SO WATCH ME FLY AGAIN

 I've never had surgery before and certainly didnt know the journey that I would take following it. It's most bewildering and quite complicated really. There are exercises that I should do and stances that I should avoid. Not that I have a poor memory but because everything is so new, I have to keep referring to the instruction booklet. One wrong move and the excruciating pain will accuse me of being careless . Relentlessly. Checking Chat GPT about possible outcomes only makes every scenario worse than it should be, leaving  me more anxious than ever.

A PERIOD OF GRIEVING

First week after the operation was the hardest.  I found myself grieving.

1. Over the things that I could not do.

Albeit I'm told that it is temporary and I'd be on my feet again. But watching Bagatelle singing Summer in Dublin on YouTube left me crying. When can I take the green bus 300 again just to walk on Grafton street and taste the curry laksa at Ann's house? I've always been on the go. Hardly stayed still for an hour doing nothing. Now knowing that I would have to do nothing but rest for at least 6 weeks, is beyond me. They say you don't miss the sun until you see the snow. I miss being me. This is a pale shadow of who I am. This is not me. Me is being pushed back into the abyss of the unknown consciously and not allowed to resurface until the opportune time.

2. Over the perfect house which is not built for the imperfect. 

Suddenly I realise that

-  the steps on the staircase are too narrow and are of uneven height.

-  most of the plug points are near the floor and I cannot bend more than 90 degrees to plug in my gadgets. 

-  there is no way I can reach the plates in the bottom cabinet.

-  there is so little elbow space between the toilet bowl and the radiator for me to manoeuvre the  

   crutches.

A PERIOD OF INVENTION

Interestingly enough the brain comes up with ways  to do things when my hands are on crutches and my feet have a mind of their  own. When there is no one around I can't do simple things normally like getting a cup or holding a plate or picking up something that has fallen on the ground. So I invent tools and methods to make what seems impossible, possible. I think I have enough ideas to write a book. "Helpful Hints for the Invalid to get around the house." Yup, that sounds like a bestseller alright.

A PERIOD OF LETTING GO 

This by far is the most difficult thing to do. I have always been on top of things. But I can't for now.   For a person who places great importance on organisation and neatness, I have to accept that for  the time being, bathroom tiles won't be sparkling and flowers in my garden are dying.

A PERIOD OF APPRECIATION 

Netflix has become my friend. I don't know how many dramas and documentaries and films I have watched - in English, Korean and Japanese. For once I do not call it indulgence. I call it survival. 

My good friends from far and near come bearing food, cards, flowers and news from the outside world. One lovely friend even washed my hair and gave me a pedicure. Such a treat.

Most of all my husband is now the Minister of Home Affairs as well. He's doing a very good job 24/7. Far better than I've ever envisioned. For that I am thankful.

There will be another summer.

So watch me fly again.

GOOD BYE 2025

 

When I heard the pastor say that yesterday was the last Sunday of 2025 I couldn't believe my ears. Where did the days go?

And my heart still wells up with gratitude.

Thanking God for a good year and most importantly good health. And that my loved ones are around and are loved, blessed and protected by Him.

I do not take anything for granted. I am thankful for basic necessities like food on the table, clothes on my back, a warm home and diesel for my car.  Even waking up each day to four degrees C is a blessing. 

Surrounded by a precious handful of good friends is priceless. Not to talk about others or engage in meaningless chatter but to bond and to share heart talk and things that matter. Some good friends have returned to their home countries. But  it still feels like they have never left  when we connect via WhatsApp or when they visit Ireland again.

I like to reflect.

 I'm amazed that I'm finally liberated from the fear of the deep end of the pool. Believe me, I thought that would never happen. And swimming is something that I enjoy, effortlessly. I still whisper a prayer of protection every time I step into the pool because again I do not take things for granted.

We have not stop travelling. It takes effort to book tickets, to pack and to unpack, to find out about bus and rail times and the list goes on. A conscious effort to see the world and experience things beyond our comfort zone. Plenty of happy memories and very invigorating.

I am happy to say that I still enjoy learning Irish. It is the company and the teacher that make going for classes enjoyable. I'm proud that I won the Irish language competition, spent a week (full immersion in the Irish language) at a Gaeltach in Spiddal, went to Belfast for the Oireachtas and was on air (Scariff Bay Radio) talking in Irish. Not perfect but I'm happy that I tried.

On the home front, I'm thankful that we had a Chinese wedding celebration for Audrey and Luis in Malaysia and Sonya finally received the keys to her new house in Galway.

God has always been very faithful to those who love Him. What I sowed in Spring, I reaped a plentiful harvest in Autumn. I daresay that I  have not bought onions for the last six months and I have plenty of kimchi and pickles. 

I find great delight this year in water colours. What  I like is the limited control that I have because the paints and brushes have a mind of their own. 

I have also reignited my passion for crochet and diamond bead painting. The best part is I can bless others with what I create.

