IT'S HARD TO SAY GOODBYE TO WHAT YOU WANT FOREVER

In July and August this year,  I have to say goodbye to two friends. One whom I was just getting to know better and the other whom I've known for 8 years.

Ivania came into my life when her daughters enrolled at a local school. Getting to know her was effortless as she is unassuming and full of life. I invited her over to my house for tea and  as English is not Ivania's first language, google translate was a big help. I wish I knew Spanish!!

And before we could have more tete a tete, the lockdown came. But communication can take so many forms, if we put our minds to it. There was a slew of WhatsApp messages sharing fun things and things that matter.

So when we could travel out of Ireland again, I got a text from her saying that she and her girls would be boarding the ferry soon. I knew that would eventually come one day but when it came, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Too soon!!!

We had another round of food at the Lakeside and when I brought her home in my car, I knew I would not see her again until I go to Madrid one day.

A.A. Milne said, 'How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.'

Friendship is such a beautiful thing. To have good friends is to be a good friend yourself. I cannot say often enough that good friends don't happen overnight. Like everything else friendship needs nourishment - time, effort, mutual concern. Many have neglected building friendships because of other pressing matters of the day. It is when all is said and done, and the children have flown the nest, and you sit down and say to yourself  'I don't have friends'.

Susan came into my life some 8 years ago. We just clicked from the word go. She is compassionate and we have exchanged recipes and secrets of the heart. Sometime next week, she will be returning to Seattle. We promise ourselves that we must meet in NYC someday at least!

So to my lovely friends who have left something behind in my heart...

I am....

- SAD to see you go

- HAPPY that you are going to have more joy in your life

- EXCITED that the future is bright for you

- ANGRY that you had to go through anything unpleasant during your stay here

- HOPEFUL that we will meet again

- APPRECIATIVE of the moments we shared

- GLAD that I've known you as a friend

- CERTAIN that God is there for you

- OPTIMISTIC that you will be surrounded by lots of love and support

                                               Thank you for being my friend.

A TALE OF TWO COUNTRIES

The waggle dance is a term used in beekeeping to describe a certain figure-eight dance of the honey bee. When a bee dances, its aim is to share information with other members of the colony about the direction and distance farther than 10 metres to floral patches where nectar and pollen are a-plenty. The dance can also convey information about water sources or new nest site locations.

So the idea of a bee sign post couldn't be more appropriate for us.

182km to Dublin. 10912km to Kuala Lumpur.

What has it been like living in two different countries for the last 10 years?

To begin with, the climate, the people and the culture are as different as night and day. And yet there are so many commonalities between the two, if we care to look deeper.

I think it is very easy to complain about any place that we live in but I choose to talk about the positive things instead. I'll list 3 for each country for a start.

MALAYSIA

1. The beauty of multi-ethnicity and multiculturalism

As Malaysians we often take for granted the nature of our society. I find that because we grow up, go to school and work  with different races, we actually reap so many benefits.

We learn to appreciate and be tolerant of differences. We learn many languages and dialects. Before we speak or act, we think about the other person. Will we border on the sensitivities of another? 

We learn to talk and we learn to listen.

We pause and take stock. We learn to live alongside each other instead of attacking one another through our prejudices. As a result our perceptions widen and we are more embracing and inclusive.

Most of the friends I have in Ireland come from mono-cultural societies. I have friends who do not understand why a Malaysian can be a Malay or a Chinese or an Indian. Nor can they understand how Muslims, Hindus, Christians or people of other religions can be great friends.

Because of the different cultures and religions, we open our houses to our friends during festive seasons. We call that 'open house' where we welcome friends to our homes and enjoy our friendship and a variety of good food peculiar to that festivity. We send greeting cards (or electronic ones)  to our friends when we know that they are celebrating the festival - like Christmas, Hari Raya (Eid), Deepavali (Diwali) etc.

