THE BEST GIFT IS THE GIFT OF HOPE

I was driving along O’Connell Street in Limerick one evening and traffic was grinding to an all time slow. Why, because there were cranes here and there hoisting burly men to elevated positions as they fixed strings of beautiful street lights to usher in Christmas. There was a certain excitement in the air and I was pretty sure no one was complaining because it was quite a sight to behold as the workers, all dressed in their safety gear, carefully lifted up the main attraction – the Star of Hope.

The star wondrously lit up the dark winter sky. During WW II, there were stars hanging in many windows, as families hoped for the safe return of their loved ones who were serving in the war.

Temperatures were dropping all around as I sat in the car with the heater turned up and the radio blasting Christmas carols of sleigh bells ringing and the spirit of giving hope.

Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen. It is not wishful thinking.

One of the activities that I get involved in is the annual shoebox appeal. Organised by Team Hope Ireland, this charity body works with children and their families and communities in war torn countries in Eastern Europe, former Soviet Union and Africa.

Last year, people in Limerick sent 8000 shoeboxes stuffed with toys, sweets and other gifts to the children in Lesotho, sowing a little hope into the lives of young ones who have nothing in the way of material goods.

So I wrapped a shoe box with pretty paper and went shopping for goodies for a little girl that I have never met. I felt like a child again and  thought a ‘princess’ theme might appeal. 

It was more difficult than I had thought.

Socks with Disney ‘Frozen’ princess images came in a range of sizes and I had completely forgotten what children feet sizes were! The sales girl came to the rescue and I bought stickers, stationery and a jigsaw puzzle – all with princesses on them.

Next came toiletries, and the range was gorgeous –  child size make-up kits, Olaf the snowman toothpaste and tooth brush that were screaming at me to buy. I succumbed and bought a bag of Haribo gummy bears as well.

I stuffed everything into the shoe box and then topped it up with a card with Irish sheep cartoons (that had real wool stuck to them) as well as a soft toy bunny that I made. I was very surprised that a shoe box could hold so much stuff.

Just like the child who picks up a starfish and throws back into the sea so that it can live, I know my shoebox will not change the world but it might mean the world to just one child.

I felt that I was certainly enriched by the whole experience.

It reminded me of the times when I was involved with groups that did voluntary work with the hill people in the Philippines and the indigenous people in Malaysia. Even though we supplied them with basic necessities like medicine and food, the welcome  that we received surpassed anything that we had imagined. Their hospitality put us all to shame and whatever little they had, they shared with us. It is strange but when we give a little of ourselves or what we have, we receive even much more.  

I was listening to Bob Dylan’s ‘Blowing in the Wind’, the lyrics laden with strands of war, peace and freedom. Dylan says that the answer to  chaos is in the wind. But ‘ just like a restless piece of paper it’s got to come down...But the only trouble is that no one picks up the answer when it comes down so not too many people get to see and know . . . and then it flies away.’

What is it that we hope for as the year draws to a close?      

It is my hope that we love our neighbours as our ourselves- to respect and regard their needs and desires as highly as we regard our own.                                                                  

                                 

                                      A blessed Christmas to all Christians!


This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA, 20 DECEMBER 2015
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THAT LEAP OF FAITH WILL DO WONDERS

I have not been to the South Pole but I have been to the South Pole Inn twice. This is a cosy pub in Annascaul in the Dingle Peninsula in County Kerry and it lives to tell the story of how a local man, Tom Crean , took part in three Antartic expeditions in the first two decades of the twentieth century. There is an artistic display of his life achievements on the ceiling which is worth craning the neck for.

This is an example of taking the leap. It is to go for something at all costs.  It calls for dogged determination and resolve that not many will dare venture because of self imposed limitations.

Tony Evans, a writer who visited South Africa observes that the impala is a fast runner and is known for its leaping ability, reaching heights up to 3 metres but can still be contained in a zoo enclosure with a metre high wall. The impala does not jump because it cannot see where it will land. The impala remains trapped in its self-imposed limitations.