So as 2025 comes to an end "I will stand at my guard post and station myself on the watchtower; And I will keep watch to see what He will say to me." (Habakkuk 2:1)

I know God is in charge. For that I am at peace.

LEFT BEHIND

 

I rang the doorbell, with a tray of homemade apple crumble in my hands. A kindly looking gentleman wearing a soft peak cap opened the door and ushered me into a room. 

A very familiar room where we used to drink coffee and exchanged stories. A room where I could admire the lovely green garden outside. She baked delicious  scones that we ate with freshly whipped cream and jam. I could still hear her laughter.

Now the table was laden with loads of interesting crafting bits. 

"You can take whatever you like, the rest I will give to charity." he said.

So I went through every box and every bag. Knitting wool, patchwork fabric, card making stuff and more. Finished projects. Unfinished projects. All up my alley. 

As I touched the fabric and every small thing I could feel the hands that once touched them. There was a bag of little woollen caps that she had knitted for preemies. She was there cradling every cap.

After a while, he came back into the room and gave me a box to put the stuff in and then walked me to the door. I gave him a hug and he asked me, 

"Can I put the apple crumble in the microwave?" he asked.

"Yes, scoop whatever you want and put it on a plate and warm it up in the microwave. Do not put the whole aluminum tray into it." I replied.

I bade him goodbye and when he was out of sight, I cried and cried all the way home. 

Simplicity at its best

No word can sum up my experience in the Mongolian steppes. Wide empty spaces. It is everything that I have read or seen on YouTube and it is everything to be there. In the heart of it all. A combination of the physical presence and everything soulish and spiritual in between.

The endless green and the amazing blue sky. Literally where the earth touches the sky. Seamless. It is as if it has been left untouched since God created it.

Tourism has come a long way. Flush toilets, green vegetables and an assortment of Western and Eastern (Japanese, Korean and Chinese) cuisines are available besides the traditional Mongolian fare.

I have always appreciated artwork in traditional costumes and architecture. Putting up in 4 different ger camps and riding in a Mitsubishi Delica, yaks, camels and motorbikes across very rough terrain gives me an amazing massage on the insides. Something that I truly enjoy.

Nomadic hospitality is everything that I have envisaged.
Children with rosy cheeks sleep quietly amidst the din. The mother shows me how knuckle stones are used in games and divination while the father plays the horse fiddle and does throat singing.

And what about the elusive wild horses in the Gobi desert?

Wild horses, specifically Przewalski's horses ( also known as takhi)  are the last truly wild horse species. Power,resilience, freedom, independence and a raw untamed spirit. 

As I enjoy the stunning beauty of the Mongolian steppe, I can't help thinking that living is so beautiful if we choose to live with a big heart. 

Why be petty and mean and have an inferiority complex? 

Why hold grudges and nurse unforgiveness?

Why attack others because your small mind thinks they are attacking you? 

Instead treasure every meaningful friendship, every kind act, every comforting word. 

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover." 

                    - Minecraft. 

Perfect

 

17 days into the New Year and shall I make any resolutions?

We had snow and we had storms and we had rain. So this morning's weather was pretty good in comparison. The best thing to do when the weather is fine according to my trusty brain is to get out and see green.

Green as in fields that are so green they never disappoint. The best view of course is from the passenger seat, with the faithful gentleman love-of-my-life on the wheel, and my favourite songs in the background. Miles and Miles of green. Feeling very safe and loved.

My thoughts drifted.

Dreaming of dragons and kings just like Neil Diamond did in Brooklyn Road, every time I passed an abandoned castle, I wondered….

Did they dance in the grand hall with a blazing fire and dined on pheasants brought in from the wild by the gamekeeper? How did the ladies in their long dresses negotiate the very narrow winding staircase? The pomp and the gains. Perhaps they thought that would be eternal, but now is only in ruins.

I looked into popular cafes. Where people entered to be seen rather than to eat. I can’t help agreeing with Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1:14. ‘ I have seen all the works that are done under the sun and behold all is vanity, a futile grasping and chasing after the wind.’ And yet we do that over and over again. Every generation. Any age group. Many wants. They are all too tempting.

Looking at the road signs and shop names in English – my brain went into auto mode and was busy translating them into the little Irish that I have learnt. Once a student, always a student. My kind of fun.

We were on the way to an open market that only happens once a week only to find that we had got the day wrong and there wasn't a stall to be seen. What next? Like the ITV Lingo host Adil Ray who always says 'Never mind’ we paused and told ourselves, never mind. No disappointment, only opportunity. So we went to search for a megalithic wedge tomb instead. It helps to have a wide spectrum of interests. Archaeology being one.

I hear that the alligator can live to 100 years.

I think I could live for a 100 years and more.

Just like the alligator. Sometimes snappy. Most times happy.

Enjoying the people I am with. Loving my surroundings. Loving me.

