10 YEARS IN IRELAND

A Year in Provence is a 1989 memoir by Peter Mayle about his first year in Provence written in a witty and honest style about his new environment, warts and all. We arrived in Ireland on 4 July 2010, and it has been a decade since. True to Ireland's idyllic nature, time didn't actually fly for me but rather meandered along, through hill and dale, river and stream.

I must say I did a crash course of endeavouring into a motley myriad of interests in 10 years, when it could have taken say 20 years or more, partly because we are in our Autumn years and we certainly can't wait till Winter when wobbly knees will protest against youthful adventures.

I've been an academic, a Christian and a mother for the most part of my life. So most of my activities and friends would centre around the academia, the church and family life.

As 2010 also marked my departure from the university I was working in, I told myself I needed to experience and learn things that are non academic and widen my circle of friends beyond the academia and the church. Having said that I will not neglect the familiar that is reading, writing and publishing.

So what have I done differently? 10 things for 10 years, though the list is not exhaustive.

1. LEARN TO GROW

When I first opened the back door, I was amazed at the size of the garden. It was pretty much like a blank canvas for me to use any kind of brush and splash any kind of paint. I had so far planted only tropical plants, a very easy feat in comparison, because Malaysia has sun and rain all year round. Not to be deterred I enrolled in a 2 day workshop on organic farming at Jim Cronin's. It was well attended by participants from as far as Galway and Mayo and Waterford. Until this day I still keep in touch with one of the participants. Then my appetite for learning to grow vegetables and flowers across the seasons could not be abated. I joined community run courses in Scariff and Moyross and in so doing, learnt what worked and did not work and made more friends in the process. In 2016, I was confident enough and we purchased a greenhouse and the joy that it yields till today is unrivaled. The overall plan of the garden has changed many times over and pots and beds have moved much to Mike's (my great help in the garden) amusement. Monty Don and Helen Dillon have both agreed that the garden is alive; it is never static. The day the plan of the garden is set in stone, is the day the garden dies.


2. RIDE A HORSE

I blame it on those childhood comics and story books where riding a horse is a rite of passage. My daughter Sonya and I were toying with the idea as there are 2 horse riding schools nearby. So I woke up one day and say, I must learn to ride a horse. I don't know which attracts me more:  the horse riding or the  pomp and pride of full riding gear - when I put on the long riding boots and carry the riding hat under my arm.

3. CLIMB SOMETHING

I've never climbed anything higher than a six foot ladder. When others tell stories of scaling Mt Everest and such, I never really felt the desire to climb even one very small hill. We didn't exactly set out to climb anything but just discovered that this was something we could do on one of our gallivanting trips across Ireland. So I had a very strange feeling of excitement when I climbed the Motte Stone which is a huge granite boulder, weighing about 150 tons. It is said that the five counties surrounding Wicklow can be viewed from the rock on a clear day and the mountains of Wales even. The next one was Devil's Bit in County Tipperary. Something that we had always seen from the car and had never actually climbed it. So when we finally reached the top, the experience was something else.

And talking about heights, we went up in a hot air balloon in Marrakesh, just like Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmaine in The Aeronauts....but then I digress.

4. TRAVEL FOR FUN

I travelled quite a fair bit when I was working, from Nepal to New York to Barcelona to China, to present academic papers at conferences . It was wonderful but those were working trips so the primary focus was to be prepared for intellectual exchange. Travelling for fun is entirely different. We managed to visit the 32 counties of Ireland in 2 years, and we are now exploring places like those in Creedon's Road Less Travelled - avoiding the motorway infrastructure to enjoy the scenic landscapes and streetscapes and to explore the stories that lie beneath the tarmac and fields.

Beyond Ireland, my favourite countries thus far are Iceland, Israel, Mexico and Korea. I went to Israel twice, and  my second trip there was particularly memorable because we renewed our wedding vows in the church at Cana where Jesus performed his first miracle of turning water into wine. How awesome is that?

