A TALE OF TWO COUNTRIES

The waggle dance is a term used in beekeeping to describe a certain figure-eight dance of the honey bee. When a bee dances, its aim is to share information with other members of the colony about the direction and distance farther than 10 metres to floral patches where nectar and pollen are a-plenty. The dance can also convey information about water sources or new nest site locations.

So the idea of a bee sign post couldn't be more appropriate for us.

182km to Dublin. 10912km to Kuala Lumpur.

What has it been like living in two different countries for the last 10 years?

To begin with, the climate, the people and the culture are as different as night and day. And yet there are so many commonalities between the two, if we care to look deeper.

I think it is very easy to complain about any place that we live in but I choose to talk about the positive things instead. I'll list 3 for each country for a start.

MALAYSIA

1. The beauty of multi-ethnicity and multiculturalism

As Malaysians we often take for granted the nature of our society. I find that because we grow up, go to school and work  with different races, we actually reap so many benefits.

We learn to appreciate and be tolerant of differences. We learn many languages and dialects. Before we speak or act, we think about the other person. Will we border on the sensitivities of another? 

We learn to talk and we learn to listen.

We pause and take stock. We learn to live alongside each other instead of attacking one another through our prejudices. As a result our perceptions widen and we are more embracing and inclusive.

Most of the friends I have in Ireland come from mono-cultural societies. I have friends who do not understand why a Malaysian can be a Malay or a Chinese or an Indian. Nor can they understand how Muslims, Hindus, Christians or people of other religions can be great friends.

Because of the different cultures and religions, we open our houses to our friends during festive seasons. We call that 'open house' where we welcome friends to our homes and enjoy our friendship and a variety of good food peculiar to that festivity. We send greeting cards (or electronic ones)  to our friends when we know that they are celebrating the festival - like Christmas, Hari Raya (Eid), Deepavali (Diwali) etc.

 I remember as a child,  my Muslim neighbour used to give us chicken curry and ketupat (cooked rice packs) during Hari Raya (Eid)and our Hindu cleaner would give us mutton curry and putu mayam/ iddayapam (string hoppers) during Deepavali. In return, my parents would give them mandarin oranges and biscuits during Chinese New Year and of course ang pow (money packets) to their children.

2. The beauty of hospitality
I find that hospitality is in the blood of a Malaysian. We love having friends over for sure. We love to cook and to share our food. To an outsider, Malaysian cooking is complicated and time consuming. But we do not complain because it is very satisfying for  us to cook a grand meal to be shared with the people around us. We are proud of our homes and  we invite our friends to our homes. I remember my children's friends coming over every so frequent.

3. The beauty of the weather
I know most Malaysians,  including myself, do not like it when the sun is blazing for 365 days. Yes, we do not have seasons. The sun rises and sets about the same time every day of the year. Because it is warm for the most part of the day, we have a great variety of food served alfresco. Shops open for long hours and eateries are everywhere.

It takes being away from the sun to appreciate the sun. We don't have to watch out for icy roads or frost on our windscreens or frozen pipes. We don't have to wait for endless days of rain to be over. We don't have to put on so many layers and wobble like a Michelin man when we go outdoors. We don't have to watch out for orange or red warnings for storms and put up with endless umbrellas broken by the wind.

IRELAND

1. The beauty of the landscape
I love nature and animals so the Irish landscape is simply beautiful to me. There are low lying mountains and several navigable rivers.  The Wicklow mountains, Moher cliffs, Connemara, West Cork, the Wild Atlantic Way and the Burren are testimony to the varied landscape.

The lush vegetation and woodlands are great for walks. My favourite animals here are the red fox and the badger. 

On a quiet day, you can hear the farmer's tractor whirring. The image of patchwork farms dotted with Friesian cows and frisking lambs is a pure delight. The relatively small population (approx.4.7 million in the republic) means there are lots of open spaces.

I am also in awe of the standing stones and stone circles and dolmens - so many that are far more ancient than the stone henge in Salisbury. The air of mystery they unfold and the immense feeling of being so near  that I can actually touch them is beyond description.

2. The beauty of the weather
The Irish climate is  influenced by the Atlantic ocean and is thus very moderate and the winters are mild. We have 4 seasons in a year, but sometimes you can have 4 seasons in a day.

I like the different seasons because I can do different things and wear different clothes. 

Spring is when I look forward to new life and my gardening starts. Summer is when I travel. Ireland is midway between Europe and the States so it doesn't take too long to fly either way. Autumn is my favourite season because it is not too hot or cold and it is also harvest time for most of my produce. I love it when the leaves turn a beautiful shade of yellow, red and brown. And when Winter comes, I love the warmth and aroma of the turf fed fire and I literally hibernate and rest, to be well prepared for the next Spring.

