IT'S ALL ABOUT THE OVER

As this season is officially the staying at home season, we stayed at home dutifully. No more running around, no more escapes to warmer climes. So day and night I tended to my garden. I sowed the seeds into plugs and put them in a vitopod heated propagator on February 26. There was great growth and I pricked them out, moving the stronger ones to trays. And then I watered and watched. If fact I watered, and watered and watered just because I was around. The inevitable happened. To my horror, some of them  gave up the ghost.

What had just happened?

In the past when we could go for short trips now and then, the plants were healthy and strong. There was space and time for them to grow, to be liberated. It was as if, knowing that the gardener was away, they rose in unison and clapped their hands, stretched out their roots to available water sources and reached for the sunlight.

So over caring had been disastrous. And you would think that there would be no harm in being overly concerned, after all it is in a gardener's nature.

When I think about the word 'over' I can find more words and phrases that have negative connotations rather than the positive: overeat, overweight, overdo, overdrive, over-the-top, overkill, overzealous, overdone, over-the-hill, it's all over, bending over backwards, fork something over...

So I purposefully search for words that bring about positive notes instead. Not an easy task though. I chose 4.

1. Overwhelmed
2. Over the moon
3. Over and above
4. Starting over with a clean slate

OVERWHELMED

I am always overwhelmed by the kindness of others. A family member or a good friend who would go  the extra mile just to bring some cheer into my life. I can always remember the time when I was in Primary School and had just recovered from fever.  In those days, public transport was not a reliable thing so my mother walked about a mile to the school just to make sure that I had some nourishing soup during recess time. And more recently, just when the Restricted Movement Order started in Malaysia, a friend asked whether she could do some food shopping for my son as he had not stocked up the fridge? And the random visit from a friend who would just ring the doorbell and say 'hey, I baked a cake for you?'

OVER THE MOON

Sometimes an old story is still very refreshing. I don't know how many times I have regaled the tale (to interested individuals, and only when asked)  of how Mike and myself reconnected after more than 30 years apart. Each time I tell it, it is as exciting as the first time we reconnected in 2008. I am still as pleased as punch and grinning from ear to ear.

OVER AND ABOVE

It is nothing like doing something to the best of your ability. I like the phrase over and above especially when I make something for someone. Because she/he is in my thoughts before, during and after  I have made a craft or baked something. There is so much pleasure in giving. The sparkle in the recipient's eye says everything.

It's also nice when there is an understanding that those living under the same roof should help each other. Whether or not they are working out of home.  Sesame street will call it COOPERATION. Over and above. The floor needs to be swept and cleaned. Pots and pans need to be washed. Clothes need to be hung out to dry and folded or ironed. The grass needs to be cut.  And it is not someone's job. It is everyone's responsibility.

STARTING OVER WITH A CLEAN SLATE

Now this is very difficult. But doable.

It takes great resolve to forgive someone else or to forgive yourself and start all over again. Some studies state that most people hold on to  bad memories more than good ones. Other researchers suggest it could be that good memories persist longer than bad, thus helping us to be more resilient.

Whichever theory, I want to remember more of happy memories. So what I do is to write down short notes about good, significant moments and stick them to a magnetic wall along the staircase. (for those who are interested: you'll need 4 coats of magnetic chalk paint for the wall). In that way, every time I feel sad, I just have to look at all the happy memories and my spirit is lifted again. 

Life is about living today. You can't go back to what things were. How you perceived they were. All you really have is now. 

Like Merida in Brave, I will take hold of my dream. I will ride, I will fly. I will chase the wind and touch the sky.

IT'S ABOUT THE SMALL THINGS AND OF COURSE, THE BIG THINGS TOO.

Sometime last week, I woke up, went downstairs and found a piece of fresh cream flan on the table. Believe me, fresh cream flan is honestly something to die for. Next to the flan was a box of chocolates and a card. There was a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

It's all about the small things. And of course the big things too.

