PERFECT TIMING

One of my favourite things is driving a car that has just been serviced. The engine purrs quietly and you know you can go miles running on perfect timing. Another one is a soft boiled egg that is neither too runny nor too firm. The secret again is perfect timing, to get it just right.

We can hope and pray and fast for days or even months on end, not to say years even for the desires of our hearts to materialise.

But.

Instead of what we hope for, we get brickbats thrown at us, and we cry our hearts out. The injustice of it all! Is anyone listening out there?

When my eldest was just a child, she asked for a microscope instead of a toy for Christmas or birthday, I can't remember. The thing I remember is that she asked for something that is not atypical of what someone so young would desire.

Then when she was 12, I could have sworn she almost single-handedly delivered 9 puppies, a procedure that I was not comfortable with although she said later it was pure masterly inactivity. Neither of us had experienced a mama bassethound that had whelped.

These were the tell tale signs of what she would like to be in the future and every mother who wants her child to achieve that dream would go to great lengths to make sure that she does.

The long journey of hard work and success and disappointment began for both mother and child. Hard work meant discipline, sacrifice, discipline and sacrifice.

Success meant excellent results, consistency and hope for a wonderful future.

Disappointment meant that even if a student scored excellent results and achieved the required points for the course of her choice at third level education, she was not accepted in a public university nor receive any scholarship based on merit because of man made regulations of  race and quota.

And so we cried.

The only option was to enrol into a private university which meant expensive fees. The mother was willingly running like a hamster on a wheel, night and day, to get that money for the fees.

Not only for one child, but for three.

Fast forward to the next phase of life. The child has graduated and worked in a number of hospitals and her excellent work ethics had not gone unnoticed by her consultants or the nurses that she worked with. So last year, she applied to be on the higher specialist training scheme (HST) for the second time but did not get it.

And so we cried again.

Undeterred, she went on to pursue the 'parallel pathway' on her own.

Then this year, something unprecedented happened.

Every year, the Irish Society of Medical Oncology (ISMO) offers 2 fellowship scholarship spots with collaboration with Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Centre , New York . (MSK).

MSK has been ranked as the number two hospital for cancer care in the nation according to U.S. News and World Report in its annual listing of best hospitals. In addition to its ranking for overall cancer care, MSK was ranked #1 Gyneacology as well.

However, interested individuals could only apply for it if they are already pursuing the HST at year 2 onwards. For 2020, the centre waived this criterion and applicants following the 'parallel pathway' could also apply.

On 25 January 2020, which was also the first day of the Chinese New Year, she received the offer. No one could sleep that night. If she had been offered the HST earlier, she would not have been able to apply for this fellowship at this time as she would have only been at year 1..

And I thought of myself having gone through disappointments in my career path where I had applied for a scholarship to do a PhD.  I applied 7 times and attended 7 interviews over 7 years and got 7 rejection letters. Again because of man made regulations.

Undeterred I went on to pursue the doctoral programme on my own as a part time student while working because I could no longer apply for a scholarship due to the age criterion..

What is a miracle? A miracle is God paving the way for something unheard of. A miracle is God saying I love you. A miracle is God knowing what you are going through and giving you a surprise so big and unimaginable to the human brain.

When you are awash in tears over the disappointment, it is hard to imagine the concept of a miracle.

I was awarded Associate Professorship  based on my publications, even though I had no PhD at that point in time. If I had been on scholarship and was away studying, I would have missed the chance to apply for the post. To further add to my joy, I was finally given a scholarship to pursue the doctoral programme because a significant someone recognised my worth. By then I was way past the maximum age allowed to obtain a scholarship. The offer was unprecedented.

When God creates a miracle, there are no half measures.

A heart full of gratitude and joy.

Perfect timing.

LET'S GO FLY A KITE

Life is what happens while you are busy making plans, John Lennon once said. We're coming to the end of another year and I ask myself where did the time go? 

Between Christmas and the New Year, I find myself watching lots of reruns on television. I hardly ever sit down to watch a movie from beginning to the end but it is different at this time of the year when all my intended crafting projects have been completed, the house scrubbed clean and the winter garden deserves a good rest.

You can never get enough of classics.

Truth be told I needed my annual dose of the Muppet Christmas Movie, Raymond Briggs' Snowman, Jim Carey's Christmas Carol, and Mary Poppins complete with dancing penguins and horses that go up and down on the carousel. 

Every year, one particular scene in a movie strikes me. This year it is Mary Poppins. That is when Mr Banks patches up a broken kite with 'tuppence of paper and string'. A broken man realises the beauty of what is important and the meaning of unconditional love.

I made a Christmas present for a dear friend and when she opened it, she was quite overwhelmed.