5. VISIT A FARM

Like running away with a circus, visiting a farm has always been on my to-do list, although now I'm not so sure I want to run away with a circus anymore. My friends Ned and Catherine graciously allowed me to visit their working dairy farm. Driving a tractor for the first time sure gave me  an adrenaline rush of the highest degree and being in the milking parlour was really something else. Letting a baby calf suckle my fingers made me feel part of the bovine fraternity.

6. TRYING TRADITIONAL CRAFTS

I have always loved getting busy with my hands but actually learning a traditional craft from the masters is something that I've always wanted to do. Some of the teachers are well into their senior years, and it would be a pity if the art dies with them.

Learning how to cook traditional food is also a delight, mainly out of necessity because it is quite difficult to buy such food here. It's great that I have friends like Susan  who taught me how to make Bak Chang,(rice dumplings) Linyan who taught me how to make Jiaozi (meat dumplings), Vivien who taught me how to make mooncakes and Carrie who taught me how to make salted duck eggs.

7. MY CRAFT STUDIO

Every man should have  a man shed and every woman who loves craft needs a craft studio. So Mike created for me a room where I can hide away and do my stuff and keep my stash. Everyone knows that a crafter has loads of stash, it is simply impossible to throw away bits and bobs, because you'll never know if it fits into some project at hand. It is also a place where I hold tea, cake and craft sessions with my friends. I call my studio Howard's End - after E.M.Forster's book of the same name - a place that shouts of ME.

8. OUT OF COMFORT ZONE

The last time I danced was on a huge weighing machine  and singing Yellow River at the same time. That was when I was 9 and my neighbour who had a rubber curing business had a huge weighing machine to weigh bales of latex sheets. It was our regular fun time and us kids would croon away and dance at the same time, as if we were on some variety show.

It's one thing to go to a music lounge and listen and another to watch others take to the floor and dance. So I said to myself I must learn ball room dancing and jiving and so we did.

9. HANDLING POWER TOOLS

I've always been intimidated by heavy machinery - certainly a no-go area. But thanks to a volunteer project that I was part of, Ian Kelly helped me overcome my fear and now I can confidently approach a chop saw and use it.

10. A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE

Our upbringing and our culture mould us to a great degree. There are many ways of thinking and doing things that I thought was right until I live in a totally different culture with a different set of values and perspectives. Then I learn to embrace other values that are good -  like being more inclusive, being less judgemental and being more giving. There are some values in this country that I do not agree with, and I am glad I have another set of values to choose from and a choice to make that decision. I want God to smash any unhealthy worldview that I have upheld for so long.

 I want to say that I have lived.

THE IMAGINARY Q & A

The combination of being at home and having an imaginative mind and a creative spirit is that no two days are the same. So Mike says, Do I know you at all? and laughs.

So I imagine myself being interviewed in the cool of the garden, for a local magazine.

WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST MEMORY?

I remember when we were in primary school and living upstairs in a shop house. My parents warned us about many undesirable characters living along the street, so we hardly went downstairs to play. What we did was we created our own fun upstairs. There was always a great supply of stationery -  paper, felt pens, paints - so I would draw and write stories about living in a different world and a different time. I had a big empty box where I would store all the little crafts that I made from popsicle sticks, matchboxes, clay or paper mache. We also had a blackboard at home and we would enact classroom scenes with my sisters as teachers and myself as the student.

WHAT WAS THE FIRST BOOK YOU LOVED?

The Mystery of the Missing Necklace - a book in the series of Five Find-Outers and dog by Enid Blyton. Immediately I became an avid fan of Enid Blyton's and would devour all her books with a ravenous appetite. It was then that I became acquainted with toffee apples, humbugs, English meadows, picnic hamper baskets, boarding schools and frisking lambs - which probably explains the anglophile that I am.

WHAT'S YOUR BEST HOLIDAY MEMORY?

Holidays were a luxury and we didn't go anywhere as not many people owned cars then. I remember we had to take a taxi to a waterfront called Minyak Beku, about six miles from home. Six miles seemed a very long journey and we had a small picnic there. The taxi waited for us and took us home.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Like what Piglet said to Pooh bear, "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." That is what I tell Mike.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF?