Not only that, it is also in the appreciation of both. The same person can cook a meal or lasso the moon , but if we fail to appreciate, we are never happy. I have met people who are happy over little and I have met those who are perpetually unhappy everyday.The land of content is also the land of discontent. It is our choice where we want to live.

I thought about the many birthdays before and where they were spent.

2011: Cobh. 2012: Dublin  2013: Edinburgh  2014: Clare  2015: Limerick 2016: Clare
2017: Belarus 2018:Kuala Lumpur 2019: Piper's Inn. 2020: Lockdown

Different places, different experiences. But one thing remained constant. I knew I was loved.



So since we couldn't go out gallivanting this year, we went to the room outside. And I looked at the shed at the end of the garden.

Me: Would be nice if it has a new coat of paint.
Him: It would only get dirty again.
Me: We make our beds every morning though we mess them up again at night.

Then I went up to the room to do some reading and when I looked out of the window I saw him painting the shed so I went back to the room outside.

Me: Aha! That's a lovely colour.
Him: Anything for a quiet life.

Immediately, my creative juices flowed. I took a pre-cut plywood square, (I collect a lot of different raw materials) painted it and spent the whole of my birthday creating a piece of mosaic art , surprising myself even, because I normally take a few days to finish a mosaic project. The mosaic art hung nicely on the exterior wall of the shed which indeed had a new lease of life.

The thing is if he had not painted the wall, she would not have made the mosaic. Teamwork makes a dream work. And that's a really lovely thing to accomplish in just one day and on my birthday.

With tummies rumbling, we settled for a takeaway, the safest thing to do in this situation. River Spice, an indian takeaway opposite my house dished out a mean prawn curry with a piping hot cheese naan, papadam and tomato chutney on the side. To me, this delectable spread could rival any Michelin star restaurant.

Would I have wanted my birthday spent in any other way this year? No.

My friend texted me : Happy Birthday to you. Should ask gold from him.

I said: He is gold.

TURNING HAVEN INTO HEAVEN

I was getting ready to paint whatever that needed to be painted or repainted in the garden. It's an annual regime this time of the year. So I went to the shed and searched for  tins of leftover paint. As I laid newspapers on the floor, I was asked, 'Why are you painting? No one is going to see them.' (translation: there will be hardly any  visitors during this pandemic)

'It doesn't matter. I like things to look nice.' I answered. (translation: I take pride in my haven and am particular about quality control and it makes me happy if things are done well, whether or not anyone is looking)

So I keep myself busy, painting this and making that. Once a project is done, another begins. Full momentum. Now that the days are longer, time seems endless when I am immersed in doing something that makes me happy.

And it is very contagious. Himself is also sawing this and hammering that. So there are two happy worker bees in different corners of the haven creating beautiful things, meeting up every few hour or so for a cup of tea and a nice bun, and then back to the different corners again. One of my friends having seen what I have done said, 'Living with you would be so cool' and I said she should have moved in with me before the lockdown. Another friend asked, 'If you are finished with himself, can we borrow him?'

I have lost track of how many days we have been in isolation so far and observing safe distancing if we have to go out. In fact I don't even know what day it is today and I have to look at my phone often enough to check the day.

Basically we are social creatures.

I miss simple things like going to Dunnes in Jetland every Sunday and pushing my trolley and surveying what's on the shelves. After that, finding my favourite seat at Cafe Sol to sip a good cup of latte . Perfect Me time. No hand sanitiser, no gloves, no masks, no rush to go home.

I miss all the travelling that we do. Like many others, our planned trips this year are cancelled. We have to contend ourselves to watching the Hairy Bikers' trip to Bratislava. And I hardly ever watch the Harry Bikers on BBC before.

'Have we been to Bratislava?' he asked.

'Yes, we have.' I replied and showed him the photos that I've neatly organised into albums on facebook. (so they can be whipped up easily in times like this)

This is what cocooning does to our brains. We forget.

