THE MORE YOU GIVE THE MORE YOU HAVE

It was one Saturday when everyone else was asleep that I woke up at 5am bright eyed and bushy tailed. So I headed for the garden and tidied it. Then I continued with household chores like washing the laundry and general cleaning. I proceeded to do some cooking and then did some painting and writing. After that, I walked to the gym.

The above certainly sounds like a journal entry or an example of a paragraph used by the teacher to illustrate chronological organisation in writing.

When the beloved woke up, he saw what I had accomplished and asked,

‘Where did you get all the energy?’

I was trying to think of a good answer when I remembered the story of the ant and the grasshopper. The bottom line is some people are industrious while others are lackadaisical. We have those who accomplish much and others who are inclined to park off on the couch, play online games and do very little else. Even in the animal kingdom, we have some that do most of the work and others, very little.

UK psychiatrist and book author Dr Neel Burton has much to say about laziness, which according to Wikipedia is “a disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so”. In other words, a person is lazy when he is able to carry out some activity but is reluctant to do so because of the work involved. Underlying psychological reasons pertaining to this attitude could be the lack of self esteem or a fear of failure. So laziness is a way to sabotage themselves. By not doing the work, they tell themselves they have not failed but rather they never tried.

Another interesting view is that there is a relationship between dopamine levels and a willingness to work hard. There are some super foods that increase dopamine levels and it is said that one of them is dark chocolate.

A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience (2012) by researchers from Vanderbilt University in Tennessee found that dopamine levels in 3 areas of the brain influence a person’s personality - whether he is a go-getter or a procrastinator. Apparently hardworking people have the most dopamine in two areas of the brain known to play an important role in reward and motivation.

Then there is learned industriousness.

It may be difficult to explain human tendencies but I do believe that to a great extent, what we are is the result of modelling and the environment. Our backgrounds and the way we have been brought up influence how we approach day to day living.

For us who did not have much materially when we were growing up would have added reason to work hard and achieve. We tend to value what we have and also avoid wastage of any kind. In addition if we were constantly surrounded by parents or caregivers who worked very hard so that our basic needs were met and we could have that little extra, we would then try to emulate their work ethics. This of course is a general observation and there are exceptions to the rule.

A child living in an environment where hard work equals success will certainly view his future differently from another child who has been given everything. An adult living in a society where there are no social welfare privileges knows he has to work to survive. He cannot expect to receive freebies or allowances or discounted housing.

I’ve taught students and worked with colleagues and bosses who were very conscientious and it was such a delight.

Conscientious people want to do a task well and they take obligations to others seriously. They are efficient and organised, self disciplined and dependable. It is not only doing big jobs that matter but small jobs are equally important.

Sometimes when I’m asked to give a talk or to host an event, I try my best to make sure that it is done well. So I spend many days and nights planning and bringing the project to completion successfully. In the course of it, I’ve been asked, ‘why do you put in so much effort? They won’t appreciate it’ to which I’ll thank them for their concern but to me even if one person is blessed by the talk or the event, then it has made all the effort worthwhile.

So back to the question on how I had all the energy to do what I did. I think the secret lies in the mystery that the more you give, the more you have. 

Or it could be the ginseng.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 26 AUGUST 2018 https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2018/08/404962/more-you-give-more-you-have

DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM NOT THE SYMPTOM

My strawberries were blooming well and I read that straw would do the job of keeping them off the ground away from muddy rain splashes. Straw also prevents slugs from getting to them first as slugs avoid anything that scratches their slimy bodies. There is no end to learning and being a gardening enthusiast amongst many other things, I welcome new knowledge every day.

So I asked my friend is she had some straw to spare and to my delight, she gave me a big bag that fitted nicely into the boot of my car. After putting the straw down on the bed there was excess so I scanned through straw crafts to see what I could do with it. Making a scarecrow sounded very appealing. I needed something to frighten away the pesky birds from feasting on the greens but most of all I was excited over a worthy challenge.

I had never made a scarecrow before so I went into enthusiasm overload. Seamus the Scarecrow had a big job to do and like every Superhero he needed his own unique costume. I gave him a fine shirt, a pair of jeans and a straw hat with a hand-sewn pumpkin on it. I even made him a vest out of a 15 year old vintage fabric with gardening images. He looked really dapper but alas I could not give him a brain.

Almost instantaneously, I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz with the scarecrow by my side. The scarecrow had decided to follow Dorothy to Emerald City to ask the wizard for a brain. 

In reality, he had common sense and was finally recognized as "the wisest man in all of Oz” at the end of the novel despite not having an actual brain. So it wasn't a brain that he lacked but self confidence. It is said that the Scarecrow reflects the Kansas farmer as viewed by outsiders, needing a brain to replace the straw in his head.

