I'M GOING TO A MASQUERADE BALL!

When I was walking down the streets in Venice, I couldn't help admiring all the lovely masks in the shops. There were intricate ones, bedazzled with jewels and there were also some very scary ones.

And when I was conducting a 5 day teacher training workshop in Hanoi, all the teachers came to class wearing cloth masks. Initially I was taken aback, but they had a reason. They rode on motorbikes on dusty roads to the training centre, hence the need for masks.

So I started making masks for my loved ones during this season. Let it not be said that 'A tailor's child has no new clothes'. What started out as an act of love soon turned into a brisk business as friends told friends who told more friends  about the masks. Just when I started to pack away the sewing machine, another new order would come in.

The wonderful thing about knowing how to sew and loving it, is that, I also have loads of stash related to sewing: fabric,interfacing and elastic for instance. All very essential for sewing masks when most of the shops were closed. Buying them online was no help because delivery might take ages.

If we need to wear a mask, then wear it with style. That is my mantra. Just as I have handbags to match my clothes, my masks have personalities and are not generic. 

I asked my friends and family members back in Malaysia and they tell me that it is the done thing to wear a mask when you go out. Even the foreign workers do that. This is directed by the Health Ministry, especially now that Malaysia is on the recovery phase with more relaxed provisions, so spikes must be prevented. In fact, many shops will not admit unmasked customers  and it is mandatory to wear masks on all public transport.

But over here....I could be the only person wearing one while walking on the street. Whenever I see another person wearing a mask, it is so comforting, as if we have a common understanding and we belong to a band of bonded sisters! 

And there are funny episodes too.

I was trying to get some lamb livers for my dog Hachi who had a bout of nose bleeds and was recovering. So I reasoned that he needed more iron to replenish blood loss. There I was at a safe distance behind the meat counter and I uttered these words.

Me: Do you have lamb livers please?

(What the butcher heard: oip iuyt uiinuy tytb iyyl poiuytrt?)

Butcher: So  you want a piece of sirloin steak?

I burst out laughing behind my mask. He was ingenious. Trying hard to make sense of the mumble behind the mask.

In another instance, I encountered a group of unmasked teenagers along a narrow lane. Upon seeing me, one of them freaked out and immediately pulled his sweater up over his mouth and nose. I needn't have to carry a bell and yell, 'Leper coming through!'

Much has been deliberated over the benefits of masks. The fear that you'll forget to do the necessary hand washing and social distancing for example. The fear that there will be a mad rush for masks, think toilet paper frenzy. The fear that there will be insufficient masks for the front liners.

There is of course mask etiquette. If you wear one, you need to learn how to wear it correctly, take it off correctly, dispose of it correctly or wash it correctly.

The thing is you'll never know what is lurking around the corner. 

I was walking to the post office and lo and behold, there was this person behind me who was coughing and coughing without a care in the world and without a mask. When I was at the supermarket, the fish monger released a series of sneezes. The first sneeze was caught by the mask, and he then took off his mask to sneeze even more!! This is my version of what Joseph Conrad would call The Horror! The Horror! in Heart of Darkness.

So while the nation debates the pros and cons of mask wearing, I will visualise that  I'm going to a masquerade ball every time I go out.

And if it is a ball that I am going to, I'll make sure that my head is held high, and I'm walking with pride as in a triumphal procession celebrating the gift of life and good health.

I SPY A ROBIN NEST

There's a deep hole in our apple tree trunk. And in that hole lives a mama robin, sitting on her blue eggs. She is there everyday watching the world outside from the safety of her nest.

There are two questions in my mind.

1. Why are robin eggs blue?
2. What is the mama robin feeling right now?

The answers to the first question are plenty - from scientific observations to the more fun  claims of bird psyche.

According to wikipedia birds that typically lay eggs in open exposed areas often have lighter coloured eggshells. On the other hand, eggs that are are laid in concealed locations sheltered from the sun are more likely to have darker hues.  The blue colour in robin eggs is due to biliverdin, a pigment deposited on the egg shell when the female lays the eggs. There is some evidence that higher biliverdin levels indicate a healthier female and brighter blue eggs.

New research suggests that the bluish colour helps facilitate just the right amount of light absorption - and thus the right temperature without overexposure.

Then we also have a fun conclusion like egg colour influencing male parental care. Apparently, males whose nests contain the brightest blue eggs feed their newly-hatched babies twice as much.