As in any unprecedented period of cocooning, I find myself one day laughing silly over Johnny English for the umpteenth time, especially the scene where he is sitting on a chair that goes up and down uncontrollably in the presence of the Prime Minister  and then bawling my eyes out watching Billy's father singing 'He could be a Star' in Billy Elliot the musical the next day. There are so many phases and moods that we go through.

Translation: 1. This spud is tired
                    2. This spud is stressed
                    3. This spud needs a hug
                    4. This spud is Soo Ling

So how can we turn our HAVEN into HEAVEN?

It's all in the spelling.

Just insert the letter 'E' after 'H'. 

 E is for Effort. 

Without Effort, every day is about staying at home and feeling that we have to stay at home and wondering when all this would be over and life can be normal again. I was just thinking about the vegetable seeds that I sowed on February 26 before the pandemic. As usual, I have excess plants and it's lovely to do plant swaps with like-minded gardening enthusiasts. Even now some of them are ready for harvesting - the joy of it.

E is for Excitement, Exploration, Experiment, Encouragement.

When I go to sleep at night, I get all excited because I can't wait to wake up again.

 'What are you going to do tomorrow?' he asked.

 'I don't know, but I'm sure there's plenty to explore and experiment. So we stay encouraged
and  that 's why I'm excited to wake up again.' I said.

So that keeps us going day after day until.

And in the meantime, that turns our HAVEN into HEAVEN.

10 YEARS IN IRELAND

A Year in Provence is a 1989 memoir by Peter Mayle about his first year in Provence written in a witty and honest style about his new environment, warts and all. We arrived in Ireland on 4 July 2010, and it has been a decade since. True to Ireland's idyllic nature, time didn't actually fly for me but rather meandered along, through hill and dale, river and stream.

I must say I did a crash course of endeavouring into a motley myriad of interests in 10 years, when it could have taken say 20 years or more, partly because we are in our Autumn years and we certainly can't wait till Winter when wobbly knees will protest against youthful adventures.

I've been an academic, a Christian and a mother for the most part of my life. So most of my activities and friends would centre around the academia, the church and family life.

As 2010 also marked my departure from the university I was working in, I told myself I needed to experience and learn things that are non academic and widen my circle of friends beyond the academia and the church. Having said that I will not neglect the familiar that is reading, writing and publishing.

So what have I done differently? 10 things for 10 years, though the list is not exhaustive.

1. LEARN TO GROW

When I first opened the back door, I was amazed at the size of the garden. It was pretty much like a blank canvas for me to use any kind of brush and splash any kind of paint. I had so far planted only tropical plants, a very easy feat in comparison, because Malaysia has sun and rain all year round. Not to be deterred I enrolled in a 2 day workshop on organic farming at Jim Cronin's. It was well attended by participants from as far as Galway and Mayo and Waterford. Until this day I still keep in touch with one of the participants. Then my appetite for learning to grow vegetables and flowers across the seasons could not be abated. I joined community run courses in Scariff and Moyross and in so doing, learnt what worked and did not work and made more friends in the process. In 2016, I was confident enough and we purchased a greenhouse and the joy that it yields till today is unrivaled. The overall plan of the garden has changed many times over and pots and beds have moved much to Mike's (my great help in the garden) amusement. Monty Don and Helen Dillon have both agreed that the garden is alive; it is never static. The day the plan of the garden is set in stone, is the day the garden dies.


2. RIDE A HORSE

I blame it on those childhood comics and story books where riding a horse is a rite of passage. My daughter Sonya and I were toying with the idea as there are 2 horse riding schools nearby. So I woke up one day and say, I must learn to ride a horse. I don't know which attracts me more:  the horse riding or the  pomp and pride of full riding gear - when I put on the long riding boots and carry the riding hat under my arm.

