On the Kindness of Strangers....

When temperatures are dropping and it is freezing cold, who do you call? The fuel man of course …. the one who delivers oil, coal, wood and turf …or practically anything that burns to give heat and forgive the pun but burning a hole in the pocket as well.

So I have strangers traipsing in and out of my house and making a mess especially if it is a ‘soft’ day. (typical Irish weather: Cloudy with soft mist or drizzle)  Muddy shoes are a bane of my existence so the clever thing to do is to arrange for them to come on the day when I clean the house. I can never get used to the idea of people walking into my house with shoes on.

While waiting for the oil tank to fill, we made small talk.

Small talk is made all the more interesting when the person is from another country and another culture. So a barrage of questions would follow: Why are you here? How long have you been here? Can you stand the cold? Do you miss home? How often do you go home? Do you have friends?

I then suddenly find myself an ambassador of my culture and country by default. Whatever I say opens up a new world and a new perspective because quite a number of them have not discovered all the 32 counties in Ireland, let alone the Far East.

Then the question that takes the prize is, ‘Now what is that?’

‘That’, would refer to a small creature scurrying in a huge cage, the chinchilla of course. Apparently many people here have never seen such a creature and couldn’t quite make out whether it is a rabbit or a guinea pig.

So out came the facts and the trivia of Peru (which is the native country of the chinchilla ) and the evils of the fur trade and that angry animal lovers once splashed red paint on windows and signs at Capilano Furs, Speiser Furs, Snowflake Canada and Pappas Furs? Such is the beauty of random knowledge, a result of surfing the internet when I have nothing else to do.

The next thing I knew, one of the workers asked me whether he could bring his little girl to have a look at that very exotic animal.

Generally, the friendliness of perfect strangers makes everyone feel at ease.

Initially I found it very strange that everyone would be saluting everyone else they meet while driving. I wondered how they knew every random person on the road.  Now I do the same. I have learnt that when I am driving on narrow country roads, and the other driver pulls in spots to give way, I would then lift the right hand or the index finger above the steering wheel in polite recognition.

Then on another occasion, the road where I live was blocked because the workers were installing water meters. I had to choose that day to shop for groceries and I had three bags full of them in my car boot.

So with big soft eyes like those of Puss in Boots’ in Shrek, I asked one of the workmen whether he could remove the barrier so I could drive down and park? The kind soul could not say ‘No’ to those eyes.

With the wintry winds settling in, I feel sorry for the senior citizens who stand in the cold outside the post office waiting to collect their pension, so I sometimes invite them in for some warmth. I cannot imagine my mother or father having to stand in the cold waiting for the post office door to open.

Just the other day, while walking the dog, the husband spotted a man living in a makeshift tent in the winter cold. I suggested to him that the next time he sees the man, do ask him to come by our house for a cup of hot piping tea.

Who knows one day I might turn our home into a soup kitchen or something.

This article was originally published by New Straits Times 25 January 2015.

LIVE FOR YOURSELF, NOT OTHERS

I was reading some inspirational material the other day and came away absolutely convinced that we owe it to ourselves to make the decision to live. Not just any kind of living but to live loved, to live focussed and to live beyond borders in 2015.

There are many non-government organisations here that give hope and direction to the community. In a very small way, I’m involved with ADAPT house which runs the largest refuge centre providing emergency accommodation for women and children who have to leave their homes because of domestic abuse. .  One in five women experiences domestic abuse in Ireland but it is the most under reported crime here.

Domestic abuse is not only physical abuse but it can be emotional, verbal, sexual or financial abuse. Physical abuse may be backed up by medical reports but other types of abuse unfortunately are difficult to categorise or to prove ‘logically’ and ‘systematically’. The victims themselves may not even be aware that they have been subjected to such abuse and may have erroneously believe that it is part of living.

There are some things that we hold sacrosanct. But against the best of intentions, what is perfect can become imperfect and what is hoped for can disappoint. It is then time to be brave enough to step back and recognise the lone struggling at odds and the desperation of the plight. There are many marriages that have passed their sell-by date and yet married people remain living in the same family home as strangers for reasons best known to themselves.

In any circumstance, country or culture, it is not uncommon that we find ourselves breathing but not living. It sounds strange but if we look around us examples abound. If we are honest with ourselves, we are victims too.

To live with an idea of where we are heading to is like a captain in control of her ship. Unless we know what we want and work towards achieving that, the ship will be tossed about by the waves and plans keep changing.

What is it that drives us? Have we forgotten the dreams that we had oh, so many years ago? Have we made so many compromises along the way for the common good that we have gone off-tangent for far too long?

I have befriended so many people who had dreams once. Dreams to succeed, dreams to do something significant, dreams to be somebody. The same people who would have liked to walk on the moon sometime in their lives now feel inadequate, insecure, and feel that life out there is for others, not for themselves. The same people who were attractive, clever and ambitious once, are now dowdy and have allowed others and even their own children to trample all over them
.

To live beyond borders is to believe in yourself and to enjoy what is new, what is good and what is different. It is to break away from what is routine and what is comfortable and to take on a task that you have always feared you were neither good nor clever enough for. It could be a skill that you want to learn or a hobby that you have always wanted to take up but was afraid to do so because of the fear of failure.

I cannot say enough about the feeling of satisfaction and achievement when I have done something that I was afraid to do. It reminds me that I am made of more. I also cannot say enough about the humility of knowing that I have tried to do some things and yet have not achieved what I had intended. It reminds me that I’m human.

It is the beginning of a new year and a very good time to make decisions and to take the bull by its horns. Whatever has been nagging, deal with it. Whatever has been hurting, resolve it and whatever has been uplifting embrace it and move forward.

It is time to decide that we want to live loved, to live focussed and to live beyond borders.

Life is too short to be wasted on regrets


This article was originally published by New Straits Times. You can read the original article here - http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/150111nstnews/index.html#/19/