SO WATCH ME FLY AGAIN

 I've never had surgery before and certainly didnt know the journey that I would take following it. It's most bewildering and quite complicated really. There are exercises that I should do and stances that I should avoid. Not that I have a poor memory but because everything is so new, I have to keep referring to the instruction booklet. One wrong move and the excruciating pain will accuse me of being careless . Relentlessly. Checking Chat GPT about possible outcomes only makes every scenario worse than it should be, leaving  me more anxious than ever.

A PERIOD OF GRIEVING

First week after the operation was the hardest.  I found myself grieving.

1. Over the things that I could not do.

Albeit I'm told that it is temporary and I'd be on my feet again. But watching Bagatelle singing Summer in Dublin on YouTube left me crying. When can I take the green bus 300 again just to walk on Grafton street and taste the curry laksa at Ann's house? I've always been on the go. Hardly stayed still for an hour doing nothing. Now knowing that I would have to do nothing but rest for at least 6 weeks, is beyond me. They say you don't miss the sun until you see the snow. I miss being me. This is a pale shadow of who I am. This is not me. Me is being pushed back into the abyss of the unknown consciously and not allowed to resurface until the opportune time.

2. Over the perfect house which is not built for the imperfect. 

Suddenly I realise that

-  the steps on the staircase are too narrow and are of uneven height.

-  most of the plug points are near the floor and I cannot bend more than 90 degrees to plug in my gadgets. 

-  there is no way I can reach the plates in the bottom cabinet.

-  there is so little elbow space between the toilet bowl and the radiator for me to manoeuvre the  

   crutches.

A PERIOD OF INVENTION

Interestingly enough the brain comes up with ways  to do things when my hands are on crutches and my feet have a mind of their  own. When there is no one around I can't do simple things normally like getting a cup or holding a plate or picking up something that has fallen on the ground. So I invent tools and methods to make what seems impossible, possible. I think I have enough ideas to write a book. "Helpful Hints for the Invalid to get around the house." Yup, that sounds like a bestseller alright.

A PERIOD OF LETTING GO 

This by far is the most difficult thing to do. I have always been on top of things. But I can't for now.   For a person who places great importance on organisation and neatness, I have to accept that for  the time being, bathroom tiles won't be sparkling and flowers in my garden are dying.

A PERIOD OF APPRECIATION 

Netflix has become my friend. I don't know how many dramas and documentaries and films I have watched - in English, Korean and Japanese. For once I do not call it indulgence. I call it survival. 

My good friends from far and near come bearing food, cards, flowers and news from the outside world. One lovely friend even washed my hair and gave me a pedicure. Such a treat.

Most of all my husband is now the Minister of Home Affairs as well. He's doing a very good job 24/7. Far better than I've ever envisioned. For that I am thankful.

There will be another summer.

So watch me fly again.