3. CLIMB SOMETHING

I've never climbed anything higher than a six foot ladder. When others tell stories of scaling Mt Everest and such, I never really felt the desire to climb even one very small hill. We didn't exactly set out to climb anything but just discovered that this was something we could do on one of our gallivanting trips across Ireland. So I had a very strange feeling of excitement when I climbed the Motte Stone which is a huge granite boulder, weighing about 150 tons. It is said that the five counties surrounding Wicklow can be viewed from the rock on a clear day and the mountains of Wales even. The next one was Devil's Bit in County Tipperary. Something that we had always seen from the car and had never actually climbed it. So when we finally reached the top, the experience was something else.

And talking about heights, we went up in a hot air balloon in Marrakesh, just like Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmaine in The Aeronauts....but then I digress.

4. TRAVEL FOR FUN

I travelled quite a fair bit when I was working, from Nepal to New York to Barcelona to China, to present academic papers at conferences . It was wonderful but those were working trips so the primary focus was to be prepared for intellectual exchange. Travelling for fun is entirely different. We managed to visit the 32 counties of Ireland in 2 years, and we are now exploring places like those in Creedon's Road Less Travelled - avoiding the motorway infrastructure to enjoy the scenic landscapes and streetscapes and to explore the stories that lie beneath the tarmac and fields.

Beyond Ireland, my favourite countries thus far are Iceland, Israel, Mexico and Korea. I went to Israel twice, and  my second trip there was particularly memorable because we renewed our wedding vows in the church at Cana where Jesus performed his first miracle of turning water into wine. How awesome is that?

5. VISIT A FARM

Like running away with a circus, visiting a farm has always been on my to-do list, although now I'm not so sure I want to run away with a circus anymore. My friends Ned and Catherine graciously allowed me to visit their working dairy farm. Driving a tractor for the first time sure gave me  an adrenaline rush of the highest degree and being in the milking parlour was really something else. Letting a baby calf suckle my fingers made me feel part of the bovine fraternity.

6. TRYING TRADITIONAL CRAFTS

I have always loved getting busy with my hands but actually learning a traditional craft from the masters is something that I've always wanted to do. Some of the teachers are well into their senior years, and it would be a pity if the art dies with them.

Learning how to cook traditional food is also a delight, mainly out of necessity because it is quite difficult to buy such food here. It's great that I have friends like Susan  who taught me how to make Bak Chang,(rice dumplings) Linyan who taught me how to make Jiaozi (meat dumplings), Vivien who taught me how to make mooncakes and Carrie who taught me how to make salted duck eggs.

7. MY CRAFT STUDIO

Every man should have  a man shed and every woman who loves craft needs a craft studio. So Mike created for me a room where I can hide away and do my stuff and keep my stash. Everyone knows that a crafter has loads of stash, it is simply impossible to throw away bits and bobs, because you'll never know if it fits into some project at hand. It is also a place where I hold tea, cake and craft sessions with my friends. I call my studio Howard's End - after E.M.Forster's book of the same name - a place that shouts of ME.

8. OUT OF COMFORT ZONE

The last time I danced was on a huge weighing machine  and singing Yellow River at the same time. That was when I was 9 and my neighbour who had a rubber curing business had a huge weighing machine to weigh bales of latex sheets. It was our regular fun time and us kids would croon away and dance at the same time, as if we were on some variety show.

It's one thing to go to a music lounge and listen and another to watch others take to the floor and dance. So I said to myself I must learn ball room dancing and jiving and so we did.

9. HANDLING POWER TOOLS

I've always been intimidated by heavy machinery - certainly a no-go area. But thanks to a volunteer project that I was part of, Ian Kelly helped me overcome my fear and now I can confidently approach a chop saw and use it.

10. A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE

Our upbringing and our culture mould us to a great degree. There are many ways of thinking and doing things that I thought was right until I live in a totally different culture with a different set of values and perspectives. Then I learn to embrace other values that are good -  like being more inclusive, being less judgemental and being more giving. There are some values in this country that I do not agree with, and I am glad I have another set of values to choose from and a choice to make that decision. I want God to smash any unhealthy worldview that I have upheld for so long.

 I want to say that I have lived.

THE IMAGINARY Q & A

The combination of being at home and having an imaginative mind and a creative spirit is that no two days are the same. So Mike says, Do I know you at all? and laughs.