In contrast , Stoffel the honey badger will stop at nothing to escape his enclosure at Moholoholo Rehab Centre in South Africa. It is amazing how this escape artist can make use of almost anything to try to get out of its man made enclosure.

Times have changed and the worst thing is to be caught in the middle.

It is like being caught in the tectonic shift and there is nothing you can do about it. As an illustration, the earth’s crust, called the lithosphere, consists of 15 to 20 moving tectonic plates. The plates are like pieces of a cracked shell that rest on the hot, molten rock of Earth’s mantle and fit snugly against one another. The heat from radioactive processes within the planet’s interior causes the plates to move, sometimes toward and sometimes away from each other. We can’t really see this happening but it is happening.

I have lived in the non-computer era and now have just enough computer knowledge to get by but not as techno savvy as the little boy next door.

I salute senior citizens who sign up for computer and digital photography classes. It is simply amazing to hear that these people also skype their children or grandchildren  living in the other side of the world and make use of instagram and hashtags even. Having said that there are many who refuse to learn anything new and prefer to stick to what they are comfortable with.

                                                                                          

Even the job market scene has changed. Many people in my generation would have held on to one job for most of our lives. We call that loyalty to the firm or just being content with our lot. Now, we hear of head hunters who identify potential workers  even when they are still in the university. There are also enterprising students who seek out contacts and internship  experience way before they graduate. The procedure of writing out the resume and waiting for the interview seems rather outdated these days. It is not surprising too that job change is rather frequent especially with the promise of better pay or benefits.

Adjusting to change is never easy. Taking the leap to do something different is even harder. Is there something that we have always longed for but have never tried? Are we waiting for the opportunity or are we creating the opportunity?

It is strange but are we hardwired to be negative rather than positive? According to psychologists like Roy F. Baumister, Ellen Tratslavsky, Kathleen Vohs, and Catrin Finkenauer.,  negative experiences or the fear of them have a greater impact on people than positive ones.   A study by John Cacioppo and his colleagues showed that our attitudes are more heavily influenced by bad news than good news.

So, we can either be the impala or the honey badger. The greatest fear is to step out. But once we have done so and are happy with our choice, then we wonder why we never did it much earlier.

This article was originally printed in the NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA, 6 DECEMBER 2015,      http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151206nstnews/index.html#/23/

SAVING THE BEST FOR GUESTS

My mother had this set of dainty blue glass plates with fluted edges. They were very pretty to look at, and it was just that, to look at from afar as they sat in the glass cupboard, reserved for the guest.

And it is not only in my parents’ generation.

I find myself using an eclectic array of mismatched plates and cups while the Newbridge silver cutlery and Nicolas Mosse ceramic ware sit grandly in the cupboard, waiting for the occasion.

I can safely say that in almost every household, there are at least two sets of items - one for daily use and another set aside for the guest. It does not take much to guess that the bone china tableware or fine linen or even the box of chocolates with exquisite fillings is set aside for the guest.

I prefer to think that the reason behind this age-old practice lies in the importance of hospitality (we want to give our guests the best that we have ) rather than to impress.

But then again we have different types of guests.

There is the guest who can immediately recognise Orla Kiely’s stem design on a mug. She will say, ‘I love this design and coffee certainly tastes better from this mug’.  That statement alone makes it all the more worthwhile for the hostess to have bought and set aside the mug for her.

There is also the guest who does not differentiate between a Royal Doulton plate or one bought from the two euro shop, as long as what is being served on the plate tastes good. But that doesn’t deter the hostess from keeping aside special crockery for her guest either.

Over the years, we had invited many friends over for lunch, tea and dinner. During such times the Venetian lace table cloth made an appearance.  The table was adorned with a centre piece of flowers and candles, artfully arranged. Even the water in the jug had slices of floating lemon.

The reverse is true too.

When we get invited to our friends’ houses, there would be a fine display of tableware and food. One husband even commented, ‘You must come more often. Then only will she (the wife) make my favourite apple crumble.’

That got me thinking.

Do we treat our guests better than ourselves? When will we ever get to use those nice plates, towels and such?

