EMOTIONAL JOURNEY OF WRITING

Every so often I toy with the idea of writing a memoir. Good friends have promised that they would be the first to purchase a copy.

What holds me back is how many details I am comfortable with sharing with all and sundry. Then there is always the risk of someone being offended by what I write because perception can be a very tricky thing and no two people can see an event quite the same way.

I signed up for a one day memoir writing workshop with Michael Harding at the Belltable in Limerick last month. Harding is the author of several books and 4 best selling memoirs - Staring at Lakes, Talking with Strangers, Hanging with the Elephant and On Tuesdays I am a Buddhist. I enjoy reading his books but the way he weaves his stories may not be everyone’s cup of tea.

A memoir is an emotional journey that we go through. It is the act of remembering put in print. The art is in trying to engage the reader in the emotions involved. It is a process that shouldn’t be rushed. The key is to keep writing bits and pieces and putting them aside till they can be held together with common threads. When you write a memoir, you are writing your version of what you think happened from your own perspective.

Through copious cups of coffee, I learnt that techniques are useful but ultimately personal style is a different thing altogether. There were 14 of us from different walks of life and writers in the making. Anyone can tell a story but not everyone can tell a story that captivates. Each part of the tale is like a bead ready to be strung into a beautiful necklace.

One of the exercises that we had during the workshop was how to trigger a memory from an image. For me the image was the rain. The rain brought me back to the memory of how I was driving home from the office with the rain lashing on my windscreen. The sound of the droplets drowning out my tears when I found out how after my 7th attempt at the interview - that I did not get that scholarship again - to do my doctorate.

Music could also be a trigger.

Remembering the lyrics of Simon and Garfunkel’s I am a Rock transports me to the time when I was in my twenties. Coming to terms with the loss of friendship and betrayal I was totally in sync with these lines…’ I've built walls, A fortress deep and mighty that none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain, it's laughter and it's loving I disdain. I am a rock …I am an island.’

So, why do we want to tell our story?

All of us carry memories - both pleasant and cathartic. Writing these memories down is a way of release. It is said that as we become more open with our inner hurts, we begin to heal. It is organising the past along lines of story and time. It is about purpose and passion.

Writing a memoir is akin to the long suffering fisherman waiting for the pike. He can sit there on the bank of the river for hours, just waiting for the pike to bite the bait. The key point is to sit there and wait. Writing is a discipline that takes time. We also need an actual place to write.

There are some people who have a brilliant memory. They remember everything, right down to the minute detail and they can tell you about that trip that happened 20 years ago as if it happened yesterday. Of course the downside is they could remember that grievance that happened 20 years ago as well and still harbour the grudge.

I am not one who can remember vividly what happened yesterday, much less  months or years ago. I attribute it to living to the fullest for the moment and being terribly excited about what tomorrow will bring. There is only that much space in my short term memory and if it is continually being filled with up-to-date moments, it hardly has much room for past events. I might have gone for a wonderful holiday early in the year but now it seems so long ago.

Journalling is therapeutic.

I find it most helpful to journal significant moments in pictures and in writing. Before I share my photos on social media, I make it a habit to read up and document the history and location of the place out of interest. It is for myself and for others like me who want to know more beyond that photograph.

Writing down how I feel about things becomes a learning curve. When I read back what I have documented and how I feel about those events now, it never fails to surprise me that most times things that aggravated me in the past, no longer hold their sting. Writing  helps dissolve the hard knots of  hurt and pain. It helps to map out the sequence of actions taken and consequences faced.  I have my little notions of what life is but it may not be so. I may get in life what I want but I never get it the way I perceived I would. ‘ If I knew then what I know now….’ is a phrase I am far too familiar with as I recollect my life events and the course taken.

I have a folder full of bits and pieces of writing. 

Will I write a memoir?

Maybe. Some day.

THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PRINTED IN THE NEW STRAITS TIMES MALAYSIA 3 JUNE 2018

https://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnists/2018/06/376037/emotional-journey-writing