My children. They have surpassed my expectations.

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST ATTRACTIVE QUALITY - AND WHAT IS YOUR MOST?

Anxiety about my children's well being. I am disciplined, industrious and committed to whatever I do, however small. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU'D DO IF YOU WERE THE PRIME MINISTER?

Put an end to race based politics and policies and focus on  needs instead.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?


Certainly not material things. I treasure family and friends.

WHAT IS YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE?

Good coffee. I try to limit myself to 2 mugs a day. I am still trying.

WHAT'S THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN?

From my mother: Do not worry about how others will think or talk about you. If you think you are doing the right thing, go ahead, because the future is yours, not anyone else's. Those tongue waggers will not be there for you when things go belly up.

WHO ARE YOUR HEROES?

People who are visionary. People who stand for what they believe in. People who make a difference in the lives of others. Examples are: Copernicus. Alexander the Great. Napoleon Bonaparte. Catherine the Great. Florence Nightingale. Doctors without Borders.

WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?

When I read about so many people dying because of COVID19.

WHAT SONG WOULD YOU LIKE PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds. And maybe if my children could just play a piece of music for me, like they did at our wedding.

WHAT KEEPS YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT?

Crafting and writing. When the creative juice flows, I would hate to stop it. So now that I don't have to depend on the alarm clock to wake me up for work, I know I have the privilege of sleeping till noon if I must.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST PASSION IN LIFE?

My family. I will give everything and anything to see their joy complete.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FILM?

Sleepless in Seattle. Entertaining, easy to watch, lovely ending. Two of my favourite actors: Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I even know that the teddy bear is called Howard.

WHAT'S THE LAST TV SHOW THAT YOU BINGE-WATCHED?

Anime - Ponyo, Forest of Piano, My Neighbour Totoro, Whispers of the Heart, You lie in April.

WHAT PHONE APP DO YOU USE MOST?

Whatsapp. I'm more comfortable writing than speaking (eg. skype or facetime) because I can think over what I want to say before I actually write it down.

WHAT PIECE OF ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR 18 YEAR OLD SELF?

Get out of a relationship if you know it is not going to work. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that he will change for the better.

WHAT JOB WOULD YOU BE TERRIBLE AT?

Minding someone's child full time. I will be terribly anxious if the child falls down or hurts himself and I can't discipline the child in love ( the way I would when my own child is naughty).

WHAT DO YOU REGRET NOT DOING IN THE LAST YEAR?

Nothing. I traveled much, loved much, ate much and rested much.

PLEASURE IN BEING POLITE

When my children were babies, I used to read to them this book about a bear cub who has no manners. Mama bear decides to stamp four meaningful words on his paws so he will not forget them: Please, Excuse Me, Thank You and I’m Sorry.

Interestingly enough, I heard all four words being used on the same day itself.

PLEASE

I was doing grocery shopping and suddenly I heard an excited voice asking the sales person,

‘ Where can I find a packet of quinoa, please?’ he asked. The magic word ‘please’ shows respect and consideration. It is not only a social norm but it also reflects on your upbringing.

I couldn’t see him because his back was facing me. Then he repeated himself, this time speaking slowly and clearly, q-u-i-n-o-a.

It is not rocket science to know what the problem was. The sales person had no clue what quinoa was and to him it could be moon rock for all it mattered. The man was flustered and disappointed.

EXCUSE ME

Actually he was standing very close to the aisle where there were bags of Uncle Ben’s whole grain and quinoa.

I walked to the said aisle for the fun of it, correction, I couldn’t resist it. I took a bag of quinoa and headed towards his direction except to find that the disappointed man was gone. Since I never saw his face I had to depend on his voice. Then out of the blue the voice came, this time round he was searching for another ingredient for the great dish that he was going to cook.

I went up to him and said, ‘ Excuse me, were you looking for this?’

His face beamed as if he had won the lotto. ‘Look Mary (calling out to a lady further down the aisle) a good samaritan had found the quinoa’

Turning to me he asked, ‘Where did you find it?’