Maybe now that we have toiled and laboured over so many dinner parties, we can sit down and treat ourselves as guests. Likewise, having purchased and wrapped so many beautiful presents, we can start buying ourselves items good enough to be gift wrapped and given away.

Just the other day I meandered down the crockery aisle in a shop around the corner. I saw a lovely porcelain mug with farm animals on it and it came in a box. So I took the box and the mug to the cashier.

She asked, ‘Is it a gift for someone else?’

I looked at her and said, ‘No, I am going to drink from the mug all by myself.’

Then there was another day when I fell in love with a Karen Millen dress. When I took it to the counter, the cashier trying to make small talk, asked.

‘Is this for a special occasion?’

I looked at her and said, ‘No occasion. I’m buying this because I’m living life.’

The expression of shock on the faces of both the cashiers told me that they hadn’t heard those lines before.

This article was originally published in the NEW STRAITS TIMES 22 NOVEMBER 2015 http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151122nstnews/index.html#/23/

CREATING PATTERNS OF THOUGHT, SOLVING PROBLEMS

I was watching a starling murmuration over the River Shannon and believe me, it was a spectacular sight to behold. Thousands of starlings flocking in unison and creating patterns in the sky beats any air show that I have seen.

The uncanny coordination of these murmurations remains a mystery. You will need the wisdom of Solomon to understand how these birds, separated by hundreds of feet, synchronise their movements with such precision and dexterity.  

I can see parallels between a murmuration and the way we can choose to think.  A murmuration is a conscious act. It is a pattern by design.

We too can be in control of our thoughts and create our own design patterns through divergent thinking, and embracing learning possibilities and alternative perceptions.

Rudy A. Magnant in his book  ‘Discover Design Pattern Thinking: Applying New Design Techniques to Improve our Mental Operacy’  talks about divergent versus convergent thinking

Divergent thinking is the process of creating many unique solutions in order to solve a problem while convergent thinking is systematic and logical.  For example if a person moves to another town or country, and does not yet have friends, the tendency is to  keep to herself  and stay close to her old acquaintances. There is a typical passivity and a lack of cultural mingling and she prefers to stick to the same old, same old. But if she decides to make good friends against all odds, then she has taken the first step of divergent thinking.

Albert Einstein cleverly said that when a human being makes his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, that is a kind or political delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison that restricts the person to his personal desires and to feel affection for a few people dearest to him.  His task must be to free himself by widening his circle of compassion to enhance all living creatures and the whole of nature in its bounty.

Embracing learning possibilities is the ability to think and make sense of the world in which we live. This requires an active mind that should be constantly searching for knowledge. If we purpose to open the mind to endless possibilities, then only can we see our own shortcomings and be willing to change.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing and Mark Twain said we should never argue with a fool, as onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. I have often found myself  the company of people (by necessity rather than by choice) who talk much about nothing.

Alternative perceptions help us become more proactive instead of reactive in responding to life’s challenges.

It is not unusual that two people listening to the same message may interpret it differently. This is because of our mental, psychological and cultural filters. We all have filters that stem from insecurity, fear, pride, desires or expectations. When a filter becomes negatively over-powering, it becomes a barrier and we then interpret what we hear according to what we think we hear.

I like solving puzzles and one of them is optical illusions. They tell us about our visual perception and its limitations. Optical illusions are often described as visual images that differ from reality – we perceive something differently than it actually exists, so that what we see does not correspond to physical reality. There is one classic picture of a beautiful lady or an evil looking old woman, depending on how we wish to perceive it.

When we interact with others, instead of reacting to perceived or actual unpleasantries, we can choose to be proactive instead. Whether the hurtful actions or words have any impact on us depends on how we respond to them.

For starlings, birds of prey will certainly find it difficult to break up a flock that is flying harmoniously together. Likewise, we can create our own design patterns for our thoughts and not allow predators to ruin our day.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES, MALAYSIA - 8 NOVEMBER 2015. - http://digital.nstp.com.my/nst/books/151108nstnews/index.html#/23/

THE TRUE BURDEN OF HANDBAGS

I can abstain from most things but there is one thing that I cannot do without. The handbag. Not just one handbag, but I must unabashedly confess, a closet full of them.

