MUCH TALK ABOUT NOTHING

I was in a confined space for 20 minutes with 2 strangers. It was a totally relaxed space and there was nothing to prevent me from listening to their conversation unless I had ear plugs on. Let’s call the two men Paddy and Ollie.

Paddy: ‘ I was driving to the stadium yesterday for the match. **** the jam was so long you couldn’t bear it in this cold! And the lads were getting hungry and were asking for Supermac’s! **** asking for chicken when the cars are choc-a-bloc! So I called my aunt and asked how she was doing. Grand she said. She was watching the match on telly. And here I was in this ****jam. By the time we reached there it was half time! Then there was this….

Ollie: My lad’s going to San Francisco this weekend for a match. Imagine, all the way there. He’s in Cork you know. Did Masters in Education there and never came back to Clare…..

And both of them went on and on and I wished I could record it all because the talk was so colourful, so random and so peppered with expletives that even your grandmother would blush. I couldn’t find any full-stops in that talk.

Was that a conversation?

It certainly wasn’t a heart to heart or a head to head conversation. At best, it was a talk, albeit an informal one, between two  people, in which news and ideas were exchanged. Paddy and Ollie probably met each other before and knew each other by sight. They were busy talking about themselves and I wonder how anyone could keep track with all the meandering of topics. Was that a dialogue?

A dialogue can mean a focused and intentional conversation - a space where those who differ may listen and speak. It can also mean a way of being - mindful and creative relating - where we set aside the need to win, so we can hear other voices and possibilities. In this respect, no, it wasn’t a dialogue.

Both were too absorbed in talking. You couldn’t get in a word erstwhile and I was actually counting the seconds when Paddy would stop talking and Ollie begin. I wouldn’t be surprised if no one was listening except me.

I am told that this is the way conversations go in pubs as well. It is no wonder when the beloved goes to a local and I ask him what did you lads talk about? He said, ‘Nothing’.

I always wonder why people talk so much and listen so little. I say listen because people hear more than they listen.

According to the dictionary, hearing is simply the act of perceiving sounds by the ear. If you are not hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens. Listening, however, is something you consciously choose to do. Listening requires concentration so that your brain processes meaning from words and sentences.

We choose to hear what we want to hear and we jump to conclusions. Then we react because we think we heard what we imagined we heard. Give me one person who listens before he speaks then a thousand who hear and babble. If only we engage more in appreciative listening, critical listening, relationship listening and discriminating listening.

And when we actually talk, make the talk worthwhile.

There is a place for small talk like being caught in a jam or going to Supermac's 
for a chicken dinner. 

 But that should not be the be all and end all of conversations. 

Certainly it is very ‘safe talk’ because you are not sharing anything substantial. 

But this is very superficial and I can’t see that as a basis for friendships. 

It’s always nice  when some one says, ‘It was a pleasure talking to you.’

I enjoy good conversation where you can walk away sharing a little of yourself and knowing a  bit more about your friend to appreciate her better.. Even if I were to be in the midst of strangers, it would be such a delight where everyone is given a chance to participate in a discusssion on things that they know or do not know.

So after a good 20 minutes, Paddy and Ollie decided to leave. And they turned to me and said,  bye, see you later.

So at least they knew I was there.