I said, ‘The rice aisle’

He said, ‘I was there but I didn’t see it’

I said, ‘You didn’t look hard enough’ and laughed.

I thought to myself, if the supermarket employed me as a salesperson, I would know exactly where everything is. I’ve met all sorts of salespeople: those who know everything and those who know very little.

I’M SORRY

Then I went to look for mussels and the fish monger said, ‘I’m sorry, I just sold the last bag.’ It is not uncommon to hear people apologising for almost anything. If I accidentally bump into someone, I may actually hear the other person saying they’re ‘sorry’ for standing in the way of my clumsy wandering. Other examples are  "Sorry can I just say?... oh sorry, you were saying, no sorry... sorry, sorry, don’t mind me….sorry, you go ahead...sorry".

The use of ‘sorry’ here has become more of a tag rather than a real heart felt apology which is a different thing altogether because the latter involves humility and overcoming pride.

THANK YOU

So after the grocery shopping, I went to buy a rolling pin.

Salesperson: This is a lovely rolling pin. Value for money now that the sale is on.

Me: Yeah, I broke mine last night

Salesperson: I hope you didn’t hit anyone with it.

Me: I wish!

Salesperson: Thanks a million! (This ‘thanks a million’ phrase is really iconic here. )

In fact, according to the Irish journal, Dublin Bus research reveals that 90% of passengers always say thank you to their driver.

Being polite makes the world an easier place to live in. Videos of neighbours fighting over small matters have gone viral and there are many ugly instances where manners have just gone out of the window. Manners when instilled from young go a long way. 

In this respect, mama bear is doing the right thing.

ALL HAIL MARIE KONDO

When Marie Kondo's book ' The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.' was published in 2014, i took to her instructions like fish to water. Why? Mainly because i like to be organised, focussed and disciplined in all that I do. So, while some may disagree with some of her methods, I welcome them like a breath of fresh air.

Her methods remind me very much of my mother's. My mother was so organised, nothing was ever out-of-place. I loved going into her bedroom to see everything neatly laid down. Every piece of clothing was ironed, folded or hung. Her wardrobe could have won a Blue Ribbon.

I never heard her asking us to tidy our rooms because she taught us well. A sty is only for pigs.

 

On 1 January 2019, Netflix released a series called Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. I was hooked.

It was so much nicer seeing her KonMari method on screen than reading about it. In the series, Kondo visits various American family homes full of clutter and guides the families in tidying up their houses through her KonMari method.

At least now in Ireland, when I talk about her method of organising, I no longer get the quizzical look of 'Marie who?' Even charity shops are happy that they are getting more donations because of her mantra, 'if it no longer sparks joy, pass it on'.

It is interesting to note that the act of decluttering and organising brings about a whole host of really positive effects that are totally unrelated to material possessions.

When we decide that we have what we need, we are no longer swayed by that sale or that bargain. We can walk away from temptation. We are not bothered if the Smiths have a bigger car, a bigger house or a swimming pool. 

When we fold our clothes neatly in a visible way or put our things in boxes, we know exactly what we have and there is no fear of buying something that we already have. 

It is about putting our house in order. 

Strangely enough Marie has received letters from her clients that they have decided to give their marriage a second chance or have the guts to walk out of a bad relationship. On the surface, such decisions seem to be so far removed from just folding clothes or discarding. 

The way I see it,  the basic principles are the same.

It is all about choices and decision making. We choose to keep what sparks joy and we choose to let go what don't. We make the decision to discard stuff that we have not used for a long time or have become obsolete. Sentimental things are the hardest to let go, but it gets easier through practice.

i have so much fun organising my stuff and the best part is looking at all things arranged neatly. Not just for a day, but for the next day and the next. Because tidying is a habit and once it is formed you just cannot stand mess. An extra bonus is you know exactly where everything is kept and you make it a habit to return anything that you have taken back to its original station. 

Decluttering and organising frees up the spirit. Strange but true. 

Because everything is spick and span, there is calm and a sense of rest. 

There is a feeling of emancipation.

MAKING MOMENTS FOR MYSELF

I’ve just come across a pack of MoMe cards which I think is a brilliant idea to start the day with. 