So I imagine myself being interviewed in the cool of the garden, for a local magazine.

WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST MEMORY?

I remember when we were in primary school and living upstairs in a shop house. My parents warned us about many undesirable characters living along the street, so we hardly went downstairs to play. What we did was we created our own fun upstairs. There was always a great supply of stationery -  paper, felt pens, paints - so I would draw and write stories about living in a different world and a different time. I had a big empty box where I would store all the little crafts that I made from popsicle sticks, matchboxes, clay or paper mache. We also had a blackboard at home and we would enact classroom scenes with my sisters as teachers and myself as the student.

WHAT WAS THE FIRST BOOK YOU LOVED?

The Mystery of the Missing Necklace - a book in the series of Five Find-Outers and dog by Enid Blyton. Immediately I became an avid fan of Enid Blyton's and would devour all her books with a ravenous appetite. It was then that I became acquainted with toffee apples, humbugs, English meadows, picnic hamper baskets, boarding schools and frisking lambs - which probably explains the anglophile that I am.

WHAT'S YOUR BEST HOLIDAY MEMORY?

Holidays were a luxury and we didn't go anywhere as not many people owned cars then. I remember we had to take a taxi to a waterfront called Minyak Beku, about six miles from home. Six miles seemed a very long journey and we had a small picnic there. The taxi waited for us and took us home.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Like what Piglet said to Pooh bear, "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." That is what I tell Mike.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF?

My children. They have surpassed my expectations.

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST ATTRACTIVE QUALITY - AND WHAT IS YOUR MOST?

Anxiety about my children's well being. I am disciplined, industrious and committed to whatever I do, however small. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU'D DO IF YOU WERE THE PRIME MINISTER?

Put an end to race based politics and policies and focus on  needs instead.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?


Certainly not material things. I treasure family and friends.

WHAT IS YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE?

Good coffee. I try to limit myself to 2 mugs a day. I am still trying.

WHAT'S THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN?

From my mother: Do not worry about how others will think or talk about you. If you think you are doing the right thing, go ahead, because the future is yours, not anyone else's. Those tongue waggers will not be there for you when things go belly up.

WHO ARE YOUR HEROES?

People who are visionary. People who stand for what they believe in. People who make a difference in the lives of others. Examples are: Copernicus. Alexander the Great. Napoleon Bonaparte. Catherine the Great. Florence Nightingale. Doctors without Borders.

WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?

When I read about so many people dying because of COVID19.

WHAT SONG WOULD YOU LIKE PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds. And maybe if my children could just play a piece of music for me, like they did at our wedding.

WHAT KEEPS YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT?

Crafting and writing. When the creative juice flows, I would hate to stop it. So now that I don't have to depend on the alarm clock to wake me up for work, I know I have the privilege of sleeping till noon if I must.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST PASSION IN LIFE?

My family. I will give everything and anything to see their joy complete.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FILM?

Sleepless in Seattle. Entertaining, easy to watch, lovely ending. Two of my favourite actors: Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I even know that the teddy bear is called Howard.

WHAT'S THE LAST TV SHOW THAT YOU BINGE-WATCHED?

Anime - Ponyo, Forest of Piano, My Neighbour Totoro, Whispers of the Heart, You lie in April.

WHAT PHONE APP DO YOU USE MOST?

Whatsapp. I'm more comfortable writing than speaking (eg. skype or facetime) because I can think over what I want to say before I actually write it down.

WHAT PIECE OF ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR 18 YEAR OLD SELF?

Get out of a relationship if you know it is not going to work. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that he will change for the better.

WHAT JOB WOULD YOU BE TERRIBLE AT?

Minding someone's child full time. I will be terribly anxious if the child falls down or hurts himself and I can't discipline the child in love ( the way I would when my own child is naughty).

WHAT DO YOU REGRET NOT DOING IN THE LAST YEAR?

