Stepping Into Retirement Zone

If there is anything more lovely, it would be to see two dancers doing the tango. Tango scenes with "Por una Cabeza" appear in movies like The Scent of a Woman, True Lies, Frida and Schindler’s List. When done professionally, the dance is seamless, the movements effortless. The difference between amateurs and professionals is practice, practice, practice.

Just like retirement.

To live retirement the way it is intended is to learn to dance through the sunshine and the rain. There’s a sign in a coffee shop in Chicago which reads ‘As you wander through life brother, whatever be your goal. Keep your eye upon the doughnut and not upon the hole.’

And this requires lots of practice.

The beginning of a year is about the best time to focus on how we would like the rest of the year to be. Just as many are entering the workforce for the first time, a great number are also leaving it. I am surrounded by friends who are retiring and rumours of others retiring.

Retirement can be a very frightening phenomenon for some. It is stepping into a completely different zone where you are not defined by your work or your achievements. I know of some who feel completely lost and fall into a state of depression because they are no longer surrounded by the familiar. Slowly but surely, they let themselves go – their  physical appearance, their mental development and their social networking.

If gaining perfection in dancing means practice, feeling empowered during retirement means attitude change,

Most of us had a number of ambitions when we were younger, but finally settled for one profession.  I was no different. I wanted to go to art school. I also wanted to become a journalist. But most of all I wanted to be a full time home maker. Along the way, I became a lecturer and loved what I did.

Now that I have retired, I find myself enrolling in art classes, writing for the papers and magazines and enjoying the life of a full time home maker. It’s strange how I have come full circle and am loving every bit of it because it is learning everything all over again without the stress and the worry.

I was reading a letter in the Aunt Agony column in a local paper where a retired person sought advice for a more meaningful life. I was surprised that Aunt Agony advised her to mind her grandchildren full time so she could feel ‘useful’ again. Nothing wrong with baby-sitting now and again but how sad when having gone through the toil of bringing up her own children, according to Aunt Agony, that seemed to be the only possible avenue for her to seek happiness! Surely, she had a right to develop her new-found identity and enjoy the spoils of her labour.

One of the greatest challenges facing the retired person is the fear of stepping out. When a student leaves school, there is a fear of stepping out to a new world, be it tertiary education or the working world. But what gives her a sense of stability is the guarantee that there will be new people in college or the workplace that she can be friends with.

The person who retires from the office leaves behind her colleagues or friends and unless she has some form of a social life, she has to muster all her energy to break into new groups. There is a great number of senior citizens where I live and there are many ladies who have outlived their husbands. So springs a great variety clubs and organisations and charitable bodies where they can get involved in.

A merry heart is good medicine. When we listen, there are many things that can make us smile. 

One of my friends once lamented that the hedgehogs did not go to her garden anymore to which another lady cheekily suggested that she should make a little door with a sign post ‘Hedgehogs Welcome’. In another instance, I asked a lady whether she was on-line because I wanted to email her some photos. She said, ‘No dear, I’m not online. I’m off-line and most times I’m out of line and hanging on a line.’

I systematically spring clean. By now most of my office-related materials have gone to the recycling bin.The only tangible reminder of the days when I used to go to office is my planner. I may have retired but my planner is still choc-full of appealing activities and I’m learning something new every day.

So, although the spring and summer years are gone, I regret nothing nor hanker after what is lost and what could have been. Instead I keep my eye on the beauty of autumn and winter and learn to dance amidst the falling leaves and icy snowflakes.

In short, I keep my eye upon the doughnut and not upon the hole.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES  22/3/2015 :

http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/150322nstnews/index.html#/21/

Like Frogs We Can't Skip Our Past

My friend bought a house with a pond but decided that she did not want the pond. So she had it transformed into something else, not realising that she was about to face another problem.

The pond was once home to a bunch of happy frogs. Even after the pond was drained, to her horror, she discovered a mass of dead tadpoles lying there.

Apparently, frogs go back to the pond where they were born to spawn. It is probably that they use magnetoreception to locate the general position of their home ground.

At some point or another we are also interested in our roots.

In Ireland ancestry tracing is big time. We have television programmes like ‘Who do you think you are?’ Every week, a popular personality traces his roots. This journey through generations of ordinary lives reveals extraordinary stories. 

Since I was back in Malaysia recently, I went back to my hometown which had become almost unrecognizable. The roads that I once cycled on had become very busy one-way streets as cars zoomed noisily on them. The schools that I went to all looked so different. There used to be a rubber estate next to my primary school and in our school uniforms, we would excitedly look for birds’ nests and such during recess time. There was also a stream where we could wash our palettes and brushes after art class. A housing estate now stands in its place and the school is fenced in with barb wire.

Tengku Mariam Primary School

Temenggong Ibrahim Girls' School (secondary)

Batu Pahat High School (Form 6 )

I miss the old.

As it was the school break, there was no one around. So I sneaked into a classroom and sat on a small wooden chair and relived the moments of my primary school days.

I could actually hear the ‘ghost of teacher-past’ telling me about Amsterdam and cheese and clogs. Geography was one of my favourite subjects and that planted the ‘I must see the world’ seed in me. If only I could tell the teacher that I have visited Amsterdam, tasted the cheese and worn the clogs.

I used to be very afraid of entering the school toilet because of all the ghost stories associated with it. So I purposely made a trip into one, to confront my fears.

Next was a visit to my favourite haunts. Somehow everything was magnified through the eyes of a child. The hawker stalls seemed more varied then and the food I thought was the food of gods, failed to convince. However, visiting the houses that I once lived in and the town park where my father brought me in a trishaw to play, brought back irreplaceable memories and pride.

I could not trace my ancestral line beyond my parents. Although I have no affinity towards any living relations, it would be rather interesting to see the village in China where my father had lived as a child.

As I savoured the local coffee served in a porcelain cup and saucer (complete with a small porcelain spoon to stir the coffee) I felt that taking a trip down memory lane is a trip of affirmation. It affirms my perception of life – the familiar and the unfamiliar. The town of one’s childhood has a lot of say about who we are and what we have become. In fact, many great people have come from my town – the respectable and the bohemian.

It is a lovely thing to go back to where we were born.

So why should I be surprised if frogs go back to the same place to spawn?

The last I heard of it, my friend has decided to reopen the pond for the frogs.

If you can’t beat them, join them.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS  15 March 2015 TIMES http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/150315nstnews/index.html#/19/