I ENJOY doing online tests on trivial topics such as “what kind of classic actress are you?”, “what kind of car best represents you?”, “what kind of dessert are you?” and so on. Somehow, the answers are relatively accurate and these tests are interesting tools for me to have a rough gauge about who I am — extrovert, introvert or ambivert, among many other traits.
The extrovert relishes social life, and is energised by interacting with friends and strangers alike. Extroverts are people who can be warm and funny. They also enjoy centre-stage attention and they are charming and good company.
The introvert, on the other hand, prefers one-on-one relationships. Given the choice, she will devote her social energy to the people she cares about most, preferring the company of close friends to a room of acquaintances or strangers. She thinks before she speaks and relishes solitude. She feels energised when she focuses on a subject or activity that interests her. Her inner life is active and she is at her best when she taps into its storehouse. She immerses herself in writing and she is a good listener. She works best alone.
However, no one is a pure extrovert or introvert and we are all somewhere along the continuum. The ambivert is smack right in the middle and she has the best of both worlds. She is moderately comfortable with groups and social interaction, but also relishes time alone, away from a crowd.
For me, the introvert-extrovert personality traits manifest themselves according to the company that we keep.
For example, if I am among friends, I am more of the introvert. Discussions are two-way, meaningful and informed.
I know that there is a safe ground where I can listen and where I can share and people are genuinely interested in my opinions or my life. I know I can be a friend to another or a shoulder to cry on for someone.
I just had a lovely house guest whom I had not met for the last three decades. We were from the same university and we were also housemates once. When she went home, she left me a card with these words: “We are friends beyond boundaries, beyond time, beyond words… Thank you for the two weeks of Irish experience and most of all for the love and sincerity of friendship.”
I am the introvert when I am relaxed and enjoying “me-time”. I like to think over things, try to find solutions and write about my experiences. I will make gifts for people that I care about for no reason at all, just to appreciate them and make arrangements to meet up with them. People feel special when I remember important dates like their birthdays or the festivals that they celebrate.
However, when I am a hostess, the extrovert takes over. I like to invite friends over for coffee and cake. I go out of the way to include my guests to make them feel comfortable. I try to make sure that no one is left out. If I am conducting a workshop or seminar, I try to make it as lively and as interesting as possible, engaging my audience in all possible ways, so they do not fall asleep.
When I am teaching, I try to make the classroom a more relational rather than a talk-down experience. When I am at a top-level meeting, I participate.
The heart of human nature is to know who you are — what you are comfortable with and what you are not. The added challenge is how to let others know how we feel, especially when they have overstepped their boundaries or encroach into our space.
Occasionally, we have to make allowances and put up with people that we do not enjoy being with or situations that make us feel bored or uncomfortable but this should be the exception, not the norm.
If we are always battling ourselves because of another’s expectations or otherwise, we deplete ourselves. Conversely, when we make choices that are congruent with ourselves, we unleash life.
Source: http://www.nst.com.my/node/21773
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