The only way to get rid of some is to give them away but then after doing that, I crave for more to fill that gaping void and so the cycle of buying and giving away repeats itself. It used to be shoes but since corns, blisters and bunions appeared, I’ve resigned myself to sensible ones, which sad to say are certainly not the trendiest looking shoes.

Even as a child I love to toggle a little handbag across my arm when I went shopping with my mother. It was the perfect place to house the occasional treat or the handkerchief for the runny nose. (Yes, in those days we used embroidered handkerchiefs that were neatly ironed)

The fact that a handbag can be used to keep almost anything is also fodder for spoofs.

In the return of Mr Bean Episode Two, we see the infamous funny man at a restaurant. First, he writes his own birthday card, and orders a ‘Steak Ta-ta’. He finds he doesn’t quite enjoy the steak and so secretly disposes of it in the ashtray, the vase, the bun, the sugar bowl, the violinist’s trousers and yes, in another diner’s handbag!

Sometimes I wonder what people carry in their very big handbags. Maybe a big handbag is like Doraemon’s  front pocket that houses everything imaginable. Or it may be like Felix the Cat’s magic bag of wonders.

If clothes maketh the man, then handbags maketh the lady.

I would like to think that what we have in our bags reveal a lot about who we are. The usual stuff that we carry would be the purse, tissues, spectacles, pen, notebook and lipstick for a start.

The contents of bags we carry reflect the responsibilities we hold. A graduate school student’s oversized satchel contains her laptop and notes and a young mother on her day out with the baby probably has disposable diapers in her bag as well. When I was doing free lance reporting, I even had a pair of beautiful shoes in the bag as I hopped from bus to train in my trainers.

The mind associates the things that we see lacking in our surroundings with the things that we must provide for ourselves. For example, I can hardly find regular chilli sauce nor toothpicks at the café tables here.  So, before I leave the house, I find myself putting strange stuff into my bag - sachets of chilli sauce, toothpicks, dental floss and other unmentionable things. Sometimes the things that I put into my bag are not for myself  alone but for the others that I’m going out with, just in case that friend, that child or the beloved has forgotten to bring. An extra pack of tissues always comes in handy.

So what goes into the handbag often spells practicality and multi tasking.

Just the other day I was out at lunch when I found that I simply could not finish the copious amounts of food in front of me. Needless to say, my eyes were bigger than my belly when I saw the menu. In most places here, diners do not bring home leftovers. Whatever is left on the plate goes into the bin. That certainly would be a no-no for me so out came a container from the handbag.

The beloved said I had to do it discreetly but I said I have lived long enough to do necessary things covertly without a shade of shame.

Apparently the average handbag weighs  1 – 2 kg even though some may weigh a bit more. The trend now is to have a little bag for essential stuff so that the little bag can be taken out and transferred into any other bag. Small is the new big according to fashion gurus. Sometimes it is not just one small bag but a few smaller bags in a big bag as women opt for the modular approach.

To turn all philosophical, what we put into our handbag can be an object lesson in itself. When we actually give the contents of our bag a good look, we can repack it. Throw out the unnecessary stuff so that we are not carrying a burden but a thing of beauty instead.

That is what is going to take us ahead, not weigh us down. 

Source:THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES  25 October 2015  http://www.nst.com.my/news/2015/10/true-burden-handbags

FEAR IS LIKE THE MARAUDING VIKING

Looking at an actual Viking ship in the Viking Museum in Oslo is perhaps the most awesome experience I’ve experienced this year. Never before had I seen such a magnificent ship up close.

On 8 August 1903, a farmer visited professor Gabriel Gustafson of the University's Collection of National Antiquities in Oslo. The farmer called Knut Rom was from the Lille Oseberg farm in Slagen in Vestfold.  Rom had dug into a large burial mound on his farm and had discovered something spectacular. Thus began a long and demanding work - the excavation itself took less than three months, but it took 21 years to prepare and restore the ship and most of the finds. 

