I SPY A ROBIN NEST

There's a deep hole in our apple tree trunk. And in that hole lives a mama robin, sitting on her blue eggs. She is there everyday watching the world outside from the safety of her nest.

There are two questions in my mind.

1. Why are robin eggs blue?
2. What is the mama robin feeling right now?

The answers to the first question are plenty - from scientific observations to the more fun  claims of bird psyche.

According to wikipedia birds that typically lay eggs in open exposed areas often have lighter coloured eggshells. On the other hand, eggs that are are laid in concealed locations sheltered from the sun are more likely to have darker hues.  The blue colour in robin eggs is due to biliverdin, a pigment deposited on the egg shell when the female lays the eggs. There is some evidence that higher biliverdin levels indicate a healthier female and brighter blue eggs.

New research suggests that the bluish colour helps facilitate just the right amount of light absorption - and thus the right temperature without overexposure.

Then we also have a fun conclusion like egg colour influencing male parental care. Apparently, males whose nests contain the brightest blue eggs feed their newly-hatched babies twice as much.

Answers to the second question are more difficult to find.

Mainly because I don't speak robin. I can see her eyes following me closely but I can't pop my head into the nest and ask how she is feeling. I wonder if she is bored. I wonder if she just can't wait for her eggs to hatch and for her babies to fledge. I wonder if the noise made by the lawn mower frightens her.

This brings me to the present situation that we are in.

Sure, we are tempted to violate the rules and go out and have a fun time. Sure, we want to visit each other and have tea and cakes like we used to. Sure, we want to have that thrill of saying we have escaped the police checkpoint.

Why do we violate rules and good advice? Is it an act of defiance? Is it misinformation? Is it for the lack of knowledge? Is it taking things for granted? Or is it pure selfishness?

I think it is a bit of everything.

My well meaning friend who missed me so much called me to join her for a cup of tea at her house. The problem is her house is more than 5km from my place. I said. NO.

Another good friend wants to come over to visit me. I said NO.

Nobody likes to stay indoors when the weather is grand. Now is certainly not the time for non essential activities. Now is not the time to invite someone over or to go to another person's house for something that can wait.

We might say, well we are healthy and they are healthy, so why worry?

The fact is no one knows exactly how 'healthy' we are at a particular point of time. Infection can be asymptomatic. Confined places can be infested with germs. Rules on safe distancing and meeting in open spaces were not created on a whim.

Because if you fall sick, you need someone else to take care of you. If you fall sick, you can infect another person. So it is not all about YOU or what you want to do. Think before you ask someone to go to your house. Think before you go to another person's house. Think before you invite someone into your house.

The mama robin is in her nest for a reason. She is keeping herself safe and her eggs safe. By so doing, she knows one day her family will be able to stretch their wings and fly. In the meantime, she will do the wisest thing and wait.

And yet humans have coined the term bird brain?

MY GARDEN, MY CANVAS

It was late but I wasn't sleepy. Why? Because my brain was on overdrive, my pulse racing and excitement rising. The difference between a teenage me and an adult now is zero, that is where a challenge is concerned. I'm talking about creating a video. Not any quick video to be posted on social media. But a video of my garden to be sent to BBC.

Because of the lockdown, the programme host invites the general public to submit videos of their gardens, big or small to be shared with viewers.

Sometimes, after deciding to do something, I wonder  why I decided in the first place. Isn't it easier to just live life 'normally' day after day, doing the things that you are familiar with and thus live a quiet life?

But that wouldn't be me.

I love gardening. I love art. So the theme of my video is MY GARDEN, MY CANVAS.

Where video taping is concerned, I'm a complete amateur but that is where we all start from. And the best thing is this amateur is surrounded by wonderful people who are willing to help me progress from level 0 to level 1.

Enter Robin, a professional videographer, who gave me a few tips. He also kindly sent me completely free, a beautiful aerial view of Killaloe-Ballina to start the video off or in video speak: establishing the garden. I also gained new vocabulary: Establishing shots, tending up, close ups, zooming with my feet.

My eyes were open. My ears were open. I saw what I never saw before and I heard what I didn't hear before. The surroundings were the same. Only this time round, the senses were hightened.

Suddenly the crows were cawing so loudly. The whirring of some nearby machinery was continuously annoying. And yes, the wind! the wind! A mild wind sounded like a storm coming when recorded.

