SWEEP THE SOOT FROM YOUR LIFE TO CLEAR THE AIR

              

MY only image of the chimney sweep is from the film Mary Poppins, where all the chimney sweeps break out in song as they Step in Time. I imagine small and skinny humans squeezing through age-old chutes and then presto, their blackened faces appear out of the chimneys like a jack-in-the-box.

So, when our chimneys got stuck, I was secretly excited about meeting the chimney sweep. I know we are living in the new millennium but I am a lover of all things vintage and I was secretly hoping to see a faint likeness of the chimney sweep of my imagination.

The tradition of a chimney sweep bringing luck is an age-old one, especially to the bride and groom on their wedding day. Legend has it that 200 years ago, a chimney sweep bravely stepped out and stopped King George II's horse and coach as it bolted. He was so grateful to the sweep for saving his life that he decreed that all sweeps were lucky!

 When the door bell rang, a man called Paul announced his mission for the day. First, he was tall and burly and not skinny and small. So, I crossed that characteristic off of my list expectations on how a chimney sweep should look like Next, he was fair and not covered in soot either. My disappointment continued to rise and when he carried in the hoover (that is what they call the vacuum cleaner over here) I was transported back to the 21st century again. Almost immediately Paul got to work. I had a lovely time watching Paul clean the chimneys and my zero knowledge of stoves and fireplaces made him a happy teacher. He assembled the segments of a very long brush and pushed it through the chimney and I had to watch from the outside of the house if anything came out of the chimney. Truth be told when I went outside to look at the roof, I was not even sure which chimney the brush would pop out from! I laughed at my ignorance and that most people will not give much thought to something until it is broken. So, imagine my joy when I saw the brush (and not a human head) popping out of the chimney.

To make work fun, we chatted on food, country and family -- my three favourite topics. He was curious as to where I was from and we talked about the weather -- how hot and humid Malaysia is and how cold and damp Ireland is.

He commented that I looked good and I quipped that it must be the Malaysian humidity that keeps our skin supple and takes 10 years off our faces. When I saw the amount of soot and dirt that Paul dislodged from the chimneys I could not help but compare it with the amount of soot and dirt that we carry with us throughout our lives.

I remember when I met my friend Susan Bryson for the first time, I thought she looked really beautiful and youthful. Apart from good genes, she said the countenance reflects the attitude one has towards life. And it is not uncommon to see what we carry in our hearts and souls emanating from our faces -- just like soot and dirt clogging up a chimney.

In fact, there is a proverb that goes, "A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit". How good it is to clear the blocked ducts in our lives: the bad memories and the hurt. Max Lucado, a best-selling writer once said, "Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realising that you were the prisoner".

 In no time, Paul finished the chimney sweeping. Before he left, we tried to start a fire to check whether the airway was clear. Almost like magic, I could feel the heat roaring through and the chimneys puffing like dragons. I have heard of the quintessential milkman brightening up a housewife's dull day, but when the chimney sweep comes a-calling, he clears the air that I breathe!

Read more: Sweep the soot from your life to clear the air - Columnist - New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/sweep-the-soot-from-your-life-to-clear-the-air-1.159713#ixzz29x9Ux0J2

A Need for Women to Recharge

After a good year of giving out dazzling beams in the dark, my garden lights have decided to shut down. So I frantically looked for answers as to how to rejuvenate them and when men gave conflicting suggestions, I turned to my trusty source of speedy information – the internet.

That was the beginning of my lessons on solar energy and the myriad of batteries on supermarket shelves: Nickel-cadmium (Ni-Cd), NiMH, energisers and others. I removed the lid of each light to reveal a simple circuit pattern. I checked with the diagram on the webpage. A perfect match indeed. I was certainly making inroads into a world that was hitherto unknown to me. I thought it was a splendid invention indeed, how solar energy could be harnessed to power simple domestic objects. Most importantly, what struck me was the need for re-charging. Same as humans. Women, especially need to be re-charged because they are givers most of the time. Whether we are wives, carers, mothers, daughters - at home or at the workplace- we are on duty 24/7, public holidays included. Without realising it, we become so committed and responsible and this in itself becomes an imprisonment with no early parole for good behaviour. Truth be told, there is a need to escape from the madness called routine. Those who work outside the home have weekends off but this can be a misnomer as weekends are usually used to clean the house and to catch up with other domestic chores left undone during the week. Those who are homemakers may face a tougher job in trying to define the concept. They may even have to convince the uninitiated, particularly the husband and the children, that homemaking is actually a round-the-clock sentry job and being a stay at home mother is not exactly akin to playing mah-jong and watching soap operas all the time. We all need to be re-charged.

