Success is not measured by money alone

I HAVE just come back from a talk at Mallow Street Hall in Limerick where the speaker, Brian Gault, from the Isle of Man shared about his life. What struck me was his attitude towards life and its challenges despite the fact that he was born with no hands, yes, no hands, being the victim of the Thalidomide disaster. Thalidomide is a sedative drug introduced in the late 1950s that was used to treat morning sickness and to aid sleep. It was sold from 1957 until 1961, when it was withdrawn after being found to be a teratogen, a substance that causes birth defects. Brian did not just remain a victim of a mistake. At a young age, he learnt how to use his legs and toes for most of the tasks that we carry out with our hands. He had to suffer the looks and unkind taunts of other children. But he developed into a remarkable young man, full of personality. The best part was together with his wife, May, Brian went on to carry out charitable work among other Thalidomide victims in Brazil, a life of service to others. To me, a life of service to others is my definition of success. Success is doing the things that I perceive are valuable to myself and beneficial to others. It is a strange phenomenon where the more you give, the more you receive. However, to many others, success equals the first million dollars made. That reminds me of a conversation I had with well-meaning friends who were discussing their children's success stories.

As a number of our children are doctors, inevitably we talked about what makes a successful doctor. I could sum up the conversation as: a successful doctor is one who makes a lot of money, one who leaves the home country to work in another country because of a lucrative salary and one who chooses to specialise in an area, for example plastic surgery, that would surely bring in loads of money. I wonder how many parents actually encourage their children to give back to society and use their professions to do charitable deeds. I remember when my eldest daughter asked me for advice concerning her posting to a hospital to do her housemanship. I advised her to go to a place where doctors were scarce and medical facilities were lacking. In short, I was telling her to go where there was a need instead of city hospitals that were overcrowded with intern doctors. To other parents, I sounded weird and uncaring. When she was actually posted to a far-flung corner of the country, concerned parents came to sympathise with me. The best part was she was actually happy. Epicurus, the Greek philosopher said: "It is not what we have but what we enjoy that constitutes our abundance". Success is experiencing intangibles, such as the ability to make a difference, to feel a sense of accomplishment and to maintain a desirable balance between the world out there and the world within. This to me eclipses the size of a pay cheque. If we do not define our own meaning of success then we are caught in the socially programmed default settings of success, which usually means money. When Brian ended the talk by autographing his book with his toes and proclaiming that he is wonderfully made, despite the birth defect, I felt something move within me. In two days' time, we will embrace a new year. This is a good time for looking back to the past and also forward to the coming year. As with every new year, we make resolutions and break them or faithfully try to keep them. It is a good time to reflect on the changes we want or need to make. I will have to sit down and think through what I would want to do in 2013 -- for myself, my family and all those that I come in contact with.

Read more: Success not measured by money alone - Columnist - New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/success-not-measured-by-money-alone-1.193259#ixzz2GXPV3ing Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/success-not-measured-by-money-alone-1.193259

Chilling consequences of dark winter thoughts

Each year, the winter solstice sun penetrates the chamber of the passage tomb at Newgrange in County Meath, on the eastern side of Ireland. A narrow beam of light penetrates the roof-box and reaches the floor of the chamber and as the sun rises higher, the beam widens so that the whole room is dramatically lighted up. This annual phenomenon lasts for 17 minutes, beginning around 9 a.m. from December 19 – 23. As I stand in the darkness waiting for the light to pierce through, I am reminded of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Anthem’. There is a line that goes, ‘ There is a crack in everything…That’s how the light gets in..’ A paradox indeed.

The crack to me symbolises imperfection. Imperfection can be anything ranging from disappointments, unfulfilled expectations and broken promises to flaws. Life unfortunately is full of these which become fissures or cracks in our subconscious. It is not uncommon to hear of people in my neighbourhood go into depression and then take their lives when they could see no way out. According to the Irish Central, Ireland’s suicide rate now stands at a shocking 600 deaths per year – and it is believed that the figure is rising as the country experiences the pain of recession. Apparently, in every 57 seconds someone calls the Samaritans with suicidal feelings and the majority of callers are men in their 30s.

