depletes the land and starves its inhabitants.

So when Compassion set up a stand at a conference that we attended, the time was right for us to check it out. This charity organisation has been around long before I was born and to date has helped over 1.7 million children.



Independent research conducted by Dr Bruce Wydick has shown that former Compassion sponsored
children were more likely than their unsponsored peers to stay in school for longer, have salaried or white-collar jobs and be leaders in their communities.

We were given a kit with a little 4 year old girl's details. The African child has a smallish frame but very serious looking eyes. Her country is dependent on foreign aid where hundreds die because of politics and AIDS. She comes from a land where hot, dry Harmattan winds reduce visibility during winter and periodic droughts leave many hungry.

The moment we laid eyes on the photo, we were convinced that we would see her lead a more fulfilled life till she reaches 18. It is like adopting a child that we have not met and the feeling is amazing.

By exchanging letters and photos and offering love and encouragement, I hope we will be able to affirm her worth and provide hope to Odette that will last a lifetime.

Maybe one day we might get to hold her. 

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES, MALAYSIA 10 JULY 2016
 http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/07/157465/difference-between-job-and-vocation

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/07/157465/difference-between-job-and-vocation