BUYING MORE THAN YOU NEED

One of the horrors of cleaning out the refrigerator is to find perishables, well past their expiry dates, turning an unappealing shade, releasing an odour or being covered with mould.  There could also be food that had not been stored properly so bacteria had spoilt them.

Besides the refrigerator, cleaning out the kitchen cabinet would be another nightmare.  I wonder how many of us have left canned food or ready-to-cook sachets standing on the shelf for months until they are way past their best before dates. I could safely say that most of us would have been in that situation at least once in our lifetime.

Consumed with guilt, we throw the sorry sight into the bin.

With recession and unemployment hitting the streets of Ireland, many are cutting back on expenses. Strangely enough there is still much wastage of food. Irish consumers throw out 30 per cent of food bought in supermarkets, costing each household more than €1,000 a year.

This is certainly bad for the environment. Ethically wasting food while others who are less fortunate go hungry is frowned upon. Yet, why do we continue this unhealthy habit of buying more than we need?

Reasons range from a lack of planning, buying on impulse or not eating leftovers.

Whatever the reason, solutions for this unhealthy trend include buying and keeping ‘just enough’, using a FIFO (‘first in, first out’) method to control our purchases and being wary of sales gimmicks like ‘2 for 1’ or ‘Buy 1, get 1 at half price’.

I have nothing against genuine money savers especially if they are necessities, for example, shampoo or toilet paper. However if they are offers for buying perishables in bulk, then I would certainly pause and do a mental evaluation before purchasing.

Diet gurus claim there is more to overbuying that meets the eye.

A person low in self worth seeks solace in ‘compensatory consumption’. Overbuying ‘fills’ the person up so she will not feel so personally depleted.

The bad news is, overbuying is not restricted solely to the food department. We may also have rows and rows of shoes, many of them worn only once or not even worn at all. We also have cupboards full of clothes. If we are honest enough, there are some clothes in the cupboard that we have not worn for a long time and probably never will. There are also those beautiful dresses that are one size smaller because fashion magazines tell us to purchase them as an incentive for keeping to our latest diet.

The difficult part is to actually take the clothes off their hangers and the shoes off the shelves. We know we must pack them into boxes and give them away but because we have formed some kind of an intricate bonding with them, we tell ourselves we will do it and then put it off to another day.

So how can we put the brakes on shopping for wants and not needs?

A good tactic is delayed buying. This means that when you see something that we like and are inextricably drawn to it, just leave the shop without buying it and tell yourself to come back another day if you really want it. Most times the desire to purchase it would have worn off after a few days – the very same dress that you thought you must buy. The delaying tactic is also economical because usually in-season clothes are highly priced   only to be discounted after a few weeks.

Another interesting method to curb overbuying is something that I learnt from a fellow blogger. She started one ‘non-spending’ day in a week where she would refuse to part with her dollars and cents for that particular day however great the temptation was to make a purchase. She was surprised that in no time this kind of imposed restraint had become an ‘automatic checker’ whenever she wanted to purchase something. Soon it was a breeze to stretch the non-spending day to more than one day.

Finally the old fashioned method of paying things by cash certainly helps. If we go shopping with only cash in our bags and leave our credit cards behind, we would certainly have to buy within our means. Not only that,  we would make a mental assessment of the things we intend to buy….necessities above wants.

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/bad-habit-of-buying-more-than-you-need-1.310191?cache=03%253Fkey%253DKuala+Lumpur%252F7.196217%253Fpage%253D0%252F7.213537%253Fkey%253DKuala+Lumpur

The Father as a Provider and a Protector

Recently some bulbuls came and build a nest in the porch of my house. Although this was not the first time, it was a joy watching them flutter their wings in great excitement and making a wonderful noise. They would fly to the porch carrying bits and pieces of straw and wood chips in their beaks. Before long the mother bird was spending days sitting on her two eggs.  This was then followed by an endless hunting of food by both parents to feed the young fledglings until they were able to fly away.

Looking at the birds, I thought of the role of a guardian. The  ‘guardian’ is one of the four temperaments identified in the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, a  self-assessed personality questionnaire designed to help people better understand themselves. Among many things, the ‘guardian’ takes on the position of the provider and the protector.

In a family, the primal role of the father should be that of the provider and protector. The provider takes it upon himself to look after the health and welfare of those in his care. He is the hunter who ekes out a living so that there is food on the table and there are basic amenities in the home. For the many of us who have such fathers, we feel secure and know that we will not be in want.  We might even take for granted that  shampoo, ketchup, stationery and many other things in our homes would always be there whenever we wanted them.

Having said that, there are fathers who do not provide for their families. Examples are alcoholics and gamblers. Unless he seeks help an alcoholic brings nothing but pain to his family through his incessant drinking or abusive behavior. The gambler who falls prey to loan sharks sets up his family for a life of misery. To escape the loan sharks, the family lives in fear and are always on the move.

When a father neglects his role as a provider, it is not uncommon to see the mother or the first born taking the weight of leadership to become the provider for the family instead. This unhealthy situation causes the mother to feel trapped and the first born to be deprived of a normal childhood, having to grow up too fast.

