THE MIRACLE

I find fasting a very good way to keep my life focussed on God. Normally, I would do a fast in January to start the year right for me and my family. Just like Job in the Bible. "When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for his children to be purified. Early in the morning, he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, " Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular custom. (Job 1:5)

However, in January we will be going home to Malaysia, so I decided to move the fast to December instead. ( In Malaysia, there will be plenty of lunch and dinner invites as we meet up with friends and family so it would be difficult to turn them down.). Throughout the 24 days in December, I've asked God for a miracle.

Just the other day, one of my Irish friends was sharing with me about her desire to uproot herself to another land and to start afresh. It would mean leaving everything she is familiar with: Friends, family, customs, food, traditions, acceptable behaviour and a stable job.

Knowing that she is a very responsible person, I said:

'Go ahead. Even if it doesn't work, you will not live to regret that you didn't give it a chance'.

Her reply caught me by surprise.

She said, 'I have been observing you. I know you have gone through a lot and yet you are an over comer. I don't hear you grumbling or complaining about being unhappy. You emit 'positive vibes'..

Then a few days later, I got a message from a good friend in Malaysia. I asked her earlier if she would like to meet up when we go home.

She said. ' We can meet up la....
I replied, 'That will be great. Haven't seen you for ages!'
She said, 'Kaaannn...would be great to catch up....miss your positive vibes..'

There it was again...positive vibes. I couldn't help but smile. Twice in a week I was told I emit positive vibes. It is really nice to know.

We are more resilient that we give ourselves credit for, especially when we know Who our Anchor is.

And today being the eve of Christmas, when I was doing my daily devotion, I felt it in my heart.

I don't have to ask for a miracle.

Christ is my Miracle.

He has taken care and watched over me and my family all this while. So I will trust Him once again to put things right.

Amen.

LETTING IT GO

I was reading Roald Dahl's Danny The Champion of the World again because I can never be bored by Roald Dahl's books and believe it or not each time I read it, I see something that I never saw before.

There's this episode where Danny and his father are letting off a 'fire balloon' on a lovely still evening.

Between us, we held the sides of the balloon out as much as possible to keep them away from the flame in the early stages...
'She's nearly ready!' my father said, 'Can you feel her floating?
' Yes,!' I said, 'Yes! Shall we let go?'
 'Not yet!...Wait a bit longer!...Wait until she's nagging to fly away!' 
'She's tugging now!' I said.
 'Right!' he cried. 'Let her go!'

There is this youtube video that is making its rounds about letting go of events or people that hurt us. The message is that we have no control over how others act or why they act that way. So to heal ourselves we should not repaint another's true colours nor waste our energy on those that weigh us down. It is not defeat when we have come to the end of trying and the person's attitude towards us doesn't change. It is not defeat when you have tried to be accepted but others continue to choose to exclude you. The problem is not us because we have tried. Most of all even if we do not find closure, we should not let anyone or anything that is not serving or growing us remain in our minds and hearts for free.

Eckhart Toile in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose says, 'Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.'

For me, the secret of being free is not only to let go but to forgive.

Every morning when I wake up to pray and read the Bible, I will purpose in my heart to let go of events or people who weigh me down. Then I will say, 'I forgive.....(by name).' Unconditionally.

Very strangely, more often than not, I will meet or hear about the person that I said I will let go and forgive.

The first instinct is to walk the other way and take a different path to avoid the person altogether. But with forgiveness comes action. I will calmly approach the person and instead of feeling the sting of  past memories, I am awash with a fresh sense of calm and peace.

The funny thing is if we hold on to the pain or the memory, the person who is hurt most is we ourselves. Sometimes the same person will hurt me again. Then I will repeat the whole process again and again so that I can be set free and I can move on.

Just like the fire balloon that flies up into the sky.

Slowly, majestically, and in absolute silence, our wonderful balloon began to rise up  into the night sky. 

'It flies! ' I shouted, clapping my hands and jumping about. 'It flies! It flies!' 

My father was nearly as excited as I was.