Answers to the second question are more difficult to find.

Mainly because I don't speak robin. I can see her eyes following me closely but I can't pop my head into the nest and ask how she is feeling. I wonder if she is bored. I wonder if she just can't wait for her eggs to hatch and for her babies to fledge. I wonder if the noise made by the lawn mower frightens her.

This brings me to the present situation that we are in.

Sure, we are tempted to violate the rules and go out and have a fun time. Sure, we want to visit each other and have tea and cakes like we used to. Sure, we want to have that thrill of saying we have escaped the police checkpoint.

Why do we violate rules and good advice? Is it an act of defiance? Is it misinformation? Is it for the lack of knowledge? Is it taking things for granted? Or is it pure selfishness?

I think it is a bit of everything.

My well meaning friend who missed me so much called me to join her for a cup of tea at her house. The problem is her house is more than 5km from my place. I said. NO.

Another good friend wants to come over to visit me. I said NO.

Nobody likes to stay indoors when the weather is grand. Now is certainly not the time for non essential activities. Now is not the time to invite someone over or to go to another person's house for something that can wait.

We might say, well we are healthy and they are healthy, so why worry?

The fact is no one knows exactly how 'healthy' we are at a particular point of time. Infection can be asymptomatic. Confined places can be infested with germs. Rules on safe distancing and meeting in open spaces were not created on a whim.

Because if you fall sick, you need someone else to take care of you. If you fall sick, you can infect another person. So it is not all about YOU or what you want to do. Think before you ask someone to go to your house. Think before you go to another person's house. Think before you invite someone into your house.

The mama robin is in her nest for a reason. She is keeping herself safe and her eggs safe. By so doing, she knows one day her family will be able to stretch their wings and fly. In the meantime, she will do the wisest thing and wait.

And yet humans have coined the term bird brain?

MY GARDEN, MY CANVAS

It was late but I wasn't sleepy. Why? Because my brain was on overdrive, my pulse racing and excitement rising. The difference between a teenage me and an adult now is zero, that is where a challenge is concerned. I'm talking about creating a video. Not any quick video to be posted on social media. But a video of my garden to be sent to BBC.

Because of the lockdown, the programme host invites the general public to submit videos of their gardens, big or small to be shared with viewers.

Sometimes, after deciding to do something, I wonder  why I decided in the first place. Isn't it easier to just live life 'normally' day after day, doing the things that you are familiar with and thus live a quiet life?

But that wouldn't be me.

I love gardening. I love art. So the theme of my video is MY GARDEN, MY CANVAS.

Where video taping is concerned, I'm a complete amateur but that is where we all start from. And the best thing is this amateur is surrounded by wonderful people who are willing to help me progress from level 0 to level 1.

Enter Robin, a professional videographer, who gave me a few tips. He also kindly sent me completely free, a beautiful aerial view of Killaloe-Ballina to start the video off or in video speak: establishing the garden. I also gained new vocabulary: Establishing shots, tending up, close ups, zooming with my feet.

My eyes were open. My ears were open. I saw what I never saw before and I heard what I didn't hear before. The surroundings were the same. Only this time round, the senses were hightened.

Suddenly the crows were cawing so loudly. The whirring of some nearby machinery was continuously annoying. And yes, the wind! the wind! A mild wind sounded like a storm coming when recorded.

The sun was not only the sun but it determined the shadows. I jumped up like a lark at break of dawn to get the 'perfect' shot. Quiet. Clear. No shadows. No disturbance.

Then came many short clips, over and over again, to get the perfect clip. Shoot - replay - delete - shoot. Repeat. 

After 18 successful short clips, I was happy. 

Enter my daughter Audrey who kindly volunteered to edit for me. I started sending the video clips to her via WhatsApp. 

Audrey: Ma, sorry wait. My settings don't allow saving of videos automatically. Can you send them over again?

(I sent again).

Audrey: Grrr, sorry, WhatsApp didn't update automatically. I only got the last 3 videos you sent me. 

(I sent again)

Audrey: Sorry ma, but you need to resend to me all the videos. WhatsApp has crushed your videos to a low resolution. Do you have a dropbox? If you upload all the videos there, then share the link with me and I can download the videos.

DROPBOX.

My heart dropped like a heavy box. I don't have it. Unchartered territory is always so terrifying. To anyone younger than I am, this is just like ABC.

