The Evolving Values of Society

There has never been so much debate over the use of a punctuation mark other than the Apostrophe. There is even the Apostrophe Protection Society, a UK society that has "the specific aim of preserving the correct use of this currently much abused punctuation mark". In 2009, Birmingham city council banned the use of the apostrophe on its signs. East  Stratfordshire, East Cambridgeshire and Huntingdonshire city councils have also ditched the apostrophe.

There are basic rules about the use of the apostrophe: to denote a shortened form (eg. Can’t ) and possession . (eg. The child’s toy) Apostrophes are never used to denote plurals.

When I walk down the street, I can see scores of examples of the misuse of this little punctuation. At first I was shocked, as this is an English speaking country but having seen so many mistakes made, I wonder whether the children have been taught correctly in school or whether putting apostrophes anywhere has become the rule of the thumb. It is not uncommon to see ‘CD’s sold here’,  Cheap clothes’ for sale, Menu’s to suit your taste,’ just to name a few.’ Even in the local newspaper, I see advertisements like , ‘Great food. Under 12’s eat free.’ ‘Free flowers for all the mum’s.’

Because people do not like to have their mistakes pointed out, the Apostrophe Protection Society has a carefully worded statement. ‘We are aware of the way the English language is evolving during use, and do not intend any direct criticism of those who have made mistakes, but are just reminding all writers of English text, whether on notices or in documents of any type, of the correct usage of the apostrophe should you wish to put right mistakes you may have inadvertently made.’

It is strange that something so wrong can be accepted over time either because those who know no longer bother to correct or to teach or have become confused themselves. Perhaps those who use it wrongly have convinced themselves that it is the right thing to do. This reminds me of how societal values or expectations have evolved over time. Practices that were seen as wrong in one generation are accepted in the next generation.

So who do we blame for this present state of affairs? Or is it time we see it as a wake up call and take responsibility?

Take drinking alcohol, smoking and premarital sex for instance.

One of the things I would not do is to buy alcohol or cigarettes for others from duty free shops when I travel. As I do not smoke or drink I believe that I should not encourage others to smoke or drink either. To me it is akin to, I do not subject my body to abuse, so why should I peddle such goods?

According to a News Central report in April 2010 almost half of all Irish 15 to 16-year-old teenagers have been drunk in the past 12 months. This is based on a survey carried out by a European School Survey Project on Alcohol and Other Drugs and confirms that Ireland has one of the highest rates of drunkenness amongst its teenage population.

The latest edition of the Tobacco Atlas places Irish youths in the second worst tier -- with between 16pc to 29.9pc of teenage boys and girls here aged as young as 13 having already started smoking.

It is no longer surprising that chastity is seldom valued and having partners (living together) and children out of wedlock are totally acceptable. The 2011 This is Ireland Census reveals that 40022 people in 2011 compared to 29322 people in 2006 live together and have premarital sex.  

One of my married friends was at a hair salon when the topic of premarital sex cropped up. Her hairdresser expressed total shock that she did not co-habit with her husband before they were married. In another instance, I was so insulted when someone in the neighbourhood asked me whether my legally wedded husband is my lived-in partner!

Terms like sexual promiscuity is now deemed politically incorrect. One in 10 university students have contracted a sexually transmitted infection, according to a survey of 419 students attending the University of Limerick conducted between July and August 2012. More than 40% believed STIs did not pose long-term health effects and 60% were reluctant to attend a college health clinic about it. About 90% of students said they were sexually active, with 11% of males reporting sexual intimacy with other males, the respective figure for females standing at 5%. 3% of respondents believed it was impossible to become pregnant when having sex for the first time.

Indeed times have changed, and not necessarily for the better. It has been said that group think is powerful and justification is available for every integrity-compromised action.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/node/7540

Empty Nest or Discovery Channel?

I was juicing a melon one evening when Michael wheeled in a wheelbarrow filled with coal. Although it is summer, we had to stock up coal for the colder months to come.

I had earlier put on a CD with lovely songs and the room was awash with the hue of soft lights. Seeing him close the door behind him, I just stopped what I was doing, moved to where he was, grabbed his hands and we started to waltz, as if that was the most natural thing to do, with the wheelbarrow beside us and some chopped melon bits still in the juicer chute.

No, we don’t do this every day, but we let spontaneity in every now and then. Especially so when there are no more wailing babies demanding the next nappy change or young people catching us in an awkward embrace. All the children have left home and it is now just the two of us.

They call it the Empty Nest syndrome but I call it the Discovery Channel. Somehow the Empty Nest syndrome sounds lonely and sad especially when two people who having been married for years may as well be like two strangers in a room. Now, the Discovery Channel is different. It spells of excitement, fun and wild abandonment.

Married couples are a strange species. While they usually start off bright eyed and bushy tailed, stories abound of how there is nothing left to talk as the years roll on. With all the slogging at the office and child minding years behind them, there are no more common topics of interest. You can almost cut the silence with a knife. Along the way, the spark had diminished, trust eroded and appreciation dwindled. In some bizarre cases, spouses who could no longer stand each other, commit murder even.

Yet society, culture, religion and most of all the presence of children have decreed that the two married strangers should still live together to present themselves as a married couple to the outside world.

It is wonderful to see elderly couples looking out for each other and there is certainly no shortage of that here.

I was watching with amusement the other day when queuing for an empty cubicle in the fitting room in a Polo outlet in Kildare Village. Suddenly a senior lady opened  a cubical door to ask her senior husband what he thought of her blouse. He said ‘No, not this one.’ Then after a few minutes, she opened the door again with another blouse and he said ‘Yes, this looks very good on you.’ The relationship was symbiotic – checking for approval and giving approval or disapproval.

In another instance, an elderly man with a walking stick was looking at the display of man’s attire through the glass. Beside her was an elderly lady who held a zimmer frame.

He said, ‘I like that tie, yeah. Them ties are nice, yeah.’

She replied, ‘ Oh, sure,sure,sure. I saw one the other day at Pennys. Lovely tie. Half the price. That’s a good bargain.’

As they hobbled along, I could hear them still talking about the prices of ties. I could see there was love and kindness in their eyes for each other.

One of the inspirational quotes that has found its way into my life goes like this: I choose to live by choice, not by chance; to make changes not excuses; to be motivated, not manipulated; to be useful, not used; to excel, not compete. I choose self-esteem, not self pity. I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinions of others.

We are what we choose to be.

Every now and then I review my choices and just the other day when I was watching ‘Disney top 30 cartoons’ with Jungle book coming up in first position as viewers’ choice, I was reminded of how my children used to re-enact the scene where Baloo the bear was dancing in the presence of the monkeys and his disguise failed him. That was hilarious. I could actually hear myself laughing along with my children.

I felt I missed my children in Malaysia terribly and Audrey said, ‘Our family structure is different but there is love.’ With the next wedding anniversary around the corner, I asked Michael whether it is nice that I am his wife and he replied,

‘Tis.’

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/node/2874