WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG UNINTENTIONALLY

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I think one of the worst situations to be in is to do something wrong  unintentionally and then having to own up at a later date.

I remember having just passed the driving test and I had the privilege of driving my sister’s car every now and then. There was a time when my classmate asked me to help her move some boxes from her house to another location. Like a good samaritan I agreed and borrowed my sister’s car for that purpose. So I drove to my friend’s house and as I reversed the car into the porch I heard a very unpleasant crunch. Due to poor judgement on my part, the door near the passenger seat suffered a nasty dent and my heart sank.

To cut the long story short, I drove the car to the mechanic, had the dent hammered out and the door looked so good, no one would have guessed what had happened before. What was uppermost in my mind was whether I should confess to my sister what I had done. In other words, to own up to my careless deed or to keep quiet about it. At 18, that was pretty hard to do for fear of repercussions as it was a relatively new car.

What if someone does something wrong intentionally and due to a life changing event realises his mistake?

We went to the Inishowen Peninsula in County Donegal not too long ago. Situated in the northernmost part of Ireland, its unharnessed beauty attracts many and has become a point of interest. When the cast and crew of Star Wars: Episode VIII returned to Ireland, Malin Head on the Inishowen Peninsula was handpicked to be one of the shooting sites. In fact the trademark slogan ‘May the Force be with You’ seems so appropriate especially when the wild winds there can even blow a strong man down.

But this particular peninsula is also home to a significant event.

We are talking about the life of John Newton, a foul mouthed sailor involved in the slave trade in the 18th century. During his journey back to England from Africa in 1748, he was caught in a storm.

It was here in Inishowen that his boat was repaired and his crew housed. That was a life changing moment because in the face of possible death he was given another chance to live.

So he had to look into himself and right the wrong (slave trade) that  he had  been involved in.

He gradually gave up being captain of slave ships and wrote the pamphlet ‘Thoughts Upon the Slave Trade’ whereby he described the horrific conditions of the slave ships. He later teamed up with William Wilberforce, leader of the Parliamentary campaign, to abolish the African slave trade.

To many of us who have not heard heard about John Newton, perhaps he is most remembered by a  song that he penned about mercy and atonement. Elvis Presley, Andrea Bocelli, Whitney Houston and Rod Steward have all sung  Amazing Grace.

Our actions carry personal responsibility. When we make mistakes, the gap between our questionable behaviour and our self concept widens. There is a form of mental discomfort or tension.

It is a sorry state when unscrupulous people cheat and prey on the vulnerable. How many times have we read of scams and forgery? Blatant slave trade may not exist in the present world but yet there is always some other form of slavery. Then there are others who have no qualms about making false insurance claims for example,  just so they can lay their hands on big money.

Having escaped death,  John Newton described himself as a wretch that was found and as a blind man given new sight. How good it is  to see someone turn around from a questionable past to walk the straight and narrow.

Moving on.

I did tell my sister about the dent and about the mechanic finally and I felt a great relief when she did not make any fuss about it.

                            WISHING EVERYONE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS!

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 24 DECEMBER 2017.
https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/12/317834/when-something-goes-wrong-unintentionally

MAKING MOMENTS FOR MYSELF

I’ve just come across a pack of MoMe cards which I think is a brilliant idea to start the day with. 

These are actually flash cards that remind us to make the best of our world each day. It is creating a tent around ourselves and disciplining our thoughts to focus on what build us up instead of tearing us down.

I will list 6 of my favourites:

1. Be aware of what is happening right now instead of wishing it was different.

This is especially for us who have lots of plans. Plans are good and vision far better. The danger is to keep focussing on what could have been or will be and miss out on the present. It is like the child who can’t wait to grow up and the adult who wishes she is younger. We can be content if we purpose in our hearts to love our child or significant other for who he is instead of wishing that he is  someone else. We can be content if we purpose in our hearts to be satisfied with ‘enough’ and not yearn for ‘more’.

2. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

There are some people whom we can relate to easily and others whom we have nothing in common. Choosing friends and acquaintances becomes an art in itself. There are conversations and social obligations that leave us drained and others that build us up. The secret is to know how to walk away from stressful company before we suffer from burnout.

3. Have fun. Fall in love. Regret nothing, and don’t let people bring you down.

"In Memoriam A.H.H." is a poem by the British poet Alfred, Lord Tennyson. The most frequently quoted lines in the poem are perhaps

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

I must say there are many people who discourage rather than encourage. It takes great resolve not to let people discourage us as we all have feelings and most of us are easily hurt. So we need to be reminded that we are in control of how we respond to discouraging words.

