JAM JAR LESSON FOR EVERYONE

With the bountiful harvest of fruit this year, I decided to get together with like minded people to make jam. We all agreed that it had been a ‘berry’ good year. Being an absolute novice, I had to start from basics.

So, the first step was to clean out used jam jars. Every small speck of dirt real or imagined had to be scrubbed clean. The jars were then boiled or put into the microwave oven to totally ‘scorch’ them to perfection.

Suddenly there was a eureka moment for me and the whole process became a jam jar lesson.

I believe most of us carry jam jars with us wherever we go. These are jars stuffed with  loads of good stuff.

For a start, let’s talk about accolades.

Certificates, trophies and awards can be our crown of glory. Like most achievements they have a shelf life. The mistake is to cling on to these forever because they may be rather meaningless in a different situation or phase of life.

I have met countless people who have talked again and again about their past achievements, the countries they have visited and the important people they met along the way.

Having said that, I can recall two people whose certificates did not just remain in a jam jar.

Hunter Doherty ‘Patch’ Adams is an American physican who founded the Gesundheit! Institute in 1971. Every year he leads a group of volunteers from around the world to travel to various countries where they dress as clowns in order to bring cheer into the lives of orphans, patients and people in general.

John Sung (1901- 1944) a brilliant student studied at Ohio Wesleyan University and Ohio State University earned a doctorate in chemistry in five years. When he decided to devote himself to religious vocation, he threw all his academic awards into the sea, only keeping the doctorate diploma for his father. A bit drastic I must say, but that was his way of emptying his jam jar of achievements to fill it with something new.

The next case in point is narrating personal episodes.

I think most of us would be quite happy if there is a law to protect the unwilling listener’s right to privacy from unwanted speech. I had been caught in situations where I just had to listen to talk, talk and talk and I couldn’t get in a word edgeways.

In the Pursuit of Attention, sociologist Charles Derber tells us that the Conversational Narcissists always seek to turn the attention of others to themselves by talking and everyone else pretends to be listening but are actually focussing on what they want to say once they find an opening.

I find it very strange when people (without being asked) start telling others about their travels and showing pictures of their round-the-world trip. There was this person who told me all the details of her faraway exotic trip as if it happened yesterday. Curious, I asked her when it all happened. Without blinking an eye, she said she made the trip ten years ago.

Granted it must have been an earth shattering trip. But I wonder why that trip alone had remained locked in the jar of memories. Why hadn’t she emptied the jar and made more beautiful memories since?

Just as we de-clutter every now and then, it is good to consciously make new and good memories and open the jar lid to let them in. Before we do that, we have to let go some of the old stuff that belonged to another era.

So looking at the jars of fresh strawberry, blackcurrant and gooseberry jam lined up on the larder shelf with their lids wrapped with gingham paper covers and tied with string, I am glad I emptied and cleaned out those jars in the first place.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES- 13 SEPTEMBER 2015

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2015/09/jam-jar-lesson-everyone

http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/150913nstnews/index.html#/23/