LET'S GO FLY A KITE

Life is what happens while you are busy making plans, John Lennon once said. We're coming to the end of another year and I ask myself where did the time go? 

Between Christmas and the New Year, I find myself watching lots of reruns on television. I hardly ever sit down to watch a movie from beginning to the end but it is different at this time of the year when all my intended crafting projects have been completed, the house scrubbed clean and the winter garden deserves a good rest.

You can never get enough of classics.

Truth be told I needed my annual dose of the Muppet Christmas Movie, Raymond Briggs' Snowman, Jim Carey's Christmas Carol, and Mary Poppins complete with dancing penguins and horses that go up and down on the carousel. 

Every year, one particular scene in a movie strikes me. This year it is Mary Poppins. That is when Mr Banks patches up a broken kite with 'tuppence of paper and string'. A broken man realises the beauty of what is important and the meaning of unconditional love.

I made a Christmas present for a dear friend and when she opened it, she was quite overwhelmed.

"Soo, Omg it's the most amazing thoughtful gift I've ever got. It brought tears to my eyes, good tears. so beautiful. Everyone needs a Soo in their lives. That's why your friends love u. You went to so much effort. The detail is amazing. I'm so happy that I've you in my life, like all your friends would say.'

Wow.

There was a warm fuzzy feeling inside. The feeling of giving love and being loved.

Then I discovered that someone I care for in Malaysia is doing some personal research on the Titanic. I wanted to get her a model DIY ship online but realised that I won't have enough time to get it mailed to me before my departure to Malaysia.  I asked my daughter whether she could get it from one of the gift shops in Dublin. Unlikely, she said. So I'm considering going to Cobh to get it and told her so.

Daughter: 'The lengths to go to! All for Titanic'

Mum      :  'Yeah, I have a big heart. It is good to love those who care for you. Too many times, we                        pour love on those who do not reciprocate.'

Daughter: Absolutely.

Just before the run-up to Christmas, I decorated my car with antlers and a bright red nose because she (my car) thinks she's Rudolph. 

Sadly, someone thought that it was very funny to break an antler. So I got a text from Michael (he woke up earlier for work) who noticed that it was broken.

I used superglue, gorilla glue, plastic glue, wood glue and bandaged it with masking tape. It couldn't hold and fell apart again.

Anyway.

The kite repaired, Mr Banks takes to the street dancing with his children and singing...

Oh, oh, oh!

Let's go fly a kite

Up to the highest height

Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring

Up through the atmosphere

Up where the air is clear

Oh let's go fly a kite

Even as the year ends, let's focus on what matters and repair tiny cracks and gaping wounds.The heart is a very tender thing and we need to guard it well.

                                        Have a wonderful and meaningful 2020.

THE MIRACLE

I find fasting a very good way to keep my life focussed on God. Normally, I would do a fast in January to start the year right for me and my family. Just like Job in the Bible. "When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for his children to be purified. Early in the morning, he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, " Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular custom. (Job 1:5)

However, in January we will be going home to Malaysia, so I decided to move the fast to December instead. ( In Malaysia, there will be plenty of lunch and dinner invites as we meet up with friends and family so it would be difficult to turn them down.). Throughout the 24 days in December, I've asked God for a miracle.

Just the other day, one of my Irish friends was sharing with me about her desire to uproot herself to another land and to start afresh. It would mean leaving everything she is familiar with: Friends, family, customs, food, traditions, acceptable behaviour and a stable job.

Knowing that she is a very responsible person, I said:

'Go ahead. Even if it doesn't work, you will not live to regret that you didn't give it a chance'.

Her reply caught me by surprise.

She said, 'I have been observing you. I know you have gone through a lot and yet you are an over comer. I don't hear you grumbling or complaining about being unhappy. You emit 'positive vibes'..

Then a few days later, I got a message from a good friend in Malaysia. I asked her earlier if she would like to meet up when we go home.

She said. ' We can meet up la....
I replied, 'That will be great. Haven't seen you for ages!'
She said, 'Kaaannn...would be great to catch up....miss your positive vibes..'

There it was again...positive vibes. I couldn't help but smile. Twice in a week I was told I emit positive vibes. It is really nice to know.

We are more resilient that we give ourselves credit for, especially when we know Who our Anchor is.

And today being the eve of Christmas, when I was doing my daily devotion, I felt it in my heart.

I don't have to ask for a miracle.

Christ is my Miracle.

He has taken care and watched over me and my family all this while. So I will trust Him once again to put things right.