Nothing. I traveled much, loved much, ate much and rested much.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

It has been aeons since I last posted something, a very strange phenomenon for me because I love to write, amongst other things. My excuse is that I'm living in strange times, having strange fears and observing strange rules. Nothing seems normal. Exactly, nothing seems normal.

Just like Phil, a self-centred weatherman, who goes to the town of Punxsutawney for an assignment on Groundhog Day and later finds himself reliving the same day over and over again.

When I left Malaysia on 7 February 2020, the number of Covid cases was 28. At that time I thought it was terrifying and now as I write, the national total is 2031. If 28 was terrifying, I have no adjective to describe 2031.

I do not fall sick easily because I make sure that I eat and live healthily. Having said that, my body reacts to overdoses of anxiety which than inevitably leads to chest tightness. So that would be the signal for me to reduce whatever is causing that stress. I therefore decided to adhere to a strict routine, because there is only one Me, and this Me is a fighter and a survivor.

1. A quiet time

The first thing I do before I leave the bed is to have a quiet time with my Maker. That is when I can release all my fears and howl as much as I want behind closed doors. A time of weeping over the state the world is in. A time of repentance. I miss singing in the church so the next best thing is to listen to my favourite inspirational songs and sing along. Half way through the singing, the voice will just crack and the tears will flow as the heart is heavy and overwhelmed at the same time. And I remember my husband, our children, our friends and ask God to have mercy and form a hedge of protection around us. Starting the day with the right frame of mind and spirit and soul certainly helps me to go through the next 24 hours.

2. Fasting

I am thankful that this is also the month of Lent. I had already purposed in my heart to fast during this period and that has given me much strength and hope for good things that are yet to come. We appreciate our medical front liners and clap for them for their selfless acts of care for the patients.

But how does the mother of a front liner feel?

It seems like ages ago when I walked up  over a hundred steps to the university to teach everyday. As I had no car then, I took the bus, crossed over a busy road and climbed those steps up, laden with my first born. And now the first born is there serving others, with no vaccine in sight.

Even Dr Christopher Lee, who is a member of the Selangor task force for Covid-19, took to Twitter to voice his worry. He penned a message about his daughter Hannah, who was going to her first day as a medical officer at the Covid-19 ward at the Tuanku Ja'afar Hospital in Seremban,Negeri Sembilan and how heavy his heart is.

'20 years ago, my 9 yr daughter told me 'Be careful, Papa' when I left to serve in the SARS ward at the KL hospital. This morning, I reminded Hannah to 'Take care, girl' when she starts her 1st day as an MO in the Covid ward in Seremban. Many parents are feeling what I'm feeling now...worried.'

3 Self Quarantine.  

Although social distancing is encouraged in Ireland, I decided to take one step further to self quarantine as early as February. I only go out for very essential matters because I feel safer at home. Even today the Prime Minister has just announced stricter measures until Easter. I totally welcome it because I like being at home as much as I like travelling.

I remember having to stay home for 30 days after each child was born. I enjoyed that thoroughly - eating nourishing food and resting, having engaged a special person called the confinement lady to take care of me and the newborn and all the household duties. So for  3 children, I had 90 days of self quarantine over a few years.

4. Social Media

Being a woman of two nations, I have double the joy during good times. But during difficult times , I have double the anxiety. So I followed the news from both countries very closely until....

I decided I'm going to limit myself reading or listening about news on Covid19. I will quickly run through both real and fake news in the morning for a maximum of 10 minutes just to keep abreast with what is happening. And even if I receive more news and videos on the said matter via messenger, facebook or whatsapp throughout the day, I will not read them. Too much bad news has a way of getting into your system.

5. Something that makes me happy

Basically, I have so many things to do or entertain myself at home, I am never bored. There is enough stash in my craft room to last me for the next 5 years.

I have books by my bedside that are shouting at me to read. I have movies that I have recorded and haven't watched yet. The planning of daily meals as we eat in more encourages me to try new recipes and I'm really happy with the meals I have prepared.

