ROLE MODELS TO CHERISH

Looking at Ben Bulben, a large rock formation in County Sligo, I was reminded of the Irish poet William Butler Yeats. In fact, County Sligo is also known as Yeats’ country as it is the area where he grew up, to which he returned often and where he is buried.

Among his many poems is ‘Prayer for my daughter’ where we see Yeats in the role of an anxious father brooding over his young daughter's future where he wants his daughter to inherit the traits that would allow her to lead a complete and fulfilling life. I cannot help but agree that in this temporal world there are few things that hold significance. One of them is our legacy to our children: how we can bring them up to be individuals who are at peace with themselves and who inspire others.

I have a little notebook where I pen interesting quotes. The number of inspirational quotes describing fatherhood shows just how important this one man is to his family.

Jim Valvano an American college basketball coach said, ‘My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.’ Believing that someone is able to achieve his vision is the catalyst towards achieving the drean, When President J. F. Kennedy declared to the world that America would put man on the moon by the end of the decade, space technology was at its infancy. But on July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon and made his famous statement, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

Clarence Budington Kelland who once described himself as "the best second-rate writer in America" said that his father did not tell him how to live. In fact he lived, and let Clarence watch him do it. Basically it is the setting of a good example for the child to follow and this builds up self esteem. It is not by telling but rather by showing the child that he is valued, by spending time, by talking and listening, by praising and by teaching that he grows up to be competent.

Mark Twain in "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874 said,
‘When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.’ It is amazing that the image of the father changes through a child’s eyes. A toddler thinks that his father can do anything. A teenager laments that his father is hopelessly old-fashioned. A yuppie thinks that his old man is out-of-date. Interestingly enough, Charles Wadworth, a classical pianist and musical promoter, who gained international renown in 1960 says that by the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he is wrong.

Parenting is a partnership and there should be mutual respect between the child's parents as children will mimic their parents' behaviour. Parents should be on the same page about how to discipline and reward the child. Someone once said a father is someone who makes sure you do what your mother says. That I think is a very wise father indeed.

Finally, fatherhood is about both fun and responsibility. The key word is spending time to know the child or he will otherwise help to create an emotional wasteland. Research has shown that children feel estranged from parents who are unable to accurately express their feelings. Childhood is fleeting and lost moments of intimacy cannot be regained. Bertrand Russell, a British philosopher and social critic said that the place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one particularly if he plays golf.

Yeats once gave a private reading in the Lady Gregory Augusta’s library in Coole Park. His young daughter was playing at his feet while he was “flourishing” as they say, waving his arms, expounding on the poem. But the child would not leave him alone. Her nose was runny and she kept coming up to him and yanking his coat. He put the book down, reached into his pocket, took out a large handkerchief which he had been waving wildly earlier, went down to the little girl and got her to blow her nose. Then he put it back in his pocket and continued reading. He did not chase her off and instead just stopped everything and took care of it. That was the father in him.