Amen.

WALKING DOWN NOSTALGIC BOULEVARD

It is very strange when lovely images of our childhood pop up when we least expect it. How long these images have been locked in the recesses of my brain amazes me. The best part is I can always check with my siblings regarding the authenticity of such memories as more often than not we share the same memories.

What is childhood without books?

When Mike showed me the youtube video of Paul McCartney's The Frog Chorus, I was over the moon. Then suddenly, amidst the frogs croaking there was Rupert the Bear appearing from behind the foliage. This is one bear that I'm all too familiar with.

My brother had an Annual and I used to pore over it with delight. There was this scene where Rupert and his younger visiting cousin (I think) were standing under a soursop tree. And the little one took a bite of a ripe soursop and said it was sour! I laughed because obviously the writer must not have tasted a ripe soursop because it is the most glorious and sweetest fruit ever! I was only 6 then and already engaged in critical analysis.

Another wondrous book that he had was the Story of Little Black Sambo who went into the forest in his Sunday best only to be accosted by 4 angry tigers.

 Finally in an effort to ditch them Sambo climbed up a tree. The four tigers chased each other around the tree. The midday heat was simply unbearable so the tigers melted and became tiger butter. That is hilarious!

So Sambo's mother Mumbo collected the butter and made pancakes. The pancakes were most delicious and Jumbo (Sambo's father), Mumbo and Sambo tucked in happily with Sambo eating the most. (mumbo jumbo - political correctness was virtually absent then)

So imagine my delight when I found fudge at the Galway Christmas market that is named tiger butter fudge!

The next category of good memories is food. Malaysians generally love food and get very creative over food. In fact, we often go for long drives just to taste some special cuisine. We not only love food, we love to cook too.

When it is cold outside, I feel peckish. So I think of food. Not any type of food but food connected with certain occasions. Who can forget yesteryear's Quality Street Sweets?

And when our father brought us to the cinema he would buy us a packet of Peanut treets. We could also choose the cut fruits that were displayed on a block of ice. Ivory coloured apple or pear halves, sometimes oxidised at the edges. Each piece of fruit had a toothpick jabbed into it.

 Then when we were sick, we would get a special treat. Mum would buy us golden puffs or Bluebird chocolate toffee and that really aided recovery and brought such comfort to the sorry soul.

I guess the memory that captivates me most is the prized turkey or was it the goose? I can't remember. Anyway someone gave us a big fowl, as big as the one in the window in Mr Scrooge's village. We had no oven then, so we brought the fowl to the local restaurateur and he agreed to roast it for us. After 4 hours, a few of us sisters walked down to the restaurant to collect the turkey. It wasn't quite ready yet but what a sight! It was a huge brick oven with an open fire and the chef was generously basting it  with rich thick sauce. The aroma was like heaven and that was how I remembered the whole episode.

It's funny how different present day cookie tins or food tastes like. I'm glad that I'm ancient enough to have enjoyed what is vintage and what is now.

I HAD A DREAM

I had a dream when I was a child. No, I had many dreams. And childhood dreams creep up on me like some Freudian subconscious voice, speaking very loudly indeed in the most unexpected moment.

When I was 6 years old, I passed a shop of 'all sorts' on the way to kindergarten. I call it a shop of 'all sorts' because you can find almost anything there - from zips to pots and pans. But the thing that caught my eye was a lovely hard plastic baby doll that wore a red cloak with a red hood. She had the sweetest smile and blue eyes as big as saucers that could blink. Her natural eyelashes would have put any falsies to shame. I saw the price tag and kept walking and wishing.

Then the final exam came. Yes, I had to sit for an exam at kindergarten level - Asians take education very seriously from a young age. I was first in a class of 36 . My father decided to reward me and so he brought me to the shop of all sorts and asked me what I wanted. I pointed to the doll, wondering if he would buy it as it was very expensive - 6 ringgit or a whole euro and 50 cents. He did and that baby doll was the first and only doll I ever had. Hugging it was very soothing indeed.

Fast forward to 4 December 2019.

I was walking along the aisles of a big toy shop. I entered the toy shop because my good friend was leaving Ireland and my heart was aching. Some people binge when their hearts ache. I enter department stores.

The only words that came into my mind were 'wow, wow, wow'. I felt like I was only three feet tall and looking up at shelf upon shelf of every toy you can ever imagine. Then like a bolt of electricity, a dream surfaced. It was clear as day and I thought I heard a cabbage patch doll crying out, 'Adopt me. Take me home'.