4. Never feel bad for putting yourself first and doing what is right for you.

I meet some people who have no qualms about putting themselves first. They are very forward in what they say and brutally frank in what they think and do. Yet there are many of us who are always putting others above ourselves and find it hard to do what we know is right for ourselves. It sounds simplistic but I think much of this is due to upbringing, culture and religious beliefs.

5. Today will be as wonderful as you make it. Appreciate the little things.

We are governed by our thoughts and speech. Ireland is wet most times and most people complain about the incessant rain. I have a friend who told me that if there is sunshine in your soul it doesn’t matter what the weather is outside. I find this absolutely true..  If I were to let the weather bother me, I’d never be able to see the beauty of living here. I always tell myself if it rains I’ll find joy indoors. If the sun is shining (which is quite a rare thing) I’ll find joy outdoors. I enjoy capturing moments with my camera. Food is tastier when we admire the garnish and the presentation. Clouds are prettier when we see formations of castles and knights in our mind’s eye.

6. You can’t make everyone happy. You are not a bar of chocolate.

I firmly believe that I cannot please everyone. My maxim has always been to do the right thing even if it hurts myself or others. We try to please because we are afraid of losing. We don’t want to lose a friendship or a relationship. To me if we are not afraid to lose, that is when we have won. Making a stand is about the hardest thing ever.

But when a stand is made or when I stay true to what I believe in, then there is freedom. It is in losing that we find. E.E.Cummings in 100 selected poems says, “For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it's always ourselves we find in the sea.”

The words on the MoMe flash cards are not new. The only difference is that we put them in strategic places to remind ourselves so that they become personalised. The ultimate goal is of course to be able to internalise these maxims one day without having to be reminded by flashcards anymore.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 10 DECEMBER 2017 

https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/12/312882/making-moments-myself

PET OWNERSHIP: BENEFITS OF PAWSITIVE LIVING

THE world seems to be a very bleak place these days if constant reminders to be positive are anything to go by.

We have positive thinking, positive quotes, positive effects, positive lifestyle… and the list goes on.

Reading the paper one day, an advertisement on pet food caught my eye.

It was everything about pawsitive living. I thought the play on words was very clever indeed.

I am a huge advocate of keeping pets. Not being able to have a pet as a child, I allow my children to have any pet they want (with the exception of snakes and tarantulas) on one condition — that they mind them.

So far, our home has welcomed many creatures big and small — dogs, kittens, guinea pigs, birds, fish, iguanas, hedgehogs, sugar gliders, rabbits and hamsters.

Even wild birds nest in our porch.

If I could, I would have loved a baby elephant as well.

Pet ownership has a number of proven health benefits – physical, mental and emotional.

According to studies done by University of Wisconsin-Madison pediatrician James E. Gern, having a pet in the home can actually lower a child’s likelihood of developing related allergies by as much as 33 per cent.

In fact, his research, published in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology, shows that children exposed early on to animals tend to develop stronger immune systems overall. An interesting finding indeed.

Owning a pet encourages the development of social skills.

For us who need motivation in the exercise department, a dog can be our personal trainer.

Animals can be an instant icebreaker, whether they are with you or when you’re just talking about them.

I have countless occasions of meeting and chatting with other pet owners in the park when I walk my labrador, Hachi.

Truth be told, the tendency of pet owners is to look at the pet first and then the human who is walking the pet.

I feel sorry for children who have not been brought up to enjoy the companionship of pets.

Sometimes parents transfer their fear of animals to their children.

I had a visitor who started screaming in fear when she saw my chinchilla because she did not like small furry creatures and her children who had never seen a chinchilla before, followed suit and screamed as well.

Pets teach us responsibility. The owner becomes the carer.

Cleaning the cage and making sure there is water and food are all part of caring.

Children who throw stones at animals or taunt them in zoos obviously never had much bonding with pets.

Gail F. Melson, professor emeritus of developmental studies at Purdue University in Indiana, the United States and the author of Why the Wild Things Are: Animals in the Lives of Children, says that “Nurturing isn’t a quality that suddenly appears in adulthood when we need it”.

According to Melson, “you don’t learn to nurture because you were nurtured as a child. People need a way to practise being caregivers when they’re young”.

