We were in New York on vacation and as holidays go, before long we had to catch the plane back to Ireland. So we made our way to the subway station. There were five of us with ages ranging from 18 – 56. The 18 year old had conscientiously researched and studied the routes in and out of New York whether by subway or by bus.
Reaching the subway station, she announced that we had to take the Uptown train to Jamaica station in order to get to the JFK airport. Protesting vehemently the 56 year old said that we had to take the Downtown train instead. Since it is not in Asian culture to argue with an older and usually more experienced person, the 18 year old kept quiet.
We would probably be heading downtown if not for a helpful American who had been observing our perplexed looks and approached us. He said, ‘To go to JFK airport, you have to go uptown. Follow me, I’m heading that way myself.’ Just before we boarded the train, I heard the 56 year say in a strong voice to the 18 year old, ‘I owe you an apology….’.
I thought that was pretty cool because I seldom hear of older people apologising to younger ones especially in a parent-child relationship. In fact I have never heard my parents apologising to any of their children even if they were in the wrong.
Saying sorry seems to be the hardest thing to do. Why even Elton John recorded the song ‘Sorry seems to be the hardest word’’ in 1976 and Chicago, an American rock group had a number one hit ballad in 1982 entitled ‘Hard to Say I’m Sorry’.
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When someone sincerely says he is sorry, I go all weak and immediately forgive the person. There is an almost instant release of a huge blockage in my soul and it is the first step towards mending the relationship. This is because I am the recipient of the apology, one of true remorse.
Now the reverse is totally different when I have to apologise because it is admitting that I have made a mistake. The funny thing is we all know that we are not perfect and we make mistakes. Is it a sign of weakness when we apologise? Are we afraid that the other person may not accept our apology? Worse still, the person can accuse you of making a fake apology and there is no way you can convince him otherwise if he chooses to think so. There are also those who want you to remember the number of times you have apologised because they cannot remember if you had ever done so.
There are those that feel that as long as they do not apologise they are not at fault. It is like the scene at a car accident where you have been advised not to admit that you are in the wrong even if you are the offender. Those who refuse to apologise prefer to stay in denial. They rationalise that if there is no admission of fault, then there is no need to take responsibility. You ‘lose’ if you apologise and you ‘win’ if the other person apologises. We hide behind a veneer of pride and because we lack empathy we have a hard time understanding another person’s feelings or viewpoint.
Giving an apology is akin to baring the soul. We become vulnerable. Like many other learnt behaviour, apologising becomes easier through practice. When we say we are sorry, it shows that the person who has been hurt by our actions or remarks means something special to us. It means that you want to get over this obstacle that is impeding the progress of the relationship. It is being aware of your own shortcomings and taking responsibility for what you have done wrong. It is knowing that setting things right is far more important than feeling that you are right.
While we wait to be convinced that we should apologise or we wait for the other person to apologise, the clock is ticking. It is the seconds, the minutes, the hours and the days that are lost while we are still nursing the hurt or struggling with our pride. I have known of people who wait for years for that apology and they are still waiting. The maxim ‘Do not let the sun go down with your anger’ is so true as how many sleepless nights are lost to those who lie on the bed fuming over callous words and who are still waiting for an apology.
The sad part is that while we are still struggling to apologise, we may find the person gone the next day and we have missed out on the opportunity to say ‘I am sorry.’
Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/it-is-hard-to-say-i-am-sorry-1.231894
We were in New York on vacation and as holidays go, before long we had to catch the plane back to Ireland. So we made our way to the subway station. There were five of us with ages ranging from 18 – 56. The 18 year old had conscientiously researched and studied the routes in and out of New York whether by subway or by bus.
Reaching the subway station, she announced that we had to take the Uptown train to Jamaica station in order to get to the JFK airport. Protesting vehemently the 56 year old said that we had to take the Downtown train instead. Since it is not in Asian culture to argue with an older and usually more experienced person, the 18 year old kept quiet.
We would probably be heading downtown if not for a helpful American who had been observing our perplexed looks and approached us. He said, ‘To go to JFK airport, you have to go uptown. Follow me, I’m heading that way myself.’ Just before we boarded the train, I heard the 56 year say in a strong voice to the 18 year old, ‘I owe you an apology….’.
I thought that was pretty cool because I seldom hear of older people apologising to younger ones especially in a parent-child relationship. In fact I have never heard my parents apologising to any of their children even if they were in the wrong.
Saying sorry seems to be the hardest thing to do. Why even Elton John recorded the song ‘Sorry seems to be the hardest word’’ in 1976 and Chicago, an American rock group had a number one hit ballad in 1982 entitled ‘Hard to Say I’m Sorry’.
.jpg)
When someone sincerely says he is sorry, I go all weak and immediately forgive the person. There is an almost instant release of a huge blockage in my soul and it is the first step towards mending the relationship. This is because I am the recipient of the apology, one of true remorse.
Now the reverse is totally different when I have to apologise because it is admitting that I have made a mistake. The funny thing is we all know that we are not perfect and we make mistakes. Is it a sign of weakness when we apologise? Are we afraid that the other person may not accept our apology? Worse still, the person can accuse you of making a fake apology and there is no way you can convince him otherwise if he chooses to think so. There are also those who want you to remember the number of times you have apologised because they cannot remember if you had ever done so.
There are those that feel that as long as they do not apologise they are not at fault. It is like the scene at a car accident where you have been advised not to admit that you are in the wrong even if you are the offender. Those who refuse to apologise prefer to stay in denial. They rationalise that if there is no admission of fault, then there is no need to take responsibility. You ‘lose’ if you apologise and you ‘win’ if the other person apologises. We hide behind a veneer of pride and because we lack empathy we have a hard time understanding another person’s feelings or viewpoint.
Giving an apology is akin to baring the soul. We become vulnerable. Like many other learnt behaviour, apologising becomes easier through practice. When we say we are sorry, it shows that the person who has been hurt by our actions or remarks means something special to us. It means that you want to get over this obstacle that is impeding the progress of the relationship. It is being aware of your own shortcomings and taking responsibility for what you have done wrong. It is knowing that setting things right is far more important than feeling that you are right.
While we wait to be convinced that we should apologise or we wait for the other person to apologise, the clock is ticking. It is the seconds, the minutes, the hours and the days that are lost while we are still nursing the hurt or struggling with our pride. I have known of people who wait for years for that apology and they are still waiting. The maxim ‘Do not let the sun go down with your anger’ is so true as how many sleepless nights are lost to those who lie on the bed fuming over callous words and who are still waiting for an apology.
The sad part is that while we are still struggling to apologise, we may find the person gone the next day and we have missed out on the opportunity to say ‘I am sorry.’
Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/it-is-hard-to-say-i-am-sorry-1.231894
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