So I started to search for her. Maybe I was looking at the wrong aisle. A store assistant passed by and I asked him to help me locate the dark hair beauty. He looked at me as if I had two heads. He had no clue what a cabbage patch doll is. I felt very ancient indeed.

It is a very different era altogether.

Cabbage Patch Kids are a line of soft sculptured dolls that were created in 1978 . The child who owns a cabbage patch kid had to take an Oath of Adoption with the famous 14 inch doll. Each kid stands at 14 inches and carries her own birth certificate.

No one I knew had a Cabbage Patch Kid. Only children in television shows or children whose parents were surgeons. The price of one would cost you a trip to the moon and back, that was what I was told.

So, what is it with childhood dreams?

I think they are lovely especially when many years later, you can realise them. Everything is precious when there is value attached to it. The doll itself is just a doll. But it is the child's dream behind the doll that makes it precious. And to realise that dream as an adult, has set that desire in stone. The timing was perfect. The doll soothed an aching heart.

So I brought Tamara Thalia home.
                                                         

THE MIDWIFE TOAD AND THE CHECKOUT COUNTER

I am not exactly a toad hugger but the Majorcan midwife toad caught my fancy. It has adapted to the harsh, dry conditions of the Spanish Island. It is found only in deep canyons in the northern mountains. It has evolved to have a flatter body, which enables the toad to squeeze into narrow crevices in the rocks of its habitat. The only moisture available is in small, rain-filled puddles on ledges.

Paul Kammerer's (1905-1910) experiments on the midwife toad were done to find out whether adaptive characteristics of a generation of toads would be passed down to the next, genetically. The results of his experiments contributed to debates among scientists about inheritance in organisms.

Adaptation is the word that I am most curious about.

When I first came to Ireland, having lived in a robust city of 1.8 million (2017 census) for the most part of my life, to a town of 1484 residents (2016 census) the difference couldn't have been greater in every sense of the word. Speed, efficiency, urgency, immediacy, counters open for long hours, traffic jams - the composite factors of city life. Giving out numbers (and waiting in queue for your number to be displayed on the digital board) is part of the service many companies employ. Most places do not close for lunch breaks because staff have staggered lunch breaks.

So, in the town of 1484 residents, I find myself immersed in 2 regular scenes.

Scene 1: The supermarket/grocery shop

Imagine having to wait for minutes on end to hear the cashier chatting with a customer who had already paid for her shopping. They would chat as if there is no one in the queue and there you are waiting and waiting when all you want to do is to pay for your loaf of bread and to go back to what you have been  doing. Even in bigger supermarkets, the cashier would greet you, then wait patiently for you to pack all your goods into your shopping bags, utter a quick enjoy your day before she starts checking out the goods from the next customer after you.

Scene 2: The Post Office/ the bank

Imagine public offices/ amenities closing their doors during lunch and someone having rushed all the way there only to find that he had just missed that crucial minute before the doors closed. An interesting activity would be this group of senior citizens chatting and exchanging pleasantries ( on pension day especially) outside the post office, way too early before the post office doors opened.

Then the years rolled on.

I was at a supermarket recently. Having done my weekly shopping, I made my way to the counter. After the cashier had charged me for the last item in my trolley, and all my groceries were on the 'loading bay' ready for me to put them into bags, she did something that took me by surprise. She put a bar on the loading bay so that my groceries would all be on one side of the bay. Then she quickly entertained the next customer and her stuff started filling up the next section of the loading bay, manually separated by the bar. Speed and efficiency. But I felt separated. I felt the pressure to quickly pack my bags and go.

Something similar happened to the Post Office as well. It moved from the original location where it had stood for years. Now it is in a corner of a building, stark and new. Metal stands and ropes divide the queues between the counters.. No fuss. Speed and efficiency. But no laughter or tales.

What had just happened?

Change.

Good and Bad.

By pushing forward, sometimes we lose the personal touch.

Like the midwife toad, i had adapted and now I must adapt again.

, 

A CHANGE IN THE SEASONS

I must admit that I'm falling for Fall. In fact every year I will wax lyrical over falling leaves, warm hues, pumpkins and gourds. Autumn is about Harvest.

When the season changes, so too will many other things - my taste buds change as I gravitate towards warm honey. My Autumn-Winter wardrobe makes its appearance and even my preference for scents drifts from flowery Anais Anais Cacharel towards the richer Jo Malone's Orange Blossom. And I prefer to stay indoors, next to the glowing fireplace rather than go out. I'm also letting my garden rest.