As the year draws to a close, I seem to hear a lot of people getting depressed. Some refer to the winter months as the hard months or the “dark ages” as the midshipmen at the Naval Academy say. They feel that the weather prevents them from doing their normal outdoor activities. They miss the sunshine and feel locked in. I am not a medical doctor but much has also been said about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression, winter blues, summer depression, summer blues, or seasonal depression. This is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter, summer, spring or autumn year after year.

Some winter depression busters according to experts are watching the level of sugar intake, stocking up on Omega-3, joining a gym, wearing bright colours and making a concerted effort to go outside the house. Taking up challenging projects that contribute towards society also helps. It seems cliché to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I cannot imagine what goes on in the mind of a person who contemplates taking his own life but I am sure it is very, very dark indeed. How sad it is to know of people you have talked to one day who were gone the next. The only thing that comes through my mind is to cling on to hope. Hope that things will change, hope that things will become better. If only we can stand fast and wait for that word of comfort, that person, that idea or that miracle. If only we can wait for the light of dawn to break.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/chilling-consequences-of-dark-winter-thoughts-1.186714#

NEW AGE COMMUNICATION OR A LACK OF IT

I was at a restaurant recently and while waiting for my plate of grilled fish to arrive, I decided to look around at the other customers who were also waiting for their meals. A 40-something couple sat at table A, a 30-something couple with a child sat at table B, a group of 20- something at table C and a courting couple sat at table D. The 40-something couple whom I suspected must be husband and wife had their drinks served. They were both sipping their drinks and reading something off their smart phones. At table B, the 30-something husband was busy talking on his smart phone while his wife tended to the fidgety child. At table C, every one had a laptop or iPad and was very busy with it. Then at table D, the courting couple was actually looking into each other’s eyes and talking and laughing. When my grilled fish finally arrived, I merrily tucked in and forgot about the other customers around me. Then before I got up to leave the restaurant, I decided to take one last look at my neighbours once again. The couple at table A was eating and still reading something off the smart phones. At table B, the husband was still busy talking on his smart phone and eating his fried squids but his wife was carrying the child and walking up and down the restaurant probably to calm him down. At table C, everyone was eating and reading from the laptop or iPad. Multi tasking I presume. Then at table D, the courting couple was eating and feeding each other as they had ordered different types of food and probably wanted to taste the great variety served. I enjoyed my fish thoroughly but I was utterly shocked at how new age communication or the lack of it had evolved so far that it had become the norm. Except for table D, what happened to real life communication over a good meal? Everyone was actually bodily present but the mind, heart and soul were in cyber space.

Having said that, it reminds me that some people prefer to collect as many face book friends as possible rather than meeting and making friends with real humans in bodily form. I also know people who actually quarrel with cyber pals in forums or engage in cyber extramarital affairs. I remember the days before the internet became an integral part of our lives. We actually had friends, preferred outdoor activities, phoned and visited each other. I am sure many still do that now but with the endless stream of computer games and other techno gizmos, it gets harder to leave the familiar couch especially now when it is winter. When the days are short and the nights are long, to actually make up your mind to go out in the cold is a battle in itself.

I have just come back from an evening lecture on local history. When someone takes the trouble to remind you of the lecture and makes the effort to walk with you to the venue, you can feel the difference. As you walk, with the wind blowing in your faces and hands snugly tucked in the pockets, you can share the excitement of going for the lecture. Then as the lecture ends, again with the wind blowing in your faces but this time with hands waving in animated fashion, you can stand united and criticise the presentation by assuming an unfounded authority of the subject matter. That is when you are glad that you have real friends and family who are there with you in totality- with no iPAD in between.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/new-age-communication-or-a-lack-of-it-1.179680?cache=03D163D03edding-pred-1.1176%2F%3FpFpentwage63Dp%3A%2Fhe3D03Dn63Frea-rti3D19.3D163D03edding-pred-1.1176%2F%3FpFpentwage63Dp%3A%2Fhe3D03Dn63Frea-rti3D19.111w5ii%2Fed-1.1176%2F%2F2.2525%2F2.2525%2F1.331200%3Fcache%3D0%3Fpage%3D0%3Fpage%3D0%3Fkey%3DMalaysia%3Fpage%3D0