THE THINGS THAT BLIND US

As Felix the deer is crossing the road, he stops to stare at the headlights of an approaching car.

Peter Rabbit: Felix blink! Blink!

Felix: Headlights

The above is an excerpt from the movie Peter Rabbit based on Beatrice Potter’s much loved creation. Deer are crepuscular. Crepuscular, a word drawn from the Latin word for “twilight,” is a term for animals that are active primarily at dawn and dusk. This means that their vision is optimized for very low light. Therefore, confronted with headlight beams, the deer’s eyes are fully dilated to capture as much light as possible. It cannot see at all until the eyes are adjusted. So basically they are blinded by the light and they just freeze.

Somehow the image of the deer transfixed by the lights strikes a chord in me because we too can be blinded at times and I can think of four occasions.

1. Shakespeare wrote in Merchant of Venice, Act 2, scene 6, "Love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit."

Partly to blame are those ‘feel-good’ chemicals in our brains when we fall in love that we tend to overlook or gloss over huge character flaws especially during the courting stage. We can be so blinded that we fail to realise that only one party gives in or apologizes most of the time in the hope of making the relationship work. Surmounting lies and constant disagreements or shouting matches wear the relationship thin. To be expected to fix a partner’s problems most of the time and to listen all the time are shifty grounds to build a relationship on. On hindsight, most of us would agree that we’ve been there and done that and now feel a little foolish.

2. Helen Keller said that the only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.

Vision is about having a dream and pursuing it. It is about seeing with the mind’s eye and planning. The corporate world has vision statements and we should have our own personal vision that drives us. Vision is built on what we do and with whom we interact. It is what we want to do, become or accomplish. It goes beyond surviving daily.

An individual with vision soars above the mundane. Gossiping or idle talk is of no interest to her. It is interesting to note that those who gossip also hear a lot of gossip themselves because like minds congregate. There is this all too familiar: Have you heard? This is usually accompanied by the right palm half covering the mouth so that whoever in the vicinity who is not supposed to hear it will not hear it. In smaller towns especially it becomes a national past time.

When people ask me why I do not gravitate towards tittle tattle, my reply is always the same: I have only 18 waking hours and I intend to use them productively pursuing my passion.

3. Someone said the eyes are useless when the mind is blind.

I think one of the greatest tragedies of mankind is when we refuse to embrace the new - whether it is new food, new language, new people or new ideas. There were several occasions when people asked my opinion about what Asians do. Take child raising for example. In all sincerity I shared some of the methods that worked for me and I was very surprised that they were not open to them at all. I understood later that they were asking for the sake of asking but not to learn. I remember as a young mother, I valued the advice of mothers who had raised wonderful children.

4. Mark Twain said kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see

If we look at the headlines of any newspaper, it is obvious that there is very little kindness left. Kindness is when we make time to visit someone, to sit and have coffee with her or show concern over her welfare. Kindness is when we speak a word of encouragement and lift someone up in prayer. I cannot help but feel touched when a friend told me how she would leave some chicken for the hungry foxes who come a-calling at night. Another makes sure the hedgehog families are safe when she cuts the hedgerows.

Towards the end of the Peter Rabbit movie, Felix the deer managed to use his ‘blindness’ for a good cause.

Many are blinded by their own ego, their own upbringing, their own culture or their own perceived superiority complex. If only we can be blinded by good stuff like generosity, selflessness, and everything that is positive instead.

BRINGING NEW LIFE TO THE OLD

Heavy equipment intimidates me. The sight of bulky things tells me it’s a no-go area, especially lawn mowers, harvesters and even very large wheels. Somehow I associate them with muscles, the latter which I certainly don’t have much, despite some pathetic efforts in lifting kettle bells.

So when I saw a notice saying there was an upcoming workshop on making garden furniture, I knew I must give it a try - partly out of interest and partly out of a long-held personal belief that there is nothing under the sun that I’m not capable of accomplishing- so long as I set my mind to it.

I drove to the Scariff Community Centre that was hosting Creative Ireland Community Art Project. I was all ready to test out the potential of mind over matter for the next few days.