The provider is sometimes taken for granted and left unappreciated. Because a provider is extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, he is somewhat self-conscious and sensitive to what others think of him and is crushed by personal criticism.

The father is also the protector because his primary interest is in the safety and security of those he cares about. I remember my father used to make sure that every door was well pad-locked at night, and now I see my husband doing that as well. The protector is loyal and responsible in his makeup and seems fulfilled in the sense that he can shield others from the dangers of the world. The protector’s shyness is often misjudged as selfishness or even coldness but he is actually warm hearted and sympathetic, putting the interests of the ones he loves above himself. He is quite happy working alone and will try to do everything himself rather than direct others to get the task done. A lack of external expression of love does not necessarily mean that he does not care enough.

I feel that both the parents’ roles are complimentary. While the father is the provider and protector, the mother can be the primary carer and confidante. In fact, most times the roles are well blended as befits the occasion.

Just like the bulbuls that built the nest, happy is the home when both parents know their roles and contribute whole heartedly to the raising of the children.  Like the fledglings who must also learn to fly, adult children should start looking out for their father and his needs instead.The love and security that good parents provide can never be understated in the development of a child. The bulbul’s nest may look messy on the outside but apparently it is well lined and comfortable on the inside. Now that the fledglings have flown off, I must climb on a chair and have a look at the interior of the nest.

                                                                      HAPPY FATHER’S DAY

Source: http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/the-father-as-a-provider-and-a-protector-1.301090?cache=%27%60%22bvU7C%2F7.241524%2F7.258950%2F7.258950%2F7.258950%2F7.289627%2F7.330034%2F7.330034%2F7.330034

Building Blocks of Basic Trust

SOME things do not change. During my childhood, I heard of parents making meaningless promises to their children or threats so that they would toe the line. I would have thought that with education and modernisation, such tactics would have died a natural death.

Imagine my surprise when just the other day, I heard a mother tell her 7-year-old to put her tooth under the pillow or else the Tooth Fairy would not leave a euro for her. I did not know whether to be aghast or to smile knowing full well that it was definitely not the Tooth Fairy who was going to put the euro under the pillow.

Sooner or later, it just takes another child, let's call her child X, who has been brought up to know that the Tooth Fairy does not exist, to shatter that dream world. Then, the poor child who has believed in something unreal all her life would run home crying and her mother would grumble to other mothers at the school gate that child X is a spoiler and she cannot imagine what kind of childhood child X has without the Tooth Fairy.

Why make such a fuss about letting a child believe in fantasy?

Well, according to psychologist Eric Erikson, letting a child believe in something that does not exist challenges the quality of basic trust which is the foundation for a healthy personality. If we sow seeds of deception, what would we expect to reap? If a child believes the fabrications made up by the parent, how will she know when the parent is telling the truth?

To me, it would be so much more meaningful if a parent comforts her child for having had her tooth extracted and "rewards" her for her bravery by giving her a euro. In the same vein, it would also be assuring if a parent tells a child she loves her and therefore buys her a present instead of telling her that some fictional character has climbed down the chimney and left one for her.

There has also been a number of incidents where I have heard parents telling their child to stop crying or the bogeyman will put him in a sack and whisk him away. Usually, the bogeyman would be hiding in the closet or under the bed. I would not be surprised if such a threat leaves an indelible mark on the child and causes him to be fearful and timid.

Strangely, these parents think that such threats are harmless. By using an imaginary being to frighten children into compliant behaviour, the parent is actually allowing someone else to do the "dirty work".

Sometimes, the parent threatens that the policeman or the security guard (usually of a different race) would catch the errant child and throw him into jail if he does not behave. My daughter tells me that when she makes her rounds in the wards, the parents will quickly threaten the sick child with an injection if the child does not behave.

These seemingly harmless untruths not only encourage deception but also instil an unhealthy fear of the lawmaker, the authorities and also inculcates prejudice of other races. It is no wonder that we grow up thinking of the police as more of a foe than a friend, ready to slap us with a fine and to take a bribe than to help us.

Some parents will also threaten to use the cane by waving it in the air and never really carrying out the threat. Others threaten with the phrase, "Wait till your daddy gets home". It is so easy to scare children. To me, this is folly. If I say I will discipline my child, then I will follow through so that the child knows the consequences of his actions, and the sooner the better. An error corrected there and then is certainly more effective than waiting for the other parent to return from work to correct it.

Having said that, we are often quick to discipline but slow to praise. I am not talking about mollycoddling or dishing out trite praises for every small thing done. This merely devalues the praise and the child will be deceived into thinking that he can do no wrong. He inadvertently thinks that he needs no improvement because what he does is wonderful enough in his parent's eye.

It is good to let our children, whatever their ages, know that we are proud of them. I prefer to emphasise the nice and true things about themselves and what they have accomplished because hearing good things about themselves make them feel good and want to do more. It is better to explain to them the boundaries of behaviour and the things they should or should not do. This requires control within ourselves and the discipline to tell the truth.

Source: Building blocks of basic trust - Columnist - New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/columnist/building-blocks-of-basic-trust-1.291473?cache=03%2F7.202804%3Fkey%3DMalaysia%2F7.318771%2F7.358894%2F7.358894%2F7.358894%2F7.358894#ixzz2V1Xksah1