'It's a beauty ' he said. 'This one's a real beauty. You never know how they're going to turn out until you fly them....'

The Vet and the Terrarium

Pat the Vet comes over annually to give Hachi his booster jab. So he came over last month and after a general inspection gave Hachi the thumbs up and general instructions what to do and what not to do. It was when he was about to leave the house that he saw the terrarium by the door and was gobsmacked.

'Now this is a most amazing creation,' he said.

I went into lecture mode and gave him an oral detailed description of the procedure but being a very serious learner, he said, 'could we go back to the table and I'll write down the instructions?'

Hmm, a reversal of roles, I smiled.

I've always enjoyed looking at terrariums. A terrarium is a collection of small plants growing in a transparent, sealed container. A terrarium is a closed environment, and can actually be used to illustrate how an ecosystem works.

The terrarium water cycle works in miniature the same way the water cycle works on a large scale for our planet. The plants take up the water through their roots and release it through their leaves. (transpiration) The water molecules will condense on the glass (condensation) and run down the sides of the terrarium.

But so far I've seen only those with 'windows' which means that the glass container is not completely sealed. So I took to Youtube to learn how to grow plants in a bottle that is completely sealed. Sounds impossible, but it is actually possible.

What strikes me is the concept of balance and care.

1) We are what we eat. 

I always believe that having good health is not impossible. Staying off medication is not impossible. But everything requires discipline and work. It is so much easier to to scoff down bars of chocolates then to stop at one.

I had my annual medical and the best news is a clean bill of health. No high blood pressure, no high sugar level, no problems with kidneys, liver, lungs, heart, cholesterol, weight etc. The conclusion: no medication. The doctor was pleased and so was I. Whatever I have been doing for years must be working. And I hope to stay healthy for a long long time.

2) We are what we think we are.

Our thoughts influence the way we behave, the decisions we make and the feelings we experience. Why are most people so negative?  Why are there so many moaners and whiners and complainants? You just have to turn on the radio and people are always giving out about something or other. It is a society that is never satisfied and thinks that the fault lies in someone else, never themselves.

There are people who are always 'offering information' about how well others are doing or how badly they have fallen. This constant comparison with others: Is it insecurity?  If that is what you call small talk, I'm totally not into it.

Why?

Because I believe in making a life, living out the 18 waking hours daily and blessing myself and others. I don't like tittle tattle, I like friendship. I don't like passing on information for the sake of 'what's the story?', I like caring and being personal. I don't like people trying to 'fish information' from me. If you want to know, ask the person directly. Why ask me?  That's what I told one lady when she asked me about someone else. She was so shocked at my retort that she said, 'Oh...I don't want to land in hot water.' And so, she expects me to land in hot water? Even if I know, it is not in my place to tell her. That is not concern, that is gossip.

Most of all, what irks me is sarcasm. That has practically no added value whatsoever. Some may think it funny or cultural but to me it is a waste of time and I think it is rude when someone rolls up his eyes and says 'Thank You very much.' I have seen a teenager say that to the mother, and the mother did nothing. If she were my child.......

I think it is ridiculous when someone says, 'Your FRIEND Oscar has made his millions.....' when obviously Oscar is just an acquaintance, never a friend. Worse still, if I had fallen out with Oscar sometime in the past. I am plainly not interested in what Oscar has done. If I am, I will ask.

Then on the other extreme we have those who won't stop talking about what they have achieved.

I was watching a child who was cycling without the trainer wheels and she shouted to her father, 'Look at me, look at me...' . It sounded so sweet because it was a child who had achieved something and wanted to be recognised. But when it is an adult who is always concerned about me, my and I - it is no longer sweet.

3. We become the person that we mix with.

Friends are important as they mould our character. But I can surely say that if we continually mix with eagles, we will soar. Conversely, if we mix with turkeys, we'll just be content to peck off the ground. Iron sharpens iron. It is inevitable to be surrounded by all sorts of people. But it is our personal responsibility to be the person that others can emulate and to learn from those who have remarkable traits.