When a pet falls ill and dies, it is a lesson on empathy, grief and moving on.

Pets also provide companionship and relieve stress, especially among the sick and elderly.

Many hospitals and nursing homes use Animal-assisted Therapy (AAT) or Pet-facilitated Therapy (PFT) on a regular basis.

According to my daughter, Trinity College Dublin has an “exam de-stress canine therapy” room. These animals of all shapes and sizes help students forget their exam troubles.

A pet is an addition to the family and should be treated with love and respect.

Most of all, it should be age-appropriate. I have seen parents being coaxed by a child to buy a pet — only to end up minding the pet when the novelty wears off.

A pet is not for a day or a week. It is for a lifetime.

Pets should also suit the owner’s temperament and lifestyle. I heard from a friend that a family acquired a big dog, but had no time for it and confined it to a small space.

Over time, the dog became restless and bit their child.

So, they had the dog put down. Now, whose fault was it?

Yes, nothing beats pawsitive living. While I’m still at it, I’m going to give my pet a day of pawsome pampering.

I might even consider treating my pet to a pet spa and a photoshoot if he behaves...

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 19 NOVEMBER 2017

https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/11/304820/pet-ownership-benefits-pawsitive-living

SURVIVING OPHELIA

October 16^th was a very significant day for Ireland as the world watched hurricane Ophelia lash its fury on the island in an unprecedented manner. It was the most severe weather event to hit the country in over 50 years. Schools were closed and public transport services disrupted. More than 300,000 properties were without power and three people lost their lives.

A status red warning was in place and I stayed indoors as advised by Met Eireann (the Irish National Meteorological Service) and watched the storm spiraling on the cold horizon with the wind unleashing a torrent of its own. The trees were in a mad dance and leaves were flying like a pack of cards leaving behind a tangled mess.

I thought about the structure of the storm. I remembered there was an eerie silence before the storm set loose its full magnitude. I thought about the eye of the storm where there was calm and I thought about the intensity and duration of the storm.

From afar, behind the century old brick walls of my house I felt safe. I was inside looking out.

What if it was the other way round - outside looking in.

I thought about the times when there were raging storms within us and  others looking on  had no clue about the private storms of pain, disillusionment, disappointment and betrayal.

These storms can last last for days, months, years and generations even. Hurts that are not dealt with become fossilized over time. Think layer and layer of hurt piled up like sedimentary rocks that are formed by the deposition and subsequent cementation of material.

That is the eerie calm before the storm.

When we were warned about the scale of Ophelia I immediately took into the house, garden ornaments and smaller potted plants that  I thought would be smashed to smithereens if left outside. Hachi, my labrador stayed in the whole day too and he was most pleased.

I feared for my greenhouse. Friends told me that their greenhouses flew like flying saucers in the last storm, not half as forceful as Ophelia. I searched the internet for measures to minimise breakage and every website pointed me to the importance of the foundation of the house - how it was laid and how the house was anchored.

There are no methods set in stone to overcome the storms of our lives because we are all individuals and every storm is different. Just like protecting garden ornaments and smaller pots, we can brace for impact by doing what we can for ourselves and others. It helps to have a firm foundation - a bedrock of beliefs and values to remind ourselves that we matter and this too will pass. That is the eye of the storm. A place of solace and strength amidst it all.

There was great sunshine the day after, as if nature was compensating for the terror that it had inflicted on all and sundry the day before. I looked into my garden from my bedroom window.

The two towering trees were almost skeletal. The grass was littered with red and brown leaves which would make a neat pile for me to jump in. There was no necessity to deadhead the dahlias and mini roses because the winds had stripped the bushes bare.

I smiled when I saw that the greenhouse was still intact.

When I opened the door to embrace the new day, many neighbours had the same idea, united by the feeling that we were the survivors of the Apocalypse.

‘Hi John, Hi Pat, Hi Anthony’ I greeted them.

‘Hi Soo’, they replied in unison.

‘Terrible storm yesterday’, I said.

‘Tis ya’, they said and rolled their eyes.

Thank God it’s over.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 5 NOVEMBER 2017.  http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2017/20171105nstnews/index.html#/19/

THE POWER OF LIMINALITY

I’m constantly surrounded by people who feel comfortable belonging to one trade or one hobby or one organisation. It certainly seems more advantageous to specialise in something  than to be a generalist.

