It has been aeons since I last posted something, a very strange phenomenon for me because I love to write, amongst other things. My excuse is that I'm living in strange times, having strange fears and observing strange rules. Nothing seems normal. Exactly, nothing seems normal.
Just like Phil, a self-centred weatherman, who goes to the town of Punxsutawney for an assignment on Groundhog Day and later finds himself reliving the same day over and over again.
When I left Malaysia on 7 February 2020, the number of Covid cases was 28. At that time I thought it was terrifying and now as I write, the national total is 2031. If 28 was terrifying, I have no adjective to describe 2031.
I do not fall sick easily because I make sure that I eat and live healthily. Having said that, my body reacts to overdoses of anxiety which than inevitably leads to chest tightness. So that would be the signal for me to reduce whatever is causing that stress. I therefore decided to adhere to a strict routine, because there is only one Me, and this Me is a fighter and a survivor.
1. A quiet time
The first thing I do before I leave the bed is to have a quiet time with my Maker. That is when I can release all my fears and howl as much as I want behind closed doors. A time of weeping over the state the world is in. A time of repentance. I miss singing in the church so the next best thing is to listen to my favourite inspirational songs and sing along. Half way through the singing, the voice will just crack and the tears will flow as the heart is heavy and overwhelmed at the same time. And I remember my husband, our children, our friends and ask God to have mercy and form a hedge of protection around us. Starting the day with the right frame of mind and spirit and soul certainly helps me to go through the next 24 hours.
2. Fasting
I am thankful that this is also the month of Lent. I had already purposed in my heart to fast during this period and that has given me much strength and hope for good things that are yet to come. We appreciate our medical front liners and clap for them for their selfless acts of care for the patients.
But how does the mother of a front liner feel?
It seems like ages ago when I walked up over a hundred steps to the university to teach everyday. As I had no car then, I took the bus, crossed over a busy road and climbed those steps up, laden with my first born. And now the first born is there serving others, with no vaccine in sight.
Even Dr Christopher Lee, who is a member of the Selangor task force for Covid-19, took to Twitter to voice his worry. He penned a message about his daughter Hannah, who was going to her first day as a medical officer at the Covid-19 ward at the Tuanku Ja'afar Hospital in Seremban,Negeri Sembilan and how heavy his heart is.
'20 years ago, my 9 yr daughter told me 'Be careful, Papa' when I left to serve in the SARS ward at the KL hospital. This morning, I reminded Hannah to 'Take care, girl' when she starts her 1st day as an MO in the Covid ward in Seremban. Many parents are feeling what I'm feeling now...worried.'
3 Self Quarantine.
Although social distancing is encouraged in Ireland, I decided to take one step further to self quarantine as early as February. I only go out for very essential matters because I feel safer at home. Even today the Prime Minister has just announced stricter measures until Easter. I totally welcome it because I like being at home as much as I like travelling.
I remember having to stay home for 30 days after each child was born. I enjoyed that thoroughly - eating nourishing food and resting, having engaged a special person called the confinement lady to take care of me and the newborn and all the household duties. So for 3 children, I had 90 days of self quarantine over a few years.
4. Social Media
Being a woman of two nations, I have double the joy during good times. But during difficult times , I have double the anxiety. So I followed the news from both countries very closely until....
I decided I'm going to limit myself reading or listening about news on Covid19. I will quickly run through both real and fake news in the morning for a maximum of 10 minutes just to keep abreast with what is happening. And even if I receive more news and videos on the said matter via messenger, facebook or whatsapp throughout the day, I will not read them. Too much bad news has a way of getting into your system.
5. Something that makes me happy
Basically, I have so many things to do or entertain myself at home, I am never bored. There is enough stash in my craft room to last me for the next 5 years.
I have books by my bedside that are shouting at me to read. I have movies that I have recorded and haven't watched yet. The planning of daily meals as we eat in more encourages me to try new recipes and I'm really happy with the meals I have prepared.
But most of all, surrounded by the people I love and who love me in return makes me very happy. Together we can do little things or big things, it doesn't matter. What matters is that hands are warm and hearts are beating still.
The sun still rises. The sun still sets. In fear and doubt, whether near or past....THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