4. We need to share what we have

The foundation for the terrarium is also very important. There is a layer of stones for drainage because too much water will be a disaster. We too need to share what we have instead of grabbing all the time. It could be grabbing another person's things, time or attention.

There is no tributary that flows out of the Dead Sea. No creature can survive in it as massive levels of salt prevent the existence of all life forms.

If we want to be surrounded by good friends, we need to be a good friend first. And what does it take to be a good friend? Investment: a continual concern,  regular texts enquiring about the well being of another, time spent just for the person, prayers and thoughts for the person, words of encouragement, being fun to be with, sharing of knowledge, sharing of personal matters.....and the list goes on. Do not ask a person out for tea if your eyes are constantly looking at who is entering the cafe and wondering if you know them or hoping that you'll be seen.

5. We need a filtration system

There is a layer of charcoal in the terrarium which acts as a filter to absorb smells and impurities. There is also a layer of mesh to prevent the houseplant compost from falling onto the stones. How I wish more people would filter their minds, their hearts and their speech.

There is so much garbage over the media and if we are just passively sucking everything in, I feel sorry for the mind, soul and body. I am surrounded daily by people uttering four letter words, blasphemies and using Jesus's name in vain - from adults, teens and even children!. It is so common to use  expletives or crude utterances  that it doesn't shock anymore.

People send me all sorts of videos and expect me to watch them the moment they sent the videos. Like I said I have only 18 daily waking hours and I am selective of what I watch and when I watch. Most times, I delete the video after 2 seconds of viewing if it doesn't spark joy.

So the vet took down all the notes and he asked me: How much do you charge for sharing this vital information with me?

I laughed and wished him well in his new quest. When I see him next year, I'd be ready with all the questions about his terrarium.

STEPPING INTO NARNIA

When I was a child I didn’t dream of visiting Disneyland. Instead I wanted to go to the land beyond the wardrobe. I wanted to go to Narnia, where it was perfectly normal for animals to talk and there was a free flow of Turkish delight. My sister had bought us a complete set of The Chronicles of Narnia and at ten they were the best books ever!

So like Lucy Pevensie, I pushed the soft folds of the clothes in my mother’s wardrobe hoping that I could go deeper and deeper beyond the back of the wardrobe so that I would feel something soft and powdery and extremely cold beneath my feet. I was hoping that I would see the lamp post and that Mr. Tumnus the faun would be waiting for me.

 C. S. Lewis had captivated children of all ages with his Narnia tales which had sold 100 million copies worldwide. As a young boy, Lewis spent much holiday time in the Mournes and Rostrevor in particular. He is reported to have written a letter to his brother saying: “That part of Rostrevor which overlooks Carlingford Lough is my idea of Narnia”

And the wonder was still there when I followed the Narnia trail in Kilbroney Park in Rostrevor, County Down and entered the magical doorway. The door has become an icon in ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’ which is the first book in the series,I saw the beaver’s house, the castle Cair Paravel, the dancing lawn, the four thrones and most of all the lion Aslan himself.

The image of the door captivates me.

Whether in ancient mythology or in dreams, the door symbolizes the transition and passageway from one place to another. It stands like a divide between belief and disbelief, between cowardice and valour, between betrayal and reconciliation and between life and death.

It is the process of transition that is the most difficult. We can come out of challenges remaining unchanged or we can experience significant character development. Lucy Pervensie in her simple trusting nature embraces a new life beyond the door but the other characters did not believe her initially.

The door is both full of potential and limiting because we do not know what lies beyond. We can open the door to new knowledge, to liberty and to change. We can open the door to a new self or we can choose not to open the door.

What is it that prevents us from opening the door?

Most times it is the ego. The ego that resists change. The ego that resists being taught. The ego that resists being humbled. The ego that struggles to say I am wrong and you are right. Or we can keep the door closed to harbour a secret. We feel safe behind a closed door because we are familiar with the same old, same old.