These are actually flash cards that remind us to make the best of our world each day. It is creating a tent around ourselves and disciplining our thoughts to focus on what build us up instead of tearing us down.

I will list 6 of my favourites:

1. Be aware of what is happening right now instead of wishing it was different.

This is especially for us who have lots of plans. Plans are good and vision far better. The danger is to keep focussing on what could have been or will be and miss out on the present. It is like the child who can’t wait to grow up and the adult who wishes she is younger. We can be content if we purpose in our hearts to love our child or significant other for who he is instead of wishing that he is  someone else. We can be content if we purpose in our hearts to be satisfied with ‘enough’ and not yearn for ‘more’.

2. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

There are some people whom we can relate to easily and others whom we have nothing in common. Choosing friends and acquaintances becomes an art in itself. There are conversations and social obligations that leave us drained and others that build us up. The secret is to know how to walk away from stressful company before we suffer from burnout.

3. Have fun. Fall in love. Regret nothing, and don’t let people bring you down.

"In Memoriam A.H.H." is a poem by the British poet Alfred, Lord Tennyson. The most frequently quoted lines in the poem are perhaps

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

I must say there are many people who discourage rather than encourage. It takes great resolve not to let people discourage us as we all have feelings and most of us are easily hurt. So we need to be reminded that we are in control of how we respond to discouraging words.

4. Never feel bad for putting yourself first and doing what is right for you.

I meet some people who have no qualms about putting themselves first. They are very forward in what they say and brutally frank in what they think and do. Yet there are many of us who are always putting others above ourselves and find it hard to do what we know is right for ourselves. It sounds simplistic but I think much of this is due to upbringing, culture and religious beliefs.

5. Today will be as wonderful as you make it. Appreciate the little things.

We are governed by our thoughts and speech. Ireland is wet most times and most people complain about the incessant rain. I have a friend who told me that if there is sunshine in your soul it doesn’t matter what the weather is outside. I find this absolutely true..  If I were to let the weather bother me, I’d never be able to see the beauty of living here. I always tell myself if it rains I’ll find joy indoors. If the sun is shining (which is quite a rare thing) I’ll find joy outdoors. I enjoy capturing moments with my camera. Food is tastier when we admire the garnish and the presentation. Clouds are prettier when we see formations of castles and knights in our mind’s eye.

6. You can’t make everyone happy. You are not a bar of chocolate.

I firmly believe that I cannot please everyone. My maxim has always been to do the right thing even if it hurts myself or others. We try to please because we are afraid of losing. We don’t want to lose a friendship or a relationship. To me if we are not afraid to lose, that is when we have won. Making a stand is about the hardest thing ever.

But when a stand is made or when I stay true to what I believe in, then there is freedom. It is in losing that we find. E.E.Cummings in 100 selected poems says, “For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it's always ourselves we find in the sea.”

The words on the MoMe flash cards are not new. The only difference is that we put them in strategic places to remind ourselves so that they become personalised. The ultimate goal is of course to be able to internalise these maxims one day without having to be reminded by flashcards anymore.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 10 DECEMBER 2017 

https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/12/312882/making-moments-myself

THOSE UNATTAINABLE CRUSHES

The story of  A loves B but B loves C plagues Aunt Agony’s column. I am often tempted to think that this is a modern day heartache among teenagers but alas it is as ancient as the hills. The French call it La Douleur Exquise - the heart wrenching pain of wanting someone who is unattainable.

I used to wonder why poets would subject themselves to bouts of melancholy because of unrequited love. Sir Thomas Wyatt  (1503 - 1542) was one. He was a famous poet and ambassador at the court of Henry VIII and he was one of Anne Boleyn’s suitors but his love was unrequited. In his poem “Whoso List to Hunt”, we read about a deer (Anne) being hunted down (by Henry VII) and being out of the poet’s reach because she says “Caesar’s I am”. 

 
Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the intended. The intended may be oblivious to the admirer’s attraction, or may consciously reject it. 