Me: I'm worried about this thing, how to get it started etc.

Audrey then sent me this CARTOON.

That was really  comforting. I know some children will get impatient and just roll their eyes (meaning: are you that stupid?) when their parents are not as techno savvy as they are.

So  encouraged, I googled to find out how to install one, how to save the videos there and went to sleep while the videos were being uploaded. The next morning I learnt from google again, how to share the link. 

Audrey upon receiving the link: Very good!!! Pandai! (clever). I suggest we mute the sounds and do a voice over. This is this free app for the recording. (screenshot) You have to synchronise your narrative with  the video.

By then I could do anything that I hadn't done before. Confidence begets confidence.

I downloaded the app, borrowed Mike's phone to watch the video, and went to a quiet room. I did a trial run before recording. Then I recorded my voice on my phone while simultaneously watching the video on Mike's phone. I was surprised I only had to do it ONCE!!

Pleased as punch I forwarded the recording to Audrey.

Audrey: Good work! Very nice to have a little video showcasing all you've done. It was very good. Well done!

Me : Just viewed the final version. Very good. Cannot breathe. Feel like crying.

All in, it took us 3 days to complete the video. It is so easy to work with someone who has the same drive, the same level of commitment and the same eye for excellence.

So now I sit and wait. I hope the video gets selected. I have good friends who are keeping their fingers and toes crossed for me.

If the video gets selected, I will pat myself on the back and say I'm quite brave after all, and then go order a Chinese takeaway.

If the video doesn't get selected, I will also pat myself on the back and say I'm quite brave after all, and then go order a Chinese takeaway.

Either way, I am happy that I have gone through the whole learning process.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE OVER

As this season is officially the staying at home season, we stayed at home dutifully. No more running around, no more escapes to warmer climes. So day and night I tended to my garden. I sowed the seeds into plugs and put them in a vitopod heated propagator on February 26. There was great growth and I pricked them out, moving the stronger ones to trays. And then I watered and watched. If fact I watered, and watered and watered just because I was around. The inevitable happened. To my horror, some of them  gave up the ghost.

What had just happened?

In the past when we could go for short trips now and then, the plants were healthy and strong. There was space and time for them to grow, to be liberated. It was as if, knowing that the gardener was away, they rose in unison and clapped their hands, stretched out their roots to available water sources and reached for the sunlight.

So over caring had been disastrous. And you would think that there would be no harm in being overly concerned, after all it is in a gardener's nature.

When I think about the word 'over' I can find more words and phrases that have negative connotations rather than the positive: overeat, overweight, overdo, overdrive, over-the-top, overkill, overzealous, overdone, over-the-hill, it's all over, bending over backwards, fork something over...

So I purposefully search for words that bring about positive notes instead. Not an easy task though. I chose 4.

1. Overwhelmed
2. Over the moon
3. Over and above
4. Starting over with a clean slate

OVERWHELMED

I am always overwhelmed by the kindness of others. A family member or a good friend who would go  the extra mile just to bring some cheer into my life. I can always remember the time when I was in Primary School and had just recovered from fever.  In those days, public transport was not a reliable thing so my mother walked about a mile to the school just to make sure that I had some nourishing soup during recess time. And more recently, just when the Restricted Movement Order started in Malaysia, a friend asked whether she could do some food shopping for my son as he had not stocked up the fridge? And the random visit from a friend who would just ring the doorbell and say 'hey, I baked a cake for you?'

OVER THE MOON

Sometimes an old story is still very refreshing. I don't know how many times I have regaled the tale (to interested individuals, and only when asked)  of how Mike and myself reconnected after more than 30 years apart. Each time I tell it, it is as exciting as the first time we reconnected in 2008. I am still as pleased as punch and grinning from ear to ear.

OVER AND ABOVE

It is nothing like doing something to the best of your ability. I like the phrase over and above especially when I make something for someone. Because she/he is in my thoughts before, during and after  I have made a craft or baked something. There is so much pleasure in giving. The sparkle in the recipient's eye says everything.

It's also nice when there is an understanding that those living under the same roof should help each other. Whether or not they are working out of home.  Sesame street will call it COOPERATION. Over and above. The floor needs to be swept and cleaned. Pots and pans need to be washed. Clothes need to be hung out to dry and folded or ironed. The grass needs to be cut.  And it is not someone's job. It is everyone's responsibility.