Have you ever seen how droopy plants spring to life almost immediately when we water them? Or how a hungry baby grabs a milk bottle? When we are re-charged, then only do we have so much more to give to others - something different, something new, something exciting. Even if we run on petrol or diesel we will stall along the way unless we manoeuvre ourselves to a nearby kiosk and get re-filled. We just cannot perform at optimum levels all the time. Recharging can be anything that ranges from shopping, going on a holiday or just being out of the home. It is said that shopping is excellent retail therapy as when we are up, we shop and when we are down, we shop even more. Tammy Faye Bakker once said that shopping is a great deal cheaper than having to go see a psychiatrist regularly.

Recharging can be going to the movies. Even with satellite television and Dvds, to me nothing beats watching movies on the big screen and chomping delicious morsels complete with piping hot latte as I watch actors and actresses fly towards me in 3-D version. Recharging can be sipping coffee in the company of friends, whether in a café or at home where the air is pregnant with the smell of piping hot scones in the oven. It is the sharing of both the serious and the trivial that we enter into different worlds and get a glimpse of another person’s life and feel privileged to be privy to it. So now I am enjoying the ultimate recharging process. I am on vacation back in my home country among the familiar. The epitome of a decadent lifestyle of feasting and relaxing and catching up with friends and loved ones. I remind myself constantly that if I soak up enough sun, then my winter nights ahead will be very warm indeed.

Learning from the birds

I USED to keep birds in cages but not anymore. Now I am learning to feed wild birds instead. There is a great array of wild bird feed to choose from, ranging from seeds to nuts to suet balls. On top of that there are all sorts of bird feeders. There are wood feeders, tube feeders and platform feeders. Apparently different birds will root for different feed and different feeders as well. So we bought three types of feeders and three types of feed and it was rather spectacular to watch a great array of birds flock to them: finches and tits included. However, the joy was short-lived when big ugly black birds discovered the feeders and, by crowding over the feeders incessantly, they practically shoved and ousted the smaller birds who were there first. Imagine my ire watching such bullying take place. I concluded that this is basically the law of attraction. Free delicious bird seed will attract birds of whatever kind. Just like humans, it is not unusual to see the nice ones attracting loads of friends and the emphatic ones attracting loads of people who feel comfortable confiding in them. But unfortunately, sometimes the "wrong" people are attracted too, for example people who take advantage of others, people who are sycophants, people who need human crutches and people who wallow in self pity. This is where I believe wisdom comes in, where we do not let others misuse and abuse our niceness and hurt ourselves and our families in the wake. There is an often quoted proverb which states that you can please some of the people, some of the time, but you cannot please all of the people, all of the time. This probably originated about 2,500 years ago where the famous Greek slave Aesop illustrated this gem in his fable The Miller, the Son, and the Donkey. The story is about a miller and his son who were driving their donkey to the market. First they met some girls who thought they were fools because they were not riding the donkey. So the father lifted his son onto the donkey and walked along by his side. Next they met an old man who accused the son of not respecting his father and letting him walk. So red-faced with shame, the son got down and his father got onto the donkey's back. Then they met a group of young men who thought both the father and son should ride the donkey. So the father lifted his son up, and the two of them rode along. Finally they were stopped by a townsman who accused them of animal cruelty and the miller and his son got off the donkey, tied his legs together, slung him on a pole, and carried him on their shoulders.

When other passers-by saw this spectacle, they laughed so loudly that the donkey was frightened, broke free from the cords, fell off the pole into a river and drowned. The moral of this story is, "He who tries to please everybody pleases nobody and often is the most lonely person." Strange but true. It is an age-old maxim that our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness and we will fail if we do not expand. It is said that it does not take long for a one string banjo to irritate any listener. You will reach higher by adding a few strings to your instrument. If I am a great talker, I talk too much. Therefore, I should listen more. If I am great at encouraging, people would walk all over me. Therefore, I should confront more. What I consciously discipline myself is to have a mind to do the right thing. That is about the most difficult task. To do the right thing is certainly to annoy some and please some. To do the right thing may bring about bad blood.

To do the right thing maybe to say "No", to end an unhealthy friendship, to let the person go and learn to fish, to tell the person that he should seek help and you are not the right person to do it and to do the right thing is listen to the heartbeat and anxiety of the person closest to you and act on it. But above all it is worth it because to do the right thing is to have the ability to draw boundaries, to stand up for principles and people who are most important in your life, to risk having people and the whole town think "badly" of you, to be stripped of all self pride by acknowledging that you may not be the answer to another's woes and, most of all, to be able to let others go and find strength in themselves. So back to the birds that are a nuisance. I think I will go take up shooting lessons and learn to load, point and aim.

