DRAWING THE LINE ON GOOD PARENTING

WHEN we first bought a chinchilla for a pet, we fussed over her and gave her an interesting diet of grains packaged under the name of Charlie Chinchilla. Now, this particular type of chinchilla food came in an assortment of colours -- red, orange, green and brown -- all mixed together. So, she feasted happily on the grains, but we noticed that she was leaving out the brown ones. We suspected that the brown ones took longer to chew and being smart and picky, she chose all the other colours. As types of pet food go, some suppliers will stop importing some brands. So, when we discovered that Charlie Chinchilla was no longer available at our local store, we had to buy a different brand. Just like babies being weaned off a certain brand of milk for another, we had to do the same for the chinchilla. This is called "challenging" where we mix pet food from the familiar brand with the new brand, and slowly decrease the portion of food from the familiar brand and concurrently increase the portion of the new pet food brand. To make the situation more difficult, we discovered that the new brand had only the brown grains that the chinchilla rejected. We watched anxiously as we saw, how true to her nature, the chinchilla would unearth the coloured grains even when we buried them beneath the brown grains. I was starting to get worried. What if she rejected the new brand altogether and died of starvation? I would carry that guilt with me all the way to my grave. Then Audrey, my 18-year-old said: "Don't worry mum. If she is hungry she will eat." On the first day, when the coloured grains ran out, the chinchilla took a look at the brown stuff and scampered away. On the second day, she even climbed over the food bowl to pee over the brown grains. Then she rolled up into a ball, went to the corner of her cage to sulk. She was making a statement indeed. Was I worried? Yes. I was already wrecking my brain on whether I should take a two-hour drive to another pet store. I had heard that they stock up Charlie Chinchilla pet food over there. On the third day of the hunger strike, a miracle happened. I saw the chinchilla take the brown grains into her padded paws and slowly, but surely, began to stuff them hungrily into her little mouth. This reminds me so much about how we bring up our children. Most modern day parents tend to spoil their children rotten, giving in to their whims and fancies. We see children throwing tantrums at supermarkets, students challenging teachers, children shouting at their parents, children challenging teachers, parents blindly defending their children and the list goes on. There is a proverb that says "Train up a child the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it". How true. I have seen how boundaries help mould a child's character and how discipline, that goes hand in hand with love, produces responsible and stable adults.

Professor Amy Chua's method of discipline in her controversial book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother speaks about how we should imbue our children with living skills rather than molly coddling them in the name of love. I have read the book and seen in talk shows over the television how Irish parents fight over her methods. For those who argue incessantly that the child should be worshipped and put on a pedestal, I would like to hear their views again in 30 years' time when that child becomes a man. Although I do not totally agree with Professor Chua's methods, I agree with the underlying principle that a parent's dedication to train a child right and to prepare him to embrace his future independently will not go unrewarded. As parents, it is not easy to do the "right" thing when others are simply pleasing their children for fear of retaliation or of losing them. The strict but loving parent, who teaches basic values and manners, who chooses to draw the demarcation line of who is the parent and who is the child, is sadly labelled as the ogre of today. With Mothers Day coming up, I am reminded of my strict and loving parents who taught me the meaning of building relationships, independence, self worth, perseverance and tenacity, and I have passed on the legacy to the next generation. I can never thank them enough. Read more: Drawing the line on good parenting - Politics - New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/nation/politics/drawing-the-line-on-good-parenting-1.81055#ixzz1u5JGXDsh