"Soo, Omg it's the most amazing thoughtful gift I've ever got. It brought tears to my eyes, good tears. so beautiful. Everyone needs a Soo in their lives. That's why your friends love u. You went to so much effort. The detail is amazing. I'm so happy that I've you in my life, like all your friends would say.'

Wow.

There was a warm fuzzy feeling inside. The feeling of giving love and being loved.

Then I discovered that someone I care for in Malaysia is doing some personal research on the Titanic. I wanted to get her a model DIY ship online but realised that I won't have enough time to get it mailed to me before my departure to Malaysia.  I asked my daughter whether she could get it from one of the gift shops in Dublin. Unlikely, she said. So I'm considering going to Cobh to get it and told her so.

Daughter: 'The lengths to go to! All for Titanic'

Mum      :  'Yeah, I have a big heart. It is good to love those who care for you. Too many times, we                        pour love on those who do not reciprocate.'

Daughter: Absolutely.

Just before the run-up to Christmas, I decorated my car with antlers and a bright red nose because she (my car) thinks she's Rudolph. 

Sadly, someone thought that it was very funny to break an antler. So I got a text from Michael (he woke up earlier for work) who noticed that it was broken.

I used superglue, gorilla glue, plastic glue, wood glue and bandaged it with masking tape. It couldn't hold and fell apart again.

Anyway.

The kite repaired, Mr Banks takes to the street dancing with his children and singing...

Oh, oh, oh!

Let's go fly a kite

Up to the highest height

Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring

Up through the atmosphere

Up where the air is clear

Oh let's go fly a kite

Even as the year ends, let's focus on what matters and repair tiny cracks and gaping wounds.The heart is a very tender thing and we need to guard it well.

                                        Have a wonderful and meaningful 2020.

THE MIRACLE

I find fasting a very good way to keep my life focussed on God. Normally, I would do a fast in January to start the year right for me and my family. Just like Job in the Bible. "When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for his children to be purified. Early in the morning, he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, " Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular custom. (Job 1:5)

However, in January we will be going home to Malaysia, so I decided to move the fast to December instead. ( In Malaysia, there will be plenty of lunch and dinner invites as we meet up with friends and family so it would be difficult to turn them down.). Throughout the 24 days in December, I've asked God for a miracle.

Just the other day, one of my Irish friends was sharing with me about her desire to uproot herself to another land and to start afresh. It would mean leaving everything she is familiar with: Friends, family, customs, food, traditions, acceptable behaviour and a stable job.

Knowing that she is a very responsible person, I said:

'Go ahead. Even if it doesn't work, you will not live to regret that you didn't give it a chance'.

Her reply caught me by surprise.

She said, 'I have been observing you. I know you have gone through a lot and yet you are an over comer. I don't hear you grumbling or complaining about being unhappy. You emit 'positive vibes'..

Then a few days later, I got a message from a good friend in Malaysia. I asked her earlier if she would like to meet up when we go home.

She said. ' We can meet up la....
I replied, 'That will be great. Haven't seen you for ages!'
She said, 'Kaaannn...would be great to catch up....miss your positive vibes..'

There it was again...positive vibes. I couldn't help but smile. Twice in a week I was told I emit positive vibes. It is really nice to know.

We are more resilient that we give ourselves credit for, especially when we know Who our Anchor is.

And today being the eve of Christmas, when I was doing my daily devotion, I felt it in my heart.

I don't have to ask for a miracle.

Christ is my Miracle.

He has taken care and watched over me and my family all this while. So I will trust Him once again to put things right.

Amen.

WALKING DOWN NOSTALGIC BOULEVARD

It is very strange when lovely images of our childhood pop up when we least expect it. How long these images have been locked in the recesses of my brain amazes me. The best part is I can always check with my siblings regarding the authenticity of such memories as more often than not we share the same memories.

What is childhood without books?

When Mike showed me the youtube video of Paul McCartney's The Frog Chorus, I was over the moon. Then suddenly, amidst the frogs croaking there was Rupert the Bear appearing from behind the foliage. This is one bear that I'm all too familiar with.

My brother had an Annual and I used to pore over it with delight. There was this scene where Rupert and his younger visiting cousin (I think) were standing under a soursop tree. And the little one took a bite of a ripe soursop and said it was sour! I laughed because obviously the writer must not have tasted a ripe soursop because it is the most glorious and sweetest fruit ever! I was only 6 then and already engaged in critical analysis.

Another wondrous book that he had was the Story of Little Black Sambo who went into the forest in his Sunday best only to be accosted by 4 angry tigers.

 Finally in an effort to ditch them Sambo climbed up a tree. The four tigers chased each other around the tree. The midday heat was simply unbearable so the tigers melted and became tiger butter. That is hilarious!

