IS IT A MALE THING TO SKIP PARENT-TEACHER MEETINGS?

THE last parent-teacher meeting that I went to recently was indeed my last parent-teacher meeting. Finally, my youngest will be leaving school soon and entering university. So, having to sit on both sides of the table so to speak (being a parent and also a lecturer before), what were my sentiments about this annual face-to-face discussion? As a parent, I have always been proud of my children, celebrating their strengths and helping them deal with their weaknesses. I know which child is book-smart, which child is street-smart and which child is both book- and street- smart. I have all three specimens.

Thus, even though I can predict what the teachers are going to say, I enjoy listening to what they have to say. Their comments would have a 99.9-per cent accuracy about what my children are capable of. To me, they are affirmations of the way the children have been brought up. So, when I received a text message from the school saying that it was that time of the year again, I was excited and asked Audrey, my youngest, to list down all the names of the subject teachers so I would know which ones I should meet. Michael, my better half, on the other hand asked: "Do I have to go?" He had been there last year and he suspected that the teachers' comments this year would be somewhat similar. I said: "It is entirely up to you." Then, I wondered whether it is a male thing or an Irish thing that mothers are the ones who normally go to parent-teacher meetings and the presence of the occasional father is a welcome sight. I get a very nice feeling when I hear teachers speak well of my child and of course, a queasy feeling in my tummy if a child disappoints. When I come home and relate to the child all the accolades that the teachers had mentioned, the child's self-esteem grows. If I tell the child the areas that he needs to improve, he knows that he has understanding and support from his parent. This is all very positive and full of good vibes, but why do mothers seem to show more interest in this field? Having said that, I see many of the male species at funerals, wakes and memorials. Often enough, Michael would receive a text that so-and-so has passed away. The text would come in the morning, noon or evening, or even when we are on holiday. People seem to make it a point to inform you that someone has passed away. So, if there is a lull for a while, I would cheekily ask him, "Has anyone died recently? It's so quiet around here".

Whether you are a friend or a relative or an acquaintance, you are "expected to show your face" at the wake, the funeral or the memorial. I understand that it is a show of respect or the "done thing" in a rural community in Ireland, but then again, I wonder if too much emphasis is given to tradition and social mores while the living struggle to communicate and show love to one another.

Frank McCourt captures the obsession with death beautifully in Angela's Ashes: "The master says it's a glorious thing to die for the Faith and Dad says it's a glorious thing to die for Ireland and I wonder if there's anyone in the world who would like us to live. My brothers are dead and my sister is dead and I wonder if they died for Ireland or the Faith." The day came and I saw scores of mothers lining up to see the teachers. As usual, some mothers took a long time talking to the teachers so the rest of us had to wait. While waiting, the mothers started talking to each other and for me, it was the first time that I had met them even though their children had come to my home. I was the only Asian mother in the room, so when I went up to a teacher, it was not rocket science to know who my child was. One teacher even commented that I looked exactly like my daughter. Every teacher had something excellent to say and told me how proud I am to have Audrey as my daughter. I said: "Yes, I am". (Again, I was told later that the "accepted humble response" would be to laugh and say something like "If only she were half as good at home.") By the time the meeting was over, it was cold and dark and I walked home with the husband who knew the wife well enough to understand that the response "it is up to yourself" concerning going to the meeting was actually "I would love you to go or else."

Source- New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/is-it-a-male-thing-to-skip-parent-teacher-meetings-1.208349#ixzz2JCCpHgai