STARTING OVER WITH A CLEAN SLATE

Now this is very difficult. But doable.

It takes great resolve to forgive someone else or to forgive yourself and start all over again. Some studies state that most people hold on to  bad memories more than good ones. Other researchers suggest it could be that good memories persist longer than bad, thus helping us to be more resilient.

Whichever theory, I want to remember more of happy memories. So what I do is to write down short notes about good, significant moments and stick them to a magnetic wall along the staircase. (for those who are interested: you'll need 4 coats of magnetic chalk paint for the wall). In that way, every time I feel sad, I just have to look at all the happy memories and my spirit is lifted again. 

Life is about living today. You can't go back to what things were. How you perceived they were. All you really have is now. 

Like Merida in Brave, I will take hold of my dream. I will ride, I will fly. I will chase the wind and touch the sky.

IT'S ABOUT THE SMALL THINGS AND OF COURSE, THE BIG THINGS TOO.

Sometime last week, I woke up, went downstairs and found a piece of fresh cream flan on the table. Believe me, fresh cream flan is honestly something to die for. Next to the flan was a box of chocolates and a card. There was a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

It's all about the small things. And of course the big things too.

Not only that, it is also in the appreciation of both. The same person can cook a meal or lasso the moon , but if we fail to appreciate, we are never happy. I have met people who are happy over little and I have met those who are perpetually unhappy everyday.The land of content is also the land of discontent. It is our choice where we want to live.

I thought about the many birthdays before and where they were spent.

2011: Cobh. 2012: Dublin  2013: Edinburgh  2014: Clare  2015: Limerick 2016: Clare
2017: Belarus 2018:Kuala Lumpur 2019: Piper's Inn. 2020: Lockdown

Different places, different experiences. But one thing remained constant. I knew I was loved.



So since we couldn't go out gallivanting this year, we went to the room outside. And I looked at the shed at the end of the garden.

Me: Would be nice if it has a new coat of paint.
Him: It would only get dirty again.
Me: We make our beds every morning though we mess them up again at night.

Then I went up to the room to do some reading and when I looked out of the window I saw him painting the shed so I went back to the room outside.

Me: Aha! That's a lovely colour.
Him: Anything for a quiet life.

Immediately, my creative juices flowed. I took a pre-cut plywood square, (I collect a lot of different raw materials) painted it and spent the whole of my birthday creating a piece of mosaic art , surprising myself even, because I normally take a few days to finish a mosaic project. The mosaic art hung nicely on the exterior wall of the shed which indeed had a new lease of life.

The thing is if he had not painted the wall, she would not have made the mosaic. Teamwork makes a dream work. And that's a really lovely thing to accomplish in just one day and on my birthday.

With tummies rumbling, we settled for a takeaway, the safest thing to do in this situation. River Spice, an indian takeaway opposite my house dished out a mean prawn curry with a piping hot cheese naan, papadam and tomato chutney on the side. To me, this delectable spread could rival any Michelin star restaurant.

Would I have wanted my birthday spent in any other way this year? No.

My friend texted me : Happy Birthday to you. Should ask gold from him.

I said: He is gold.

TURNING HAVEN INTO HEAVEN

I was getting ready to paint whatever that needed to be painted or repainted in the garden. It's an annual regime this time of the year. So I went to the shed and searched for  tins of leftover paint. As I laid newspapers on the floor, I was asked, 'Why are you painting? No one is going to see them.' (translation: there will be hardly any  visitors during this pandemic)

'It doesn't matter. I like things to look nice.' I answered. (translation: I take pride in my haven and am particular about quality control and it makes me happy if things are done well, whether or not anyone is looking)

So I keep myself busy, painting this and making that. Once a project is done, another begins. Full momentum. Now that the days are longer, time seems endless when I am immersed in doing something that makes me happy.

And it is very contagious. Himself is also sawing this and hammering that. So there are two happy worker bees in different corners of the haven creating beautiful things, meeting up every few hour or so for a cup of tea and a nice bun, and then back to the different corners again. One of my friends having seen what I have done said, 'Living with you would be so cool' and I said she should have moved in with me before the lockdown. Another friend asked, 'If you are finished with himself, can we borrow him?'

I have lost track of how many days we have been in isolation so far and observing safe distancing if we have to go out. In fact I don't even know what day it is today and I have to look at my phone often enough to check the day.

