SAVING THE BEST FOR GUESTS

My mother had this set of dainty blue glass plates with fluted edges. They were very pretty to look at, and it was just that, to look at from afar as they sat in the glass cupboard, reserved for the guest.

And it is not only in my parents’ generation.

I find myself using an eclectic array of mismatched plates and cups while the Newbridge silver cutlery and Nicolas Mosse ceramic ware sit grandly in the cupboard, waiting for the occasion.

I can safely say that in almost every household, there are at least two sets of items - one for daily use and another set aside for the guest. It does not take much to guess that the bone china tableware or fine linen or even the box of chocolates with exquisite fillings is set aside for the guest.

I prefer to think that the reason behind this age-old practice lies in the importance of hospitality (we want to give our guests the best that we have ) rather than to impress.

But then again we have different types of guests.

There is the guest who can immediately recognise Orla Kiely’s stem design on a mug. She will say, ‘I love this design and coffee certainly tastes better from this mug’.  That statement alone makes it all the more worthwhile for the hostess to have bought and set aside the mug for her.

There is also the guest who does not differentiate between a Royal Doulton plate or one bought from the two euro shop, as long as what is being served on the plate tastes good. But that doesn’t deter the hostess from keeping aside special crockery for her guest either.

Over the years, we had invited many friends over for lunch, tea and dinner. During such times the Venetian lace table cloth made an appearance.  The table was adorned with a centre piece of flowers and candles, artfully arranged. Even the water in the jug had slices of floating lemon.

The reverse is true too.

When we get invited to our friends’ houses, there would be a fine display of tableware and food. One husband even commented, ‘You must come more often. Then only will she (the wife) make my favourite apple crumble.’

That got me thinking.

Do we treat our guests better than ourselves? When will we ever get to use those nice plates, towels and such?

Maybe now that we have toiled and laboured over so many dinner parties, we can sit down and treat ourselves as guests. Likewise, having purchased and wrapped so many beautiful presents, we can start buying ourselves items good enough to be gift wrapped and given away.

Just the other day I meandered down the crockery aisle in a shop around the corner. I saw a lovely porcelain mug with farm animals on it and it came in a box. So I took the box and the mug to the cashier.

She asked, ‘Is it a gift for someone else?’

I looked at her and said, ‘No, I am going to drink from the mug all by myself.’

Then there was another day when I fell in love with a Karen Millen dress. When I took it to the counter, the cashier trying to make small talk, asked.

‘Is this for a special occasion?’

I looked at her and said, ‘No occasion. I’m buying this because I’m living life.’

The expression of shock on the faces of both the cashiers told me that they hadn’t heard those lines before.

This article was originally published in the NEW STRAITS TIMES 22 NOVEMBER 2015 http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151122nstnews/index.html#/23/

CREATING PATTERNS OF THOUGHT, SOLVING PROBLEMS

I was watching a starling murmuration over the River Shannon and believe me, it was a spectacular sight to behold. Thousands of starlings flocking in unison and creating patterns in the sky beats any air show that I have seen.

The uncanny coordination of these murmurations remains a mystery. You will need the wisdom of Solomon to understand how these birds, separated by hundreds of feet, synchronise their movements with such precision and dexterity.  

I can see parallels between a murmuration and the way we can choose to think.  A murmuration is a conscious act. It is a pattern by design.

We too can be in control of our thoughts and create our own design patterns through divergent thinking, and embracing learning possibilities and alternative perceptions.

Rudy A. Magnant in his book  ‘Discover Design Pattern Thinking: Applying New Design Techniques to Improve our Mental Operacy’  talks about divergent versus convergent thinking

Divergent thinking is the process of creating many unique solutions in order to solve a problem while convergent thinking is systematic and logical.  For example if a person moves to another town or country, and does not yet have friends, the tendency is to  keep to herself  and stay close to her old acquaintances. There is a typical passivity and a lack of cultural mingling and she prefers to stick to the same old, same old. But if she decides to make good friends against all odds, then she has taken the first step of divergent thinking.

Albert Einstein cleverly said that when a human being makes his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, that is a kind or political delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison that restricts the person to his personal desires and to feel affection for a few people dearest to him.  His task must be to free himself by widening his circle of compassion to enhance all living creatures and the whole of nature in its bounty.

Embracing learning possibilities is the ability to think and make sense of the world in which we live. This requires an active mind that should be constantly searching for knowledge. If we purpose to open the mind to endless possibilities, then only can we see our own shortcomings and be willing to change.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing and Mark Twain said we should never argue with a fool, as onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. I have often found myself  the company of people (by necessity rather than by choice) who talk much about nothing.

Alternative perceptions help us become more proactive instead of reactive in responding to life’s challenges.

It is not unusual that two people listening to the same message may interpret it differently. This is because of our mental, psychological and cultural filters. We all have filters that stem from insecurity, fear, pride, desires or expectations. When a filter becomes negatively over-powering, it becomes a barrier and we then interpret what we hear according to what we think we hear.

I like solving puzzles and one of them is optical illusions. They tell us about our visual perception and its limitations. Optical illusions are often described as visual images that differ from reality – we perceive something differently than it actually exists, so that what we see does not correspond to physical reality. There is one classic picture of a beautiful lady or an evil looking old woman, depending on how we wish to perceive it.

When we interact with others, instead of reacting to perceived or actual unpleasantries, we can choose to be proactive instead. Whether the hurtful actions or words have any impact on us depends on how we respond to them.

For starlings, birds of prey will certainly find it difficult to break up a flock that is flying harmoniously together. Likewise, we can create our own design patterns for our thoughts and not allow predators to ruin our day.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES, MALAYSIA - 8 NOVEMBER 2015. - http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151108nstnews/index.html#/23/