Even in the comic strip, ‘Peanuts’, we see elements of unrequited love. Schroeder the pianist feels nothing for Lucy despite Lucy’s constant declarations of her love for him. Charles M. Schulz, its creator says, ‘Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.’ 

I was in Copenhagen recently and saw The Little Mermaid, a bronze statue by Edvard Eriksen. Before I went there I had re-read the fable by Hans Christian Andersen, so as to refresh my memory about the ill-fated mermaid who swam up to the surface of the sea on her 15th birthday just to have a glimpse of the human world. 

 
There was a storm and the prince was shipwrecked and the mermaid rescued him but he was not aware of who his rescuer was. She wanted to be near the prince and so exchanged her voice for a pair of legs. Only the sea witch could do that and every step she took felt like a knife cutting through her legs. The ultimate test was for the prince to marry her, otherwise in the morning after the prince had married another, she would become sea foam. 

Fast forward to the end of the story- the prince married another and the mermaid became sea foam. Some readers argue that the mermaid wanted to have a soul and she could only have that if she were to become human. 

But yet the theme about unrequited love and subsequently paying a huge sacrifice for it rings loud and clear. 

I wonder why people put themselves through situations such as this? Is it self delusion or are they being hopeful? Granted some people who carry on the waiting and hoping game do finally get their prize. These are few and far between but at what cost? 

Adele captures this hopelessness in ‘Chasing Pavements’ where she sings about flying around in circles leading nowhere when love is unrequited. 

 
It is easy for someone on the outside looking in to see how futile unrequited love is.I think most of us would have at least a friend who has been in that situation. We certainly deserve more than pining for someone who is unattainable 

After endless days of listening and advising a friend of ‘letting him go’, you see her still trying to establish links with the said party - stalking him online, texting and following him on social media. Pretty much a waste of time and energy. There’s this quote that goes, ‘I’m 99% sure that he doesn’t love me but it’s that 1% that keeps me going.’

 
Psychologists say that the way to get out of the misery is to acknowledge the injury done to yourself and the need to take care of yourself. Take comfort in the fact that many had gone through the same situation and emerged stronger. The biggest challenge is to give up the quest of chasing someone who doesn’t return your affections.

 
Only then will there be closure.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 16 OCTOBER 2016...http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/10/180594/those-unattainable-crushes

PREPARING MY JOURNEY TO THE OTHER WORLD

We had just a few good days of summer when the sun blazed and nearly everyone

was out of the house, taking advantage of the good weather. My garden was clothed in 

splendour not unlike desert vegetation once the rain falls.

Now Autumn has descended on us with its mellow fruitfulness to quote Keats. Where

did summer go? Leaves turn red and brown and birds start their migration. Coats make

 their reappearance and sun dresses go back into the recesses of the wardrobe. 

Before we know it, Winter has arrived.

I have just got a form from the church where I can plan what would be done the 

day I am on the runway to the other world. Sounds morbid but I thought that it 

is a brilliant idea - one can never be too ready for anything. As a child I was taught

never to mention the word death as it would bring bad luck. Yet, death is part of living 

and the sooner we are comfortable with it, the better prepared we are.

My favourite question on the form is: what song would you like sung at your funeral?

That’s easy. 

I think ‘Turn!Turn!Turn!’ by the Byrds would be absolutely brilliant. The music is 

catchy and the words are so appropriate…..

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn, And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die…A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal…a time to laugh, a time to weep……..

The funny thing is that there are no long periods of equilibrium. Just when you are

rejoicing over some happy event, another challenging situation rears its head. Yes, 

there is a season for everything and we change along the way. 

I was in the company of some friends who seemed to have everything.

Subconsciously we make comparisons as to why we are given a certain lot in life and 

why others seem to have it easy. So I took some time to digest the matter and came

away understanding myself better.

I like the phrase ‘Note to self’ - particularly note to my younger self. In retrospect, there 

are many things that I wished I had done or not done before. There are many worries 

that I need not have shouldered. There are many expectations that I need not have

 harboured. 

