1. How would you describe your relationship with your children? What was it like when they were young?
Very good, I have three - Sonya, Samuel and Audrey. Being a mum is a gift. it surpasses accolades and distinctions, and material success. It is not to be taken for granted. From that perspective, I treasure my chidren even more. The more we sow, the more we reap. Even when the babies were in the womb, I wanted them to have the best.
I went for piano lessons so that the foetuses could hear music. Since I enjoy craft, I sewed baby clothes, bassinet bedding and such. I also believe strongly in breastfeeding. Being a working mum, it was no easy task. I remember carrying all the paraphernalia (breast pump and bottles for example) to work so that I could give my children, mother's milk.
Every child is like a sponge. At 18 months, I taught my children to read using Glenn Doman's flash card concept. I made the flash cards myself as the kit was expensive. All three children could identify words at that age and went on to read the Peter and Jane series.
Music is food for the soul. Since I never had the opportunity to learn to play musical instruments as a child, I wanted my children to do so. The trio pursued the Yamaha Junior Music Course, and they have perfect pitch (they could identify any note) and can compose. I sat with them in class, enjoying all the clapping and singing. Later on, when they took piano lessons based on the Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music, I refrained from reminding them to 'practise, practise' - something that children loathe to hear.
Instead we held mock concerts at home, where they had to perform music pieces among themselves. I rewarded them with 'mock trophies' with their names on them to celebrate the occasions.
Discipline is another aspect that parents have to deal with. Except for the occasional defiance, my children do listen to reason.
When they were young, I collected cockleshells and spray painted them in gold. For good behaviour or for finishing chores, each child would be rewarded with a number of shells.
There was a chart on the fridge where the child could see how many shells he or she would need to redeem a chocolate bar, for example. I have not had a maid since Audrey turned seven, so the kids had to divide the chores among themselves. This gave them a sense of responsibility and independence.
Being involved in their television viewing was fun. Ask me about Sesame Street and who sang Octopus's Garden and I can still remember the details.Children like to watch their favourite cartoons over and over again. I had to sit with all three most of the time until I know the number of toes Kermit the Frog has.
Being an educator, I know studies are important. Strangely, I am not the type who enrolls my children for tuition. Public exam years would be given priority if the child needs tuition. Otherwise, I encourage them to pay attention in class and study on their own. School projects were always fun. We would brainstorm for ideas because they know mummy is creative.
For show-and-tell, they have brought almost all their pets to school - from a guinea pig and an iguana to a hedgehog-until one teacher commented we must have a zoo at home.
As I never had a pet growing up in a town house, animals are always welcome at my home.
When all is said and done, teaching children about God and values, and seeing them experience the faith themselves is the best part of bonding. I would read storybooks to my children before they sleep and make sure they attend Sunday School and Youth Church. I encourage them to question and to be critical. I tell them it is all right to be creative, different and fun and not to follow the herd mentality.
2. What difficulties do you face in raising young adults? Do you have frank discussions with your children about everything?
Since I've been involved in their lives from day one, from the tying of shoelaces to tucking them in to sleep, any difficulty has a solution. I've worked hard and managed to save enough to see them through their education. Education is my gift to them. When they start work, they will have to learn to be independent and love their mum.
Discussions are a must. I've received handmade cards from them which said, 'Mum, whatever you decide, we are with you.' We talk about everything, including boyfriends, girlfriends and sex. Sometimes my son teases me about sex-related matters. They also let me read their blogs. I can feel their angst and their joy.
All my children are different from each other. My eldest knew she wanted to be a doctor at seven. She asked for a microscope instead of a Barbie doll. My second child is a hands-on person, so I know he'll make a great manager. The youngest has a flair for languages, is outspoken and is a people person. So the public arena is for her. I don't pigeonhole my children as a doctor, lawyer or accountant. We discuss what they want to be and if a mum has been there for them, she'll know their inclinations and encourage them to pursue their interests.
3. What are the things that you do together now?
We still go for movies, vacations and church activities. We do college projects together if they still need my input and of course shopping and dining are favourite pastimes. We share clothes and accessories too. Celebrating birthdays is top priority. I used to bake birthday cakes and put icing on them. But recently they've started to make their own cakes. To me, they'll always occupy a huge part of my heart.
Source : New Straits Times
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