Vikings are among Norway’s most salient cultural icons and the Viking Age (800 – 1050AD)  in Scandinavia saw the height of warfare, trade and exploration. If the bulwarks of the ship could speak, I am sure we would learn so much more of the secrets and intrigues of an ancient world.

But imagine if I were standing by the shore centuries ago and suddenly I saw a fleet of menacing looking ships heading towards me? What would be the overwhelming emotion?

Fear.

With fear came panic, havoc and utter destruction.

We may not be attacked or raided by seafaring looters today, but then again fear comes in many forms and I am not talking about the ghouls and skeletons of the upcoming Halloween.

In  ‘Our 21 day into Minimalism’ Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus  wrote about the Fear of Loss: Loss of things. Loss of acceptance.  Loss of friends. Loss of love.

If we take a good look at our wardrobe or storeroom or attic or shed, we can see many things that we no longer need. Yet, the irony is that they are just sitting there because we are afraid to give them up. The reasons being: that fashion will return; that spare-part might be needed; that thing doesn’t belong to me so I can’t throw it out.

The loss of acceptance has a strong grip on our conscience and subsequently our actions. A phrase that I hear regularly is ‘What will people say? What will they think?’ Taken positively, we avoid doing reckless things because we want to be accepted. But when we become overly paranoid about what people think about us and our actions, we become slaves to our fear of not being accepted.

We can’t stop people from gossiping. We can’t stop people from spreading lies about us. But we can be in-charge of our own responses. If we let ourselves be upset by malicious gossiping, then we have become the victim.

I have been brought up to decide and be brave and accountable for my life choices. That I have my parents to thank for. One advice that they left me was, ‘Even if the whole town talks about you, if you know you are doing the right thing, then do it. It is your life after all.’

Fear is a choice – we can choose to be afraid and we can choose to live without fear. That is a conscious decision and it comes with practice. Every time something challenging confronts me, then it is time to ask myself: What am I afraid of? What am I afraid to give up?

Then only can I move on to live a meaningful life that I am meant to have.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES 11 October 2015

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2015/10/fear-marauding-viking

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THE COLOURS OF THE SOUL

Recently  the biological parents of a prominent civil rights activist in Washington state have claimed that she has been misrepresenting herself as a black woman when her heritage is white. This is a grave matter because it borders on deception of the masses.

As onlookers, we wonder why anyone would do that because technically, we are born white, black, yellow, red or brown or a mixture of different colours . However, it gets more complicated when we talk about our cultural identities.

Granted, most of us think and feel according to how we have been brought up within our cultural boundaries. However, there are some who gravitate towards cultures that we have not been born into. I’m thinking of the Anglophile, the Weeabo, the Wapanese or the Koreaboo - strange terms that we use to make sense of conditions that we find hard to explain.

An anglophile is a non-English person who greatly likes and admires England and the things, people, places and culture of England. The Weeabo or Wapanese are non-Japanese who admire the Japanese culture  and they may even  dress or have their hair done like anime characters and go to anime events. The Koreaboo are non-Koreans who identify with all things Korean.

Some sociologists call this cultural identity.

This  is the identity or feeling of belonging to a certain nationality, ethnicity, religion, social class, generation or even locality. Factors that influence one’s cultural identity include education, exposure, media and social groups.

Many of us who were fed a good diet of nursery rhymes during our formative years become all excited when we see London bridge or eat Christmas pie for the first time – thanks to images of the iconic London bridge falling down and Little Jack Horner who sat in a corner.

When I step into a traditional sweet store, my eyes quickly search for the humbug made famous by Enid Blyton. In my mind’s eye, the humbug is some kind of sweet that is made-in-heaven and I never knew that it is a boiled sweet, usually with black and white stripes and flavoured with peppermint.

When I fell in love with gardening, I finally saw Wordsworth’s host of golden daffodils, the Cos lettuces that Benjamin Bunny nibbled on and the gooseberry bush where Peter Rabbit got caught in a net as he tried to escape from Mr. McGregor.