Read more: Learning from the birds - Columnist - New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/learning-from-the-birds-1.147118?localLinksEnabled=false#ixzz27HAdz6Pe

Breaking free is hard to do

DURING one of our evening walks, we decided to saunter into the nearby church graveyard. Some people might find it spooky, but I like reading epitaphs on headstones, more so if they belong to renowned writers or poets or people of dubious origins like pirates. As I was engrossed with some beautifully carved headstones, I lost track of time only to find that the caretaker had locked us in. The first thought was to climb over the wall, but seeing how high it was, I did not fancy having my legs broken. We could see a whole host of activities outside the gates, but we could not get out. Some passers-by came to sympathise with us, but they could do nothing.

This experience reminds me of prison walls. Although we may not be convicts, we seem to have prison walls surrounding us at one stage or another. There are many things that can imprison us: age, job, social economic standing, sickness, people and even the home. We look out of our walls and wish for greener grass. Passers-by, friends and family can sympathise with us, but they can do nothing. When we were children, we could not wait to grow up fast so that we could become independent and do the things we wanted. Then, when we were teens, we longed for the day when we could drive our own cars. Age was a limitation and we were held back from pursuing activities that we perceived as interesting and challenging. Some of us are working at jobs that we do not like, but we have no choice because there must be bread on the table. We plod along like zombies from the home to the office and back again. Some are old, sick and feeble and do not want to live, and yet are bestowed with long life. Some are in unhappy homes, but there seems to be no exit.

So, we whine about our lot as we struggle between what we want to be and what we are. We get trapped in bad habits like procrastinating, criticising others and being negative. Self-help gurus propagate three steps to help liberate us from the feeling of being locked in: acknowledge the problem; reframe the meaning of emotions and decide what you want to do about it. It is strange but true that most times, we cannot see or refuse to face the problem even though it may be as huge as an elephant in the room. It is no wonder that people who go to alcoholic anonymous meetings have to begin by saying, "I am an alcoholic". Acknowledging a problem does not mean that the problem will go away or that it will remain forever. But it does mean that I am aware that the problem exists and I am going to do something about it. Reframing the meaning of emotions would mean that we do not have to let emotions govern our actions all the time. In Ireland especially, many people get depressed because of the weather. If you meet someone on the street, more often than not, the topic of bad weather would crop up. Someone asked me whether the continuous drizzle prevents me from going out and doing what I want. My answer was if it rained, I had lots of chores or hobbies to do indoors. If the sun came out (which would be a rare thing) I had lots of chores or hobbies to do outdoors. Either way, I was not going to let the weather affect my emotions. Of course, I do get down sometimes when things are just not the way they should be. I acknowledge the misery, allow myself to wallow in it for a while and spring back to life with a vengeance and know that like any bad experience, this, too, will pass. I have learnt to quieten the turmoil of the mind by meditation, prayer or even journalling where I can pen all the dark, anxious, angry and turbulent thoughts in a private document. The step where one has to decide to do something about being locked in is I feel the most difficult one. Sometimes, a decision made will not only affect ourselves, but others as well. We may be in the process of deciding or not being able to decide because of our cultural norms, our responsibilities, our backgrounds or our beliefs. But the fear of making a life-changing decision is a prison, in itself. Sometimes, we may just wake up one day and have the courage to say to ourselves, "I've had enough of this problem. It ends today", and sometimes, life may present circumstances that make it easier for us to deal with the problem. As an illustration, one of my friends said: "the day I saw my husband in bed with another woman was the day I left him for good." So, back to the graveyard. Did we have to sleep with our ancestors that night? After some phone calls to trace the whereabouts of the caretaker, she finally arrived with a bunch of keys to set us free.

Source:- Columnist - New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/breaking-free-is-hard-to-do-1.140736#ixzz25yMqag8b

Nature, Nurture Maketh the Child

As much as I am intrigued by scientific discoveries I must say I am easily seduced by music, art, crafts and language. So seated snugly on a red velvet-covered chair in one of Dublin’s oldest theatres, I waited with baited breath for the tale of the tragic Blood Brothers to unfold. Willy Russell based this musical on the 1844 novella The Corsican Brothers by Alexandre Dumas, Père.