At the end of the first book, the Pevensies asked Professor Kirke how they could return to Narnia if they wanted to. His advice was, “Indeed, don’t try to get there at all. It’ll happen when you are not looking for it.”

There is wisdom in that. It takes time for someone to be ready to open the door to something totally different. And just when you are not trying so hard, all at once everything falls into place and the transition becomes effortless.

WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG UNINTENTIONALLY

.

I think one of the worst situations to be in is to do something wrong  unintentionally and then having to own up at a later date.

I remember having just passed the driving test and I had the privilege of driving my sister’s car every now and then. There was a time when my classmate asked me to help her move some boxes from her house to another location. Like a good samaritan I agreed and borrowed my sister’s car for that purpose. So I drove to my friend’s house and as I reversed the car into the porch I heard a very unpleasant crunch. Due to poor judgement on my part, the door near the passenger seat suffered a nasty dent and my heart sank.

To cut the long story short, I drove the car to the mechanic, had the dent hammered out and the door looked so good, no one would have guessed what had happened before. What was uppermost in my mind was whether I should confess to my sister what I had done. In other words, to own up to my careless deed or to keep quiet about it. At 18, that was pretty hard to do for fear of repercussions as it was a relatively new car.

What if someone does something wrong intentionally and due to a life changing event realises his mistake?

We went to the Inishowen Peninsula in County Donegal not too long ago. Situated in the northernmost part of Ireland, its unharnessed beauty attracts many and has become a point of interest. When the cast and crew of Star Wars: Episode VIII returned to Ireland, Malin Head on the Inishowen Peninsula was handpicked to be one of the shooting sites. In fact the trademark slogan ‘May the Force be with You’ seems so appropriate especially when the wild winds there can even blow a strong man down.

But this particular peninsula is also home to a significant event.

We are talking about the life of John Newton, a foul mouthed sailor involved in the slave trade in the 18th century. During his journey back to England from Africa in 1748, he was caught in a storm.

It was here in Inishowen that his boat was repaired and his crew housed. That was a life changing moment because in the face of possible death he was given another chance to live.

So he had to look into himself and right the wrong (slave trade) that  he had  been involved in.

He gradually gave up being captain of slave ships and wrote the pamphlet ‘Thoughts Upon the Slave Trade’ whereby he described the horrific conditions of the slave ships. He later teamed up with William Wilberforce, leader of the Parliamentary campaign, to abolish the African slave trade.

To many of us who have not heard heard about John Newton, perhaps he is most remembered by a  song that he penned about mercy and atonement. Elvis Presley, Andrea Bocelli, Whitney Houston and Rod Steward have all sung  Amazing Grace.

Our actions carry personal responsibility. When we make mistakes, the gap between our questionable behaviour and our self concept widens. There is a form of mental discomfort or tension.

It is a sorry state when unscrupulous people cheat and prey on the vulnerable. How many times have we read of scams and forgery? Blatant slave trade may not exist in the present world but yet there is always some other form of slavery. Then there are others who have no qualms about making false insurance claims for example,  just so they can lay their hands on big money.

Having escaped death,  John Newton described himself as a wretch that was found and as a blind man given new sight. How good it is  to see someone turn around from a questionable past to walk the straight and narrow.

Moving on.

I did tell my sister about the dent and about the mechanic finally and I felt a great relief when she did not make any fuss about it.

                            WISHING EVERYONE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS!

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 24 DECEMBER 2017.
https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/12/317834/when-something-goes-wrong-unintentionally

SURVIVING OPHELIA

October 16^th was a very significant day for Ireland as the world watched hurricane Ophelia lash its fury on the island in an unprecedented manner. It was the most severe weather event to hit the country in over 50 years. Schools were closed and public transport services disrupted. More than 300,000 properties were without power and three people lost their lives.

A status red warning was in place and I stayed indoors as advised by Met Eireann (the Irish National Meteorological Service) and watched the storm spiraling on the cold horizon with the wind unleashing a torrent of its own. The trees were in a mad dance and leaves were flying like a pack of cards leaving behind a tangled mess.