Basically we are social creatures.

I miss simple things like going to Dunnes in Jetland every Sunday and pushing my trolley and surveying what's on the shelves. After that, finding my favourite seat at Cafe Sol to sip a good cup of latte . Perfect Me time. No hand sanitiser, no gloves, no masks, no rush to go home.

I miss all the travelling that we do. Like many others, our planned trips this year are cancelled. We have to contend ourselves to watching the Hairy Bikers' trip to Bratislava. And I hardly ever watch the Harry Bikers on BBC before.

'Have we been to Bratislava?' he asked.

'Yes, we have.' I replied and showed him the photos that I've neatly organised into albums on facebook. (so they can be whipped up easily in times like this)

This is what cocooning does to our brains. We forget.

As in any unprecedented period of cocooning, I find myself one day laughing silly over Johnny English for the umpteenth time, especially the scene where he is sitting on a chair that goes up and down uncontrollably in the presence of the Prime Minister  and then bawling my eyes out watching Billy's father singing 'He could be a Star' in Billy Elliot the musical the next day. There are so many phases and moods that we go through.

Translation: 1. This spud is tired
                    2. This spud is stressed
                    3. This spud needs a hug
                    4. This spud is Soo Ling

So how can we turn our HAVEN into HEAVEN?

It's all in the spelling.

Just insert the letter 'E' after 'H'. 

 E is for Effort. 

Without Effort, every day is about staying at home and feeling that we have to stay at home and wondering when all this would be over and life can be normal again. I was just thinking about the vegetable seeds that I sowed on February 26 before the pandemic. As usual, I have excess plants and it's lovely to do plant swaps with like-minded gardening enthusiasts. Even now some of them are ready for harvesting - the joy of it.

E is for Excitement, Exploration, Experiment, Encouragement.

When I go to sleep at night, I get all excited because I can't wait to wake up again.

 'What are you going to do tomorrow?' he asked.

 'I don't know, but I'm sure there's plenty to explore and experiment. So we stay encouraged
and  that 's why I'm excited to wake up again.' I said.

So that keeps us going day after day until.

And in the meantime, that turns our HAVEN into HEAVEN.

10 YEARS IN IRELAND

A Year in Provence is a 1989 memoir by Peter Mayle about his first year in Provence written in a witty and honest style about his new environment, warts and all. We arrived in Ireland on 4 July 2010, and it has been a decade since. True to Ireland's idyllic nature, time didn't actually fly for me but rather meandered along, through hill and dale, river and stream.

I must say I did a crash course of endeavouring into a motley myriad of interests in 10 years, when it could have taken say 20 years or more, partly because we are in our Autumn years and we certainly can't wait till Winter when wobbly knees will protest against youthful adventures.

I've been an academic, a Christian and a mother for the most part of my life. So most of my activities and friends would centre around the academia, the church and family life.

As 2010 also marked my departure from the university I was working in, I told myself I needed to experience and learn things that are non academic and widen my circle of friends beyond the academia and the church. Having said that I will not neglect the familiar that is reading, writing and publishing.

So what have I done differently? 10 things for 10 years, though the list is not exhaustive.

1. LEARN TO GROW

When I first opened the back door, I was amazed at the size of the garden. It was pretty much like a blank canvas for me to use any kind of brush and splash any kind of paint. I had so far planted only tropical plants, a very easy feat in comparison, because Malaysia has sun and rain all year round. Not to be deterred I enrolled in a 2 day workshop on organic farming at Jim Cronin's. It was well attended by participants from as far as Galway and Mayo and Waterford. Until this day I still keep in touch with one of the participants. Then my appetite for learning to grow vegetables and flowers across the seasons could not be abated. I joined community run courses in Scariff and Moyross and in so doing, learnt what worked and did not work and made more friends in the process. In 2016, I was confident enough and we purchased a greenhouse and the joy that it yields till today is unrivaled. The overall plan of the garden has changed many times over and pots and beds have moved much to Mike's (my great help in the garden) amusement. Monty Don and Helen Dillon have both agreed that the garden is alive; it is never static. The day the plan of the garden is set in stone, is the day the garden dies.


2. RIDE A HORSE

I blame it on those childhood comics and story books where riding a horse is a rite of passage. My daughter Sonya and I were toying with the idea as there are 2 horse riding schools nearby. So I woke up one day and say, I must learn to ride a horse. I don't know which attracts me more:  the horse riding or the  pomp and pride of full riding gear - when I put on the long riding boots and carry the riding hat under my arm.

