Recently some bulbuls came and build a nest in the porch of my house. Although this was not the first time, it was a joy
watching them flutter their wings in great excitement and making a wonderful
noise. They would fly to the porch carrying bits and pieces of straw and wood
chips in their beaks. Before long the mother bird was spending days sitting on
her two eggs. This was then followed by an
endless hunting of food by both parents to feed the young fledglings until they
were able to fly away.
Looking at the birds, I thought of the role of a guardian.
The ‘guardian’ is one of the four
temperaments identified in the Keirsey
Temperament Sorter, a self-assessed personality questionnaire
designed to help people better understand themselves. Among many things, the ‘guardian’
takes on the position of the provider and the protector.
In a family, the primal
role of the father should be that of the provider and protector. The provider
takes it upon himself to look after the health and welfare of those in his
care. He is the hunter who ekes out a living so that there is food on the table
and there are basic amenities in the home. For the many of us who have such
fathers, we feel secure and know that we will not be in want. We might even take for granted that shampoo, ketchup, stationery and many other
things in our homes would always be there whenever we wanted them.
Having said that, there
are fathers who do not provide for their families. Examples are alcoholics and
gamblers. Unless he seeks help an alcoholic brings nothing but pain to his
family through his incessant drinking or abusive behavior. The gambler who falls
prey to loan sharks sets up his family for a life of misery. To escape the loan
sharks, the family lives in fear and are always on the move.
When a father neglects
his role as a provider, it is not uncommon to see the mother or the first born
taking the weight of leadership to become the provider for the family instead.
This unhealthy situation causes the mother to feel trapped and the first born
to be deprived of a normal childhood, having to grow up too fast.
The provider is
sometimes taken for granted and left unappreciated. Because a provider is extremely sensitive
to the feelings of others, he is somewhat self-conscious and sensitive to what
others think of him and is crushed by personal criticism.
The father is also the protector
because his primary interest is in the safety and security of those he cares
about. I remember my father used to make sure that every door was well
pad-locked at night, and now I see my husband doing that as well. The protector
is loyal and responsible in his makeup and seems fulfilled in the sense that he
can shield others from the dangers of the world. The protector’s shyness is
often misjudged as selfishness or even coldness but he is actually warm hearted
and sympathetic, putting the interests of the ones he loves above himself. He
is quite happy working alone and will try to do everything himself rather than
direct others to get the task done. A lack of external expression of love does
not necessarily mean that he does not care enough.
I feel that both the parents’ roles
are complimentary. While the father is the provider and protector, the mother
can be the primary carer and confidante. In fact, most times the roles are well
blended as befits the occasion.
Just like the bulbuls that built
the nest, happy is the home when both parents know their roles and contribute
whole heartedly to the raising of the children. Like the fledglings who must also learn to fly, adult children should start looking out for their father and his needs instead.The love and
security that good parents provide can never be understated in the development
of a child. The bulbul’s nest may look messy on the outside but apparently it
is well lined and comfortable on the inside. Now that the fledglings have flown
off, I must climb on a chair and have a look at the interior of the nest.
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