Anam Ċara

I woke up this morning to grey skies and as I made my way downstairs I would usually stop halfway on the staircase and look at the sitting room. Himself was sitting by the fire (yes, the fire was blazing to dispel the morning cold) and he looked up and smiled. Same man, same chair, same fire, same sudoku puzzle in his hand. 

Routine and reliability in all its charm.

In 2008, I read a book called Anam Ċara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by Irish author John O'Donohue. Anam Ċara refers to the Celtic concept of the "soul friend" in religion and spirituality. It is friendship that understands the heart. It describes a very specific and special relationship between any two people.

It is the small things and the big things that we recognise as expressions of care and support. 

In a very noisy world, we can miss that very easily: miss showing how and miss recognising the presence of it.

With the lockdown, the world doesn't seem so noisy any more. 

As we stay in our homes, we  can either numb our senses with the constant blaring of the television or we can pause to hear the dripping of the tap or watch the dog twitching in his sleep, because he is running off with a string of sausages and the butcher is hot at his heels.

I enjoy this extended period of quiet and no rush. There is  this occasional zoom craft class, or bible study class or dance class to break the momentum, and that is absolutely fine. Now that I don't have to drive so much, I seem to have more than 24 hours daily to sleep, to write, to read or to sew.

And I am not afraid to share my thoughts, my feelings, my passion, my stress with himself. 

However small or willy nilly they seem. Because I know there is a good listening ear which is  trying hard to understand why such a small thing would bother me. Because we are made differently. So by now, he is used to my random thoughts and my perception of things -  critical thinking , philosophy, ideologies, craft, cooking, gardening, fashion, parenting, books and everything else.

It is communication at non-verbal as well as verbal levels. 

By now he knows me so well to know what piques my interest. He will stop the car, I don't have to ask him, just for me to run down and take a photo of the spectacular Santa by the roadside.

A true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who tears down your walls and brings you to your own attention so you can change your life . - Elizabeth Gilbert

I don't know how many more weeks or months we have to be in this lockdown. But I am content to be with himself sitting by the fire. My source of comfort and trust.

My Anam Ċara.

YOU WRITE MY STORY

I am surrounded by icy winds and frosty air. Water in the bucket has turned to ice. The doors of my greenhouse are frosted and 'glued' together. Hachi runs around and enjoys rolling on the frost bitten grass. A different season indeed but there is so much beauty and quiet this time of the year. It takes going through Winter to appreciate Spring.

So I retreat into the comfort of the warm fireplace, do a bit of quilting and listen to my favourite songs on spotify . The songs evoke a gamut of memories and emotions which then leads me to write.

I start the year with prayer and fasting. That 2021 is surrendered to God.  Forgiveness and trust. Fears and promises. People I care for. Things unseen, situations hoped for. Letting go. Most of all for protection and safety.

When I think back of my childhood, my teenage years, my adult life and my now. I feel that I've been travelling on Life's journey for sometime now. Will I go back and start from the beginning again if given the chance? Will I live any differently?

No. 

I wish I could have avoided the trappings. I wish I could have avoided the pitfalls. I wish I could have avoided the mistakes and the pain. But if I did, I would not have learnt, what it is to be human, to be kinder and to be more sympathetic to others who might have experienced what I had gone through.  I would not have learnt how to walk in someone's shoes, how to care, how to have empathy, how to hold my tongue, how to speak out, how to battle prejudices and how to encourage. My husband and children are proud of me. My friends share their hearts with me. I am very blessed indeed.

I see the daffodils trying to push through the snow. There is life yet. And I am thankful for the 355 days ahead. For new milestones and wise choices and decisions. For miracles and answered prayers. For family and friends and for acquaintances who have yet to become friends. 

Every milestone. Every experience. By design or by choice. 

YOU write my story.