I thought about the structure of the storm. I remembered there was an eerie silence before the storm set loose its full magnitude. I thought about the eye of the storm where there was calm and I thought about the intensity and duration of the storm.

From afar, behind the century old brick walls of my house I felt safe. I was inside looking out.

What if it was the other way round - outside looking in.

I thought about the times when there were raging storms within us and  others looking on  had no clue about the private storms of pain, disillusionment, disappointment and betrayal.

These storms can last last for days, months, years and generations even. Hurts that are not dealt with become fossilized over time. Think layer and layer of hurt piled up like sedimentary rocks that are formed by the deposition and subsequent cementation of material.

That is the eerie calm before the storm.

When we were warned about the scale of Ophelia I immediately took into the house, garden ornaments and smaller potted plants that  I thought would be smashed to smithereens if left outside. Hachi, my labrador stayed in the whole day too and he was most pleased.

I feared for my greenhouse. Friends told me that their greenhouses flew like flying saucers in the last storm, not half as forceful as Ophelia. I searched the internet for measures to minimise breakage and every website pointed me to the importance of the foundation of the house - how it was laid and how the house was anchored.

There are no methods set in stone to overcome the storms of our lives because we are all individuals and every storm is different. Just like protecting garden ornaments and smaller pots, we can brace for impact by doing what we can for ourselves and others. It helps to have a firm foundation - a bedrock of beliefs and values to remind ourselves that we matter and this too will pass. That is the eye of the storm. A place of solace and strength amidst it all.

There was great sunshine the day after, as if nature was compensating for the terror that it had inflicted on all and sundry the day before. I looked into my garden from my bedroom window.

The two towering trees were almost skeletal. The grass was littered with red and brown leaves which would make a neat pile for me to jump in. There was no necessity to deadhead the dahlias and mini roses because the winds had stripped the bushes bare.

I smiled when I saw that the greenhouse was still intact.

When I opened the door to embrace the new day, many neighbours had the same idea, united by the feeling that we were the survivors of the Apocalypse.

‘Hi John, Hi Pat, Hi Anthony’ I greeted them.

‘Hi Soo’, they replied in unison.

‘Terrible storm yesterday’, I said.

‘Tis ya’, they said and rolled their eyes.

Thank God it’s over.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 5 NOVEMBER 2017.  http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2017/20171105nstnews/index.html#/19/

THE POWER OF LIMINALITY

I’m constantly surrounded by people who feel comfortable belonging to one trade or one hobby or one organisation. It certainly seems more advantageous to specialise in something  than to be a generalist.

I think I’m more of a generalist than a specialist. After exploring one skill or one hobby, I like to move on to learn other things, more so things that are entirely out of my comfort zone. That is why I’m very comfortable with Marianne Cantwell’s concept of liminality in her TED talk on The Hidden Power of Not (Always) Fitting In

Liminality is a state of in-between-ess.  

It is not being good at only one thing but being good at many things. You don’t fit into just one world or one group of people to the exclusion of others. You create your own space and bridge worlds by not limiting yourself to any one world.

Liminality is all about being comfortable in your own skin.

You are not restricted by what others think about you or what others expect of you. This gives you the freedom to be who you are and to be good at whatever you set your mind on doing. Most of all you have no fear of what people are saying to your face or behind your back. You have no fear of going to new places or trying out new things without needing to justify what you intend to do.

People say I am creative. Others have asked me what is it that I can’t do.

Believe it or not, I don’t realise it myself that I am creative or that I can do many things. I’ve always thought that anyone can be creative and can do many things given the right guidance or encouragement. I still believe so.

I attribute this artistic inclination to the spirit of liminality. It is a quest to pursue the unknown, to learn more, to think and to see things differently and to be part of this and that.

Recently, I chose to be in 3 new worlds.

World 1: Going for a retreat where everyone knows someone in the group and you are quite a stranger to all of them.