3. CLIMB SOMETHING

I've never climbed anything higher than a six foot ladder. When others tell stories of scaling Mt Everest and such, I never really felt the desire to climb even one very small hill. We didn't exactly set out to climb anything but just discovered that this was something we could do on one of our gallivanting trips across Ireland. So I had a very strange feeling of excitement when I climbed the Motte Stone which is a huge granite boulder, weighing about 150 tons. It is said that the five counties surrounding Wicklow can be viewed from the rock on a clear day and the mountains of Wales even. The next one was Devil's Bit in County Tipperary. Something that we had always seen from the car and had never actually climbed it. So when we finally reached the top, the experience was something else.

And talking about heights, we went up in a hot air balloon in Marrakesh, just like Felicity Jones and Eddie Redmaine in The Aeronauts....but then I digress.

4. TRAVEL FOR FUN

I travelled quite a fair bit when I was working, from Nepal to New York to Barcelona to China, to present academic papers at conferences . It was wonderful but those were working trips so the primary focus was to be prepared for intellectual exchange. Travelling for fun is entirely different. We managed to visit the 32 counties of Ireland in 2 years, and we are now exploring places like those in Creedon's Road Less Travelled - avoiding the motorway infrastructure to enjoy the scenic landscapes and streetscapes and to explore the stories that lie beneath the tarmac and fields.

Beyond Ireland, my favourite countries thus far are Iceland, Israel, Mexico and Korea. I went to Israel twice, and  my second trip there was particularly memorable because we renewed our wedding vows in the church at Cana where Jesus performed his first miracle of turning water into wine. How awesome is that?

5. VISIT A FARM

Like running away with a circus, visiting a farm has always been on my to-do list, although now I'm not so sure I want to run away with a circus anymore. My friends Ned and Catherine graciously allowed me to visit their working dairy farm. Driving a tractor for the first time sure gave me  an adrenaline rush of the highest degree and being in the milking parlour was really something else. Letting a baby calf suckle my fingers made me feel part of the bovine fraternity.

6. TRYING TRADITIONAL CRAFTS

I have always loved getting busy with my hands but actually learning a traditional craft from the masters is something that I've always wanted to do. Some of the teachers are well into their senior years, and it would be a pity if the art dies with them.

Learning how to cook traditional food is also a delight, mainly out of necessity because it is quite difficult to buy such food here. It's great that I have friends like Susan  who taught me how to make Bak Chang,(rice dumplings) Linyan who taught me how to make Jiaozi (meat dumplings), Vivien who taught me how to make mooncakes and Carrie who taught me how to make salted duck eggs.

7. MY CRAFT STUDIO

Every man should have  a man shed and every woman who loves craft needs a craft studio. So Mike created for me a room where I can hide away and do my stuff and keep my stash. Everyone knows that a crafter has loads of stash, it is simply impossible to throw away bits and bobs, because you'll never know if it fits into some project at hand. It is also a place where I hold tea, cake and craft sessions with my friends. I call my studio Howard's End - after E.M.Forster's book of the same name - a place that shouts of ME.

8. OUT OF COMFORT ZONE

The last time I danced was on a huge weighing machine  and singing Yellow River at the same time. That was when I was 9 and my neighbour who had a rubber curing business had a huge weighing machine to weigh bales of latex sheets. It was our regular fun time and us kids would croon away and dance at the same time, as if we were on some variety show.

It's one thing to go to a music lounge and listen and another to watch others take to the floor and dance. So I said to myself I must learn ball room dancing and jiving and so we did.

9. HANDLING POWER TOOLS

I've always been intimidated by heavy machinery - certainly a no-go area. But thanks to a volunteer project that I was part of, Ian Kelly helped me overcome my fear and now I can confidently approach a chop saw and use it.

10. A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE

Our upbringing and our culture mould us to a great degree. There are many ways of thinking and doing things that I thought was right until I live in a totally different culture with a different set of values and perspectives. Then I learn to embrace other values that are good -  like being more inclusive, being less judgemental and being more giving. There are some values in this country that I do not agree with, and I am glad I have another set of values to choose from and a choice to make that decision. I want God to smash any unhealthy worldview that I have upheld for so long.

 I want to say that I have lived.