Love it or hate it but Autumn will gradually pave the way for Winter.

Can we in any way change the seasons? No. 
Can we in any way change our perspective towards the different seasons? Yes.

That brings me to a conversation I had the other day with two friends about people. We shared our experiences about nice mannerly people who leave you refreshed and happy and enjoying each other's company. And the other category which is the direct opposite, and I won't even go there.

What makes people nice or not nice?

Is it education - and I don't just mean spending those years in school ? Is it upbringing - has discipline and respect and mindfulness flown out of the window as parents  put their children so high up on the pedestal, that they can do no wrong? Is it the lack of exposure that has resulted in a very insular society, so entrenched in its own ways and culture, resulting in stereotypical concepts about race or gender?

'We are put here in this place to change them.' my friend said.

I beg to differ I said. We can't change seasons and neither can we change another person.  But we can live true  to the good values that we have been brought up with, and hopefully that will leave some impact on others around us.

I was at a Women's Conference in Dublin recently and I came away with a nugget. 'Live unbothered '

This means that we should not let what is upsetting attach itself to us for too long.

We can choose how we respond to those who are nosy, who don't keep promises, who say things they don't mean, who gossip, who back bite, who envy, who don't like us, who are shallow, who are uncouth .....and the list goes on.

To do this, we need to recognise the unpleasant event or behaviour and tell ourselves that  we will not let it spoil our mood or our day. Once we choose this response, we can then let the bad behaviour go and we have freed ourselves to live life to the fullest.

Everyone is on a journey.

Some take a longer time to arrive at being a better person or friend. And if we live to see that happen, we are genuinely happy for them.

Some may never change at all. And hard as it is, there is nothing we can do about it.

We cannot change that unpleasant behaviour. But we can choose not to let that unpleasant behaviour affect our own mood and feelings.

So it's time to make that warm honey and thank God for the lovely family and friends that surround me. And that is the greatest harvest.

I'M GROWING NEW BRAIN CELLS

Every time I meet a new person, the inevitable question comes out....'Now, where do you work?'

The answer in my head is, 'I'm growing new brain cells in the lab of my brain and I'm making great progress.'

I do believe that every time I learn something new, react positively to something negative or step out of my comfort zone, I'm growing neurons. Two big words for today are neurogenesis - the creation of new neurons and  neuroplasticity - the ability of the brain and nervous system to remodel in response to new information based on experiences, behaviour, emotions or injury.

Just the other day, we visited the Hill of Uisneach. It was our second time there, the first time having missed the tour. So with knowledge readily shared by our most wonderful guide, Justin, who is an archaeologist, I felt so privileged to walk on the grounds that the great and the mighty have trodden. I came away with two books and also several links to research more into the wonders of Ireland's sacred past. I can never say enough about reading. My kindle, books and writings are always on my bedside table.

My love for learning propels me forward. It becomes a challenge for me to find a way when there seems to be no way. That's where ideas lead to creativity and voila! something beautiful comes out of it.

Take for instance the time I was running to several florists in search of a dry oasis ring to make a wreath, using the garden flowers that I have dried. Sure, they have it over at Amazon and all but to actually order one and get it delivered doesn't justify the monetary outlay. So when I saw a 12 inch aluminium pie plate that cost a fraction of the price of the aforesaid Amazon ring, my brain went into overdrive. I started to grow neurons and was mighty pleased with the result. The secret is of course to be pleased with everything you have tried and not to beat yourself black and blue over something that you have spent hours on.

A friend once shared with me the story of the measuring tape. If we always think whatever we do is never good enough, perhaps we have been using the wrong measuring tape. The solution is to ditch that measuring tape and get a new one!

I know it is scary to try new things. But if you don't try, you will never know. The thing is if it works, you are happy. If it doesn't, there is always the bin, and no one has to know.

At times, I yearn for food that I love but is not readily available over here in Ireland. Recently, I was imagining dorayaki (japanese round pancakes with red bean filling) flying around me like spaceships. So I know I had to make some and so I did. A GOOGLE search on methods of freezing them came to nought so I thought of a practical way to do so, based on my experience with freezing food, and hey presto, the last time I re-heated a frozen dorayaki on a cool autumnal evening, it tasted like heaven.

I think the worst thing you can do to yourself is to build walls around your brain.

In the lyrics of 'I am a rock' we hear the lines ................

