TELL YOUR HEART TO BEAT AGAIN

I had a big cactus plant that I grew from a pup. It required very little care, just sunshine and a bit of water now and again. It was healthy and sturdy and it sat nicely on the shelf until I accidentally knocked it one day and it fell. Seeing no harm done, I put it back into the pot and didn't pay much attention to it.

Days passed and I noticed that something was wrong with it. It was literally shrinking before my eyes.

I did an internet search to find out the possible reasons for this malady and I learnt, a tad to late, how to nurture a fallen cactus to full health. Seemingly you will need to examine the wound, excise the rot and apply sulphur powder which is a natural fungicide to the wound.

I took the cactus out of the pot to inspect it and noticed that by then the rot had become so bad, it had given up the ghost.

What had just happened? A fine stately specimen had been reduced to sad pulp, only fit for the compost heap.

There is so much similarity between this wounded thorny object and a human heart.

I was listening to the song 'Tell your heart to beat again' by Danny Gokey and found out the story that inspired the song.

The story goes that a heart surgeon in Ohio once removed a patient's heart to repair it. It was a successful operation but ironically the heart wouldn't beat. Before giving up altogether, the surgeon knelt down beside the unconscious patient and spoke to her:

“Mrs. Johnson, this is your doctor. We have fixed your heart—we have repaired it. There’s nothing wrong with your heart. Mrs. Johnson, if you can hear me, I need you to tell your heart to beat again.”

I can't help thinking of the cactus where the insides were so messed up,  it was beyond living. But if I had intervened earlier, it could have lived.

How many times have we let disease and bad experiences and hurtful memories eat into our insides?

We don't realise that over the years, if not dealt with, the decay gets worse. 

We think that if we don't remember them, they won't affect us. We think that if we avoid dealing with them, we will escape the consequences. It only takes an incident, a song, a word, a deed, even something that happens to someone else - to trigger the pain - and all those memories will crash upon us, just as if they happened yesterday. Very vivid with all the details we thought we had forgotten. Sometimes we don't even realise that they have been there still, after all these years.

Dawna Hetzler the author of 'Walls of a Warrior' says, ' We have to be intentional and want restoration. Begin the journey of forgiveness, prepare to love again, slow yet steady. Believe again. Sing a new song.'

And Mrs. Johnson had to tell her heart to beat again.

She lives still.

LET OUR STARS SHINE

My friend Margarita has this poster on her social media page and even before I read the translation, I know it must mean something beautiful because a picture paints a thousand words.

I see a person climbing a high ladder to stick stars onto the sky. And I see a whole basket of stars pushed by a puny animal. There is effort involved in climbing so high. There is fear involved too if she is afraid of heights. There are so many stars in the basket, so it means lots of time taken to stick them one by one onto the sky. The basket is heavy and the puny animal needs to push it with all her strength. But both the person and the animal continue to do so.

Perseverance.

Translated it means: People who help others shine know that there is room for everyone.

Being selfless. Being supportive. Being encouraging.

But what is more common everywhere is backbiting and stepping on others to get ahead, be it in the real world or in soap operas. People are envious of others having a better life than themselves. Others feel threatened if someone is more capable or has more potential. Sad to say, there are plenty of them around.

I have attended many workshops on creativity. When I really enjoy doing something, I go all out. So even if everyone else makes a simple art piece, I challenge myself to make a more complicated one. Sometimes I don't stop at one.

And when I bring it to the class the following week, some are genuinely excited to see what I have done. But there are always those who will not be happy. You can sense it from their body language. Even the teacher! So a good friend who has seen my works privately, even told me not to bring my best piece to class. Just bring a mediocre piece, so everyone is happy, so no one feels threatened.

What a shame!

If I were the teacher and my student shows great enthusiasm in my class, I would be so proud. If my student outshines me and creates better things using what I have taught as a springboard, I would be over the moon.

I love a good challenge to excel and I challenge others to excel. That has always been the way I encourage my children and support them, even if they are already adults.

My good friends who share with me their insecurities know that I will help them see the best in themselves. Because sometimes we forget our strengths and it takes another person to give us an honest assessment of what we can do and what we can't. Because sometimes we need to be challenged to take the next step, out of our comfort zone.

Why is our worldview so narrow? Why do we tell ourselves that if someone gets ahead, we will be left behind?

I have encountered strange remarks that left me baffled. When I check with my Irish friends, they almost always come to the same conclusion - 'these people are simply jealous of you.'

I am very comfortable in my own skin. I respect the law.  Within the community, I do what I want to do, not because I have to do it. I am not afraid to disappoint others because I choose to be true to myself. No society, custom or habit can influence me to do otherwise. I have no bucket list and I do not desire the bigger house next door. I am content with my lot.

I have also been shocked by people whispering in my ears - usually bad stuff about others - a snide remark, a rolling of eyes. The sad thing is it has become so common, they don't see anything wrong and as long as they don't kill or rob someone, they think gossip is pretty harmless.   It only shows a disgruntled spirit within a very unhappy person indeed.

When someone I know shines, I genuinely feel very happy for her. I don't believe in luck, so I believe she must have done something great to arrive at such an achievement.

To actually help someone achieve more or become a better version of himself takes time and effort and a different perspective of life.

There is always room for another star in the sky. When we let others shine, we will also shine alongside.

The best part is the reward is intangible. A deep satisfaction to see someone else happy. A deep satisfaction within which no one can take away.