The story revolves around fraternal twins Mickey and Eddie who separated at birth rose to opposite ends of the social spectrum. Eddie became an Oxbridge-graduated councillor and Mickey was unemployed and landed in prison. This brings to mind the ageless debate of nature vs. nurture in determining individual differences in physical and behavioural traits. ‘Nature’ refers to the relative importance of an individual's innate qualities while nature refers to personal experiences and circumstances. There seems to be a positive correlation between intrinsic motivation, which comes from the inside of an individual, and nature. Call it strength of character but an intrinsically motivated person will work on a solution to a problem because the challenge of finding a solution provides a sense of pleasure.

The unexplainable genetic factor in the making of a genius has been explored greatly on the big screen. In the movie ‘Good Will Hunting’ we see an example of how a janitor at MIT is a genius at math and chemistry despite his blue-collar roots. In ‘Homeless to Harvard’ we see how a homeless and orphaned teenager made it to Harvard. In reality, there are countless examples of rags to riches stories that celebrate resilience and determination. It is often said that those born before 1960 know the meaning of want, hard work and success.

Take Bill Cullen, a successful entrepreneur for example. The eldest of 14 children, he was born into poverty in Dublin but today his net worth stands at 34million euros and he has gone a far way from selling apples on a street at five years of age.

That said, behaviourists will argue that nurturing makes all the difference in determining the final outcome. These experts claim that any child given proper guidance and opportunities will excel. 

Nurturing is also very much linked to extrinsic motivation or dangling the carrot before the horse tactic to produce results. It is also influenced by positive reinforcement , examples of which are encouragement and praises. I can see a big difference in the way children are encouraged in creches and schools here. For every small effort made that is age appropriate, the carers let fly compliments like ‘brilliant’, ‘clever girl’ and ‘good job’. I honestly cannot remember when any teacher had been so lavish with encouraging comments in my school days.

 On the other extreme end of the scale, we have examples of how young people nurtured by a supportive environment, squander away the inheritance left behind by the generations before them. This could possibly be the basis for an old Chinese proverb that states that “Wealth does not sustain beyond three generations”

 I recently purchased a Gunnera manicata plant which looks like a giant rhubarb. A native of Brazil it grows best by a pond. There is neither Brazilian climate where I live nor a pond in the garden to ensure its steady growth and the best I could do is to simulate a pond like environment. The last time I checked, the giant rhubarb was flourishing in all its splendour.

That said, I also grew an array of tomato plants. I tood great care in feeding them and giving them the best spots in the garden. Sadly, despite all the right conditions, the leaves look sickly and the tomatoes are smallish. Plants like children come from different varieties and need to be properly nurtured. So, that brings me to my concluding question:

Which has more bearing on a child’s development, environment or genetics?

 A bit of both I must say.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/nature-nurture-maketh-the-child-1.129247

Being Part of the Universe

The universe has always fascinated me and from a young age I have always wondered why I am put on this earth; why there is life on earth; why the earth is given so much significance. There are so many ‘whys’ that I have no answers but that does not stop me from being amazed to be given a chance of be part of the borderless universe.

So, stepping into a mobile planetarium was the closest I could get to see the universe in all its splendour, albeit for a brief twenty minutes. The mobile planetarium was set up in the Scouts Hall in Killaloe in conjunction with the annual Brian Boru Celebrations to commemorate Brian Ború ‘s kingship one millennium ago. During his reign, Brian extended and strengthened his fort in Killaloe and turned it into the well known Royal Palace of Kincora.

Finding a cosy spot in the six metre dome, I lay down with my significant other and scores of other enthusiasts to view the 360 degree perspective of the universe. Gazing at the stars, I could see how man in his creativity has come up with star patterns. Familiar ones are the Big Dipper, Ursa Major, The Great Bear, Ursa Minor The Little Bear and Orion, The Hunter.

Because of the magnanimity of the unknown, we give credit to the universe for things that we cannot logically explain. The often quoted phrase ‘It’s all written in the stars’ illustrates something good which is caused by the power that controls what happens to people’s lives. Shakespeare described Romeo and Juliet as ‘star-crossed’ lovers. Juliet says, "Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine…” (Act III, Sc. II) In Chinese mythology there is also a story of two lovers, Nguu Lang and Chuc Nu kept apart by the Milky Way. Chuc Nu was the daughter of the Jade Emperor, the ruler of Heaven while Nguu Lang was a cowherd. The Jade Emperor warned them of their liason and banised Nguu Lang to the other side of the Milky Way, and the two lovers could only meet once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month. The birds from all over the world would unite, and form a bridge so that Chuc Nu and Nguu Lang could cross and be together again for just a day. Chuc Nu and Nguu Lang in the legend are both immortalised in the form of two beautiful stars. Chuc Nu is Vega of the constellation Lyra, and Nguu Lang is the bright Altair of Aquila. Both of these stars can be seen in the summer, when together with Deneb they form the familiar summer triangle in the Northern Hemisphere night sky.

