I ENJOY reunions whether it is to celebrate a festival or a significant occasion. However, there are those statements or questions that will always crop up during such gatherings, and honestly, I cringe when I hear them. A given is, "You have put on weight", or, "you have not put on weight". Sometimes you can receive both remarks at the same dinner party.
Then there are questions like, "You have been married for some time now, when will we hear the patter of little feet?" But I guess the one that gets the Oscar is "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?"
When I was younger, I found the Oscar-winning question most repulsive because I felt it was not anyone's business to know whether I had a boyfriend or not.
To rub salt into the wound, someone would make remarks like, "You'd better not be too choosy or you'll be left on the shelf", or "you will not remain in the Red Spot (section for sought-after books at the library) for too long and will be moved to the open shelf if you don't get a special someone soon. Don't set your standards so high!"
What irked me was that these people who wished others to be married were not in happy marriages themselves. Then there was this stark reality that it was mainly the womenfolk who would ask such questions. Whatever happened to gender solidarity?
I thought that generation had passed, but I am wrong. These questions are still making their rounds! I wonder why people who were bothered by such questions once are now asking those questions themselves? Is it because of the images that surround us that limit our perception?
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Could it be the Prince Charming fairytale that we have been fed? That it is impossible to be happy unless we get a man or a woman? Or perhaps, these people are just awkward at making conversation and use such questions as fillers? I would rather they be silent than make ill-advised statements.
It is not surprising then that there are rent-a-boyfriend or boyfriend-for-hire websites. According to AsiaOneNews, some Singaporeans, instead of bracing themselves for interrogation during gatherings over their singlehood, are "renting" partners to pose as their intended. How sad.
I read a letter written by 7-year-old Charlotte Benjamin to the Lego company complaining of the lack of options for Lego girls. She wrote, "All the girls did was sit at home, go to the beach, and shop, and they had no jobs but the boys went on adventures, worked, saved people, and had jobs, even swam with sharks."
For as long as girls are sold this package, she is expected to go after the dream of getting a man.
I wish people will realise that it does not take another person to complete someone. We can be complete in ourselves if we want. Happiness and success lie in the individual. A single person can be successful and happy, and so, too, a married person. The reverse is also true that a single or married person can be unsuccessful and unhappy.
I tell my children all the time that we owe it to ourselves to pursue our own happiness and we do not need to rely on another to fulfil that role. I encourage them to tap into their inner resources while they can because satisfaction comes from deep within, not from what others can do for you. It is not a sin to be married and it is not a sin to be single. In whatever state we are, what is most important is to be content.
Amber Kelleher-Andrews, an American radio host and relationship matchmaker, says: "Stay single until someone actually complements your life in a way that it makes it better to not be single. If not, it is not worth it."
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