We enjoy British humour and try to keep a stiff upper lip in the face of adversity. We follow the lives of the Crawley family and its servants in the family's classic Georgian country house in the fictional Yorkshire country estate of Downton Abbey.  It is such a joy to hear clearly articulated sentence structures spoken in Standard or BBC English.

We think in English, we feel in English and we even dream in English.

Then there is this younger set that is totally overwhelmed by all things Japanese or Korean – be it the food, the pop idols or the drama series.

 I know of many who spend many waking hours watching such dramas, with a good box of tissues beside them. It comes as no surprise when Korea and Japan top the list of the countries that they would like to visit.  Korean and Japanese men or women would also be their choice of an ideal spouse.

It is good to embark on a cultural identity search – to know who we are and what our propensities are. If we find ourselves similar to every other person around us in thought and behaviour , that is well and good.

But if we find ourselves different from the norm, that is good too as long as we are not trying to deceive others.

The colours of the soul reflect the fact that we are unique and that we are wonderfully and beautifully made.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES 27 SEPTEMBER 2015

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2015/09/colours-soul

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JAM JAR LESSON FOR EVERYONE

With the bountiful harvest of fruit this year, I decided to get together with like minded people to make jam. We all agreed that it had been a ‘berry’ good year. Being an absolute novice, I had to start from basics.

So, the first step was to clean out used jam jars. Every small speck of dirt real or imagined had to be scrubbed clean. The jars were then boiled or put into the microwave oven to totally ‘scorch’ them to perfection.

Suddenly there was a eureka moment for me and the whole process became a jam jar lesson.

I believe most of us carry jam jars with us wherever we go. These are jars stuffed with  loads of good stuff.

For a start, let’s talk about accolades.

Certificates, trophies and awards can be our crown of glory. Like most achievements they have a shelf life. The mistake is to cling on to these forever because they may be rather meaningless in a different situation or phase of life.

I have met countless people who have talked again and again about their past achievements, the countries they have visited and the important people they met along the way.

Having said that, I can recall two people whose certificates did not just remain in a jam jar.

Hunter Doherty ‘Patch’ Adams is an American physican who founded the Gesundheit! Institute in 1971. Every year he leads a group of volunteers from around the world to travel to various countries where they dress as clowns in order to bring cheer into the lives of orphans, patients and people in general.

John Sung (1901- 1944) a brilliant student studied at Ohio Wesleyan University and Ohio State University earned a doctorate in chemistry in five years. When he decided to devote himself to religious vocation, he threw all his academic awards into the sea, only keeping the doctorate diploma for his father. A bit drastic I must say, but that was his way of emptying his jam jar of achievements to fill it with something new.

The next case in point is narrating personal episodes.

I think most of us would be quite happy if there is a law to protect the unwilling listener’s right to privacy from unwanted speech. I had been caught in situations where I just had to listen to talk, talk and talk and I couldn’t get in a word edgeways.

In the Pursuit of Attention, sociologist Charles Derber tells us that the Conversational Narcissists always seek to turn the attention of others to themselves by talking and everyone else pretends to be listening but are actually focussing on what they want to say once they find an opening.

I find it very strange when people (without being asked) start telling others about their travels and showing pictures of their round-the-world trip. There was this person who told me all the details of her faraway exotic trip as if it happened yesterday. Curious, I asked her when it all happened. Without blinking an eye, she said she made the trip ten years ago.

Granted it must have been an earth shattering trip. But I wonder why that trip alone had remained locked in the jar of memories. Why hadn’t she emptied the jar and made more beautiful memories since?

Just as we de-clutter every now and then, it is good to consciously make new and good memories and open the jar lid to let them in. Before we do that, we have to let go some of the old stuff that belonged to another era.

So looking at the jars of fresh strawberry, blackcurrant and gooseberry jam lined up on the larder shelf with their lids wrapped with gingham paper covers and tied with string, I am glad I emptied and cleaned out those jars in the first place.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY NEW STRAITS TIMES- 13 SEPTEMBER 2015

http://www.nst.com.my/news/2015/09/jam-jar-lesson-everyone

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