The first question I asked the artist cum instructor, Ian Kelly, was ‘Is it too difficult for me to handle as I have zero knowledge about carpentry?’ Like a true teacher who believes everyone has potential, he was most encouraging.

I wasn’t convinced.

When I saw the electric woodworking tools : the chop saw, the power drill, the electric sander, the jigsaw, the fretsaw and other strange looking equipment, my heart told me to flee as quickly as I could. I am not the sort who would sign up for something and not complete it come rain or shine, so I followed the orders of the brain to stay.

What makes a workshop fun?

The teacher factor. If there is anything more frustrating to a student is the teacher who knows her stuff but doesn’t know how to teach. I’ve had my fair share of such in school and in university.

Ian was very patient and taught me what I needed to know to make a hexagonal bench out of recycled materials. We had to break up pallets with a pallet buster so we could re-use the wood. After that we had to sand them and screw them together in such a way that some parts could be easily dismantled if there was a need to move the bench to another area. In the middle of the hexagon would be a metal bird feeder tree which was being constructed by another group simultaneously. The bird feeder tree would also be made from recycled materials.

I learnt a range of new words like bar-clamp, chamfer and the try-square. The range of glues and wood stains also fascinated me.

The environment. The free flow of coffee and biscuits helped to break the momentum. The seventeen degrees with a bit of showers in between was lovely altogether. We worked outdoors surrounded by plants and the occasional robin wondering what the hammering and the whirring sounds were all about.

The importance of safety. I wore goggles and gloves. But at times I forgot to do the necessary like holding down the plank while cutting with the chop saw and the saw ‘jumped’ and frightened the daylights out of me. Mistakes occur when fatigue sets in.

Like most tasks, the first day was the hardest. I went home with sore arms as I was more familiar with holding the pen than anything heavier than a pen.

Jo Malone, who founded the fragrance bearing her namesake (now owned by Estee Lauder) said she never went back to what she had created before. She went on to set up a new brand called Jo Loves.

In a way, I’m like Jo Malone. I want to do new things, to try out areas I haven’t ventured, within reason of course. Case in point was when I was terribly excited the time I made my first teddy bear. After making five teddy bears for different people the process became predictable and thus it was no longer challenging.

It is the process of learning that makes it interesting. More so when it is a hobby craft where we are under no obligation to make a living from it.

 I like it when there’s something untried and as the brain tries to comprehend the unfamiliar, I feel like there are so many cogwheels rotating all at once in the head like the inside mechanism of a clock. The moment the clock chimes is like the moment when it all makes sense to me.

The workshop lasted three days and although I was happy to see the finished product, I was sorry that the final day had to come.

So what next?

I think I must learn how to drive a tractor instead.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 16 SEPTEMBER 2018 https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2018/09/410286/bringing-new-life-old

THE MORE YOU GIVE THE MORE YOU HAVE

It was one Saturday when everyone else was asleep that I woke up at 5am bright eyed and bushy tailed. So I headed for the garden and tidied it. Then I continued with household chores like washing the laundry and general cleaning. I proceeded to do some cooking and then did some painting and writing. After that, I walked to the gym.

The above certainly sounds like a journal entry or an example of a paragraph used by the teacher to illustrate chronological organisation in writing.

When the beloved woke up, he saw what I had accomplished and asked,

‘Where did you get all the energy?’

I was trying to think of a good answer when I remembered the story of the ant and the grasshopper. The bottom line is some people are industrious while others are lackadaisical. We have those who accomplish much and others who are inclined to park off on the couch, play online games and do very little else. Even in the animal kingdom, we have some that do most of the work and others, very little.

UK psychiatrist and book author Dr Neel Burton has much to say about laziness, which according to Wikipedia is “a disinclination to activity or exertion despite having the ability to do so”. In other words, a person is lazy when he is able to carry out some activity but is reluctant to do so because of the work involved. Underlying psychological reasons pertaining to this attitude could be the lack of self esteem or a fear of failure. So laziness is a way to sabotage themselves. By not doing the work, they tell themselves they have not failed but rather they never tried.