I think I’m more of a generalist than a specialist. After exploring one skill or one hobby, I like to move on to learn other things, more so things that are entirely out of my comfort zone. That is why I’m very comfortable with Marianne Cantwell’s concept of liminality in her TED talk on The Hidden Power of Not (Always) Fitting In

Liminality is a state of in-between-ess.  

It is not being good at only one thing but being good at many things. You don’t fit into just one world or one group of people to the exclusion of others. You create your own space and bridge worlds by not limiting yourself to any one world.

Liminality is all about being comfortable in your own skin.

You are not restricted by what others think about you or what others expect of you. This gives you the freedom to be who you are and to be good at whatever you set your mind on doing. Most of all you have no fear of what people are saying to your face or behind your back. You have no fear of going to new places or trying out new things without needing to justify what you intend to do.

People say I am creative. Others have asked me what is it that I can’t do.

Believe it or not, I don’t realise it myself that I am creative or that I can do many things. I’ve always thought that anyone can be creative and can do many things given the right guidance or encouragement. I still believe so.

I attribute this artistic inclination to the spirit of liminality. It is a quest to pursue the unknown, to learn more, to think and to see things differently and to be part of this and that.

Recently, I chose to be in 3 new worlds.

World 1: Going for a retreat where everyone knows someone in the group and you are quite a stranger to all of them.

When I heard about a 3-day trip to An Grianan in County Louth organised by the Clare Irish Countrywomen’s Association, I was most curious. I had a look at the programme and decided that I should go. Just like that - no ifs, no buts. The duration and the timing of the trip suited me. Most of all I was keen on learning how to make fascinators and there was a full day dedicated to that.

I was not disappointed.  An Grianán, which means Sunny Place in Irish, is a beautiful Edwardian manor house situated on 88 acres of park with mature trees and a gentle path to the nearby sandy beach. I had a lovely en-suite room and hearty meals complete with freshly baked brown bread and yummy desserts.

Did I feel left out not being a member of the guild? Not at all because I was made to feel very welcome by the warm and friendly crowd. I went home very pleased with my new knowledge and my new friends.

World 2: One day I just woke up and told myself I must go and learn horse riding. I’ve always enjoyed going to fairs and watching show-jumping. So I called up the horse riding school and booked myself for beginner’s lessons. I was introduced to Junior, a fine stallion. I learnt how to saddle him, to hold the reins, to manoeuvre  and to trot.  I went home very pleased with my new knowledge and my new friend.

World 3: I have always been fascinated by batik art. So when I was back in Malaysia last month, I did a google search and discovered Sam Karuna Dyetik class which is a fine art batik technique that he pioneered. More than 12,000 students have benefited from Sam's skills and experience through his courses. 

Due to limited time, I could only spend half a day learning the fine art of batik painting under the tutelage of a patient master artist. It was a wonderful experience altogether and I went home happy with enough raw materials to start my foray into this new world.

So what is it about liminality that strikes a chord in me?

It is about hovering between worlds and enjoying them to the fullest.

No apologies.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 22 OCTOBER 2017. 

https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/10/293564/power-liminality

HOMEWARD BOUND

My trip home to Malaysia last month has left me with many wonderful memories of who I am and why I’m proud to call myself a Malaysian. I dreaded the 13 hour flight but when the plane landed and the pilot said 'and to all Malaysians welcome home’,  my heart missed a beat.

What is Malaysia that I call home?

It is a land that boasts of many dialects and languages. 

What fascinates me most is our own ‘brand’ of spoken English that we fondly call Malaysian English. It never fails to make me smile when I listen to the concoction of different words in a sentence that might make no sense at all to a non-Malaysian.

Take for instance a father speaking to his toddler daughter . The father was carrying the little girl as they stepped on the escalator. We were standing a few steps below them when the little girl’s slipper fell off. A lady picked it up, rushed up the escalator and gave it to the father.

So the father told the little girl, “See-lah you. Just drop your slipper like that. Good thing, the nice aunty saw it and quickly- quickly gave it to me.”

The words ‘nice aunty’ really warmed my heart. In Malaysia, any older female who is not a blood relation is a sister or an aunt.  This is a mark of respect as we don’t call people who are older than us by their first name. I must admit that I enjoyed it thoroughly when even Uber drivers called me aunty.

It is a land of hospitality and generosity.

Our  short vacation was jammed packed with activities that revolved around family and friends. We went south to Johor, my home state and then to Melaka and Kuantan.  Friends separated by time and space bothered to get together to celebrate, just because we came home. 

