A tale of two frogs and a vat of cream

Once upon a time there were two frogs Frank and Fiona that fell into a vat of cream. Frank lamented and despaired and succumbed to the watery death. Fiona decided she would not give up without a fight and started to paddle fast and furiously only to realise that the cream had turned into butter and so with her webbed feet strongly anchored on the buttery base she leapt out of the vat into freedom. I heard that story when I was a child but it baffled me because I had no inkling of how cream could be turned into butter. But now I know because I have just participated in an event organised by the Limerick International Women’s Organisation- a butter making session conducted by Imen McDonnell.

It was a hands on session and as I shook the bottle which was filled with cream, I could literally see the cream curdling and turning into butter. That immediately got me thinking. When put in a tight situation will I be like Frank or Fiona? Do I look at the waves around me and hold my head in my hands and wait for the inevitable to happen or do I try to make sense of it and get out of it? Seeing a new born baby kicking and screaming as it enters the world convinces me that we are imbued with a fighting spirit. As with many things, with time this spirit can either become more emboldened or quelled.

Vincent Van Gogh said, ‘If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.’ I totally agree that we need to try to find out what we can or cannot do. With trying, there will be failures and when we face our failures and forgive ourselves, we know that we still have the fighting spirit. It is certainly easier to be negative than to be positive in a world that is often harsh and unkind – be it at home, at school and at the work place. Someone once asked me how a person can keep on having a positive outlook on life. My reply was to make a conscious choice in cases where we have two options: to fight to survive or to retreat to despair. I believe that a fighting spirit is emboldened by circumstances. Immigrants to new lands seeking survival and fortune are often very hardworking and driven. I saw that in my ancestors and I can see that now in many of those who have come from the Eastern bloc and are working in Ireland. Those who knew little English took it upon themselves to improve by going for language classes. I see hardworking waiters and waitresses cleaning tables and always on-the-go. The ‘one-chance’ mindset also helps to propel the fighting spirit. If we are brought up to understand that we have only ‘one-chance’ to study hard, to get that scholarship or to get an illustrious career, then we learn how to be focussed, to be disciplined and to make decisions at an early age. If we are brought up to know that to succeed is to work hard and not to depend on others, then that is the code of ethics that will drive us. A fighting spirit and self esteem go hand-in-hand. It is like the chicken and egg story and I do not know whether it is the fighting spirit that increases self esteem or the other way round. But there is nothing to lose if we start by building up self esteem. When self esteem is low, we think that ‘everything is about me, me, me’ and everyone else seems to be ‘attacking me.’ We start comparing ourselves with others and what follows is disappointment, jealousy and blame-shifting. We blame others for our present state, never ourselves.

But when we are self assured of both our strengths and weaknesses, then everything is about ‘what I can do to make the situation better’. If we see someone else who is more successful, instead of feeling small, griping or back-biting, we can make that the desire that drives us to better ourselves. Maybe we need to say to ourselves what Lauren Bacall once said, ‘I’m not a has-been. I am a will-be.’

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/a-tale-of-two-frogs-and-a-vat-of-cream-1.100579