Another interesting view is that there is a relationship between dopamine levels and a willingness to work hard. There are some super foods that increase dopamine levels and it is said that one of them is dark chocolate.

A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience (2012) by researchers from Vanderbilt University in Tennessee found that dopamine levels in 3 areas of the brain influence a person’s personality - whether he is a go-getter or a procrastinator. Apparently hardworking people have the most dopamine in two areas of the brain known to play an important role in reward and motivation.

Then there is learned industriousness.

It may be difficult to explain human tendencies but I do believe that to a great extent, what we are is the result of modelling and the environment. Our backgrounds and the way we have been brought up influence how we approach day to day living.

For us who did not have much materially when we were growing up would have added reason to work hard and achieve. We tend to value what we have and also avoid wastage of any kind. In addition if we were constantly surrounded by parents or caregivers who worked very hard so that our basic needs were met and we could have that little extra, we would then try to emulate their work ethics. This of course is a general observation and there are exceptions to the rule.

A child living in an environment where hard work equals success will certainly view his future differently from another child who has been given everything. An adult living in a society where there are no social welfare privileges knows he has to work to survive. He cannot expect to receive freebies or allowances or discounted housing.

I’ve taught students and worked with colleagues and bosses who were very conscientious and it was such a delight.

Conscientious people want to do a task well and they take obligations to others seriously. They are efficient and organised, self disciplined and dependable. It is not only doing big jobs that matter but small jobs are equally important.

Sometimes when I’m asked to give a talk or to host an event, I try my best to make sure that it is done well. So I spend many days and nights planning and bringing the project to completion successfully. In the course of it, I’ve been asked, ‘why do you put in so much effort? They won’t appreciate it’ to which I’ll thank them for their concern but to me even if one person is blessed by the talk or the event, then it has made all the effort worthwhile.

So back to the question on how I had all the energy to do what I did. I think the secret lies in the mystery that the more you give, the more you have. 

Or it could be the ginseng.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 26 AUGUST 2018 https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2018/08/404962/more-you-give-more-you-have

DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM NOT THE SYMPTOM

My strawberries were blooming well and I read that straw would do the job of keeping them off the ground away from muddy rain splashes. Straw also prevents slugs from getting to them first as slugs avoid anything that scratches their slimy bodies. There is no end to learning and being a gardening enthusiast amongst many other things, I welcome new knowledge every day.

So I asked my friend is she had some straw to spare and to my delight, she gave me a big bag that fitted nicely into the boot of my car. After putting the straw down on the bed there was excess so I scanned through straw crafts to see what I could do with it. Making a scarecrow sounded very appealing. I needed something to frighten away the pesky birds from feasting on the greens but most of all I was excited over a worthy challenge.

I had never made a scarecrow before so I went into enthusiasm overload. Seamus the Scarecrow had a big job to do and like every Superhero he needed his own unique costume. I gave him a fine shirt, a pair of jeans and a straw hat with a hand-sewn pumpkin on it. I even made him a vest out of a 15 year old vintage fabric with gardening images. He looked really dapper but alas I could not give him a brain.

Almost instantaneously, I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz with the scarecrow by my side. The scarecrow had decided to follow Dorothy to Emerald City to ask the wizard for a brain. 

In reality, he had common sense and was finally recognized as "the wisest man in all of Oz” at the end of the novel despite not having an actual brain. So it wasn't a brain that he lacked but self confidence. It is said that the Scarecrow reflects the Kansas farmer as viewed by outsiders, needing a brain to replace the straw in his head.

I can see that there are two issues here.

The first issue is thinking that we think we need something very badly but actually we may not need it at all. Or we may be looking for the wrong thing altogether.

Case in point would be when we tend to search for relief rather than for a solution. We treat the symptoms rather than the root of the problem. The problem could be an actual physical disease or otherwise.

Take for example a headache. The first reaction would be to reach for a pill and hope that the pain will go away. Nothing wrong with that except we do not normally think of what caused the headache in the first place and try to prevent it from reoccurring. So we say we need a pain killer instead of an antidote for the source of the pain.

