WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG UNINTENTIONALLY

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I think one of the worst situations to be in is to do something wrong  unintentionally and then having to own up at a later date.

I remember having just passed the driving test and I had the privilege of driving my sister’s car every now and then. There was a time when my classmate asked me to help her move some boxes from her house to another location. Like a good samaritan I agreed and borrowed my sister’s car for that purpose. So I drove to my friend’s house and as I reversed the car into the porch I heard a very unpleasant crunch. Due to poor judgement on my part, the door near the passenger seat suffered a nasty dent and my heart sank.

To cut the long story short, I drove the car to the mechanic, had the dent hammered out and the door looked so good, no one would have guessed what had happened before. What was uppermost in my mind was whether I should confess to my sister what I had done. In other words, to own up to my careless deed or to keep quiet about it. At 18, that was pretty hard to do for fear of repercussions as it was a relatively new car.

What if someone does something wrong intentionally and due to a life changing event realises his mistake?

We went to the Inishowen Peninsula in County Donegal not too long ago. Situated in the northernmost part of Ireland, its unharnessed beauty attracts many and has become a point of interest. When the cast and crew of Star Wars: Episode VIII returned to Ireland, Malin Head on the Inishowen Peninsula was handpicked to be one of the shooting sites. In fact the trademark slogan ‘May the Force be with You’ seems so appropriate especially when the wild winds there can even blow a strong man down.

But this particular peninsula is also home to a significant event.

We are talking about the life of John Newton, a foul mouthed sailor involved in the slave trade in the 18th century. During his journey back to England from Africa in 1748, he was caught in a storm.

It was here in Inishowen that his boat was repaired and his crew housed. That was a life changing moment because in the face of possible death he was given another chance to live.

So he had to look into himself and right the wrong (slave trade) that  he had  been involved in.

He gradually gave up being captain of slave ships and wrote the pamphlet ‘Thoughts Upon the Slave Trade’ whereby he described the horrific conditions of the slave ships. He later teamed up with William Wilberforce, leader of the Parliamentary campaign, to abolish the African slave trade.

To many of us who have not heard heard about John Newton, perhaps he is most remembered by a  song that he penned about mercy and atonement. Elvis Presley, Andrea Bocelli, Whitney Houston and Rod Steward have all sung  Amazing Grace.

Our actions carry personal responsibility. When we make mistakes, the gap between our questionable behaviour and our self concept widens. There is a form of mental discomfort or tension.

It is a sorry state when unscrupulous people cheat and prey on the vulnerable. How many times have we read of scams and forgery? Blatant slave trade may not exist in the present world but yet there is always some other form of slavery. Then there are others who have no qualms about making false insurance claims for example,  just so they can lay their hands on big money.

Having escaped death,  John Newton described himself as a wretch that was found and as a blind man given new sight. How good it is  to see someone turn around from a questionable past to walk the straight and narrow.

Moving on.

I did tell my sister about the dent and about the mechanic finally and I felt a great relief when she did not make any fuss about it.

                            WISHING EVERYONE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS!

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 24 DECEMBER 2017.
https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/12/317834/when-something-goes-wrong-unintentionally

HAVE I CHANGED?

I was having lunch with a friend the other day and she asked me whether I have changed. Like myself, she is non-Irish but have settled in this land for quite a number of years.

Whether or not a person changes for the better or worse in a new environment depends on a number of factors like age, self esteem, the company she keeps,  and of course how she has been brought up.

I remember being in the presence of many Asian parents who were afraid that their children might ‘change’ when they went overseas for their studies. The parents were afraid that their children would fall prey to sexual permissiveness and abandon their cultural and ethnic values as well as religious beliefs.

When I go to town, I’m often approached by groups wishing to secure support for a certain cause like gay rights or abortion on demand. There are petitions to ban this and that. We have humans in shark suits protesting the killing of sharks and others in whale suits protesting the killing of whales. There was also an incident when a group of animal rights activists freed nine lobsters by walking into a Dublin restaurant and taking them from the fish tank before returning them to the ocean.

I stand by my principles.

A principle is a general and fundamental guideline that is used in deciding conduct and choice. 

Sometimes it is not easy to do that especially when others seem to think that the principles are archaic and irrelevant to present day society. What was acceptable before is now deemed unacceptable and what was important is now deemed trivial, if you catch my drift.

First and foremost is honouring our parents and those who are generally older than us. Honouring is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honour means “to revere, prize, and value.” Honour is giving respect not only for merit but also for rank.

Dr Leonard Sax in his book ‘The Collapse of Parenting’ points out the reasons why the present day trend is for the younger set to be disrespectful. In an interview with the Associated Press, Dr Sax talked about a 10-year-old boy who was engrossed in playing a game on his mobile phone while he (the doctor) was discussing with his mom about his stomach ache. The boy said, ‘Shut up, mom, you don’t know what you’re talking about’ and laughed. The mother did nothing.

The boundaries between parent and child have become blurred. Sometimes you wonder who is the parent and who is the child because the parent strives to become a ‘friend’ and he believes that it is the child’s state of ‘happiness’ that matters most.

I see it all the time where young people are so ‘awesome’, they can do no wrong nor accept constructive criticism.

Sometime ago, I was teaching a group how to make a craft project. All the participants were very creative and came up with lovely pieces of work. There was a participant who took great pride in her work and put in a lot of effort. I looked at it and said it was good. She was mortified because she expected me to heap praises on her work and maybe set it as a benchmark for others to follow. So she defended herself loudly. ‘I think it is fabulous. Whatever you say, I think it is fantastic.’ What she didn’t realise was that I had seen excellent, good and mediocre pieces of work and hers was no where near excellence.

J.M. Barrie creator of Peter Pan wrote, “Life is a long lesson in humility.” How true.

Other principles that I hold dear are mindfulness, integrity, accountability and delivery. It is being considerate and being sensitive to others – their needs and perceptions – spoken or otherwise. It is being appreciative and true. It is being able to say ‘No’ if you are not comfortable with doing something even if the person asking you for the favour is someone you know quite well.

I’m a person of my word; I expect the same from others.

It is saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I am constantly surrounded by people who give you the run around because you can never be sure whether they mean what they say.

It is taking up a responsibility and being able to carry out the task. There are those who love to hold posts but conveniently forget that posts come with responsibilities.

So to my friend who asked me whether I have changed. 

I paused and then said, ‘ Physical measurements, yes. Principles, no.’

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 24 SEPTEMBER 2017. https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/09/283387/have-i-changed