I was watching the finals of The Child Genius Competition 2016 over Channel 4 

( a British public-service television broadcaster) where children compete for the coveted 

trophy. I cringed when I saw how the mother of the champion,(who has put her career on hold as an obstetrician to focus on her daughter's education), 

fought to get the extra point for her child, even though she was probably in the right.

The Mail Online had headlines that went: Share

'Well done - you swindled your daughter to the final': Rhea's 'pushy mum' is

criticised after she got another child kicked off before daughter, 10, was

crowned winner of C4's Child Genius’

I share the same feelings as the many who took to berating the mum online such as 

‘It is a game. She is only ten years old. This is not going to define her life’.

But then again, if I had been her age with my ten year old up there on the podium 

battling for the coveted trophy, would I have acted the same?

People say that with age we grow wiser. But I think it is more of experiences that 

make us wiser and better people.

As I scroll down the most curious aforesaid form, there is this question on what

choice of a box I would like to be in - gold gilded, cedar wood or cushioned 

with taffeta silk?

My memories of Dracula movies tell me to avoid a certain shape altogether. 

And I think of trees being lumbered indiscriminately, so nothing wooden for me either. 

Since I love basketry, willow sounds like a good idea. 

This article was originally printed in the new Straits Times 2 October 2016. http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/161002nstnews/index.html#/23/

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JOB AND VOCATION

My friend asked me the other day, ‘What’s the difference between a job and a vocation?’ 

To me, a job is something that you have to do in order to survive. A job is something short term and we often hear the phrase 'dead end job' when people talk about their work. There is no long lasting fulfilment or happiness from a job. It is not uncommon for us to outgrow one job quickly and then search for the next job.

On the other hand, a vocation is a calling. We also get deep satisfaction from our vocation. There is emphasis on the person's talents and abilities in the choice of a career. Some people know what their calling is - to be in service oriented work, to be a volunteer, to be involved in religious work...the list goes on.

But for others, we discover our vocation along the way. We can start off with a job which at the end of the day might still remain as a job. However, we can also start off with a job which later becomes a vocation.

I would like to think that my vocation is touching lives. Simply put, if there is something I can do to make a difference in another person's life, then that is my calling.

I had the privilege to work among young people in lecture halls and in organisations. It started out as a job but it ended as more than a job because thousands of lives passed through my hands.

That I believe provided the ground work on which experiences were built and are continuing to expand into community, religious and voluntary work.

There are many charity bodies asking for funding and these advertisements are regularly aired over the Raidio Teilifis Eireann (RTE) and British Broadcasting Corporation. (BBC)

The organisations are so diverse- ranging from saving a donkey from a life of hard work to sponsoring a child. It is difficult to know which ones are genuine. Far too often we hear of funds being misappropriated and directors embezzling money that is not theirs. People shy away from donating because of such bad reports.

Putting our doubts aside, Michael and I decided to sponsor a child. Now that our children are grown, we feel that we can spread our love to yet another child by committing to help her escape the poverty cycle. Poverty is very real. It is like a generational curse that depletes the land and starves its inhabitants.

So when Compassion set up a stand at a conference that we attended, the time was right for us to check it out. This charity organisation has been around long before I was born and to date has helped over 1.7 million children.

Independent research conducted by Dr Bruce Wydick has shown that former Compassion sponsored
children were more likely than their unsponsored peers to stay in school for longer, have salaried or white-collar jobs and be leaders in their communities.

We were given a kit with a little 4 year old girl's details. The African child has a smallish frame but very serious looking eyes. Her country is dependent on foreign aid where hundreds die because of politics and AIDS. She comes from a land where hot, dry Harmattan winds reduce visibility during winter and periodic droughts leave many hungry.

The moment we laid eyes on the photo, we were convinced that we would see her lead a more fulfilled life till she reaches 18. It is like adopting a child that we have not met and the feeling is amazing.

By exchanging letters and photos and offering love and encouragement, I hope we will be able to affirm her worth and provide hope to Odette that will last a lifetime.

Maybe one day we might get to hold her. 

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES, MALAYSIA 10 JULY 2016
 http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/07/157465/difference-between-job-and-vocation

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/07/157465/difference-between-job-and-vocation