17 days into the New Year and shall I make any resolutions?

No I won't.

Pure content.

Perfect.

DEFYING GRAVITY

We were about to go to church and I was putting on a pair of dress boots and carrying a pair of trainers as well. He asked: 'Why are you carrying another pair of shoes?' So I said, 'my feet don't listen to me anymore'.

Dress boots are for Sunday service. Sketchers trainers are for anywhere else after church - in case we have a bit of walking to do. At this stage of our lives we seldom have definite plans. When the rubber hits the road, the journey begins. Depending on where the road leads us, we will then spend the day there. I may not be a scout but I like the motto 'be prepared' 

Nowadays I hardly look into a shoe shop. All the money in the world wouldn't entice me to buy anything fancy but uncomfortable. All the years of standing in heels in the lecture hall have resulted in feet that shout 'we can take no more of such abuse' 

So we try to defy gravity. Promising concoctions and peels.....and hocus pocus we have baby like skin. 

I walked into the gym and the trainer said, 'Let's warm up with jumping jacks'. Everyone was springing up and down like magnificent starfish. And there I was  making feeble attempts. I felt like a flounder, much less a starfish. I could have sworn that the gravity pull where I stood was definitely stronger. Note to self: Try another spot next time. That must be the secret.

Then I was told to go for the sled push. While others were engaging their core muscles and pushing the sled forward as fast as they could, I felt like Sisyphus, a king in Corinth who was punished for his misdeeds by eternally having to roll a heavy stone up a hill. Every time he approached the top, the stone escaped his grasp and rolled to the bottom again. 

Later that day, a good friend in her 80s visited me because she heard that my pergola had been destroyed by  Storm Kathleen and in the sworn spirit of sisterhood, we united in mutual grief. As she passed by my green house and polytunnel she commented that the greens were doing well but alas, she lamented that she couldn't do much gardening these days because it would be too arduous for her. I sensed a tinge of sadness as my gardening guru had always been an avid gardener all her life.

Laments.

We all have that bit in us.

When we realise that we can't do what we had done before because physically we are not able to. When we find that we experience senior moments: like entering a room and forgetting why we did that in the first place.

But laments can be replaced by rejoicing. 

Knowing that we have achieved much. Knowing that we have overcome many a struggle. Knowing that we don't have to worry about the many things that we had to worry about when the kids were small - fevers, colds, school grades, cocurricular activities....and the list goes on. Knowing that we have been freed from having to apply for jobs and attending interviews. Knowing that we don't have to rise up early to go to work, to set exam papers, to correct exam papers and to sit on the panel for scholarship interviews. And also knowing who our true friends are.

He said, ' There are many things you can do now, that you may not be able to do in ten or twenty years time.'

How true.

I will continue to enjoy what I can do now and love every moment of it.

HUMBLE SERVANT OF THE EARTH

So, I've been invited to give another presentation. This time I title it My Garden, My Canvas. Every now and then, I switch modes. From the usual housekeeping mode, I make a beeline to my laptop and start putting together my thoughts to get ready for the talk. It is actually very intoxicating. Lots of adrenaline pumping. I haven't lost it.

I'm a visual person so I believe in more pictures and less printed words. This means I've to rummage through plenty of gardening photos through the years. I have them all stored according to categories. This is where organising and safe keeping skills honed over the years come in very handy indeed. 

Since this is my 14th year in Ireland I have 14 years of gardening memories. From knowing next to nothing about the growing seasons to where I am. From being overwhelmed by slugs and snails to being the human that those slimey creatures slither away from. From being overzealous and over ambitious to being more practical and realistic.

I think I have done quite a lot.

In fact I'm stunned at the power of learning and adaptation to a new hobby. There is an inexplainable glow within as I pat myself on my head and whisper softly, 'Well done, good and humble servant of the earth.'

Money wise it makes no sense to grow my own vegetables or flowers when supermarkets are bursting with cheaply priced produce. Peat free compost, horse manure, fertilisers, slug pellets, gardening tools, gardening equipment - they all don't come cheap.

But the non-monetary benefits!! 

Peaceful days

 Beads of healthy perspiration, a happy heart and a sound mind. Not forgetting lovely fresh produce right in my backyard. Call me bias, but a homegrown tomato vs a store bought one, is like comparing apples to oranges.

The beauty of tenacity. 

Storm Kathleen has just passed and the garden is in a mess. The pergola is wrecked but life goes on and we can rebuild.

So even as I prepare the power point slides I continue to discover.

I want to incorporate a home made video into the presentation but don't know how. How thankful I am for good friends like Robin Wallace who will help me brainstorm over a cup of Milo next week.

Then I found that my 24 year old slide clicker is not working. So before I threw it out, I read the instructions again. Yes, the little instruction booklet is still there in its case. Then I realised that there is such a thing called a battery which needed to be replaced.

So what can I say? 

Another year and onwards to more self discovery and the little pleasures of life.