TICKING OFF THE YEAR'S LIST OF REGRETS

Before the year runs out, I need to tidy the garden and let it rest. This is literally putting the garden ‘to bed’ as a thorough clean up means a healthy and vital garden next spring. The declining light and dropping temperatures inhibit plant growth and once most of the crops are harvested, a layer of mulch or compost is added before the beds are covered.

It feels so strange that 2014 is drawing to a close as it feels like only yesterday when we were making resolutions as we ushered the year in. I am awash in a spirit of sentimentality as I reflect on the events that left me happy, sad, shocked or amused.

Churches in Malaysia usually have  a watch night service on 31 December where we share about the blessings that we have received throughout the year or the trials that we have undergone and overcome. I remember never missing one. Even when the children were young, we would go armed with pillows and comforters, until the clock struck 12 and the countdown to another year began.

With the new year just around the corner, it is a time of reflection.

What have I done? What have I not done? What should I have done? How could I have avoided that mistake made? How could I have prevented that relationship fallout?

It is that moment in time where I step back and honestly say ‘Did I contribute to that situation? Was I party to the crime?’

In any difficult situation, we always feel that we have been wronged against. In a group meeting which I facilitated on pride and humility, each of us had a checklist. All of us ticked yes to the many times we felt that someone owed us an apology or a word of thanks. We ticked yes to the times when we felt that we were not given due recognition or the times when we thought we deserved more.

While there are many who appreciate us, there are people who rub us the wrong way and bring out the worst in us. Ignorance and fear of the unfamiliar gives rise to prejudice and judgement.

Recently I was invited to a baby shower and that was both a challenge and an eye opener. We are used to the culture and people that we grow up with but we really do not know what to expect when we are in another community or in the midst of others from a different nationality. I find it strange to feel that way especially when I have lived in a multicultural society all my life. Yet whatever is new can be rather scary.

So I went with an open mind and an open heart.

I have not seen so much food served and how relaxed, hospitable and amiable everyone was. When we are among friends, beneath a different skin colour is a heart of warmth and generosity. I felt I was back in Malaysia among Malaysians.

Nicholas Copernicus (1473 –1543) believed that the earth moves round the sun and not the other way round as his contemporaries did. He believed that the centre of the earth is not the centre of the universe. His beliefs did not go down well with the society of his day and drew the ire of religious bodies and the like.

Likewise, if we remove ourselves from the elevated position of being in the centre of everything, it helps us to understand others better and have a ‘bigger’ heart and mind. We will not be overly sensitive and think that everyone else is talking bad about us and wanting to hurt us. We will learn how to step out of our comfort zone and embrace another culture, another person, another perspective.

Mark Twain said, "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

Life is not all about me. It is about what matters most.

Roll on 2015.

This article was originally published by New Straits Times. You can  read the original article here .:http://www.nst.com.my/node/66609

The Spirit of Caring

I never imagined myself saying this but my recent visit to Nenagh General Hospital in County Tipperary was a pleasant one. I do not think anyone fancies going to a hospital unless she really has to. Other than the happy occasion of welcoming a new born baby, most of us associate hospitals with emergency cases, blood and all its gore.

This time round I went for a routine colonscopy on a Wednesday morning and the anxiety drama started on the Monday prior to that because I had to go on a soft diet followed by a liquid fast. Then on Tuesday I had to drink two litres of Moviprep and one litre of water. It wasn’t exactly the most fantastic drink but the flavour had improved greatly since the last time I took it.

When the day came, I was surrounded by lovely and very friendly hospital staff – right from the admissions desk to the day ward. Nurses like Peggy, Helena and Dierdre and Aine fussed around me and made me forget what I was in there for.

That is what I call the human touch.

What a difference good bedside manners make. You are surrounded by total strangers and yet they treat you so well, as if they have known you for some time or you are the next-of-kin.

There were a number of elderly patients around me and I observed that the staff spoke very nicely to them and cared for them with great respect. Although respecting the elderly is a golden rule, to actually see younger people putting that to practice is something else.

A far cry from what I used to experience in hospitals before.

I had nurses shouting at me in both private and public hospitals.

When I was at a private hospital delivering my first born, a nurse made snide and uncouth remarks when I was writhing with labour pains. Because it was so traumatic, I can still hear those remarks even though my daughter is well in her adulthood.

Then on another occasion, the daughter was sick with croup and had to be hospitalised in a public hospital known for its state-of-the-art facilities for a week. She was four at that time. As I could not take time off from my lectures, I had to sit by her bedside and prepare my lessons while she slept only to be sarcastically told off by a nurse that the children’s ward is not a market where I could bring in my ‘wares’ and do my work there.

Often times we blame it on the environment, on the lack of staff or on staff being overworked. I guess when we want to find something to blame, there is always something to blame.

Dealing with humans is a calling. There are those in people-related professions, medical or otherwise, who should not have been there in the first place. We also hear of awful stories of carers who abuse their senior patients who are not in the position to fend for themselves. In the absence of the closed circuit television which can reveal the horrors of abuse, I wonder how many patients are silently suffering for fear of retribution?

So back to my experience at the Nenagh General Hospital day ward. When I finally woke up after the procedure, there was no lack of attention either. I was given a can of seven-up, followed by a pot of hot piping tea and two slices of toast with butter and marmalade. (Just like Paddington bear, marmalade is my favourite jam)

I felt like it was home away from home.

                          A blessed Christmas to one and all

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/node/62289