But most of all, surrounded by the people I love and who love me in return makes me very happy. Together we can do little things or big things, it doesn't matter. What matters is that hands are warm and hearts are beating still.

The sun still rises. The sun still sets. In fear and doubt, whether near or past....THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

PERFECT TIMING

One of my favourite things is driving a car that has just been serviced. The engine purrs quietly and you know you can go miles running on perfect timing. Another one is a soft boiled egg that is neither too runny nor too firm. The secret again is perfect timing, to get it just right.

We can hope and pray and fast for days or even months on end, not to say years even for the desires of our hearts to materialise.

But.

Instead of what we hope for, we get brickbats thrown at us, and we cry our hearts out. The injustice of it all! Is anyone listening out there?

When my eldest was just a child, she asked for a microscope instead of a toy for Christmas or birthday, I can't remember. The thing I remember is that she asked for something that is not atypical of what someone so young would desire.

Then when she was 12, I could have sworn she almost single-handedly delivered 9 puppies, a procedure that I was not comfortable with although she said later it was pure masterly inactivity. Neither of us had experienced a mama bassethound that had whelped.

These were the tell tale signs of what she would like to be in the future and every mother who wants her child to achieve that dream would go to great lengths to make sure that she does.

The long journey of hard work and success and disappointment began for both mother and child. Hard work meant discipline, sacrifice, discipline and sacrifice.

Success meant excellent results, consistency and hope for a wonderful future.

Disappointment meant that even if a student scored excellent results and achieved the required points for the course of her choice at third level education, she was not accepted in a public university nor receive any scholarship based on merit because of man made regulations of  race and quota.

And so we cried.

The only option was to enrol into a private university which meant expensive fees. The mother was willingly running like a hamster on a wheel, night and day, to get that money for the fees.

Not only for one child, but for three.

Fast forward to the next phase of life. The child has graduated and worked in a number of hospitals and her excellent work ethics had not gone unnoticed by her consultants or the nurses that she worked with. So last year, she applied to be on the higher specialist training scheme (HST) for the second time but did not get it.

And so we cried again.

Undeterred, she went on to pursue the 'parallel pathway' on her own.

Then this year, something unprecedented happened.

Every year, the Irish Society of Medical Oncology (ISMO) offers 2 fellowship scholarship spots with collaboration with Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Centre , New York . (MSK).

MSK has been ranked as the number two hospital for cancer care in the nation according to U.S. News and World Report in its annual listing of best hospitals. In addition to its ranking for overall cancer care, MSK was ranked #1 Gyneacology as well.

However, interested individuals could only apply for it if they are already pursuing the HST at year 2 onwards. For 2020, the centre waived this criterion and applicants following the 'parallel pathway' could also apply.

On 25 January 2020, which was also the first day of the Chinese New Year, she received the offer. No one could sleep that night. If she had been offered the HST earlier, she would not have been able to apply for this fellowship at this time as she would have only been at year 1..

And I thought of myself having gone through disappointments in my career path where I had applied for a scholarship to do a PhD.  I applied 7 times and attended 7 interviews over 7 years and got 7 rejection letters. Again because of man made regulations.

Undeterred I went on to pursue the doctoral programme on my own as a part time student while working because I could no longer apply for a scholarship due to the age criterion..

What is a miracle? A miracle is God paving the way for something unheard of. A miracle is God saying I love you. A miracle is God knowing what you are going through and giving you a surprise so big and unimaginable to the human brain.

When you are awash in tears over the disappointment, it is hard to imagine the concept of a miracle.

I was awarded Associate Professorship  based on my publications, even though I had no PhD at that point in time. If I had been on scholarship and was away studying, I would have missed the chance to apply for the post. To further add to my joy, I was finally given a scholarship to pursue the doctoral programme because a significant someone recognised my worth. By then I was way past the maximum age allowed to obtain a scholarship. The offer was unprecedented.

When God creates a miracle, there are no half measures.

A heart full of gratitude and joy.

Perfect timing.