Primary and secondary school friends treated us to sumptuous meals and gave us presents and local delicacies to bring back to Ireland.

A friend even brought us to her orchard and it was an Eden experience to be surrounded by dragon fruit, bananas, papayas, breadfruit, passion fruit and soursop. As mosquitos were swarming round, we made sure we had a good spray of mosquito repellent. The icing of the cake was when we saw weaver bird’s nests that were so intricately woven.

We also visited Tengku Mariam Primary school where I first started my formal studies. Fences and man-made structures had replaced the lush tropical foliage that once surrounded the school. We used to play hop-scotch or tag or run on the sides of the drain but I guess millennial children do not do that anymore. I remember having to recite the Rukunegara (National Principles) before 600 children during the school assembly and it was fun re-enacting the event at the exact spot beneath the flags to an empty field.

We also visited High School Batu Pahat where I did my Form 6. One of my classmates is a teacher there and we had tea in the canteen - the difference was we sat in the room where the teachers sat and not in the student area.

When we went to Melaka, we met up with my university course mates and visited the House of Museums which threw me back to the 60s and 70s when my mother used the wood stove for cooking and set her hair in curlers under the ‘big hat’. We were also treated to wonderful meals and watched others do the waltz, the swing and the rumba to  Michael Buble’s Sway.

It is a land that boasts of friendliness among complete strangers.

After Melaka we went to  Kuantan and I wanted to visit the batik centre.. I went to the tour desk to call for a taxi but another hotel guest who overheard my request offered to give me a lift since he was going there himself. After the visit, I waited for a bus but there was no bus in-sight for a long time. Again a lovely lady with very young children stopped her car and gave me a lift back to the hotel.

It is a land where you drift seamlessly into your younger self and just let your hair down with your best friend. Michael and I went for the swings, the see saw and the slide when no one was looking and chased crabs in the sand.  

So I look forward to coming back again to the land where I was born. Being home is an indescribable feeling even though it was only for 3 weeks. Somehow I even enjoyed the sun, something I never really liked before.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 8 OCT 2017 https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/10/288630/homeward-bound

HAVE I CHANGED?

I was having lunch with a friend the other day and she asked me whether I have changed. Like myself, she is non-Irish but have settled in this land for quite a number of years.

Whether or not a person changes for the better or worse in a new environment depends on a number of factors like age, self esteem, the company she keeps,  and of course how she has been brought up.

I remember being in the presence of many Asian parents who were afraid that their children might ‘change’ when they went overseas for their studies. The parents were afraid that their children would fall prey to sexual permissiveness and abandon their cultural and ethnic values as well as religious beliefs.

When I go to town, I’m often approached by groups wishing to secure support for a certain cause like gay rights or abortion on demand. There are petitions to ban this and that. We have humans in shark suits protesting the killing of sharks and others in whale suits protesting the killing of whales. There was also an incident when a group of animal rights activists freed nine lobsters by walking into a Dublin restaurant and taking them from the fish tank before returning them to the ocean.

I stand by my principles.

A principle is a general and fundamental guideline that is used in deciding conduct and choice. 

Sometimes it is not easy to do that especially when others seem to think that the principles are archaic and irrelevant to present day society. What was acceptable before is now deemed unacceptable and what was important is now deemed trivial, if you catch my drift.

First and foremost is honouring our parents and those who are generally older than us. Honouring is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honour means “to revere, prize, and value.” Honour is giving respect not only for merit but also for rank.

Dr Leonard Sax in his book ‘The Collapse of Parenting’ points out the reasons why the present day trend is for the younger set to be disrespectful. In an interview with the Associated Press, Dr Sax talked about a 10-year-old boy who was engrossed in playing a game on his mobile phone while he (the doctor) was discussing with his mom about his stomach ache. The boy said, ‘Shut up, mom, you don’t know what you’re talking about’ and laughed. The mother did nothing.

The boundaries between parent and child have become blurred. Sometimes you wonder who is the parent and who is the child because the parent strives to become a ‘friend’ and he believes that it is the child’s state of ‘happiness’ that matters most.

I see it all the time where young people are so ‘awesome’, they can do no wrong nor accept constructive criticism.