I've built walls

A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock
I am an island

When we start to build walls around our brains, we self destruct. Walls need to come down. For every bad relationship, there are plenty of good ones. For every wrong decision made, there are better ones ahead. 

The brain is as old as you want it to be. Feed it and it grows. Build walls around it and you are stuck. 

So, I'm quite happy growing neurons in the lab of my brain.

MY NEW VOCATION?

Confucius said, 'Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.' I agree with him totally. All the years that I was lecturing in the university, I enjoyed my seminar rooms and lecture halls filled with students. So now that the rooms have faded into very pleasant memories, I'm en route to a new vocation.

Today is Friendship Day and I suspect every day is some special day as well. Isn't it lovely to be surrounded by friends near and far who care for you? I don't want to be just a friend, I want to be a true friend.

And I am learning and I am simply amazed when I get lovely comments like: 'You are an amazing friend and I am so lucky that I have gotten to know you. ' <3<3<3

So what makes a true friend?

1) “An acquaintance merely enjoys your company, a fair-weather companion flatters when all is well, a true friend has your best interests at heart and the pluck to tell you what you need to hear.” 
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly,

I think we all have our collection of acquaintances and fair-weather companions. People who say 'howya?' and 'See you later'. That's just being friendly but that doesn't make a true friend. Nobody wants to stick out and annoy you and  tell you things you don't want to hear about yourself that are so plain to everyone else. It takes a true friend out of love to do that. Not only does she tell you how you are destroying yourself but she also encourages you to be your potential and to taste the honey dripping from the honeycomb.

2.“There are still some wonderful people left in this world! They are diamonds in the rough, but they're around! You'll find them when you fall down– they're the ones who pick you up, who don't judge, and you had to fall down to see them! When you get up again, remember who your true friends are!” 
― C. JoyBell C.

i would say I have found such wonderful people. Usually people who do not judge are people who have walked a similar road like yourself. It is such a comfort when people listen and not hear. It is less annoying when people stop preaching or throwing out bible verses at you even though you have read the bible twice over.

3. Don't wait for people to be friendly. Show them how. - Unknown

The thing is, if you are looking for a wonderful friend, you must be prepared to be one yourself. And it takes effort and time and sincerity. You will need to remember things that are special to her - her birthday for instance, and not depend on facebook to remind you. You will need to have those coffee moments, when it's just the two of you having a cuppa and not staring at the television in the room or wondering who is that motley crowd that has walked in and do you know them?

4. A good friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even when she knows you are slightly cracked.

i think this is hilarious but it is true. No one's perfect and we all have our idiosyncrasies. We have good days and bad days. Days of raging hormones and days of no hormones, if you get what I mean. But it is accepting the person in totality and not to be too overly sensitive over some perceived indifference. 

5. True friendship is not about being separable. It is being separated and nothing changes.

Very true. We make new good friends but we must not neglect those that we have left behind. Inevitably space and time may pose as challenges but i can safely say I have true friends in Ireland and other parts of the world.

6. Be loyal in confidence and character (Peggy Turner Beatty)

What is told to you in confidence remains in confidence. 

7. Show up! (Sherri Levy)

Be there in person when possible, in sympathy and in joy.  True friends are rare. Treasure them and put effort into sustaining the friendship .

Busyness is a choice. Priorities are choices.

8. AND THIS IS TO ALL MY TRUE FRIENDS OUT THERE.....

LETTING IT GO

I was reading Roald Dahl's Danny The Champion of the World again because I can never be bored by Roald Dahl's books and believe it or not each time I read it, I see something that I never saw before.

There's this episode where Danny and his father are letting off a 'fire balloon' on a lovely still evening.

Between us, we held the sides of the balloon out as much as possible to keep them away from the flame in the early stages...
'She's nearly ready!' my father said, 'Can you feel her floating?
' Yes,!' I said, 'Yes! Shall we let go?'
 'Not yet!...Wait a bit longer!...Wait until she's nagging to fly away!' 
'She's tugging now!' I said.
 'Right!' he cried. 'Let her go!'

There is this youtube video that is making its rounds about letting go of events or people that hurt us. The message is that we have no control over how others act or why they act that way. So to heal ourselves we should not repaint another's true colours nor waste our energy on those that weigh us down. It is not defeat when we have come to the end of trying and the person's attitude towards us doesn't change. It is not defeat when you have tried to be accepted but others continue to choose to exclude you. The problem is not us because we have tried. Most of all even if we do not find closure, we should not let anyone or anything that is not serving or growing us remain in our minds and hearts for free.