When I heard about a 3-day trip to An Grianan in County Louth organised by the Clare Irish Countrywomen’s Association, I was most curious. I had a look at the programme and decided that I should go. Just like that - no ifs, no buts. The duration and the timing of the trip suited me. Most of all I was keen on learning how to make fascinators and there was a full day dedicated to that.

I was not disappointed.  An Grianán, which means Sunny Place in Irish, is a beautiful Edwardian manor house situated on 88 acres of park with mature trees and a gentle path to the nearby sandy beach. I had a lovely en-suite room and hearty meals complete with freshly baked brown bread and yummy desserts.

Did I feel left out not being a member of the guild? Not at all because I was made to feel very welcome by the warm and friendly crowd. I went home very pleased with my new knowledge and my new friends.

World 2: One day I just woke up and told myself I must go and learn horse riding. I’ve always enjoyed going to fairs and watching show-jumping. So I called up the horse riding school and booked myself for beginner’s lessons. I was introduced to Junior, a fine stallion. I learnt how to saddle him, to hold the reins, to manoeuvre  and to trot.  I went home very pleased with my new knowledge and my new friend.

World 3: I have always been fascinated by batik art. So when I was back in Malaysia last month, I did a google search and discovered Sam Karuna Dyetik class which is a fine art batik technique that he pioneered. More than 12,000 students have benefited from Sam's skills and experience through his courses. 

Due to limited time, I could only spend half a day learning the fine art of batik painting under the tutelage of a patient master artist. It was a wonderful experience altogether and I went home happy with enough raw materials to start my foray into this new world.

So what is it about liminality that strikes a chord in me?

It is about hovering between worlds and enjoying them to the fullest.

No apologies.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 22 OCTOBER 2017. 

https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/10/293564/power-liminality

A GUIDE TO HELP US IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION?

It's very strange but I notice things that others don’t.  I’m not talking about apparitions and other worldly beings but rather about everyday mundane things.

For example, whenever I pass a field with cows I notice that the majority of the cows would be facing a north or south direction when they are feeding and only a few will be facing somewhere else. I’ve asked around and no one seems to notice that or know the reason why.  I know that if I were a cow, I would certainly be facing somewhere else, rather than the regular direction.

But what makes these cows head a certain direction?

Many reasons have been given : herd mentality, preparation for flight in the event of an attack from a predator and maybe the grass is greener on the other side of the field.

Anyway there is a documentary that gives a highly probable reason. According to the documentary, this phenomenon is caused by the forces of magnetism. Cows seemingly sense the Earth's magnetic field and align themselves to either the north or south when grazing or resting.

German researchers made use of Google Earth images and looked down on over 8,000 cattle around the world. The researchers combined field observations with the satellite data and discovered that herds of both deer and cattle tend to align themselves with the north-south direction, regardless of the wind or the position of the sun. This is called magneto reception. The theory goes that if a herd of cattle is standing under some transmission wires, then the cattle will face every which way because the transmission wires interfere with the fields of magnetism.

"It is amazing that this ubiquitous conspicuous phenomenon apparently has remained unnoticed by herdsmen and hunters for thousands of years," write Sabine Begall, of the University of Duisberg-Essen in Germany, and colleagues in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences^.

It is not only cows but other animals that portray similar behaviour as well. Migratory birds use magnetic compass information  Baby turtles know how to head towards the sea the moment they emerge from their shells. I read about an incident where some concerned nature lovers put wire mesh over the turtle eggs to protect the eggs from seagulls.  When the eggs were hatched, the hatchlings were disoriented and did not know how to make it to the sea. Apparently, the wire mesh interfered with the field of magnetism.

I wonder whether humans can sense magnetic fields.

The present day consensus is that we don’t. I am tempted to think that those who have a higher spatial intelligence have this ability. These are the people who have no trouble remembering routes or getting out of the woods while many of us lose much valuable time running in circles.

I think it would be grand to have some sort of an inner compass – to point us to the right direction or decision - then life would be very simple. There are no doubts and no mistakes. We will be simply doing the ‘right’ thing.