The sun was not only the sun but it determined the shadows. I jumped up like a lark at break of dawn to get the 'perfect' shot. Quiet. Clear. No shadows. No disturbance.

Then came many short clips, over and over again, to get the perfect clip. Shoot - replay - delete - shoot. Repeat. 

After 18 successful short clips, I was happy. 

Enter my daughter Audrey who kindly volunteered to edit for me. I started sending the video clips to her via WhatsApp. 

Audrey: Ma, sorry wait. My settings don't allow saving of videos automatically. Can you send them over again?

(I sent again).

Audrey: Grrr, sorry, WhatsApp didn't update automatically. I only got the last 3 videos you sent me. 

(I sent again)

Audrey: Sorry ma, but you need to resend to me all the videos. WhatsApp has crushed your videos to a low resolution. Do you have a dropbox? If you upload all the videos there, then share the link with me and I can download the videos.

DROPBOX.

My heart dropped like a heavy box. I don't have it. Unchartered territory is always so terrifying. To anyone younger than I am, this is just like ABC.

Me: I'm worried about this thing, how to get it started etc.

Audrey then sent me this CARTOON.

That was really  comforting. I know some children will get impatient and just roll their eyes (meaning: are you that stupid?) when their parents are not as techno savvy as they are.

So  encouraged, I googled to find out how to install one, how to save the videos there and went to sleep while the videos were being uploaded. The next morning I learnt from google again, how to share the link. 

Audrey upon receiving the link: Very good!!! Pandai! (clever). I suggest we mute the sounds and do a voice over. This is this free app for the recording. (screenshot) You have to synchronise your narrative with  the video.

By then I could do anything that I hadn't done before. Confidence begets confidence.

I downloaded the app, borrowed Mike's phone to watch the video, and went to a quiet room. I did a trial run before recording. Then I recorded my voice on my phone while simultaneously watching the video on Mike's phone. I was surprised I only had to do it ONCE!!

Pleased as punch I forwarded the recording to Audrey.

Audrey: Good work! Very nice to have a little video showcasing all you've done. It was very good. Well done!

Me : Just viewed the final version. Very good. Cannot breathe. Feel like crying.

All in, it took us 3 days to complete the video. It is so easy to work with someone who has the same drive, the same level of commitment and the same eye for excellence.

So now I sit and wait. I hope the video gets selected. I have good friends who are keeping their fingers and toes crossed for me.

If the video gets selected, I will pat myself on the back and say I'm quite brave after all, and then go order a Chinese takeaway.

If the video doesn't get selected, I will also pat myself on the back and say I'm quite brave after all, and then go order a Chinese takeaway.

Either way, I am happy that I have gone through the whole learning process.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE OVER

As this season is officially the staying at home season, we stayed at home dutifully. No more running around, no more escapes to warmer climes. So day and night I tended to my garden. I sowed the seeds into plugs and put them in a vitopod heated propagator on February 26. There was great growth and I pricked them out, moving the stronger ones to trays. And then I watered and watched. If fact I watered, and watered and watered just because I was around. The inevitable happened. To my horror, some of them  gave up the ghost.

What had just happened?

In the past when we could go for short trips now and then, the plants were healthy and strong. There was space and time for them to grow, to be liberated. It was as if, knowing that the gardener was away, they rose in unison and clapped their hands, stretched out their roots to available water sources and reached for the sunlight.

So over caring had been disastrous. And you would think that there would be no harm in being overly concerned, after all it is in a gardener's nature.

When I think about the word 'over' I can find more words and phrases that have negative connotations rather than the positive: overeat, overweight, overdo, overdrive, over-the-top, overkill, overzealous, overdone, over-the-hill, it's all over, bending over backwards, fork something over...

So I purposefully search for words that bring about positive notes instead. Not an easy task though. I chose 4.

1. Overwhelmed
2. Over the moon
3. Over and above
4. Starting over with a clean slate

OVERWHELMED

I am always overwhelmed by the kindness of others. A family member or a good friend who would go  the extra mile just to bring some cheer into my life. I can always remember the time when I was in Primary School and had just recovered from fever.  In those days, public transport was not a reliable thing so my mother walked about a mile to the school just to make sure that I had some nourishing soup during recess time. And more recently, just when the Restricted Movement Order started in Malaysia, a friend asked whether she could do some food shopping for my son as he had not stocked up the fridge? And the random visit from a friend who would just ring the doorbell and say 'hey, I baked a cake for you?'