Eckhart Toile in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose says, 'Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.'

For me, the secret of being free is not only to let go but to forgive.

Every morning when I wake up to pray and read the Bible, I will purpose in my heart to let go of events or people who weigh me down. Then I will say, 'I forgive.....(by name).' Unconditionally.

Very strangely, more often than not, I will meet or hear about the person that I said I will let go and forgive.

The first instinct is to walk the other way and take a different path to avoid the person altogether. But with forgiveness comes action. I will calmly approach the person and instead of feeling the sting of  past memories, I am awash with a fresh sense of calm and peace.

The funny thing is if we hold on to the pain or the memory, the person who is hurt most is we ourselves. Sometimes the same person will hurt me again. Then I will repeat the whole process again and again so that I can be set free and I can move on.

Just like the fire balloon that flies up into the sky.

Slowly, majestically, and in absolute silence, our wonderful balloon began to rise up  into the night sky. 

'It flies! ' I shouted, clapping my hands and jumping about. 'It flies! It flies!' 

My father was nearly as excited as I was.

'It's a beauty ' he said. 'This one's a real beauty. You never know how they're going to turn out until you fly them....'

The Vet and the Terrarium

Pat the Vet comes over annually to give Hachi his booster jab. So he came over last month and after a general inspection gave Hachi the thumbs up and general instructions what to do and what not to do. It was when he was about to leave the house that he saw the terrarium by the door and was gobsmacked.

'Now this is a most amazing creation,' he said.

I went into lecture mode and gave him an oral detailed description of the procedure but being a very serious learner, he said, 'could we go back to the table and I'll write down the instructions?'

Hmm, a reversal of roles, I smiled.

I've always enjoyed looking at terrariums. A terrarium is a collection of small plants growing in a transparent, sealed container. A terrarium is a closed environment, and can actually be used to illustrate how an ecosystem works.

The terrarium water cycle works in miniature the same way the water cycle works on a large scale for our planet. The plants take up the water through their roots and release it through their leaves. (transpiration) The water molecules will condense on the glass (condensation) and run down the sides of the terrarium.

But so far I've seen only those with 'windows' which means that the glass container is not completely sealed. So I took to Youtube to learn how to grow plants in a bottle that is completely sealed. Sounds impossible, but it is actually possible.

What strikes me is the concept of balance and care.

1) We are what we eat. 

I always believe that having good health is not impossible. Staying off medication is not impossible. But everything requires discipline and work. It is so much easier to to scoff down bars of chocolates then to stop at one.

I had my annual medical and the best news is a clean bill of health. No high blood pressure, no high sugar level, no problems with kidneys, liver, lungs, heart, cholesterol, weight etc. The conclusion: no medication. The doctor was pleased and so was I. Whatever I have been doing for years must be working. And I hope to stay healthy for a long long time.

2) We are what we think we are.

Our thoughts influence the way we behave, the decisions we make and the feelings we experience. Why are most people so negative?  Why are there so many moaners and whiners and complainants? You just have to turn on the radio and people are always giving out about something or other. It is a society that is never satisfied and thinks that the fault lies in someone else, never themselves.

There are people who are always 'offering information' about how well others are doing or how badly they have fallen. This constant comparison with others: Is it insecurity?  If that is what you call small talk, I'm totally not into it.

Why?

Because I believe in making a life, living out the 18 waking hours daily and blessing myself and others. I don't like tittle tattle, I like friendship. I don't like passing on information for the sake of 'what's the story?', I like caring and being personal. I don't like people trying to 'fish information' from me. If you want to know, ask the person directly. Why ask me?  That's what I told one lady when she asked me about someone else. She was so shocked at my retort that she said, 'Oh...I don't want to land in hot water.' And so, she expects me to land in hot water? Even if I know, it is not in my place to tell her. That is not concern, that is gossip.

Most of all, what irks me is sarcasm. That has practically no added value whatsoever. Some may think it funny or cultural but to me it is a waste of time and I think it is rude when someone rolls up his eyes and says 'Thank You very much.' I have seen a teenager say that to the mother, and the mother did nothing. If she were my child.......

I think it is ridiculous when someone says, 'Your FRIEND Oscar has made his millions.....' when obviously Oscar is just an acquaintance, never a friend. Worse still, if I had fallen out with Oscar sometime in the past. I am plainly not interested in what Oscar has done. If I am, I will ask.

