Better safe than sorry

The latest spate of stormy weather left my garden in a mess. The birdhouse was blown down, the metal arch crumbled and the decorative butterflies lost their wings. If only I had anticipated the force of destruction, I would have done something to prevent it. But coming from the calm and constant Malaysian weather, how could I have known? If only.

I am generally a person who weighs my options and risks, who sets aside for a rainy day and who is basically prepared for things that may happen or may not even happen. So I have a number of plans. If plan A does not work, I move on to plan B.

Why even the scout/guide motto is : BE PREPARED which means being always in a state of readiness in mind and body. Be Prepared in Mind is to discipline oneself to think  beforehand any accident or situation that might occur, so that you know the right thing to do at the right moment, and are willing to do it. Be Prepared in Body is to make yourself strong and active and able to do the right thing at the right moment, and do it.

I have never been in a uniformed group but somehow such values have been ingrained in me since young by those that I looked up to. And because that forms the basis of my being, I find decision making natural and efficiency and time management part of the package deal as well. I have little tolerance for tardiness and procrastination.

We cannot be prepared unless we know how to prepare. This takes us to the why, what, where, how and when. A native of the land will usually know the fine details about how to deal with an event for example. But it is a different ball game for a non-native.

We cannot be prepared unless we have knowledge. If I were involved in a car accident in Malaysia, I would know exactly what to do and who to contact. But I will feel very inadequate in another country should an accident happen unless I have the specific knowledge of what to do.

Knowledge comes from many forms and one very basic form is by asking. I remember attending a school report day when the teacher unhappily remarked that my daughter ‘asked a lot of questions’ in class. To that statement, I replied that ‘that was how I brought up my children – to ask questions so they can get answers’.

We cannot be prepared unless we embrace different degrees of likelihood: will happen, may happen, may never happen. If it happens, I will know how to deal with it, and if it does not, well and good. Who is man in his puny mind to predict whether the impossible may happen?

We cannot be prepared if we are told ‘Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.’ This is fine for those who are quite happy to wash their hands of a problem. To  me, it is great if someone offers to take care of a situation, but I would also like to know how that situation will be taken care of. Imagine having a godfather who says he will take care of a problem, and the next thing you know are headlines in a local paper that some heads have rolled. The logical mind seeks answers, not ambiguity.

I have stood in front of a lecture room for the most part of my life. I had questions directed at me – those that I could answer and those that I could not. For the questions that I had answers, I was too happy to share them. For those that I could not answer, I searched for the answers or for someone else who would know the answers. At home, it was the same modus operandi. Children, whether toddlers or teens or adults, ask questions all the time, if they are encouraged to do so. They can be very general or specific; real or hypothetical; impossible or totally out of this world and they can also be personal or totally irrelevant.

Questions are usually triggered by something nagging in the mind. They can come anytime – when you are relaxed and happy or when you are tired and grouchy.

To all these questions, I see it as a privilege to share whatever I know. I see questions as coming from a genuine search for something deeper. Questions could stem from a pure thirst for information, an understanding of emotions and a clarification of doubt.

Wherever they come from and whatever time they are thrown at me, I feel happy that I can be part of building the bridge of knowledge. 

That to me is communication.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/better-safe-than-sorry-1.573138

Goodwill Hunting

We were walking along Arlington Street in Boston   recently when I heard someone shouting at me from a Pajero which had stopped at the traffic lights. I turned my head and saw a lady waving at me excitedly. She shouted ‘ We have the same handbag!’ and simultaneously lifted up her handbag and shook it vigorously to show me that what she said was absolutely true.

I laughed as I saw that I was also carrying the handbag with bird prints all over it. Then to further accentuate the fun mood, I unbuttoned my coat to reveal a matching bird print frock beneath it. I bought my dress and bag from Dublin and I wondered whether she got the same from downtown Boston. Well, that definitely caused an adrenalin rush.

Then we made our way towards Beacon Street where the famed ‘Cheers’ pub (of the American sitcom television series that ran for 11 seasons from 1982 to 1993) stood. I saw two tourists trying to make sense of the vicinity by pouring over a small black and white map of Boston. In my pocket was a big coloured map of Boston which I took from the concierge. I related what I saw to Michael and I was caught in a to-do or not-to-do situation as we walked past the couple. Michael gave me the affirmation and I ran back to the couple and gave them my big and coloured map and their broad smiles said it all.

What is it about random acts of kindness that make our day?

These may be very small stuff but yet again they leave a fuzzy feeling behind, after all we are tripartite beings – body, soul and spirit.

What touches our souls lifts up the spirit. That little encouragement, that gentle pat on the head goes a long way. We talk of chocolates being soul food and shopping as soul therapy. We can see what we look like in the mirror and we can try to improve what we are not happy with. But it is hard to see our emotions in the mirror and even if we do, we are seldom taught how to recognise our emotions and how to deal with them.

So what am I trying to say?

We often forget that although we look strong on the outside, we are fragile inside. Being constantly battered by words, accusations, injustices and name-calling leave us frail. Being told what to say and what not to say far too often enough leave us wondering if we can say anything to anyone at all.  Being misunderstood because of our perceptions or of our choice of words make us wish we had shared none of our opinions at all. We may be made of rock but constant chiselling will chip off many bits of us over time.

So why can’t we have acts of kindness instead of destruction?

To be kind is to be in the shoes of the other person, to empathise and to walk with her and hold her hand and show that you care. To be kind  is not to bring up the past over and over again. To be kind is to encourage but to correct at the same time when you can see another walking down the path that you would not like to go yourself. To be kind is to understand that not everything is personal and not everything is about you.

To be kind is also to take stock of our own emotional health. We cannot blame another person for what we are or are not. To quote Ann Bradford, ‘Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to shut up and sit down.’ We owe it to ourselves to develop confidence, self esteem and self respect. When we have been told to do this and that for too long, we need to step aside and say to ourselves, ‘Do we want to fall into someone else’s mould or can we be ourselves?’

It is never easy to see the wood for the trees when we are in the thick of it. No one can identify with the intensity of emotions that we go through, and the choice is ours alone to decide what we want to do with our lives.

It is the stuff that we are made of that anchors us. I have often wondered how huge trees can be toppled in a storm and yet when I see how shallow the roots are, it all makes sense.

When our emotional health is in order, we have every reason to live.

                                                    All that is gold does not glitter     

                                                    Not all those who wander are lost

                                                    The old that is strong does not wither

                                                   Deep roots are not reached by the frost –

                                                                                                    J.R.R. Tolkein             

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/goodwill-hunting-1.551698?cache=03%2F7.203490%3Fpage%3D0%2F7.306867%2F7.321287%2F7.325431%2F7.325431%2F7.330034%2F7.330034%2F7.330034%2F7.330034%2F7.682829%2F7.124478%2F7.699950