The phrase ‘follow your heart’ could be like some sort of an inner compass. But experience has proven that following the heart is not full proof. Mistakes abound when the heart is involved and when reason is thrown out of the window.

And what about following one’s gut feelings or intuition?

For me, this is quite an accurate compass.  There’s a classic called ‘A woman’s intuition’ by the Wilburn brothers. The chorus goes like this: It’s a woman’s intuition that rouses her suspicion/ And you never know what goes on in her mind/It’s a woman’s intuition that tells her something’s missing/You can bet that she’ll be right most every time.

The long and short of it, humans just have to plough on. For the lack of magneto reception skills, we depend on many things: experience, success, failure, happiness, sorrow……and the list goes on to help us navigate through life.

One thing I know is that as we get older we become more affirmative. We know who we are and what we want and don’t want. The difference between youth and seniority is that we are no longer unsure and afraid to stand our ground. We have found our voice and we do not need to be people pleasers.

If only navigation through life is as simple as heading either north or south.

But then again it will not be half as interesting or challenging when compared to what tomorrow will bring.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 23.4.2017   http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/2017/04/233121/guide-help-us-right-direction

NO WINNERS IN PLAYING THE BLAME GAME

I was having my favourite cuppa in a delightful little cafe, alfresco, on a beautiful 

sunny day. 

A rare thing indeed to feel the heat, and it would be a great crime if such fine weather

is not experienced in its fullest, outdoors.

Some people read while having the cuppa. Others fiddle with their phones or whatever 

gadgets they have.

I prefer to watch and learn.

Across the table sat a young mother and a restless child running here and there except 

sitting at the table where he should be.

She was coaxing him to have his orange juice and the fine breakfast on the table. 

She was piling on him a shower of terms of endearment - honey, my little man, 
darling, sweetie....Every possible term except a cross word.

With all the ditsy fleeting from table to table, the inevitable happened. He banged

headfirst into  a table corner.

All pandemonium broke lose. He bawled his eyes out and the mother swooped over him

like an eagle and tried to kiss away his tears.

Then she took him by the hand and led him to the offensive table. Vehemently, she

started beating the table and said, 'bad table, bad table' as if her golden child 

could do no wrong.  Immediately the boy was satisfied and the tears stopped. 

Completely bemused, I did not know whether to laugh or cry.

There were many laughable things I had done as a young mother once but blame 

shifting was definitely not one of them.

What was she teaching her child?

That it was alright to be careless? That unruly behaviour was acceptable in public? 

Or did she just want a quick fix to maintain order and quiet?

It is strange but when we are caught doing something unacceptable, we blame 

someone else, never ourselves.

Wasn't it Adam who blamed Eve for sharing with him the forbidden fruit?

When people in office resign when a misdeed has been exposed, there is a certain

level of accountability there.

Bob Marley said, emancipate ourselves from mental slavery. No one but ourselves

 can free our minds.

Learning to accept consequences is a great step towards freeing our minds. Being

accountable for what we do helps shape intentions and execution of plans.

I  used to watch Sesame Street with my children. There is this clip whereby a little

girl contemplates popping a balloon with a pin near her baby brother who is sleeping.

Then she rationalises that the noise would wake her brother up and his fit of crying would make her mum angry with her. Then she would be sent to bed and she would

miss eating the cookies in the oven.

She then puts the balloon down and says ' who wants to pop this nice balloon 

anyway'.

People are generally careless and inconsiderate. To find someone who is mindful 

and kind is such a rarity.

This is not to be confused with the concept of mindfulness which has become a present 

day buzzword, and if you are not focussing on your inhaling and exhaling, then you are 

certainly missing out on the greatest discovery on earth.

So, if children are not taught from young to be accountable for their deeds, it is not 

surprising that we are constantly surrounded by adults who bask in their own glory and 

blame others when things go belly up.

It is a sad generation that thinks they can do no wrong and that the world owes them a

living.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES
MALAYSIA, 4 SEPTEMBER 2016
http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/09/170619/no-winners-playing-blame-game