OVER THE MOON

Sometimes an old story is still very refreshing. I don't know how many times I have regaled the tale (to interested individuals, and only when asked)  of how Mike and myself reconnected after more than 30 years apart. Each time I tell it, it is as exciting as the first time we reconnected in 2008. I am still as pleased as punch and grinning from ear to ear.

OVER AND ABOVE

It is nothing like doing something to the best of your ability. I like the phrase over and above especially when I make something for someone. Because she/he is in my thoughts before, during and after  I have made a craft or baked something. There is so much pleasure in giving. The sparkle in the recipient's eye says everything.

It's also nice when there is an understanding that those living under the same roof should help each other. Whether or not they are working out of home.  Sesame street will call it COOPERATION. Over and above. The floor needs to be swept and cleaned. Pots and pans need to be washed. Clothes need to be hung out to dry and folded or ironed. The grass needs to be cut.  And it is not someone's job. It is everyone's responsibility.

STARTING OVER WITH A CLEAN SLATE

Now this is very difficult. But doable.

It takes great resolve to forgive someone else or to forgive yourself and start all over again. Some studies state that most people hold on to  bad memories more than good ones. Other researchers suggest it could be that good memories persist longer than bad, thus helping us to be more resilient.

Whichever theory, I want to remember more of happy memories. So what I do is to write down short notes about good, significant moments and stick them to a magnetic wall along the staircase. (for those who are interested: you'll need 4 coats of magnetic chalk paint for the wall). In that way, every time I feel sad, I just have to look at all the happy memories and my spirit is lifted again. 

Life is about living today. You can't go back to what things were. How you perceived they were. All you really have is now. 

Like Merida in Brave, I will take hold of my dream. I will ride, I will fly. I will chase the wind and touch the sky.

IT'S ABOUT THE SMALL THINGS AND OF COURSE, THE BIG THINGS TOO.

Sometime last week, I woke up, went downstairs and found a piece of fresh cream flan on the table. Believe me, fresh cream flan is honestly something to die for. Next to the flan was a box of chocolates and a card. There was a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

It's all about the small things. And of course the big things too.

Not only that, it is also in the appreciation of both. The same person can cook a meal or lasso the moon , but if we fail to appreciate, we are never happy. I have met people who are happy over little and I have met those who are perpetually unhappy everyday.The land of content is also the land of discontent. It is our choice where we want to live.

I thought about the many birthdays before and where they were spent.

2011: Cobh. 2012: Dublin  2013: Edinburgh  2014: Clare  2015: Limerick 2016: Clare
2017: Belarus 2018:Kuala Lumpur 2019: Piper's Inn. 2020: Lockdown

Different places, different experiences. But one thing remained constant. I knew I was loved.



So since we couldn't go out gallivanting this year, we went to the room outside. And I looked at the shed at the end of the garden.

Me: Would be nice if it has a new coat of paint.
Him: It would only get dirty again.
Me: We make our beds every morning though we mess them up again at night.

Then I went up to the room to do some reading and when I looked out of the window I saw him painting the shed so I went back to the room outside.

Me: Aha! That's a lovely colour.
Him: Anything for a quiet life.

Immediately, my creative juices flowed. I took a pre-cut plywood square, (I collect a lot of different raw materials) painted it and spent the whole of my birthday creating a piece of mosaic art , surprising myself even, because I normally take a few days to finish a mosaic project. The mosaic art hung nicely on the exterior wall of the shed which indeed had a new lease of life.

The thing is if he had not painted the wall, she would not have made the mosaic. Teamwork makes a dream work. And that's a really lovely thing to accomplish in just one day and on my birthday.

With tummies rumbling, we settled for a takeaway, the safest thing to do in this situation. River Spice, an indian takeaway opposite my house dished out a mean prawn curry with a piping hot cheese naan, papadam and tomato chutney on the side. To me, this delectable spread could rival any Michelin star restaurant.

Would I have wanted my birthday spent in any other way this year? No.

My friend texted me : Happy Birthday to you. Should ask gold from him.

I said: He is gold.