I can see that there are two issues here.

The first issue is thinking that we think we need something very badly but actually we may not need it at all. Or we may be looking for the wrong thing altogether.

Case in point would be when we tend to search for relief rather than for a solution. We treat the symptoms rather than the root of the problem. The problem could be an actual physical disease or otherwise.

Take for example a headache. The first reaction would be to reach for a pill and hope that the pain will go away. Nothing wrong with that except we do not normally think of what caused the headache in the first place and try to prevent it from reoccurring. So we say we need a pain killer instead of an antidote for the source of the pain.

On the other hand, looking for a solution to a problem is like a car mechanic dealing with a rattling noise in the car. The mechanic will do a thorough check in order to find out what is causing the noise. Then once it is fixed, the happy customer drives the car with no worries.

If we can do that with an inanimate object why can’t we apply the same procedures when dealing with a personal problem?

Fear could be one reason why we avoid dealing with the real issue. We don’t want to unlock a door because we do not know what’s on the other side. Even though we are running around trying to fix the symptoms, the issue will not go away until we confront it

.

Finding the root cause requires persistence. Sometimes a problem can be the result of many smaller problems that have not been resolved, just like the formation of a Tel. In archaeology, a Tel, (derived from the Arabic word meaning 'hill' or 'mound'), is an artificial mound formed from the accumulated refuse of people living on the same site for hundreds or thousands of years. A classic Tel looks like a low, truncated cone with a flat top and sloping sides and can be up to 30 metres high.

The second issue is forming an opinion of ourselves based on the opinions of others. For those affected by this, it can take years and plenty of support and determination to feel secure and proud of who we are.

So for now, Seamus the Scarecrow stands proudly guarding my vegetable beds and the apple tree. In his solitary post, I must say that the silent sentinel does his job very well indeed.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 29 JULY 2018
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2018/20180729nstnews/index.html#/23/

A LITTLE BIT OF LUXURY

I was at the shop looking for a bottle of my regular shampoo when another brand caught my eye. Well, the last time I used that was when I was in my twenties and at that time it was considered a high end shampoo. So I bought it on a whim just because.

When I put a generous blob on my palm, it was that all familiar aroma that made me smile. After all these years the shampoo’s quality was uncompromised.

It's strange how we associate things with luxury.

There is an everyday towel which is well used and there is a newer and fluffier one that we bring with us when we travel. There is an everyday mug which is quite ordinary and there is a nicer mug for the friend who drops by for tea.

There is a broad spectrum of luxury. What is luxurious to someone can be blase to another. Normally an item of luxury is more expensive than a regular item. Maybe the difference is in its quality. But I suspect advertising and packaging have a lot to do with the higher price. 

Every time I enter a store or surf online and I see something that I like but definitely do not need, there is this battle that goes on within - should I buy it or walk away?

I am not talking about the super rich or the super extravagant lifestyle. It is more about the spending power of the ‘every man’ who earns a basic wage and has responsibilities to tend to.

There are several factors that help us to decide whether or not to purchase a bit of luxury.

If it is a gift for someone else or if there is an occasion, half the battle is won because there is a cause for getting the gift. However, the battle intensifies when I am buying it for myself for no reason at all.

Then there is the price tag. This is very important because if it is reasonable, we rejoice. But if it is higher than what we expect, we move on to the next stage - justification and immediate or delayed gratification.

So we scrutinize the item to see if is worth forking out that much from the wallet. Sometimes a little defect can help us make up our minds quickly. We are secretly relieved that we can leave the item behind on the shelf.

We may also need another opinion to justify the purchase. So we photograph the item and send the image of the intended purchase to like minds. A thumbs- up or a happy emoji response signifies support and when two or three are in agreement, there is solidarity and peace of mind. So we take the item in question and stride happily to the payment counter.

When we actually carry the prized package home, not everyone will immediately reveal the latest bounty to the spouse for various reasons. One possible reason is we do not want to hear unfavourable comments. Any complaint about the purchase will certainly diminish the joy of having bought the item. So the lovely package is hidden in a special place only known to the buyer and will be retrieved at a later date. As for online packages, I have a doormat that reads, ‘Please hide packages from husband’.

When someone that I know well enough comes to me and asks for my opinion whether he should enjoy a little bit of luxury, I will ask him in return, ‘How old are you?’

I know the answer is incongruous but usually it is for someone who has lived most of his life as a very responsible adult. Having lived this long minding the needs of others foremost, I think he deserves to treat himself to something nice.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 12/8/2018
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2018/20180812nstnews/index.html#/23/