Then on the other extreme we have those who won't stop talking about what they have achieved.

I was watching a child who was cycling without the trainer wheels and she shouted to her father, 'Look at me, look at me...' . It sounded so sweet because it was a child who had achieved something and wanted to be recognised. But when it is an adult who is always concerned about me, my and I - it is no longer sweet.

3. We become the person that we mix with.

Friends are important as they mould our character. But I can surely say that if we continually mix with eagles, we will soar. Conversely, if we mix with turkeys, we'll just be content to peck off the ground. Iron sharpens iron. It is inevitable to be surrounded by all sorts of people. But it is our personal responsibility to be the person that others can emulate and to learn from those who have remarkable traits.

4. We need to share what we have

The foundation for the terrarium is also very important. There is a layer of stones for drainage because too much water will be a disaster. We too need to share what we have instead of grabbing all the time. It could be grabbing another person's things, time or attention.

There is no tributary that flows out of the Dead Sea. No creature can survive in it as massive levels of salt prevent the existence of all life forms.

If we want to be surrounded by good friends, we need to be a good friend first. And what does it take to be a good friend? Investment: a continual concern,  regular texts enquiring about the well being of another, time spent just for the person, prayers and thoughts for the person, words of encouragement, being fun to be with, sharing of knowledge, sharing of personal matters.....and the list goes on. Do not ask a person out for tea if your eyes are constantly looking at who is entering the cafe and wondering if you know them or hoping that you'll be seen.

5. We need a filtration system

There is a layer of charcoal in the terrarium which acts as a filter to absorb smells and impurities. There is also a layer of mesh to prevent the houseplant compost from falling onto the stones. How I wish more people would filter their minds, their hearts and their speech.

There is so much garbage over the media and if we are just passively sucking everything in, I feel sorry for the mind, soul and body. I am surrounded daily by people uttering four letter words, blasphemies and using Jesus's name in vain - from adults, teens and even children!. It is so common to use  expletives or crude utterances  that it doesn't shock anymore.

People send me all sorts of videos and expect me to watch them the moment they sent the videos. Like I said I have only 18 daily waking hours and I am selective of what I watch and when I watch. Most times, I delete the video after 2 seconds of viewing if it doesn't spark joy.

So the vet took down all the notes and he asked me: How much do you charge for sharing this vital information with me?

I laughed and wished him well in his new quest. When I see him next year, I'd be ready with all the questions about his terrarium.

PLEASURE IN BEING POLITE

When my children were babies, I used to read to them this book about a bear cub who has no manners. Mama bear decides to stamp four meaningful words on his paws so he will not forget them: Please, Excuse Me, Thank You and I’m Sorry.

Interestingly enough, I heard all four words being used on the same day itself.

PLEASE

I was doing grocery shopping and suddenly I heard an excited voice asking the sales person,

‘ Where can I find a packet of quinoa, please?’ he asked. The magic word ‘please’ shows respect and consideration. It is not only a social norm but it also reflects on your upbringing.

I couldn’t see him because his back was facing me. Then he repeated himself, this time speaking slowly and clearly, q-u-i-n-o-a.

It is not rocket science to know what the problem was. The sales person had no clue what quinoa was and to him it could be moon rock for all it mattered. The man was flustered and disappointed.

EXCUSE ME

Actually he was standing very close to the aisle where there were bags of Uncle Ben’s whole grain and quinoa.

I walked to the said aisle for the fun of it, correction, I couldn’t resist it. I took a bag of quinoa and headed towards his direction except to find that the disappointed man was gone. Since I never saw his face I had to depend on his voice. Then out of the blue the voice came, this time round he was searching for another ingredient for the great dish that he was going to cook.

I went up to him and said, ‘ Excuse me, were you looking for this?’

His face beamed as if he had won the lotto. ‘Look Mary (calling out to a lady further down the aisle) a good samaritan had found the quinoa’

Turning to me he asked, ‘Where did you find it?’

I said, ‘The rice aisle’

He said, ‘I was there but I didn’t see it’

I said, ‘You didn’t look hard enough’ and laughed.

I thought to myself, if the supermarket employed me as a salesperson, I would know exactly where everything is. I’ve met all sorts of salespeople: those who know everything and those who know very little.