 I remember as a child,  my Muslim neighbour used to give us chicken curry and ketupat (cooked rice packs) during Hari Raya (Eid)and our Hindu cleaner would give us mutton curry and putu mayam/ iddayapam (string hoppers) during Deepavali. In return, my parents would give them mandarin oranges and biscuits during Chinese New Year and of course ang pow (money packets) to their children.

2. The beauty of hospitality
I find that hospitality is in the blood of a Malaysian. We love having friends over for sure. We love to cook and to share our food. To an outsider, Malaysian cooking is complicated and time consuming. But we do not complain because it is very satisfying for  us to cook a grand meal to be shared with the people around us. We are proud of our homes and  we invite our friends to our homes. I remember my children's friends coming over every so frequent.

3. The beauty of the weather
I know most Malaysians,  including myself, do not like it when the sun is blazing for 365 days. Yes, we do not have seasons. The sun rises and sets about the same time every day of the year. Because it is warm for the most part of the day, we have a great variety of food served alfresco. Shops open for long hours and eateries are everywhere.

It takes being away from the sun to appreciate the sun. We don't have to watch out for icy roads or frost on our windscreens or frozen pipes. We don't have to wait for endless days of rain to be over. We don't have to put on so many layers and wobble like a Michelin man when we go outdoors. We don't have to watch out for orange or red warnings for storms and put up with endless umbrellas broken by the wind.

IRELAND

1. The beauty of the landscape
I love nature and animals so the Irish landscape is simply beautiful to me. There are low lying mountains and several navigable rivers.  The Wicklow mountains, Moher cliffs, Connemara, West Cork, the Wild Atlantic Way and the Burren are testimony to the varied landscape.

The lush vegetation and woodlands are great for walks. My favourite animals here are the red fox and the badger. 

On a quiet day, you can hear the farmer's tractor whirring. The image of patchwork farms dotted with Friesian cows and frisking lambs is a pure delight. The relatively small population (approx.4.7 million in the republic) means there are lots of open spaces.

I am also in awe of the standing stones and stone circles and dolmens - so many that are far more ancient than the stone henge in Salisbury. The air of mystery they unfold and the immense feeling of being so near  that I can actually touch them is beyond description.

2. The beauty of the weather
The Irish climate is  influenced by the Atlantic ocean and is thus very moderate and the winters are mild. We have 4 seasons in a year, but sometimes you can have 4 seasons in a day.

I like the different seasons because I can do different things and wear different clothes. 

Spring is when I look forward to new life and my gardening starts. Summer is when I travel. Ireland is midway between Europe and the States so it doesn't take too long to fly either way. Autumn is my favourite season because it is not too hot or cold and it is also harvest time for most of my produce. I love it when the leaves turn a beautiful shade of yellow, red and brown. And when Winter comes, I love the warmth and aroma of the turf fed fire and I literally hibernate and rest, to be well prepared for the next Spring.

I like the spirit of volunteerism here, where people really go out to help and it is not for the money. I like the politeness of the general community - a 'howya' greeting along the street in rural Ireland or an acknowledgement from the driver of another car when you let him pass.

I like attending church here because the leaders are humble and the messages down to earth and genuine.

3. The beauty of the Arts

Because of my background in studying and teaching literature, it is a joy to live in the land of literary giants - Wilde, Yeats, Joyce, Seamus Heaney, Samuel Beckett and so many more.  There is a large surviving body of Irish mythological writing and Ireland has its fair share of wordsmiths on the global pedestal and Nobel prize winners in Literature.

There is no shortage of musicals and plays and operas in Bord Gais Theatre, Dublin or more locally at the Belltable or Limetree theatre in Limerick. We go regularly for these and really enjoy the variety and quality of the programmes.

We also enjoy the fairs - whether they are small scale country fairs or large ones like The National Ploughing Festival or Bloom.

So, both Malaysia and Ireland are close to my heart.

I am blessed to be able in live in both countries.

Most importantly, I am surrounded by people who love me in both countries.