I like the spirit of volunteerism here, where people really go out to help and it is not for the money. I like the politeness of the general community - a 'howya' greeting along the street in rural Ireland or an acknowledgement from the driver of another car when you let him pass.

I like attending church here because the leaders are humble and the messages down to earth and genuine.

3. The beauty of the Arts

Because of my background in studying and teaching literature, it is a joy to live in the land of literary giants - Wilde, Yeats, Joyce, Seamus Heaney, Samuel Beckett and so many more.  There is a large surviving body of Irish mythological writing and Ireland has its fair share of wordsmiths on the global pedestal and Nobel prize winners in Literature.

There is no shortage of musicals and plays and operas in Bord Gais Theatre, Dublin or more locally at the Belltable or Limetree theatre in Limerick. We go regularly for these and really enjoy the variety and quality of the programmes.

We also enjoy the fairs - whether they are small scale country fairs or large ones like The National Ploughing Festival or Bloom.

So, both Malaysia and Ireland are close to my heart.

I am blessed to be able in live in both countries.

Most importantly, I am surrounded by people who love me in both countries.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE OVER

As this season is officially the staying at home season, we stayed at home dutifully. No more running around, no more escapes to warmer climes. So day and night I tended to my garden. I sowed the seeds into plugs and put them in a vitopod heated propagator on February 26. There was great growth and I pricked them out, moving the stronger ones to trays. And then I watered and watched. If fact I watered, and watered and watered just because I was around. The inevitable happened. To my horror, some of them  gave up the ghost.

What had just happened?

In the past when we could go for short trips now and then, the plants were healthy and strong. There was space and time for them to grow, to be liberated. It was as if, knowing that the gardener was away, they rose in unison and clapped their hands, stretched out their roots to available water sources and reached for the sunlight.

So over caring had been disastrous. And you would think that there would be no harm in being overly concerned, after all it is in a gardener's nature.

When I think about the word 'over' I can find more words and phrases that have negative connotations rather than the positive: overeat, overweight, overdo, overdrive, over-the-top, overkill, overzealous, overdone, over-the-hill, it's all over, bending over backwards, fork something over...

So I purposefully search for words that bring about positive notes instead. Not an easy task though. I chose 4.

1. Overwhelmed
2. Over the moon
3. Over and above
4. Starting over with a clean slate

OVERWHELMED

I am always overwhelmed by the kindness of others. A family member or a good friend who would go  the extra mile just to bring some cheer into my life. I can always remember the time when I was in Primary School and had just recovered from fever.  In those days, public transport was not a reliable thing so my mother walked about a mile to the school just to make sure that I had some nourishing soup during recess time. And more recently, just when the Restricted Movement Order started in Malaysia, a friend asked whether she could do some food shopping for my son as he had not stocked up the fridge? And the random visit from a friend who would just ring the doorbell and say 'hey, I baked a cake for you?'

OVER THE MOON

Sometimes an old story is still very refreshing. I don't know how many times I have regaled the tale (to interested individuals, and only when asked)  of how Mike and myself reconnected after more than 30 years apart. Each time I tell it, it is as exciting as the first time we reconnected in 2008. I am still as pleased as punch and grinning from ear to ear.

OVER AND ABOVE

It is nothing like doing something to the best of your ability. I like the phrase over and above especially when I make something for someone. Because she/he is in my thoughts before, during and after  I have made a craft or baked something. There is so much pleasure in giving. The sparkle in the recipient's eye says everything.

It's also nice when there is an understanding that those living under the same roof should help each other. Whether or not they are working out of home.  Sesame street will call it COOPERATION. Over and above. The floor needs to be swept and cleaned. Pots and pans need to be washed. Clothes need to be hung out to dry and folded or ironed. The grass needs to be cut.  And it is not someone's job. It is everyone's responsibility.

STARTING OVER WITH A CLEAN SLATE

Now this is very difficult. But doable.

It takes great resolve to forgive someone else or to forgive yourself and start all over again. Some studies state that most people hold on to  bad memories more than good ones. Other researchers suggest it could be that good memories persist longer than bad, thus helping us to be more resilient.

Whichever theory, I want to remember more of happy memories. So what I do is to write down short notes about good, significant moments and stick them to a magnetic wall along the staircase. (for those who are interested: you'll need 4 coats of magnetic chalk paint for the wall). In that way, every time I feel sad, I just have to look at all the happy memories and my spirit is lifted again. 

Life is about living today. You can't go back to what things were. How you perceived they were. All you really have is now. 

Like Merida in Brave, I will take hold of my dream. I will ride, I will fly. I will chase the wind and touch the sky.