So Sambo's mother Mumbo collected the butter and made pancakes. The pancakes were most delicious and Jumbo (Sambo's father), Mumbo and Sambo tucked in happily with Sambo eating the most. (mumbo jumbo - political correctness was virtually absent then)

So imagine my delight when I found fudge at the Galway Christmas market that is named tiger butter fudge!

The next category of good memories is food. Malaysians generally love food and get very creative over food. In fact, we often go for long drives just to taste some special cuisine. We not only love food, we love to cook too.

When it is cold outside, I feel peckish. So I think of food. Not any type of food but food connected with certain occasions. Who can forget yesteryear's Quality Street Sweets?

And when our father brought us to the cinema he would buy us a packet of Peanut treets. We could also choose the cut fruits that were displayed on a block of ice. Ivory coloured apple or pear halves, sometimes oxidised at the edges. Each piece of fruit had a toothpick jabbed into it.

 Then when we were sick, we would get a special treat. Mum would buy us golden puffs or Bluebird chocolate toffee and that really aided recovery and brought such comfort to the sorry soul.

I guess the memory that captivates me most is the prized turkey or was it the goose? I can't remember. Anyway someone gave us a big fowl, as big as the one in the window in Mr Scrooge's village. We had no oven then, so we brought the fowl to the local restaurateur and he agreed to roast it for us. After 4 hours, a few of us sisters walked down to the restaurant to collect the turkey. It wasn't quite ready yet but what a sight! It was a huge brick oven with an open fire and the chef was generously basting it  with rich thick sauce. The aroma was like heaven and that was how I remembered the whole episode.

It's funny how different present day cookie tins or food tastes like. I'm glad that I'm ancient enough to have enjoyed what is vintage and what is now.

I HAD A DREAM

I had a dream when I was a child. No, I had many dreams. And childhood dreams creep up on me like some Freudian subconscious voice, speaking very loudly indeed in the most unexpected moment.

When I was 6 years old, I passed a shop of 'all sorts' on the way to kindergarten. I call it a shop of 'all sorts' because you can find almost anything there - from zips to pots and pans. But the thing that caught my eye was a lovely hard plastic baby doll that wore a red cloak with a red hood. She had the sweetest smile and blue eyes as big as saucers that could blink. Her natural eyelashes would have put any falsies to shame. I saw the price tag and kept walking and wishing.

Then the final exam came. Yes, I had to sit for an exam at kindergarten level - Asians take education very seriously from a young age. I was first in a class of 36 . My father decided to reward me and so he brought me to the shop of all sorts and asked me what I wanted. I pointed to the doll, wondering if he would buy it as it was very expensive - 6 ringgit or a whole euro and 50 cents. He did and that baby doll was the first and only doll I ever had. Hugging it was very soothing indeed.

Fast forward to 4 December 2019.

I was walking along the aisles of a big toy shop. I entered the toy shop because my good friend was leaving Ireland and my heart was aching. Some people binge when their hearts ache. I enter department stores.

The only words that came into my mind were 'wow, wow, wow'. I felt like I was only three feet tall and looking up at shelf upon shelf of every toy you can ever imagine. Then like a bolt of electricity, a dream surfaced. It was clear as day and I thought I heard a cabbage patch doll crying out, 'Adopt me. Take me home'.

So I started to search for her. Maybe I was looking at the wrong aisle. A store assistant passed by and I asked him to help me locate the dark hair beauty. He looked at me as if I had two heads. He had no clue what a cabbage patch doll is. I felt very ancient indeed.

It is a very different era altogether.

Cabbage Patch Kids are a line of soft sculptured dolls that were created in 1978 . The child who owns a cabbage patch kid had to take an Oath of Adoption with the famous 14 inch doll. Each kid stands at 14 inches and carries her own birth certificate.

No one I knew had a Cabbage Patch Kid. Only children in television shows or children whose parents were surgeons. The price of one would cost you a trip to the moon and back, that was what I was told.

So, what is it with childhood dreams?

I think they are lovely especially when many years later, you can realise them. Everything is precious when there is value attached to it. The doll itself is just a doll. But it is the child's dream behind the doll that makes it precious. And to realise that dream as an adult, has set that desire in stone. The timing was perfect. The doll soothed an aching heart.

So I brought Tamara Thalia home.
                                                         

THE MIDWIFE TOAD AND THE CHECKOUT COUNTER

I am not exactly a toad hugger but the Majorcan midwife toad caught my fancy. It has adapted to the harsh, dry conditions of the Spanish Island. It is found only in deep canyons in the northern mountains. It has evolved to have a flatter body, which enables the toad to squeeze into narrow crevices in the rocks of its habitat. The only moisture available is in small, rain-filled puddles on ledges.

Paul Kammerer's (1905-1910) experiments on the midwife toad were done to find out whether adaptive characteristics of a generation of toads would be passed down to the next, genetically. The results of his experiments contributed to debates among scientists about inheritance in organisms.

