MINDING WHAT IS NOT YOURS

                        

                        I believe that many of us have lent someone something that belongs to us, a book for example,  

                        and when it is returned to us (if it ever gets returned at all) it is not quite in the same

                        original pristine condition.            
                        I remember there was a time when text books were passed 
                        down from one sibling to another. 

                       We took great care of them because we knew someone else would be using them. 

                       My sister was in primary six when my cousin who was in primary five wanted to borrow 

                        her textbooks for the following  academic year. 

                       Because I was in primary four and had no need of the books yet, my mother decided 

                       that my cousin could use the textbooks. However, when the cousin finally returned 

                       the books to us, we were aghast that most of the pages were scribbled all over

                       and had dog ears. There was also a strange musty smell reeking from the pages. 

                       

                       We agreed never to lend any more textbooks to that particular cousin. 

                       

                       Well, I have just experienced this again.

                       This time it is not a textbook but one of my favourite craft books and it certainly is not

                        cheap. To say that my heart bled when my book came back bedraggled and beyond

                        recognition is indeed an understatement. I never expected that from an adult.

                        

                       It baffles me why people fail to mind what is not theirs. It is to know how to appreciate,

                       to recognize and to take care of what belongs to others. It is an example of good stewardship 

                       over things that are put in our custody. That is integrity and respect. 

                       People are careless about things that belong to others when they are not taught accountability.

                       It is never too late to learn that there are negative consequences for negative actions. Imagine 

                       if a child breaks something that does not belong to them and the parent pays for the damage. 

                      I would not be surprised if the child grows into an adult who always looks for a 

                      get- out- of- jail- free card. 

                                    

                      Teach the child to treat the things that belong to others exactly as they would like their things 

                      to be treated. Requiring the child to pay for any items damaged due to lack of respect will teach 

                      him to think twice about not respecting another person's things. Unfortunately with families getting

                      more financially affluent and parents having fewer kids by  choice, getting children to face and pay 

                     for their misdeeds might seem quite barbaric indeed. 

                             

                      And it is not only the lack of consideration for things alone that irks me.

                       If I may stretch the concept further, the same scene confronts us daily when we see how people 

                      will keep their own homes spotless and yet litter parks, playgrounds and roads.  

                      Most public amenities are a sorry sight especially toilets. We see people walking their dogs without

                      picking up after them and others getting drunk at night and littering the sidewalks with empty

                      beer bottles. The golden rule is to leave everything a bit better than when you found it. 

                      I once had an apartment that was rented out to a student. When he finally vacated the building, 

                      I found the marble furniture broken. In addition, the wardrobe had missing hinges, the bedclothes 

                      and  walls were scribbled all over with permanent ink and the place was immensely filthy. 

                      And all this happened within six months. After all the repairs, I decided to sell the apartment to 

                      avoid further heartache.  

       

                      How many times have we also felt our space and peace being invaded?

                      We hear bawling children in restaurants just when we want to have a decent meal. We have to put

                      up with loud voices and unruly children in places of worship. We have to suffer the kicking of feet 

                     against our seats  in the cinema or on the plane.  We have to bear with the loud conversations 

                     over someone else’s mobile phone when we use public transport. We have to entertain visitors
                     who come with their boisterous brood who make it their business to tear down the house with  

                     their rambunctious acts and all their parents do is to smile proudly at their angelic children 

                     and blame it all on the disease called hyperactivity. 

                     So back to my book which is in a sorry state.  

                     If I pointed it out to her, she might go all apologetic and make me feel bad for bringing it up in the 

                     first place. Or she might not speak to me again, the way things go with overly 

                     sensitive people and then I would lose a friend who can be rather nice in other areas. 

                     There is no win-win situation but one thing I am very sure of is:

                      I will not lend her any more books in future.

                       THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES       19/4/2015 
                          http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/150419nstnews/index.html#/23/

       

The Joy of Travelling Comes in Many Forms

There was one evening when we had nothing to do (which seems to be getting more frequent these days) that we went on the balcony and did some plane spotting. There was a perfectly clear sky and the number of planes that were criss crossing the airspace was amazing. We could track where the planes were flying from and where they were going with the mobile phone. It was indeed a very pleasurable activity.

Ah…the joy of travelling.

‘Which city would you like to visit?’ would be one of my ice breakers when facilitating a group discussion.

Paris, Rome, London…usually far away places and hardly any mention of a city in the same country that they live in.

So we get a job that takes us places or we work hard, save and with that little bit of extra on the side we travel. Family money or old money is handy and I could do with plenty of that but nothing gives me greater pleasure than to enjoy one’s success or the fruit of one’s labour.

Travelling is a strange thing. There are some who choose to travel and have little savings. There are others who have money but will not travel.

The daughter did a voluntary teaching stint in Poland last summer, after which she travelled on Eurail pass to five different cities in Europe before returning to home base. As for lodging, she couch surfed. Now that is one way to see the world.

Couch surfing is something novel to me but is apparently the rage these days. As of summer 2011, there are nearly 2.9 million couch surfing members in 246 countries and more than 80,000 cities on all seven continents (yes, there is even a woman at McMurdo research station in Antarctica). The median age is people in their twenties—though there are more than 610,000 in their thirties, 21,500 in their sixties, and more than 520 octogenarians. As with all types of travelling, there are the usual security measures to take. 

I have long given up on itinerary-driven tours that span over a few countries. I prefer relaxed trips with time to visit the places that I want to see and breathe at the same time. The same goes for ‘rent-a-car’ travelling. Why get stressed over new routes, driving on a different side of the road when it is usually more convenient to take public transport?

I find that when we are busy pushing new frontiers, making friends, enjoying new food and most of all giving our bodies and minds a good and needed rest, we are rejuvenated. I love the challenge of browsing through city maps, making mistakes, getting lost, seeking help and finding my bearings again. There is a certain level of achievement and satisfaction that beats a level attained in Candy Crush.

Just when I have settled down to some routine, the mind gets busy and the feet get restless and it is time to pack those bags again.

When one of my friends wanted to visit me the other day, she asked whether I was at home, I said ‘yes’.

So another friend quipped, ‘When are you ever at home?’

My answer was ‘once in a blue moon’ and the last time I checked the moon was quite blue, by my standards anyway.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES  5/4/2015 :http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/150405nstnews/index.html#/25/