MUSINGS

When the night sky is full of stars, it is a wonder to behold. What looks like stars lining up in a straight line, is actually very different in reality because they are very very far apart. But against a dark canvas we can conjure up shapes and patterns in perfect alignment.

I am writing to a 9 year old in Togo and wonder what she could understand. In an earlier letter, she asked me how I spent Christmas. If I describe to her the Christmas tree decked with baubles, would it be a totally alien concept to her? If I told her about the presents received, would she have received any herself?

I thought about circumstances.

It doesn't seem fair that some children have toys that reach to the ceiling while others have none. What kind of a future would she have, living in a very basic shelter that she calls home?

I thought about the documentary that I watched the night before. 

About inmates in prison given a second chance to pursue education at tertiary level. One of the female inmates became a mother at 15 because that was the 'normal' route a girl child would take in her society. Would the Togo child be one of the statistics?

I thought about the different things that we experience as we walk this journey called life. 

Some happy, some sad. We try our best to be the good daughter, the good wife, the good mother. But when things go wrong, we wonder whether we had been the good daughter, the good wife, the good mother. We are our own harshest critic.

I thought about the different views we hold concerning the present situation. 

My friend asked whether she could come and visit me. I said, we have waited this long, can we wait a little longer until Phase 4?

I thought about the impact the pandemic has left us. 

Why some could still squander their wealth while others do not know where the next meal will come from.

I thought about how much I enjoy my own company. 

Although I long for the time when we could travel freely again, I am also happy where I am - in my home, where there is food on the table, where the air is clean and where my daily 18 hours  are filled with doing what I enjoy most and the remaining 6 hours engaged in a deep sleep with dreams of technicolour. I have attended talks or workshops that do not add value to my day. So I have learnt to make choices, and say No to them.

Whatever it is, the sun still rises in the East and sets in the West.

It is a full spectrum of a day. And if today is a sorrowful day, tomorrow can be totally different. And I am thankful for hope.

I believe nothing happens at random. They are all part of the big picture. Like how we see the stars from afar.

I'M GOING TO A MASQUERADE BALL!

When I was walking down the streets in Venice, I couldn't help admiring all the lovely masks in the shops. There were intricate ones, bedazzled with jewels and there were also some very scary ones.

And when I was conducting a 5 day teacher training workshop in Hanoi, all the teachers came to class wearing cloth masks. Initially I was taken aback, but they had a reason. They rode on motorbikes on dusty roads to the training centre, hence the need for masks.

So I started making masks for my loved ones during this season. Let it not be said that 'A tailor's child has no new clothes'. What started out as an act of love soon turned into a brisk business as friends told friends who told more friends  about the masks. Just when I started to pack away the sewing machine, another new order would come in.

The wonderful thing about knowing how to sew and loving it, is that, I also have loads of stash related to sewing: fabric,interfacing and elastic for instance. All very essential for sewing masks when most of the shops were closed. Buying them online was no help because delivery might take ages.

If we need to wear a mask, then wear it with style. That is my mantra. Just as I have handbags to match my clothes, my masks have personalities and are not generic. 

I asked my friends and family members back in Malaysia and they tell me that it is the done thing to wear a mask when you go out. Even the foreign workers do that. This is directed by the Health Ministry, especially now that Malaysia is on the recovery phase with more relaxed provisions, so spikes must be prevented. In fact, many shops will not admit unmasked customers  and it is mandatory to wear masks on all public transport.

But over here....I could be the only person wearing one while walking on the street. Whenever I see another person wearing a mask, it is so comforting, as if we have a common understanding and we belong to a band of bonded sisters! 

And there are funny episodes too.

I was trying to get some lamb livers for my dog Hachi who had a bout of nose bleeds and was recovering. So I reasoned that he needed more iron to replenish blood loss. There I was at a safe distance behind the meat counter and I uttered these words.

Me: Do you have lamb livers please?

(What the butcher heard: oip iuyt uiinuy tytb iyyl poiuytrt?)

Butcher: So  you want a piece of sirloin steak?

I burst out laughing behind my mask. He was ingenious. Trying hard to make sense of the mumble behind the mask.

In another instance, I encountered a group of unmasked teenagers along a narrow lane. Upon seeing me, one of them freaked out and immediately pulled his sweater up over his mouth and nose. I needn't have to carry a bell and yell, 'Leper coming through!'

Much has been deliberated over the benefits of masks. The fear that you'll forget to do the necessary hand washing and social distancing for example. The fear that there will be a mad rush for masks, think toilet paper frenzy. The fear that there will be insufficient masks for the front liners.

There is of course mask etiquette. If you wear one, you need to learn how to wear it correctly, take it off correctly, dispose of it correctly or wash it correctly.

The thing is you'll never know what is lurking around the corner. 

I was walking to the post office and lo and behold, there was this person behind me who was coughing and coughing without a care in the world and without a mask. When I was at the supermarket, the fish monger released a series of sneezes. The first sneeze was caught by the mask, and he then took off his mask to sneeze even more!! This is my version of what Joseph Conrad would call The Horror! The Horror! in Heart of Darkness.

So while the nation debates the pros and cons of mask wearing, I will visualise that  I'm going to a masquerade ball every time I go out.

And if it is a ball that I am going to, I'll make sure that my head is held high, and I'm walking with pride as in a triumphal procession celebrating the gift of life and good health.