Adaptation is the word that I am most curious about.

When I first came to Ireland, having lived in a robust city of 1.8 million (2017 census) for the most part of my life, to a town of 1484 residents (2016 census) the difference couldn't have been greater in every sense of the word. Speed, efficiency, urgency, immediacy, counters open for long hours, traffic jams - the composite factors of city life. Giving out numbers (and waiting in queue for your number to be displayed on the digital board) is part of the service many companies employ. Most places do not close for lunch breaks because staff have staggered lunch breaks.

So, in the town of 1484 residents, I find myself immersed in 2 regular scenes.

Scene 1: The supermarket/grocery shop

Imagine having to wait for minutes on end to hear the cashier chatting with a customer who had already paid for her shopping. They would chat as if there is no one in the queue and there you are waiting and waiting when all you want to do is to pay for your loaf of bread and to go back to what you have been  doing. Even in bigger supermarkets, the cashier would greet you, then wait patiently for you to pack all your goods into your shopping bags, utter a quick enjoy your day before she starts checking out the goods from the next customer after you.

Scene 2: The Post Office/ the bank

Imagine public offices/ amenities closing their doors during lunch and someone having rushed all the way there only to find that he had just missed that crucial minute before the doors closed. An interesting activity would be this group of senior citizens chatting and exchanging pleasantries ( on pension day especially) outside the post office, way too early before the post office doors opened.

Then the years rolled on.

I was at a supermarket recently. Having done my weekly shopping, I made my way to the counter. After the cashier had charged me for the last item in my trolley, and all my groceries were on the 'loading bay' ready for me to put them into bags, she did something that took me by surprise. She put a bar on the loading bay so that my groceries would all be on one side of the bay. Then she quickly entertained the next customer and her stuff started filling up the next section of the loading bay, manually separated by the bar. Speed and efficiency. But I felt separated. I felt the pressure to quickly pack my bags and go.

Something similar happened to the Post Office as well. It moved from the original location where it had stood for years. Now it is in a corner of a building, stark and new. Metal stands and ropes divide the queues between the counters.. No fuss. Speed and efficiency. But no laughter or tales.

What had just happened?

Change.

Good and Bad.

By pushing forward, sometimes we lose the personal touch.

Like the midwife toad, i had adapted and now I must adapt again.

, 

A CHANGE IN THE SEASONS

I must admit that I'm falling for Fall. In fact every year I will wax lyrical over falling leaves, warm hues, pumpkins and gourds. Autumn is about Harvest.

When the season changes, so too will many other things - my taste buds change as I gravitate towards warm honey. My Autumn-Winter wardrobe makes its appearance and even my preference for scents drifts from flowery Anais Anais Cacharel towards the richer Jo Malone's Orange Blossom. And I prefer to stay indoors, next to the glowing fireplace rather than go out. I'm also letting my garden rest.

Love it or hate it but Autumn will gradually pave the way for Winter.

Can we in any way change the seasons? No. 
Can we in any way change our perspective towards the different seasons? Yes.

That brings me to a conversation I had the other day with two friends about people. We shared our experiences about nice mannerly people who leave you refreshed and happy and enjoying each other's company. And the other category which is the direct opposite, and I won't even go there.

What makes people nice or not nice?

Is it education - and I don't just mean spending those years in school ? Is it upbringing - has discipline and respect and mindfulness flown out of the window as parents  put their children so high up on the pedestal, that they can do no wrong? Is it the lack of exposure that has resulted in a very insular society, so entrenched in its own ways and culture, resulting in stereotypical concepts about race or gender?

'We are put here in this place to change them.' my friend said.

I beg to differ I said. We can't change seasons and neither can we change another person.  But we can live true  to the good values that we have been brought up with, and hopefully that will leave some impact on others around us.

I was at a Women's Conference in Dublin recently and I came away with a nugget. 'Live unbothered '

This means that we should not let what is upsetting attach itself to us for too long.

We can choose how we respond to those who are nosy, who don't keep promises, who say things they don't mean, who gossip, who back bite, who envy, who don't like us, who are shallow, who are uncouth .....and the list goes on.

To do this, we need to recognise the unpleasant event or behaviour and tell ourselves that  we will not let it spoil our mood or our day. Once we choose this response, we can then let the bad behaviour go and we have freed ourselves to live life to the fullest.

Everyone is on a journey.

Some take a longer time to arrive at being a better person or friend. And if we live to see that happen, we are genuinely happy for them.

Some may never change at all. And hard as it is, there is nothing we can do about it.

We cannot change that unpleasant behaviour. But we can choose not to let that unpleasant behaviour affect our own mood and feelings.

So it's time to make that warm honey and thank God for the lovely family and friends that surround me. And that is the greatest harvest.