HAVE I CHANGED?

I was having lunch with a friend the other day and she asked me whether I have changed. Like myself, she is non-Irish but have settled in this land for quite a number of years.

Whether or not a person changes for the better or worse in a new environment depends on a number of factors like age, self esteem, the company she keeps,  and of course how she has been brought up.

I remember being in the presence of many Asian parents who were afraid that their children might ‘change’ when they went overseas for their studies. The parents were afraid that their children would fall prey to sexual permissiveness and abandon their cultural and ethnic values as well as religious beliefs.

When I go to town, I’m often approached by groups wishing to secure support for a certain cause like gay rights or abortion on demand. There are petitions to ban this and that. We have humans in shark suits protesting the killing of sharks and others in whale suits protesting the killing of whales. There was also an incident when a group of animal rights activists freed nine lobsters by walking into a Dublin restaurant and taking them from the fish tank before returning them to the ocean.

I stand by my principles.

A principle is a general and fundamental guideline that is used in deciding conduct and choice. 

Sometimes it is not easy to do that especially when others seem to think that the principles are archaic and irrelevant to present day society. What was acceptable before is now deemed unacceptable and what was important is now deemed trivial, if you catch my drift.

First and foremost is honouring our parents and those who are generally older than us. Honouring is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honour means “to revere, prize, and value.” Honour is giving respect not only for merit but also for rank.

Dr Leonard Sax in his book ‘The Collapse of Parenting’ points out the reasons why the present day trend is for the younger set to be disrespectful. In an interview with the Associated Press, Dr Sax talked about a 10-year-old boy who was engrossed in playing a game on his mobile phone while he (the doctor) was discussing with his mom about his stomach ache. The boy said, ‘Shut up, mom, you don’t know what you’re talking about’ and laughed. The mother did nothing.

The boundaries between parent and child have become blurred. Sometimes you wonder who is the parent and who is the child because the parent strives to become a ‘friend’ and he believes that it is the child’s state of ‘happiness’ that matters most.

I see it all the time where young people are so ‘awesome’, they can do no wrong nor accept constructive criticism.

Sometime ago, I was teaching a group how to make a craft project. All the participants were very creative and came up with lovely pieces of work. There was a participant who took great pride in her work and put in a lot of effort. I looked at it and said it was good. She was mortified because she expected me to heap praises on her work and maybe set it as a benchmark for others to follow. So she defended herself loudly. ‘I think it is fabulous. Whatever you say, I think it is fantastic.’ What she didn’t realise was that I had seen excellent, good and mediocre pieces of work and hers was no where near excellence.

J.M. Barrie creator of Peter Pan wrote, “Life is a long lesson in humility.” How true.

Other principles that I hold dear are mindfulness, integrity, accountability and delivery. It is being considerate and being sensitive to others – their needs and perceptions – spoken or otherwise. It is being appreciative and true. It is being able to say ‘No’ if you are not comfortable with doing something even if the person asking you for the favour is someone you know quite well.

I’m a person of my word; I expect the same from others.

It is saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I am constantly surrounded by people who give you the run around because you can never be sure whether they mean what they say.

It is taking up a responsibility and being able to carry out the task. There are those who love to hold posts but conveniently forget that posts come with responsibilities.

So to my friend who asked me whether I have changed. 

I paused and then said, ‘ Physical measurements, yes. Principles, no.’

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 24 SEPTEMBER 2017. https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/09/283387/have-i-changed

THE CHARM OF RURAL LIVING

When the weather is fine – meaning it is not raining – the first thought is sieze the day and go for a spin in the countryside. Although the beloved and I have visited all 32 counties in Ireland, there are so many quaint villages and towns that are waiting to be explored.

We decided to go to Fethard in County Tipperary for no particular reason.

During Edward 1’s reign, fortified market towns were established. Fethard’s town walls rise to a height of 25 feet and Fethard has the most complete medieval circuit in Ireland.

 Historic sights include the Knockelly Castle and the Augustinian Friary.  In fact, Fethard began with the coming of the Anglo-Normans to Ireland eight centuries ago.

Small towns teach me a lot about country people.

I walked up to a local man who had a stick in his hand and there were some geese about him. He had actually brought the geese to a nearby river for a swim.

‘You need to be careful with geese you know’ he said.

‘Why, will they attack me?’ I asked.

‘Oh no, they are messy birds. There is so much to clean after them. But they lay good eggs.’ he explained.

‘I haven’t seen goose eggs before. What colour are they?’ I asked.

' They are white alright. Each is the size of four hen eggs’ he added.

The little conversation developed from geese to historic sights. He even offered detailed instructions on how to enter the castle if the gate was closed. He then drew my attention to an ancient pagan fertility effigy (Sheela-na-gig) carved on one of its walls. This creature would be easily overlooked if you were none the wiser.

I thought that he was very friendly and helpful. I could see the pride and the sense of belonging in his eyes.

We decided to check out the Augustinian friary. The mosaic work on the ground and the stained glass windows are exquisite, a reflection of talent and hard work. The old tombstones tower majestically and there is a sense of awesomeness in all their silence.

As we walked along the pavement of the Main Street we passed by three senior ladies who were busy chatting. They seemed to have known each other all their lives and were sharing common experiences.The moment they saw us they stopped their chatter and greeted us. We obviously did not blend in with the local colour. We had only passed them for about ten minutes when one lady walked up to us and asked whether we were looking for something to eat.

I was in fact eyeing a modern fancy restaurant across the road which had received good reviews on TripAdvisor. I asked her whether the food was any good there. I could sense that she wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about that restaurant and recommended another old time eatery. She said she preferred hearty meals to ‘rabbit’ food, referring to healthy salads and such.

I was mostly amused and not surprised that she recommended the old time eatery. It was all about familiarity with a certain lifestyle or a certain cuisine and certainly an underlying loyalty to old establishments.

True enough when we passed by the modern restaurant, I saw  a pretty younger crowd inside, feeding on ‘rabbit’ food  that came with big prices.

I have lived in the city for the most part of my life and enjoy the conveniences that go with it. City life is vibrant and on-the-go. There is no lack of  excitement as I am in the heart of noise and there is not a dull moment.

Small towns are peaceful and I feel very safe. There is no fear of snatch thefts or being mugged. Most of all, I do not need to hold on to my handbag tightly. There is this rural charm that is a breath of fresh air. I could sense the laid back idyllic atmosphere as if the earth is spinning more slowly in these  parts. We could never have enough of it and that is what drives us to go search out these hideouts ever so often.

So I’m checking the September calendar to plan our next trip to explore another small town again.



THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA
2 SEPTEMBER 2017
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2017/20170903nstnews/index.html#/23/