On the other hand, looking for a solution to a problem is like a car mechanic dealing with a rattling noise in the car. The mechanic will do a thorough check in order to find out what is causing the noise. Then once it is fixed, the happy customer drives the car with no worries.

If we can do that with an inanimate object why can’t we apply the same procedures when dealing with a personal problem?

Fear could be one reason why we avoid dealing with the real issue. We don’t want to unlock a door because we do not know what’s on the other side. Even though we are running around trying to fix the symptoms, the issue will not go away until we confront it

.

Finding the root cause requires persistence. Sometimes a problem can be the result of many smaller problems that have not been resolved, just like the formation of a Tel. In archaeology, a Tel, (derived from the Arabic word meaning 'hill' or 'mound'), is an artificial mound formed from the accumulated refuse of people living on the same site for hundreds or thousands of years. A classic Tel looks like a low, truncated cone with a flat top and sloping sides and can be up to 30 metres high.

The second issue is forming an opinion of ourselves based on the opinions of others. For those affected by this, it can take years and plenty of support and determination to feel secure and proud of who we are.

So for now, Seamus the Scarecrow stands proudly guarding my vegetable beds and the apple tree. In his solitary post, I must say that the silent sentinel does his job very well indeed.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES 29 JULY 2018
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2018/20180729nstnews/index.html#/23/

A LITTLE BIT OF LUXURY

I was at the shop looking for a bottle of my regular shampoo when another brand caught my eye. Well, the last time I used that was when I was in my twenties and at that time it was considered a high end shampoo. So I bought it on a whim just because.

When I put a generous blob on my palm, it was that all familiar aroma that made me smile. After all these years the shampoo’s quality was uncompromised.

It's strange how we associate things with luxury.

There is an everyday towel which is well used and there is a newer and fluffier one that we bring with us when we travel. There is an everyday mug which is quite ordinary and there is a nicer mug for the friend who drops by for tea.

There is a broad spectrum of luxury. What is luxurious to someone can be blase to another. Normally an item of luxury is more expensive than a regular item. Maybe the difference is in its quality. But I suspect advertising and packaging have a lot to do with the higher price. 

Every time I enter a store or surf online and I see something that I like but definitely do not need, there is this battle that goes on within - should I buy it or walk away?

I am not talking about the super rich or the super extravagant lifestyle. It is more about the spending power of the ‘every man’ who earns a basic wage and has responsibilities to tend to.

There are several factors that help us to decide whether or not to purchase a bit of luxury.

If it is a gift for someone else or if there is an occasion, half the battle is won because there is a cause for getting the gift. However, the battle intensifies when I am buying it for myself for no reason at all.

Then there is the price tag. This is very important because if it is reasonable, we rejoice. But if it is higher than what we expect, we move on to the next stage - justification and immediate or delayed gratification.

So we scrutinize the item to see if is worth forking out that much from the wallet. Sometimes a little defect can help us make up our minds quickly. We are secretly relieved that we can leave the item behind on the shelf.

We may also need another opinion to justify the purchase. So we photograph the item and send the image of the intended purchase to like minds. A thumbs- up or a happy emoji response signifies support and when two or three are in agreement, there is solidarity and peace of mind. So we take the item in question and stride happily to the payment counter.

When we actually carry the prized package home, not everyone will immediately reveal the latest bounty to the spouse for various reasons. One possible reason is we do not want to hear unfavourable comments. Any complaint about the purchase will certainly diminish the joy of having bought the item. So the lovely package is hidden in a special place only known to the buyer and will be retrieved at a later date. As for online packages, I have a doormat that reads, ‘Please hide packages from husband’.

When someone that I know well enough comes to me and asks for my opinion whether he should enjoy a little bit of luxury, I will ask him in return, ‘How old are you?’

I know the answer is incongruous but usually it is for someone who has lived most of his life as a very responsible adult. Having lived this long minding the needs of others foremost, I think he deserves to treat himself to something nice.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA ON 12/8/2018
http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/nstnews/2018/20180812nstnews/index.html#/23/