The rewards of delayed gratification

For the whole of March, I enjoyed looking at the confectionery aisle in any supermarket. Why? Because the shelves were literally filled with chocolate bunnies, chocolate chicks and chocolate eggs in anticipation of the mad rush to purchase them for the Easter celebration. There were chocolate eggs of various sizes, all prettily wrapped in foil. Some were filled with marzipan or crème. I could not take my eyes off a giant 10kg chocolate egg that was the ultimate prize for a raffle draw. Truth be told, I never saw or tasted huge chocolate eggs or chicks till I was well into adulthood, mainly because there were none sold during those days. I could only read about them in Enid Blyton’s books and they sounded scrumptious.

The earliest memory of a chicken and egg experience was when I was seven. I remember my father coming back from a night market and telling me excitedly that he had seen this toy chicken that clucked, pushed a pram of chicks and laid eggs simultaneously. Talk about the female sex multi tasking even in those days.

The metal chicken was run by batteries and once activated it could go round and round or walked in a straight line. The way my father described the RM6.00 toy was as if it was the greatest invention that had finally landed in clockwork town.

The next day, my father brought me to the same peddler. I had to see it for myself and I knew I must have the chicken. My father said the chicken was too expensive and I could have a packet of ‘kuaci’ (dried melon seeds eaten as a snack) instead.  However, he went on to say that if I could secure any of the top three positions in the upcoming final exam, then the chicken would be mine. If I achieved the fourth or fifth position, then the reward would be a RM2 story book from Radin Bookstore on Jalan Rahmat in Batu Pahat. There would be no rewards for any other position after that.

Thinking back, what my father had inculcated in me was a semblance of delayed gratification. Delayed gratification is the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward and to wait for a later and usually better reward. I was basically brought up to live within my means, to buy only with cash for all items except a house and a car, to buy first hand goods because they last longer and finally whatever I yearned for but could not afford was not necessary.

Interestingly enough, a growing body of literature has linked the ability to delay gratification to a host of other positive outcomes, including academic success, physical health, psychological health and social competence.

The Stanford Marshmallow experiment (1972) led by psychologist Walter Mischel found that children who were able to wait 15 minutes for two small rewards (a marshmallow and a pretzel or cookie) rather than taking one small reward (a marshmallow) immediately tended to have better life outcomes as measured by SAT scores, academic success, body mass index and other life measures. The ability to delay gratification also relates to other similar skills like patience, impulse control, determination and will power.

Yet, when I look around me now, I see scores of children and teenagers with I-phones, I-pads and the latest gizmos. The order of the day seems to be: ‘I want this, get it for me now’ and before long you will see doting parents or guardians rushing to buy the latest gadget in the market for the child even though his birthday is months away. The irony is some of these parents had an impoverished childhood themselves but not wanting to see the child suffer like they did, begin to over-indulge instead, and pander to the child’s every whim and fancy. I know a father who lives a simple life as a security guard with two good shirts but his son wears designer shirts and shoes.

To me, nothing beats the satisfaction of delayed gratification. Knowing that you want something very badly, working towards achieving it and finally getting it is great fulfilment. When someone buys something for you, you get a gift. When you work hard for a gift, you get character and a gift.

So I remember very well those evenings where I would just lie flat with my tummy on the linoleum covered floor for a good many hour and watch my chicken push her pram, lay eggs and cluck merrily in the process.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/the-rewards-of-delayed-gratification-1.249926