Sometime ago, I was teaching a group how to make a craft project. All the participants were very creative and came up with lovely pieces of work. There was a participant who took great pride in her work and put in a lot of effort. I looked at it and said it was good. She was mortified because she expected me to heap praises on her work and maybe set it as a benchmark for others to follow. So she defended herself loudly. ‘I think it is fabulous. Whatever you say, I think it is fantastic.’ What she didn’t realise was that I had seen excellent, good and mediocre pieces of work and hers was no where near excellence.

J.M. Barrie creator of Peter Pan wrote, “Life is a long lesson in humility.” How true.

Other principles that I hold dear are mindfulness, integrity, accountability and delivery. It is being considerate and being sensitive to others – their needs and perceptions – spoken or otherwise. It is being appreciative and true. It is being able to say ‘No’ if you are not comfortable with doing something even if the person asking you for the favour is someone you know quite well.

I’m a person of my word; I expect the same from others.

It is saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I am constantly surrounded by people who give you the run around because you can never be sure whether they mean what they say.

It is taking up a responsibility and being able to carry out the task. There are those who love to hold posts but conveniently forget that posts come with responsibilities.

So to my friend who asked me whether I have changed. 

I paused and then said, ‘ Physical measurements, yes. Principles, no.’

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 24 SEPTEMBER 2017. https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/09/283387/have-i-changed

THE CHARM OF RURAL LIVING

When the weather is fine – meaning it is not raining – the first thought is sieze the day and go for a spin in the countryside. Although the beloved and I have visited all 32 counties in Ireland, there are so many quaint villages and towns that are waiting to be explored.

We decided to go to Fethard in County Tipperary for no particular reason.

During Edward 1’s reign, fortified market towns were established. Fethard’s town walls rise to a height of 25 feet and Fethard has the most complete medieval circuit in Ireland.

 Historic sights include the Knockelly Castle and the Augustinian Friary.  In fact, Fethard began with the coming of the Anglo-Normans to Ireland eight centuries ago.

Small towns teach me a lot about country people.

I walked up to a local man who had a stick in his hand and there were some geese about him. He had actually brought the geese to a nearby river for a swim.

‘You need to be careful with geese you know’ he said.

‘Why, will they attack me?’ I asked.

‘Oh no, they are messy birds. There is so much to clean after them. But they lay good eggs.’ he explained.

‘I haven’t seen goose eggs before. What colour are they?’ I asked.

' They are white alright. Each is the size of four hen eggs’ he added.

The little conversation developed from geese to historic sights. He even offered detailed instructions on how to enter the castle if the gate was closed. He then drew my attention to an ancient pagan fertility effigy (Sheela-na-gig) carved on one of its walls. This creature would be easily overlooked if you were none the wiser.

I thought that he was very friendly and helpful. I could see the pride and the sense of belonging in his eyes.

We decided to check out the Augustinian friary. The mosaic work on the ground and the stained glass windows are exquisite, a reflection of talent and hard work. The old tombstones tower majestically and there is a sense of awesomeness in all their silence.

As we walked along the pavement of the Main Street we passed by three senior ladies who were busy chatting. They seemed to have known each other all their lives and were sharing common experiences.The moment they saw us they stopped their chatter and greeted us. We obviously did not blend in with the local colour. We had only passed them for about ten minutes when one lady walked up to us and asked whether we were looking for something to eat.

I was in fact eyeing a modern fancy restaurant across the road which had received good reviews on TripAdvisor. I asked her whether the food was any good there. I could sense that she wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about that restaurant and recommended another old time eatery. She said she preferred hearty meals to ‘rabbit’ food, referring to healthy salads and such.

I was mostly amused and not surprised that she recommended the old time eatery. It was all about familiarity with a certain lifestyle or a certain cuisine and certainly an underlying loyalty to old establishments.

True enough when we passed by the modern restaurant, I saw  a pretty younger crowd inside, feeding on ‘rabbit’ food  that came with big prices.

I have lived in the city for the most part of my life and enjoy the conveniences that go with it. City life is vibrant and on-the-go. There is no lack of  excitement as I am in the heart of noise and there is not a dull moment.

Small towns are peaceful and I feel very safe. There is no fear of snatch thefts or being mugged. Most of all, I do not need to hold on to my handbag tightly. There is this rural charm that is a breath of fresh air. I could sense the laid back idyllic atmosphere as if the earth is spinning more slowly in these  parts. We could never have enough of it and that is what drives us to go search out these hideouts ever so often.

So I’m checking the September calendar to plan our next trip to explore another small town again.



THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA
2 SEPTEMBER 2017
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2017/20170903nstnews/index.html#/23/