I’M SORRY

Then I went to look for mussels and the fish monger said, ‘I’m sorry, I just sold the last bag.’ It is not uncommon to hear people apologising for almost anything. If I accidentally bump into someone, I may actually hear the other person saying they’re ‘sorry’ for standing in the way of my clumsy wandering. Other examples are  "Sorry can I just say?... oh sorry, you were saying, no sorry... sorry, sorry, don’t mind me….sorry, you go ahead...sorry".

The use of ‘sorry’ here has become more of a tag rather than a real heart felt apology which is a different thing altogether because the latter involves humility and overcoming pride.

THANK YOU

So after the grocery shopping, I went to buy a rolling pin.

Salesperson: This is a lovely rolling pin. Value for money now that the sale is on.

Me: Yeah, I broke mine last night

Salesperson: I hope you didn’t hit anyone with it.

Me: I wish!

Salesperson: Thanks a million! (This ‘thanks a million’ phrase is really iconic here. )

In fact, according to the Irish journal, Dublin Bus research reveals that 90% of passengers always say thank you to their driver.

Being polite makes the world an easier place to live in. Videos of neighbours fighting over small matters have gone viral and there are many ugly instances where manners have just gone out of the window. Manners when instilled from young go a long way. 

In this respect, mama bear is doing the right thing.

THE THINGS WE DO OR DON'T DO

I was sitting in the waiting room for my regular dental appointment. Truth be told it was one of those things that I didn’t look forward to. It must have been the childhood memories of the dental nurse coming into the classroom with a list of names which would strike terror into the heart of any impressionable child. If you were called you knew you were doomed to sit on that infamous chair, looking into a bright light and having an assortment of equipment probing your 20 milk teeth or whatever that was left.

So to take my mind off the situation at hand, I decided to think about different things.

1. Things that we need to do but we don’t like to do.

Besides the dental visit, I also do not like to see the doctor or to undergo any medical tests because you’ll never know what you may be told. I don’t like approaching the weighing scales either or being on a rabbit food (a.k.a tasteless) diet or going three times a week at least to the gym. But I do them anyway because that is what I need to do.

2. Things we wished we had done but we did not

I am not good at thinking of a quick answer on the spot because I’m one who mulls over what I should say before I actually do so. In most cases this is good as words said in a wrong way at the wrong time could spell trouble. But sometimes there is a need to speak up. Take for instance when I went to a shop that sold pretty things in Adare. The shop keeper asked if she could help me. I said, no, thank you, I was just looking. She was certainly in a bad mood that day and she made a very sarcastic and racist remark that threw me off-guard. I was too shocked to answer and left the shop immediately. On hind-sight, I should have retorted and given her a piece of my mind. Most shop keepers are lovely. She was an exception.

And what about the time when someone’s child was bawling away on a long flight and the parent did nothing? Or when you were trying to rest on a hospital bed and friends visiting the other patient next to you were behaving as if there was a party? I must certainly make learning how to speak out boldly when the situation demands it, my next year’s resolution.

3. Things that we do and we don’t know why we do them

When I enter a cafe by myself for a coffee, the first thing I would do is to whip up my phone and let my finger scroll the screen. A totally useless activity given that I had just looked at the screen before I entered the cafe. Or if I didn’t have my phone with me, I would grab any reading material and start reading. Then I also have the habit of pressing the crosswalk button many times even though it won’t make the ‘green man’ appear any faster. And how many times have I gone back to my parked car to double check whether I have locked it?

4. Things that we wish we could do but we can’t

We can’t solve another person’s problems. We can advise till we are blue in the face and none of the advice will be taken. Sometimes it can be very frustrating as the solution can be as clear as day to you and yet the person will not take any action and will tell you the same problem every time he sees you. The bottom line is he is not you and the fact that he keeps coming back to tell you his problem shows that you are a good listener and a trusted friend.

5. Things we love to do and would spend endless hours on them

This is my favourite because I can spend such joyful moments engaging in the things I like to do. A friend who saw my garden asked me whether I spent a few hours daily to till the land or a few days at one go? Another person when looking at my crafts asked whether I slept at all? When I’m engaged in a project it is on my brain from the beginning till the end. The whole process of coming up with an image right up to actually painting the image is not limited by time. That is why it is said you can’t put a price on art and you can’t say how many man hours you have committed to it.

So back to the dentist.

He had a good look at what’s left of the 32 teeth and probed here and there. Then he said, ‘I’ve never seen an Irish come in without any plaque! Whatever you have been doing, keep it up and your teeth will serve you well into your 90s even.’

So I waved goodbye to him and headed towards a cafe. Now, would I take out my phone to stare at the screen while I wait for the coffee?