WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG UNINTENTIONALLY

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I think one of the worst situations to be in is to do something wrong  unintentionally and then having to own up at a later date.

I remember having just passed the driving test and I had the privilege of driving my sister’s car every now and then. There was a time when my classmate asked me to help her move some boxes from her house to another location. Like a good samaritan I agreed and borrowed my sister’s car for that purpose. So I drove to my friend’s house and as I reversed the car into the porch I heard a very unpleasant crunch. Due to poor judgement on my part, the door near the passenger seat suffered a nasty dent and my heart sank.

To cut the long story short, I drove the car to the mechanic, had the dent hammered out and the door looked so good, no one would have guessed what had happened before. What was uppermost in my mind was whether I should confess to my sister what I had done. In other words, to own up to my careless deed or to keep quiet about it. At 18, that was pretty hard to do for fear of repercussions as it was a relatively new car.

What if someone does something wrong intentionally and due to a life changing event realises his mistake?

We went to the Inishowen Peninsula in County Donegal not too long ago. Situated in the northernmost part of Ireland, its unharnessed beauty attracts many and has become a point of interest. When the cast and crew of Star Wars: Episode VIII returned to Ireland, Malin Head on the Inishowen Peninsula was handpicked to be one of the shooting sites. In fact the trademark slogan ‘May the Force be with You’ seems so appropriate especially when the wild winds there can even blow a strong man down.

But this particular peninsula is also home to a significant event.

We are talking about the life of John Newton, a foul mouthed sailor involved in the slave trade in the 18th century. During his journey back to England from Africa in 1748, he was caught in a storm.

It was here in Inishowen that his boat was repaired and his crew housed. That was a life changing moment because in the face of possible death he was given another chance to live.

So he had to look into himself and right the wrong (slave trade) that  he had  been involved in.

He gradually gave up being captain of slave ships and wrote the pamphlet ‘Thoughts Upon the Slave Trade’ whereby he described the horrific conditions of the slave ships. He later teamed up with William Wilberforce, leader of the Parliamentary campaign, to abolish the African slave trade.

To many of us who have not heard heard about John Newton, perhaps he is most remembered by a  song that he penned about mercy and atonement. Elvis Presley, Andrea Bocelli, Whitney Houston and Rod Steward have all sung  Amazing Grace.

Our actions carry personal responsibility. When we make mistakes, the gap between our questionable behaviour and our self concept widens. There is a form of mental discomfort or tension.

It is a sorry state when unscrupulous people cheat and prey on the vulnerable. How many times have we read of scams and forgery? Blatant slave trade may not exist in the present world but yet there is always some other form of slavery. Then there are others who have no qualms about making false insurance claims for example,  just so they can lay their hands on big money.

Having escaped death,  John Newton described himself as a wretch that was found and as a blind man given new sight. How good it is  to see someone turn around from a questionable past to walk the straight and narrow.

Moving on.

I did tell my sister about the dent and about the mechanic finally and I felt a great relief when she did not make any fuss about it.

                            WISHING EVERYONE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS!

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 24 DECEMBER 2017.
https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/12/317834/when-something-goes-wrong-unintentionally

MAKING MOMENTS FOR MYSELF

I’ve just come across a pack of MoMe cards which I think is a brilliant idea to start the day with. 

These are actually flash cards that remind us to make the best of our world each day. It is creating a tent around ourselves and disciplining our thoughts to focus on what build us up instead of tearing us down.

I will list 6 of my favourites:

1. Be aware of what is happening right now instead of wishing it was different.

This is especially for us who have lots of plans. Plans are good and vision far better. The danger is to keep focussing on what could have been or will be and miss out on the present. It is like the child who can’t wait to grow up and the adult who wishes she is younger. We can be content if we purpose in our hearts to love our child or significant other for who he is instead of wishing that he is  someone else. We can be content if we purpose in our hearts to be satisfied with ‘enough’ and not yearn for ‘more’.

2. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

There are some people whom we can relate to easily and others whom we have nothing in common. Choosing friends and acquaintances becomes an art in itself. There are conversations and social obligations that leave us drained and others that build us up. The secret is to know how to walk away from stressful company before we suffer from burnout.

3. Have fun. Fall in love. Regret nothing, and don’t let people bring you down.

"In Memoriam A.H.H." is a poem by the British poet Alfred, Lord Tennyson. The most frequently quoted lines in the poem are perhaps

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

I must say there are many people who discourage rather than encourage. It takes great resolve not to let people discourage us as we all have feelings and most of us are easily hurt. So we need to be reminded that we are in control of how we respond to discouraging words.

4. Never feel bad for putting yourself first and doing what is right for you.

I meet some people who have no qualms about putting themselves first. They are very forward in what they say and brutally frank in what they think and do. Yet there are many of us who are always putting others above ourselves and find it hard to do what we know is right for ourselves. It sounds simplistic but I think much of this is due to upbringing, culture and religious beliefs.

5. Today will be as wonderful as you make it. Appreciate the little things.

We are governed by our thoughts and speech. Ireland is wet most times and most people complain about the incessant rain. I have a friend who told me that if there is sunshine in your soul it doesn’t matter what the weather is outside. I find this absolutely true..  If I were to let the weather bother me, I’d never be able to see the beauty of living here. I always tell myself if it rains I’ll find joy indoors. If the sun is shining (which is quite a rare thing) I’ll find joy outdoors. I enjoy capturing moments with my camera. Food is tastier when we admire the garnish and the presentation. Clouds are prettier when we see formations of castles and knights in our mind’s eye.

6. You can’t make everyone happy. You are not a bar of chocolate.

I firmly believe that I cannot please everyone. My maxim has always been to do the right thing even if it hurts myself or others. We try to please because we are afraid of losing. We don’t want to lose a friendship or a relationship. To me if we are not afraid to lose, that is when we have won. Making a stand is about the hardest thing ever.

But when a stand is made or when I stay true to what I believe in, then there is freedom. It is in losing that we find. E.E.Cummings in 100 selected poems says, “For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it's always ourselves we find in the sea.”

The words on the MoMe flash cards are not new. The only difference is that we put them in strategic places to remind ourselves so that they become personalised. The ultimate goal is of course to be able to internalise these maxims one day without having to be reminded by flashcards anymore.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 10 DECEMBER 2017 

https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2017/12/312882/making-moments-myself