When we stand in the vast universe, we cannot help but feel very small. We cannot help but realise that everything is transient, alive one day and gone the next. Yet, we are part of the scheme, part of the big picture that we call creation. And to think that there was a time when man thought that he was the centre of the universe and that the sun revolved around him. I stand corrected. There are still people who think they own the earth when we see irresponsible acts around us. How else can we explain the animal litter everywhere on public sidewalks? And we are not even the discussing the bigger issues like the indiscriminate felling of trees, harnessing of power, mining of natural resources and disposing of refuse. There are still people who treat others shabbily. We have egocentric people who are over preoccupied with their own internal world. They regard their own opinions or interests as most important or valid. We have ethnocentric people who believe that their own group or culture is superior to others. These can be strangers, relatives or even friends who continue to rob, to cheat and to put others down and still get away with it. There are still people who will do anything to advance their own lot in the name of prosperity, power and progress. Stabbing another in the back to get ahead is as old as the hills. If we are part of the universe, then what is our stance? Stars have life spans and they burn out. If we cannot save the stars from burning out, at least we should learn to appreciate the earth and its inhabitants.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/being-part-of-the-universe-1.123877

Making a Magpie's Nest

I look at the magpie and I see a very common bird with white and black feathers. What is intriguing is perhaps the stuff that a magpie collects painstakingly to put into its nest, bright things usually. Like the magpie, there is a collector in all of us. Collections of coins, matchboxes or stamps are quite unfamiliar to those born after the new millennium but they were the stuff that some people born before the new millennium were proud of. But the innate desire to collect is still prevalent judging from the mountains of stuff people usually bury themselves under when consumer culture milks the ‘magpie instinct’. How else can we explain the number of souvenirs that we have collected from our travels that were ‘must-haves’ once but now lie sadly on the dusty shelf or worse still in a box in the attic. The wise collector could very well develop into the indiscriminate hoarder if he is not careful. So we collect from the past and for the future. I like to collect memories. I had scrapbooks, diaries, albums and letters. Then I progressed to floppy diskettes, CDs and data stored in cyberspace. But everything has a lifespan. The scrapbook became moth bitten, the floppy diskette became obsolete. Even memories kept in the head become faint over the years as Alzheimer’s disease looms forebodingly. I like to collect plans for the future. Things that I wish to have or to experience in five to ten years' time. That cottage, that certain style of living, that trip round the world, that moment when children have secured successful jobs and that day when I have enough money in the bank to live happily ever after. But the best of plans will always remain plans until they are actualised. Even the best of plans can be destroyed by unseen circumstances, leaving us feeling shortchanged. So I have consciously decided to make a magpie’s nest of the present. But that does not mean that I have stopped remembering the past. I still painstakingly collect moments that have meant something to me, especially photographs. I still plan for the future. But I make it a point not to forget to add the beautiful things of the present into my magpie’s nest.

The present is the morning that you wake up and know that you are still alive and that there is a bed to sleep in and you can smell the fresh sheets about you. It is to look from the window to see the grass growing in the backyard, the wild birds fighting over the seeds that you put out for them, the bins that store yesterday’s rubbish and the job that is waiting for you.

The present is the afternoon when you are still at the office and there is work to be done that guarantees your paycheck at the end of the month. It is the afternoon when you are sick in bed and need that rest. It is the afternoon when you have cooked lunch and the aroma of roast and stew permeates the whole kitchen.

The present is the evening when you are driving back from the office and there is traffic jam but the music in the car continues to play. You see others caught in the jam because it is the rush hour and you are thankful that at least people are working and there are jobs and people are not hungry. The evening is when there is dinner prepared for you because you were at work and someone else minded your children and home while you were at work. The evening is when you come home to be with the people and animals that you love.

The present is the summer when you feel the heat, the autumn when the leaves begin to fall, the winter when the ground is cold and icy and the spring when life begins again. It is that song, that movie, that book or that cup of coffee that you enjoy by yourself or with someone dear. It is remembering to make that phone call or write that note or tell someone that you love him and appreciate what he has done for you. The present is also that nagging cough, that worrying sore throat or that miserable runny nose. The present is life.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/making-a-magpie-s-nest-1.114599?localLinksEnabled=false